Co-sleeping with a child. Important rules for co-sleeping with a child. The choice is yours

The existence of mental connections between people is an indisputable fact, which is known to almost everyone. Stories about a person’s ability to feel that someone close is in trouble will not be news to anyone, and everyone knows about a special telepathic connection between the closest relatives. However, few people know that one of the most simple ways telepathic communication with another person - a joint dream with him.

Co-sleeping can be defined as the combination of a lucid dream with a mental connection to another sleeping person; some researchers of pair and group dreams consider them one of the types of out-of-body travel. Which of these two theories is closer to the truth is a question that, unfortunately, has not yet been answered. However, the practice of shared dreams after appropriate training is available to every person who has already learned to be aware of dreams and manage them.

It is best to practice joint dreams with your friends or relatives - in order for two people to meet in one dream, there must be some kind of waking connection between them. Because double sleep is the highest level lucid dreams ideas, it is necessary that at least one of those who decide to meet in a dream is perfectly able to control their dreams, and the second has at least minimal skills in dream awareness.

The simplest technique by which two people can dream together is as follows:

1. Dreamers must first agree on a group dream and try to fall asleep at about the same time on the appointed night, and both people must tune in to a lucid dream.

2. A person who is better able to manage his dreams should take on the role of "leader" - to find his own dream partner in a dream and start communicating with him. To achieve this goal, you need to enter the state of a lucid dream and call the person with whom it was decided to have a common dream by name, while feeling the desire and intention to see him.

3. As a rule, after the “leader” felt the presence of his partner in a dream and saw him, the dream environment would be alien; arise Great chance losing your sleep partner. Therefore, the "leader" must approach the follower and "wake up" him - take his hand and, thus, introduce him into a joint dream.

4. When two people are in a dream together, they can begin to communicate. People who practice group dreams claim that in most cases, the conversation takes place in the form of an exchange of thoughts and emotions; Questions and answers are not spoken aloud. The dreamers' trust in each other is prerequisite staying and communicating in a common dream: if one of the dream partners does not have enough trust, a feeling of fear will push him out of sleep and make him wake up.

Unlike lucid dreams, co-dreaming environments and scenery usually do not have of great importance; they are constantly changing, as they depend on the will of not one, but two people. An interesting nuance of joint dreams is the fact that in meetings in a dream there is only the present time (or there is no concept of time at all) - it often happens that one of the partners will see a joint dream in the allotted for practice common dream night, and the second person - the next night or even a few days later.

People who successfully practice group dreams can eventually reach significant heights in this skill - they are able to make contact with almost any of their acquaintances in a dream, and in a few moments of communication in a dream, transmit or receive a large amount of information. Joint dreams are a little-studied ability of the human subconscious, however, such dreams open up to dreamers new level in interpersonal communication.

If parents knew what their newborn is experiencing and feeling, they would not have been tormented by the question "where to sleep the child?". Or if mothers could completely trust their instinct - there would be no problem, the child would sleep next to the mother. But it is difficult for instinctive behavior to break through the layers of various information and prejudices, fears and conventions.

Many mothers think it's just wonderful that their babies will have a separate room, from birth, their own, wonderful beds. Future mom with pleasure picks up curtains and pillows to match, blankets, bedspreads, rugs and toys, equipping a nice little cozy world for her child.

And what does her baby think at this time? Maybe he doesn’t think anything, but what he feels can be assumed ... He is warm and cramped. He hears the sounds of his mother's body - heartbeat, breathing, intestinal motility, the noise of blood in the vessels. He feels the taste and smell of amniotic fluid. He sucks the fist and sometimes the loops of the umbilical cord, learns to suck. The child feels one with the mother and the feeling of this unity persists for several months after the birth of the child.

After birth, the baby enters another world, where there are other sounds, light, other sensations of heat and cold, he is forced to perform actions that he was not capable of before (for example, he breathes, makes sounds). What has remained unchanged? Periodically, he falls almost into the previous state: he becomes cramped, warm, he hears familiar sounds, though a little differently, and when he sucks, he feels a familiar taste and smell, similar to the taste and smell of amniotic fluid. Only then does he feel comfortable and safe. These feelings surround him when he is in his mother's arms or lies next to her.

Why does a baby need co-sleeping with his mother?

What does a newborn baby feel when left to its own devices? To quote the psychoanalyst D. W. Winnicott: “Infants left for a long time (we are talking not only about hours, but also minutes) without the usual human environment, they experience an experience that can be expressed in these words:
falling to pieces
endless fall
dying... dying... dying...
loss of all hope of resuming contact” (from the book “Little Children and Their Mothers” by D. W. Winnicott).

This quote will be of particular interest to those parents who believe that it is not necessary to “accustom the child to hands” and “crying develops the lungs” ...

Joint sleep with the mother is necessary for the child to form a balanced psyche, to create confidence in the world around and, above all, in your own mother, for a sustainable sense of security. For small child predominantly superficial, not deep dream. A large proportion of superficial sleep is a necessary condition for the development healthy brain. The brain continues to grow and develop only in the phase of light sleep. During light sleep, the child controls where his mother is, whether she is nearby. If the mother is not around, he is terribly long in this phase alone, the baby falls asleep deeper or wakes up. Having a sufficient duration of superficial sleep, children sleeping with their mothers have a richer potential for further development. Civilization, separating mother and child, does not use the capabilities of the brain programmed for continuous development, limits them.

In the event that mother and child sleep separately, the baby may have a long deep sleep. Sometimes a two-month-old baby starts sleeping from 9 pm to 9 am, “like a log.” In such a situation, prolonged deep sleep of the child is defensive reaction to stress. Sleeping separately from the mother is stressful for the newborn.
Superficial sleep can also be called defense mechanism baby. If something happened in a dream, the baby froze, or choked, or got wet, or it became difficult for him to breathe, it is easier to get out of superficial sleep and call for help.

The touch of the mother received during wakefulness is not enough for the child. A child can fully receive what he needs only on time. co-sleeping. Tactile stimulation coming from the mother is also a reminder to the child that he is alive and needs to breathe. Tactile stimulation is necessary for the child to work smoothly respiratory center . Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is less common when the child sleeps with the parents. For newborns, breathing stops, apnea, and sleep are sometimes characteristic.

A mother who is up to her neck all day and does not have enough time to communicate with the child can at least lie down next to him until he falls asleep. During this short time, the baby is completely calm and very receptive. Therefore, if you do not just lie next to him or something else, fall asleep before him, but sing a song to him, this will have a positive developmental effect on the child. You can also invite not mom, but dad, who was absent all day, to use this opportunity to communicate with his child.

Scientists have found that 95% of the time of sleep, the mother occupies a kind of protective position in relation to the crumbs, which, as it were, "envelops" him. Therefore, there is no danger to the child. On the contrary, sleeping with mom is only good for the baby: he sleeps better and is calmer in the daytime.

Why does a mother need co-sleeping with her baby?

For long and successful breastfeeding. The maximum concentration of prolactin, a hormone that leads to the formation of milk, is formed in the body of a woman during the night sucking of a child. Stimulation nerve endings the skin of the areola sends a signal to the brain, which, acting on the pituitary gland, leads to an increase in the production of prolactin. If a woman never breastfeeds her baby at night, or if she only breastfeeds her baby once (usually at 6 a.m.), gradually her milk production begins to decrease (due to insufficient stimulation). It is not possible to feed a child under such conditions for a long time. In most cases, women notice that milk begins to be sorely lacking by 1.5-3 months after childbirth.

Mom, as well as the child, receives regular stimulation skin necessary condition for normal lactation. A baby who sleeps next to her mother clings to her for much longer than a baby who is constantly put off. A mother who constantly receives signals from her baby's warm skin may not worry about the amount of milk - her hormonal system always has a powerful additional incentive. For a mother who has a baby for another 1-2 months, this is not so important, she already carries him in her arms so much. This is especially true for the mother of a growing child, 5-8 months old, who begins to move a lot during the day, and the mother wears him less in her arms, because. he is already crawling or trying to do it.

Co-sleeping creates favorable conditions for proper feeding, because during the day the child can, as it were, “forget” to eat. In the future, it is night feedings that allow the mother, for example, to go to work, or go away for a long time, without worrying that her child will not finish eating.

It is impossible to overestimate the fact that at night the mother will not have to jump out of bed to the baby, she will sleep better, which means she will feel better, be less irritable, which will not be slow to affect the baby. Mothers who have slept with their babies since birth say that they don’t even understand mothers who complain about sleeplessness at night, and most often they don’t remember whether they woke up and how many times.
Constantly waking up at night from the cry of a child ... This is probably one of the most terrible nightmares, which scare expectant mothers and fathers. And when switching to artificial feeding, it is often the nightly "waking up" that becomes the decisive argument - after all, artificial people, according to popular belief, sleep better at night. More precisely - do not wake up so often to eat. But the child must not only be fed, after all, then he must also be put to sleep, put in a crib so that he does not wake up ... You need to feed while sitting and still try not to fall asleep while doing it yourself ... It would be nice to hear the cry as early as possible, before how the neighbors will come together, and the husband who has to get up early will go wild. I really don't want that kind of life.

How does a child sleeping with her mother behave at night?

The baby can fall asleep “for the night” in the interval from about 10 pm to 1 am. From 2 to 5 in the morning (depending on the time of falling asleep), the baby begins to mess around and apply. When the baby begins REM sleep and begins to show anxiety, the mother “opens one eye”, puts it on and sleeps on. Mom sleeps, of course, not soundly and not deeply. You could say it's dormant. When the baby, having pumped, releases the breast and falls into a deep sleep, the mother also falls asleep. There are, however, situations when a mother, having put her child at 2 am to one breast, opening her eyes, finds that it is already 8 am, and they are still lying and the baby is still with the same sisya “in the teeth”.

It should be noted that night feedings look like this only if the mother knows how to feed lying down in a comfortable position and can relax during feeding. Actually "night" feedings are considered in the interval from 3 to 8 in the morning. At this time, a child of one month of age has 2-3 or more attachments. And there are small children who kiss, for example, in this rhythm: at 22, at 24, and then at 2, at 4, at 6, at 8 in the morning. There are children who one month old there were 6 morning feedings, and by 3-4 months there were 2-3 applications. Often, by 4.5–6 months, the number of morning feedings increases again. This is due to the fact that a baby of this age begins to apply less frequently during the day, does not suck for a long time, is easily distracted, and “gets” what he needs due to active night sucking. Getting older, the child does not refuse night sucking at all. Children, for example, older than a year, can suck very actively in the morning from about 4.00-6.00 in the morning, sometimes almost continuously, until they wake up, at 8.00-10.00 in the morning.

Moms just need to know that wanting to suck at night and sleep next to their mother is not bad habits, and psychological and physiological needs and should not fight them. All children are programmed by nature to co-sleep with their mother and actively suck at night, regardless of the type of feeding.

For those children who were not allowed to realize it, it temporarily fades away, as if it were not there. Any psychologist will say that an unmet need develops into a complex that is waiting for its realization, like a time bomb.

If a mother taught her child to sleep alone, he, as a rule, endures this relatively painlessly up to 1.5 years. At 1.5 years old, the first conscious fear of the dark appears, and the lack of reliance on the mother necessarily makes itself felt. The child is afraid to fall asleep alone, he pulls his parents to him, calls them, cries, learns to manipulate them. By the age of 2, in many families, the problem of falling asleep, and with it, co-sleeping turns into a whole battle. It is easier only for those who already sleep with the child.

Children who have always slept with their parents usually go through their first night terrors easily and painlessly, and are transferred to their own bed after 3 years.

As statistics show, children who, at 5-6 years old, still sleep with their parents, most often had the experience of separate sleep, and more than half of them came to the parents' bed after 1.5 years! That is, when parents do not sleep with a 5-month-old baby, there is no guarantee that they will not have to do this after a year and a half.

There is an even more difficult option, when a child who has already acquired independence, to solve his problems, still comes to his parent's bed at 4-6 years old. Then, of his own free will, he does not leave there until 20!

What are the reasons mothers do not sleep with their babies?

The main fear is that the child can be accidentally crushed. Mothers are afraid to “sleep” the child..
A mother cannot sleep a child if she knows how to feed lying down in a comfortable position, if she is mentally healthy, if she has not blocked the “sentinel” zone of the cerebral cortex with alcohol, sleeping pills or drugs. And the newborn is not motionless! Unless, of course, you unwrap him and give him the opportunity to move.

Moms don't know that co-sleeping is necessary.
After reading the above, mom will know that co-sleeping is essential for both her and her baby.

Doctors prohibitions
Doctors who are competent in matters related to breastfeeding and the psychology of the newborn have nothing against co-sleeping with the baby.

Because of the negative attitude of relatives
Relatives do not know about the need for co-sleeping with a child, it is worth telling them about it.

A child in a parent's bed will interfere with the privacy of the parents.
Actually it is not. The bed is not the only place in the house where you can show tenderness to each other. A child who has fallen asleep soundly can be transferred to the crib, and then, when he wakes up, take him back. I'm not talking about the fact that a sleepy mother running all night to her child is much less suitable for this personal life than a woman who gets enough sleep.

Cannot feed lying down comfortable position
You need to learn, contact breastfeeding consultants, or an experienced mother who knows how to do this.

Due to the inconvenience associated with large breast size, uncomfortable breast shape, inverted nipple.
These inconveniences can also be overcome with the help of lactation consultants or an experienced mother.

Afraid to spoil the child
It is impossible to spoil a child by co-sleeping.

For hygiene reasons
Mom and baby breastfed have the same microflora. There are no microorganisms in your bed, except for those that still get on the child during communication. You do not change clothes to sterile every time you approach your child and do not wash yourself with antibacterial soap?

The child will sleep with you until adulthood.
In fact, somewhere around the age of a year and a half, the child begins to worry a lot in his parent's bed and moves out. naturally without special problems. If this does not happen, then in two or two and a half years he will move in the wake of the so-called crisis of independence. Yes, for some time the children come to their parents to “lie down” in the morning or they may be asked to fall asleep together if it was a hard day or the child does not feel very well. But this is no longer a system, not a constant co-sleeping.

What does a mother need to know and be able to organize a joint dream with a child?

• the child must know that he can sleep with his mother and adapt to this,
• mother should be able to comfortably breastfeed lying down
• Mom should be able to sleep with a child and rest at the same time.

If you try to learn later, it takes at least a month to adapt, and then on condition that the mother is convinced of the correctness of her actions! A child who is not used to co-sleeping can toss and turn, kick, wake up his mother with his movements. There may be difficulties with thermoregulation. If we add to this a change in the rhythms of night sleep, it becomes clear that it is much more difficult to relearn than to solve these issues gradually, as they arise. If mom tries to start at 5-6 months she may fail.

The possibility of safe co-sleeping in unprepared mothers is highly dependent on the shape and size of her breasts. If a mother has breasts larger than 4 sizes, she SHOULD NOT try to sleep with her baby on her own. You need to contact your nearest lactation consultant or find a mother you know who knows how to sleep with her baby, knows how to feed lying down in a comfortable position and has positive experience feeding multiple children.

If mom has problems with attachment, it is difficult for her to solve them in lying position. You must first deal with problems in a comfortable position, then learn how to control the position of the child lying down during daytime sleep and only then start doing the same at night.

Precautionary measures

If you have decided to sleep with your baby, it is important to know a few rules that will help you overcome possible fears and doubts: (from the book "Your Child" by William and Martha Serz)

• Do not take a child to bed if you are under the influence of alcohol, tranquilizers, or any other drug that desensitizes you to the presence of a child. The altered state of consciousness will not allow you to come to the rescue, the baby, if something happens to him.
• The baby should lie between the mother and the wall of the bed, which you can make yourself or buy. You can also move the bed close to the wall and put the baby on that side, next to the mother, and not between the parents. After all, a child older than a year often spins in his sleep and can wake up his father if he sleeps between his parents. Take precautions so that the baby does not roll off the bed, although this is unlikely, especially if he sleeps next to the mother. After all, the child, like an infrared-guided missile, is attracted to her body. And yet, for greater safety, especially if the child is left alone for a while, use some kind of limiter - a wall, a sofa cushion, put a chair back against the bed, or think of something else to insure the baby.
• Do not put the child on a soft feather bed - he may burrow his head into it too deeply. Pillows, bolsters, water mattresses, and the gap between the bed and the wall pose a potential threat to the baby in the parent's bed. Latest Research prove that this is the safest position. Don't sleep with your baby in a high agitation hydrobed. It can get into the gap between the mattress and the edge or the mother's body. The muscles in his neck are not strong enough to free his head, and he could suffocate. Hydrobeds without waves are safer due to the lack of gaps.
• If your child sleeps on an adult mattress, place them on their side or back and always use firm mattresses.
• Avoid overheating. This can happen if the child is first wrapped warmly and laid in a crib, and then transferred to the parents, whose bodies have become an extra source of heat. Remember that your body heat creates additional warmth for the baby. In order not to overheat the baby when sleeping together, use a minimum of warm nightwear, blankets and bedspreads.
• More space, less people. A bed that is too small or shared by several children is also unsafe for the baby. A father or brother should not sleep with a child on the sofa - the child may be squeezed between the back of the sofa and the elder. The bigger the bed, the safer. Do not let other children sleep with the baby all at once.
• Parents need to make sure that the child can sleep on his own and that sleeping in a separate bed is not a punishment for him.
• Let the baby know that he can sleep with mom, and give time to adjust to this;
• Mom should learn how to comfortably feed lying down. Lactation consultants or mothers with successful experience of co-sleeping and breastfeeding, preferably several children, can help her with this;
• Co-sleeping with a child should not bring inconvenience to the mother. It is good if the mother can sleep with the child and rest at the same time. If not, you may need to think about resolving the issue.

Despite the many problems that co-sleeping with a child solves, there are a number of problems caused by it.

So some experts believe that sleeping in the same bed with a child leads to sleep disorders in children. Studies show that 50% of children aged 6 months to 4 years old who sleep with their parents have problems with sleep, compared to 15% of those who sleep in their own bed. There is speculation that co-sleeping with parents deprives the child of the opportunity to learn to fall asleep on his own - an important skill that will come in handy in life.

An important question - sexual relations parents. If sleeping in the same room with a child imposes restrictions on the intimate relationship of parents, then sleeping together in the same bed is even more so. Solving the problem is difficult, but possible. At the time of close contacts, the baby can be transferred to his crib, or you yourself can find new places for love games.

It is one thing to sleep in the same bed with an infant or even a small child, but when and how to explain to an already grown child who has always slept with you that from now on he should sleep in his own bed? If the baby began to sleep with his mother from birth, then you can gradually wean him from this by one and a half to two years. As for daytime or morning sleep, it’s good if at this time the baby sleeps in his crib. Therefore, of course, a baby needs his own bed or a cradle at an early age. Even the smallest child needs his own personal space for the formation of a full-fledged individuality and independence. When the time comes for the final relocation to your own "bed", this process can be arranged festively, beautifully and joyfully.

In the matter of sleeping with a baby, compromises are possible. For example, parents can take the baby to them only in some cases: when he is sick, if he had a bad dream, and also in the mornings or on weekends. A compromise solution can also be a crib with the front panel removed, moved close to the parent's bed. On the one hand, you do not have to constantly jump up to the call of the baby, you can calm and feed him without getting out of bed; and on the other hand, he will not constrain you, being on "his own territory". Some parents like to simply move their baby's crib to their bed so that at night you can touch him, hold the handle, lull him.

How to euthanize a child if you are not planning to go to bed yet and you have other things to do?

• Feed at bedtime wrapped in a blanket or sleeping bag placed on a pillow. So translate. So that the child does not find himself after warm hands on a cold bed.
• Put only a well-sleeping child in the stage of deep sleep - when the eyes are tightly closed, do not "run" under the eyelids, breathing is uniform.
• Do not immediately remove your hands, but stroke the child already in his crib, hold your hand on the tummy or back (depending on the position)

If you do not want to sleep with your child, if this really breaks the harmony marital relations or there are several children in the family, then the wisest arrangement would be to organize a night's sleep that best suits all family members.

The article was compiled based on materials: rojana.ru (authors: Lilia Kazakova and Maria Mayorskaya)
detochka.ru (

Some experts advocate co-sleeping, pointing to undoubted advantages. Other experts point out the numerous disadvantages of such a holiday. In order for mothers to make their own decision, it is necessary to consider the arguments of both sides and carefully study the recommendations of pediatricians and psychologists.

The popularity of co-sleeping

In the modern world, educational habits and traditions actively “travel” from country to country, forcing parents to reconsider their previous opinions and knowledge. For example, today Russian mothers are increasingly using slings (dressings for carrying babies), feeding babies on the first call and starting to practice falling asleep and sleeping together. But is it really beneficial to sleep with a child in the same bed?

Experts working with newborn babies - pediatricians, neonatologists, perinatal psychologists, breastfeeding consultants - have a very ambiguous attitude to this phenomenon. Some campaign for co-sleeping, persuading parents that it strengthens the mother-child bond.

The latter, on the contrary, are wary or directly negative, believing that a born baby should have his own bed from birth, and keeping a child next to him only increases the risk of all kinds of negative consequences including sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).

To help moms make their final decision and navigate the intricacies of scientific opinion and interpretation, here are the pros and cons. general sleep. All this will allow you to evaluate the advantages and disadvantages of joint falling asleep.

Reasons for co-sleeping

The benefits of shared time in bed are commonly discussed by perinatal psychologists and breastfeeding specialists. Let's take a closer look at their arguments.

1. Natural Feeding Optimization. At night, the child receives the amount of milk secretion that he needs for optimal development. Thus, co-sleeping can be considered an addition to this type of breastfeeding, such as breastfeeding. That is, the mother, at the first call of the baby, provides the breast, including at night.
2. Optimization of lactation. A child who stimulates the mother's breasts during the day and at night contributes to the establishment of prolonged breastfeeding. Therefore, the more often the baby suckles the breast, the more milk secretion will be released from the woman. In addition, it is at night in the body that the highest level of prolactin, a hormonal substance that affects milk production, is observed.
3. The best adaptation to the new world. It is believed that a child who has spent 9 months in his mother's belly will feel better in the same bed with his mother, as he receives an additional feeling of warmth and security. Physical intimacy can reduce stress and improve the functioning of the nervous system.
4. Improving your baby's sleep. A child falling asleep on his chest quickly sinks into the "embrace of Morpheus." It is enough for mom to put him next to him, there is no need to get up, put him down, be afraid that he will wake up after being placed in a separate bed. That is, you can forget about sleep problems.
5. Improving mom's sleep. A woman does not have to get up regularly to feed the baby. As a result, the mother feels rested, less irritable. And this affects the baby himself, and the spouse, and older children. Although, of course, this does not negate the change of diapers and diapers.

Some mothers, especially those who have given birth for the first time, feel better when the baby is nearby. Judge for yourself: you open your eyes and see that the baby is quite sniffing, covered with a blanket, you can hear his even breathing.

Arguments against co-sleeping

There are quite weighty arguments and opponents of a common night's rest with a child. Most often, their arguments relate to the inferiority of intimate relationships between spouses and the possible addiction of the baby to sleep in the parent's bed.

1. Inability to completely relax. Many women are not able to fully relax and fall asleep peacefully when a small body is nearby. This is due to the fear of crushing the baby in a dream or wrapping him in a blanket so tightly that he will suffocate. As a result, mom simply does not get enough sleep.
2. Violation of intimacy. The status of newly minted moms and dads in no way negates the love for each other and the desire to retire. And since there is a child in the bed, it will not be possible to fully enjoy intimacy (a similar problem, in principle, is easily solved, since having sex is not necessarily exclusively on the parent's bed).
3. Problems with accustoming the baby to a separate room. It's no secret that babies who are initially accustomed to sleeping in their own bed are much more likely to get used to moving to separate room. In addition, they will not need to reread a lot of fairy tales before bed or sing 10-15 lullabies in the evening.
4. Difficulty falling asleep in a child. Research by foreign scientists suggests that children who are accustomed to sleeping separately from birth are less likely to suffer from nightmares than babies whose parents practiced co-sleeping. That is, two-three-year-old children do not suffer from the thought that terrible monsters are hiding under their beds.

Some men are categorically against the presence of a child in the marital bed. And it's not just about intimate relationships with his wife, but also in the fact that the newborn wakes up quite often, screams and, accordingly, wakes up the parents. Dad has to go to work in the morning.

Evgeny Komarovsky, a popular TV doctor and assistant to mothers in raising babies, is convinced that co-sleeping is wrong.

At the same time, he leaves this issue at the mercy of mothers, since it is the woman who should decide how it is more convenient for her to sleep - with or without a child. But why is it wrong to have a baby in a parent's bed? The doctor is confident that co-sleeping can increase the risk of SIDS.

This alone is enough, according to the pediatrician, to give up this pastime. E. O. Komarovsky advises to leave the baby in the parent's room during the neonatal period.

This will track his sleep and improve lactation. After optimizing lactation, the child can be transferred to a separate room, and control can be established using a radio or video baby monitor.

If the parents put the baby in his bed because he often wakes up, then it means that they could not establish a regimen and establish a lifestyle. The doctor is sure that if the child is not overheated, bathed before falling asleep, spent a fairly active day, ate well, then at night he simply “no need” to wake up.

Consolidation of positions

If you still have not decided which is better - to sleep with a child or separately, you can choose the average option. It takes into account both the needs of a newborn baby and parental interests, and also allows parents not to go to extremes. Depending on the age of the baby, parents can follow the following rules:

• from 0 to 5 months. The baby can fall asleep nearby with his mother, but in his own bed (the so-called side models, in which one of the walls is removed). In this case, he feels his mother, feels her closeness, and it is convenient for a woman to feed the baby - just put it on her chest. In addition, the risk of crushing the baby in a dream is excluded;
• 5 - 12 months. At this age, the child can already sleep in a separate bed with a side wall installed. The children's bed is located either in the parent's room or in a separate room. But in the latter case, you need a device for control. Such a separation will gradually reduce the number of night feedings and provide a sound and long sleep for all family members;
• after 1 year. Usually at this age, children are ready to move to a separate room. That is, at night, the baby sleeps in his own crib in the nursery, but during the day, parents can safely take him to their bed and relax together. This separation allows everyone to sleep: both kids and the older generation.

Of course, co-sleeping is possible after one year of age in some situations. For example, mom and dad can take the baby to themselves if he is sick, scared of a nightmare, and even in morning time when a child comes running to their parents for sleep.

Rules for safe co-sleeping

If you still decide to practice co-sleeping, then you must adhere to a number of rules. First of all, you need to enlist the support and consent of your spouse. If the husband is not against such a night's rest, you need to properly organize a sleeping place and create comfortable conditions for all participants in the "process".

In addition, the problem of having the skills to breastfeed an infant in a supine position must be taken into account. Another important point- the size and shape of the mammary glands. If the breasts are large, it is necessary to consult with a breastfeeding expert.

There are also a few things to keep in mind:

• first you need to practice sleeping with your child during the day, and only then switch to a joint night's sleep;
• it is necessary to choose an orthopedic mattress that would not fall under the weight of the child;
• the baby should not be laid with his head on the pillow; in extreme cases, a diaper can be used as this;
• it is important to regularly change bed linen, and it is generally better to lay the baby in its own diaper;
• it is necessary to lay the child between the mother and the wall (or side), it should not be placed between the parents;
• it is necessary to remove various blankets, bedspreads, pillows, into which he is able to bury his nose, away from the baby;
• you can’t put the baby in the parent’s bed if one of the adults has taken alcohol or sedatives;
• if mom or dad is sick with an infectious disease (colds, skin ailments), they refuse to sleep together.

If you have tried co-sleeping and have some problems (inadequate rest, difficulty feeding the baby in the supine position), you should consider sleeping separately.

The choice is yours

After reading this and other articles on the topic of co-sleeping with a child, parents can understand that among experts there is no consensus on this occasion. And this is quite natural, since almost any issue of the upbringing and development of children is characterized by contradictory descriptions and value judgments on the part of specialists.

As noted above, pediatricians, psychologists, neonatologists give various arguments in favor of sharing a night's sleep with a baby, describe various benefits. However, there are some drawbacks to this measure as well.

What should moms do? Regardless of the different trends and popular trends in parenting practice, parents must make a decision based on their own desires and needs of the children. It is important to take into account the views of both spouses.

If adults feel comfort and happiness from being in a family bed, then it is quite possible to continue practicing co-sleeping. However, if any member of the household (for example, a father) is uncomfortable or wants to sleep separately from the child, this fact must be taken into account.

As a conclusion

Parenthood is hard work, so it is not surprising that mom and dad want (and need) to get enough sleep at night and recuperate. Therefore, placing a child in a parent's bed is a rather bold act that should be fully considered.

In any case, the final decision on the admissibility of such a holiday should be made exclusively by the spouses, guided not only by the needs of the child, but also by their own desires. After all, the most important thing is the joy and comfort of all family members, the rest of the parents, who will then bring up their little treasure.

Good afternoon, dear readers! It's time to raise an important topic that causes a lot of controversy. Let's talk about co-sleeping with a child: the pros and cons. And in Russian speaking: where should the baby sleep? In a separate bed? Or with your mom?

Personally, I have tried both options. At the very beginning, with my eldest daughter, I was against co-sleeping. She stubbornly shifted the baby into a cozy crib ... Sleeping together was uncomfortable, cramped, scary. But with the second child, we slept together from the very beginning. And now (at 9 months old) he doesn't even have his own crib! No, not because we don't have enough money for it. And because we do not yet see the need for it. I will tell you more about everything in this article.

Myths about co-sleeping

Before weighing all the pros and cons, I want to talk about myths. More specifically, delusions. Just in a nutshell.

Myth one. Sleeping with your baby is pure pleasure.

Proponents of natural parenting sometimes describe some kind of iridescent marshmallow picture of co-sleeping. The child is next to the mother, and the mother is next to the baby ... Everyone is happy, and the mother is delighted with the closeness of her baby ... However, in most cases, at first, co-sleeping is associated with some difficulties. That is why with my first child I struggled for several months to separate sleep.

If this is the first child, then next to him you sleep very tensely. It's hard to relax. Now I am used to sleeping as sensitively as possible and do not move at all in my sleep. And three years ago I was afraid to turn over unsuccessfully at night, I was afraid to cover the baby with a blanket ... I constantly woke up with horror and looked for the child. And only if the little one slept peacefully in his crib, I could finally fall asleep and relax peacefully.

But at the same time... Not everything is so scary. Light sleep gradually becomes a habit and eventually ceases to strain the mother. In addition, if your baby wakes up quite often, it’s better to sleep sensitively next to him than constantly jump up and run to the crib. Especially if co-sleeping is properly organized (we'll talk about this below). But not all women it suits, about this too will be discussed below.

Myth two. Sleeping with a baby is cramped.

Of course, the baby will take up some space on your bed. But for inexperienced parents, the child takes up about half the bed! Poor mom and dad are somehow attached to the edge ... And then mom tells with horror how to sleep closely with baby.

We went through this too. They allowed the daughter to lie down across the sofa, spreading her arms and legs in different directions. Many children love to sleep in this position. But we must understand that such a position is possible only in a separate bed. Or in a side bed... But not on a shared couch. How to be? In most cases, you can get your baby to sleep more compactly.

At some point, I began to move the sleeping child to the back of the sofa. Wakes up - immediately popping his chest. And there were no more problems. In addition, as you understood from the previous paragraph, mom gets used to sleeping very carefully, without moving. Now it also takes up almost no space. Aerobatics - when dad changes his sweeping "style" of sleep. But don't count on it...

Myth three. Sleeping with a newborn is absolutely safe.

Everyone says that if the mother is not drunk, she will never crush the child. Yes, but it doesn't work for all moms. There are exceptions. We must take into account our own characteristics. There are women who sleep very soundly. Moreover, sometimes from great fatigue, mothers cease to control themselves in a dream. But this happens very rarely. In the vast majority of cases, co-sleeping is safe. The main thing is to organize it correctly.

Myth four. A child in a parent's bed deprives parents of the right to intimate life.

The most stupid myth I've ever heard! Firstly, if you have a second room, this question is no longer needed. And secondly, if there is no second room, then it is not so important where the child sleeps. All the same, intimacy will be accompanied by difficulties. You need to observe absolute silence, constantly listen to the baby, get nervous from any squeak ...

We lived for quite a long time without a second room. And it seems to me that it does not matter whether your personal life is spent on the same sofa where the baby lies or not. Well, in extreme cases, you can move to the floor. By the way, it's even better: at least the floor doesn't creak exactly.

Moreover, no one forbids you to shift the baby to the crib for a while. I often do this with my older daughter. When the child falls asleep late at night, put him in the crib. There he can successfully sleep for a couple of hours ... And then you take him to your place. The only obstacle is that many children are quite difficult to shift somewhere. But then a separate dream is not even considered ...

Myth five. Husbands do not approve of the appearance of the baby in the matrimonial bed.

It all depends on how often your toddler wakes up. And how loudly he yells ... Separate sleep is often accompanied by screams at night and a zombie wife. And joint sleep, with proper organization and a fairly wide common bed, is very convenient for a man.

Myth six. Now the baby will sleep with his parents until retirement.

Most mothers refuse to sleep with their children out of such a strange fear. They ask: until what age will the child lie with me? They worry that they will never be able to teach their child to sleep separately.

Experts recommend putting the child next to you at least up to two years. The easiest way is to accustom babies to a separate bed at the age of 3-4 years. Then it rarely causes problems. You just choose a beautiful bed together with your child, solemnly buy ... Explain that the baby is already big, etc. Often such a resettlement takes place without hysteria at all. The child wants to do everything on his own, to be big ...

Sometimes it takes at least a month for a smooth transition to your crib. But this is not a disaster either. In addition, if you are not ready to wait so long, you can train to sleep separately at any time! Yes, for this you need to endure a few tantrums. But tell me which is better? Throughout the first year of life, constantly jumping up to the baby at night, forcing him to cry and call his mother ... Or, in the first week or two, get used to co-sleeping (and sometimes you don’t need to get used to it), sleep peacefully and get enough sleep for a year or two, without getting up at all at night ... And then suffer for several days with "weaning"?

Most of my friends slept with their children. Some up to a year. Some - up to two years. Some take longer. And everyone who wanted to, transferred the children to a separate bed. For some it went very smoothly, without tantrums. Someone realized that they couldn’t do it anymore, and acted tough (in this case, you only need to be patient for a few days).

As for ourselves, my eldest daughter sometimes sleeps all night in her bed, and sometimes comes to us in the morning. Now she is almost three years old, and I do not forbid her to come to sleep with us. Periodically we sleep, but I do not see anything terrible in this.

Many women breastfeed their children. Not up to 3-4 years, but a year and a half. For some reason, at the first attachment of a newborn to the breast, they are not tormented by the question - how to wean them from feeding? They just feed all this year. Why are we not afraid that the child will breastfeed until retirement? But we are afraid that we will not be able to teach to sleep separately ...

However, there are other opinions on this issue. For example, a high-quality video with a male psychologist (for me, it’s a complete heresy) and with a woman, a mother of many children:

Pros and cons of co-sleeping

Today, many have heard about the benefits of co-sleeping:

• A child who has spent 9 months in the stomach has a hard time accepting a sharp separation from his mother. Co-sleeping reduces baby's stress. And this has a positive effect on his nervous system.
• In most cases, if the baby woke up at night, it is enough for the mother to turn around and give him the breast. You don't have to get up. You can calm the baby in the half-asleep and sleep further. Of course, sometimes this is not enough, you still have to get up and rock the baby, or change diapers ... But as a rule, mothers sleeping with their children get up much less often at night. In the first two months with my older daughter, I got up about 5-20 times a night. And then, when I switched to co-sleeping, I stopped getting up at all.
• Therefore, it is easier for mom to sleep.
• Frequent night feedings maintain or increase milk supply.
• Very quiet at night. If you sleep next to a toddler, you will hear his first grunt and immediately breastfeed. Grunting does not have time to turn into crying. This is especially true if an older child is sleeping in the room.
• The bond between mother and baby improves.
• If the baby falls asleep on the chest, and then wakes up easily, there is no need to suffer with shifting to the crib. They put him immediately against the back of the sofa, gave him a chest ... He fell asleep, and you just moved back a little and fell asleep too. Separate sleep comes with additional complications. It seems that the baby is already sleeping, but you put it in the crib - and he woke up again ... Forget about these problems!
• Sometimes mom is calmer when the baby is around. She opened her eyes - and you see that the newborn is sleeping, breathing, covered with a blanket ... In the first months, this helps not to be nervous over trifles.

Harm of co-sleeping:

• If mom has problems with own sleep, she may not be suitable for this option. Someone sleeps too sensitively - and wakes up every minute (although it is not a fact that separate sleep will solve this problem). Someone - on the contrary - is too strong. But all these situations indicate some deviations. A healthy woman with a healthy nervous system will be able to sleep well next to her baby.
• If you have a very narrow bed, you will really feel cramped. And if the little one sleeps well at night, it will be more comfortable for you to sleep separately.
• If you are used to getting up early, then you will not be able to leave the child alone on the couch. Already at 3 months, the baby can roll over to the edge and fall. What can we say about the baby after six months ...

Some women may be more comfortable sleeping separately. For example, if the child is on artificial mixtures. And you still need to get up and prepare the mixture. Or if the little one is sleeping surprisingly soundly. Waking up only 1-2 times a night. Then it will be more convenient for you to get up, change diapers, feed and put back in the crib.

It seems to me that if you are not bothered by co-sleeping, then in any case it is better to sleep together. But if this is a painful test for you, weigh the pros and cons. Lean on. After all, there is nothing worse than a sleepy mother ...

Another mother's experience:

How to arrange co-sleeping?

Perhaps the only thing to consider is that the child should sleep against the wall. Between the wall and mother. If there is such a wall - great! Move your pillow out of there, free up some space. The main rule: the baby will sleep without a pillow. Any pillow for tiny children is dangerous: you can suffocate in it.

For the same reason, I recommend covering the baby with a separate baby blanket. If you sleep with a baby under the same blanket, there is a risk that at night you will accidentally cover it with your head. Of course, experienced moms sleep very carefully. But newcomers to co-sleeping are not yet accustomed to this.

If you sleep on a large bed and there is no wall nearby... You can be rescued by a special baby cot. She easily removes one side, placed close to your bed ... And this solves several problems at once. There is an additional free space and it becomes possible to move the sleeping baby to the territory of this bed.

In addition, if you are afraid of crushing a newborn at night, this is practically impossible in such a bed. Many mothers choose this option. However, we did not use it, since this is impossible in our room: we would have to completely block the passage.

Important note: Experts say it's safest for a baby to be pressed against your body. That is, to sleep close to you, feeling your warmth and smell. But then decide for yourself!

I hope I was able to cover the topic of the article as well as possible. Share the link to the article with your friends in social networks. And subscribe to blog updates! I wish you good nights! Bye Bye!

James McKenna, Professor, Ph.D.at the University of Notre Dame directsDepartment of Anthropology and Laboratory of Behavior of Mother and Child During Sleep.

Indiana, USA
From New Beginnings, vol. 26 no. 1, 2009, pp. 4-9

Translated by Lilia Huff.Editing of the translation by Natalia Gerbeda-Wilson

Co-sleeping with a child is not limited to the situation when the child sleeps in the same bed with his parents.

There are many options for co-sleeping, i.e. situations where the child sleeps in close physical and emotional contact with the parents, often at arm's length. Co-sleeping with a child is not limited to the situation when the child sleeps in the same bed with his parents. The term "co-sleeping" also includes a child sleeping in the same room as the parents, albeit in different beds, and any other situation in which the baby and parents sleep within arm's length of each other, not necessarily on the same surface.

There is simply no one right way to sleep together. Some of the co-sleeping methods are safer than others, and some may not be safe at all. Regardless of where the baby sleeps, in the same bed with you or in a crib, in the same room or in different bedrooms, no one knows the child better than you, and no one feels better than you what he needs at the moment.

The decision about where the child will sleep should be weighed and conscious. If you choose to share a bed with your child, it's important to pay attention to bedding, furniture placement, and where older children and pets sleep. You need to learn about safe ways to sleep in advance. Undoubtedly, in the course of evolution in vivo mothers adapted to sleep next to the babies. The problem is that modern furniture and bedding were not part of the evolutionary process, and therefore pose a certain danger to sleeping with a child. Sleep conditions become even more dangerous if the mother smokes and sleeps with the child, and also when the parents sleep with the child under the influence of alcohol or mind-numbing drugs.

With knowledge, you can tailor the sleep environment to your family's specific needs, so you and your baby sleep comfortably and safely.

Sleeping with a baby is perfectly normal.

Throughout the history of the human race (even in prehistoric times) for hundreds of thousands of years, mothers have successfully slept and breastfed, and thus satisfied the physiological, psychological and social needs of babies. Wherever the baby is born, in Russia, France or Papua New Guinea, the human baby is absolutely equally helpless and slowly develops anywhere in the world. Its survival depends entirely on parental care: touching, petting, carrying and feeding. At birth, the brain of most baby primates is 60-90% of that of an adult primate of the same species. The brain of a human infant at birth is only 25% of the brain of an adult. Compared to primates, the human infant develops more slowly and is biologically dependent on parents for much longer. Due to physiological immaturity, the human infant, at least in the first months of life, is not able to regulate its temperature well in isolation from the mother's body. It does not produce its own antibodies to protect against bacteria and viruses, so it must rely on mother's milk to protect against disease. Human babies are unable to control defecation, manufacture tools, metabolize large limiting molecules, and walk. Anthropologist Ashley Montague described the human infant's need for incremental development outside the womb by "external gestation" (1). This means that someone has to help the child mature after birth.

Due to such strong immaturity, for the development and satisfaction of all physiological needs of the human infant, maternal smell, touch, sounds and movement are vital. All primates, including human babies, have a biological need to be in direct contact with those who care for them. A newly born child is not at all adapted to life outside the womb, but it is adapted to life in the conditions of the mother's body. The child should not be spoiled with attention or held too much in his arms. The more children are held, the more attention is paid to them, the better they grow (2). A child deprived of physical contact with an adult resorts to a behavior that increases the chances of survival - he begins to cry. While the baby is crying and trying to get the attention of the parents, the stress hormone cortisol is being produced.

Co-sleeping naturally flows from the desire of parents to be with their children and plays an important role in human evolutionary survival. Anthropological studies of sleep habits in non-industrialized tropical jungle cultures found that all hunter-gatherers and all tribal developmental communities slept with children (3). The researchers believe that in the communities studied, ecology and adaptive behavior are close to prehistoric cultures, where community members slept with children in order to preserve the life and well-being of babies. From all this, we can conclude that co-sleeping is a long tradition of the human race.

From the point of view of human history, it is a dubious luxury to ask questions “What to feed a child?” and “Where will the baby sleep?” appeared relatively recently in mothers in only a small part of the globe. These questions could only arise when artificial breast milk substitutes were invented and adjusted. industrial production. The industrialized society especially emphasized the alleged benefits of artificial feeding. artificial feeding from a bottle made it possible to separate mother and child for a longer time (editor's note: this was especially important for women who were forced to work to support their families, and especially in cities where work for women meant working for money outside the home). With increasing wealth among the middle class and the increasing importance of individualism as a valuable quality of character, it has become fashionable and affordable to put children to sleep in separate bedrooms from their parents. By the middle of the 20th century, for the first time in the history of mankind, artificial feeding became the usual and most common way to feed children. (editor's note: historically, if a baby was not breastfed, it almost always meant certain death of the baby; formula feeding has become the predominant way to feed babies only in developed countries). Children began to be put to sleep on their stomachs so that they would not wake up longer, and in a separate room - this means that parents could not watch the child and notice, feel what he needs. Nothing good came out of this for the children. The culture has changed, but the human baby's need for mother's milk and tactile contact with the mother's body remains the same as it was thousands of years ago.

Parallel to the newfangled practice of separate parent-child sleep, an unexpected and disturbing trend emerged - more and more children fell asleep and never woke up again. Scientists have named this phenomenon Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Number of cases sudden death children grew, and scientists to this day do not know the reason for this phenomenon. Suspected to be the cause of sudden infant death syndrome or "crib death" (editor's note: note the common name for SIDS, which describes the death of a child in relation to the location of sleep) there may be an interaction of the physiological characteristics of this child in combination with stressors in his environment, such as maternal smoking, feeding artificial formula and sleeping on his stomach. The conclusion about death from SIDS is given only after an autopsy and a full toxicological analysis, when all other possible reasons deaths are excluded. Today, SIDS is a diagnosis that is made by ruling out other causes of death. In 1963 in Western countries When unexpected infant death with no apparent cause was described as a new and independent diagnosis, mortality from SIDS was two to three infants per 1000 live births. SIDS appeared in Western countries at the same time as previously unseen innovations in child care: feeding cow's milk or artificial formula, prolonged uninterrupted sleep of the child (editor's note: formulas take longer and are harder to digest, so formula-fed babies sometimes sleep longer and with deeper sleep, uncharacteristic for infants) and the practice of putting babies to sleep in a separate room completely alone and without parental supervision. In addition, more and more more women smoked before, during and after pregnancy. All this together led to a real epidemic of SIDS in the West.

By comparison, in most Asian cultures, parents usually sleep with their children, children are breastfed, and women hardly smoke. SIDS is either extremely rare, or no one has heard of it at all. The custom of putting a child to sleep alone in a separate room appeared 100 years ago and only in industrialized Western countries. Western cultural values—independence, individualism, and self-reliance—promoted the ideology that young children should sleep without their parents. The idea was that solitary sleep would definitely lead to a child growing up to be a calm, self-confident, independent and self-reliant adult, plus no sleep problems. Such conclusions were made without any scientific research and evidence. We have paid and are paying for these baseless and bold assumptions, but all is not lost. We can go back to what people in most cultures around the world do, and what is normal for humans as a species in nature - co-sleeping.

Co-sleeping is good for babies

Parents who sleep with the child constantly remind him of their presence with touch, smells, movements, warmth and taste of breast milk. The child is not just calmly next to his parents. The presence of the mother, her smell constantly encourages him to suckle the breast more often, which means to suck out more milk. If the baby is in danger, for example, if he accidentally covered himself with a blanket and tries to free himself, you can immediately help him push the blanket back (provided that you are sober and not under the influence of sleeping pills). Thus, if speaking scientific language, the presence of parents is favorable environment for the child's home, where the parents immediately respond to the vital needs of the child.

If a child needs something, but no one pays attention to him, he begins to cry (this is especially true for children who have not yet learned to speak). Crying is an evolutionary alarm signal, a way for a child to attract attention to himself in critical circumstances for him, for example, when he is sick, cold, scared, or hungry. Crying also shapes maternal behavior.

(editor's note) Crying - useful system alerting parents of the baby's needs, however, if the baby cries too long or too often because the parents have not learned to recognize the early signs of stress in the baby or for some reason do not respond to distress calls, the situation can turn against the baby.

A few years ago it became known that prolonged crying reduces the amount of oxygen in the blood and increases the heart rate, and as a result, the level of cortisol, the stress hormone, increases. Research has shown that elevated level cortisol in infancy leads to physical changes in the brain, thereby increasing the likelihood of developing psychological disorders. Not to mention that a baby who cries a lot has less energy to grow and develop (4). Children who sleep with their parents are unlikely to fall asleep exhausted by crying, and most likely do not cry at all before bedtime, therefore, do not suffer from an excess of the stress hormone.

Despite these facts, modern parents are often advised to euthanize their children using the "controlled cry" method. This method is recommended for raising children who cannot fall asleep on their own, wake up at night, or like to fall asleep with their parents. It is a dangerous method of raising babies and children. Australian Association mental health even issued a statement to warn the general public not to use controlled crying as an acceptable way to put babies to sleep. “Controlled crying is not compatible with the emotional and psychological needs of infants and can lead to unforeseen negative consequences.”

When a child sleeps with his mother, he is warm and does not need to be wrapped in a million blankets. During sleep, mother and child exchange body heat, and in this way the mother regulates the temperature of the child's body. When a child is born, when it enters environment from a warm womb, its temperature drops by about 0.5° Celsius. The drop in temperature is partly due to the production of stress hormones. This reduces the immunity of the child, which makes him more susceptible to infectious diseases. The child spends precious energy not on growth and development, but on maintaining an unstable body temperature. The results of one study showed that the axillary body temperature of 11-16-week-old infants who slept alone was below average. axillary temperature children who were breastfed and who slept with their mothers (6).

A baby who sleeps with her mother and is breastfed spends less time in deep sleep (Stages 3 and 4). When a child is in a deep sleep, it is much more difficult for him to wake up quickly if he suddenly stops breathing (an apnea episode). When co-sleeping, children spend the most time in light sleep (Stages 1 and 2). Light sleep is considered physiologically natural, safe and favorable for young children. It is easier for a child to wake up and interrupt an episode of sleep apnea (sleep apnea) in the light stage than in deep sleep. Shorter stages of deep sleep may protect children with congenital difficulty waking from sleep (a suspected cause of SIDS). Co-sleeping significantly increases the total number of awakenings in response to the sounds, movements, and touches of the mother. The baby moves in response to the movements of the mother, and also smells the mother's milk nearby. All this contributes to the fact that the child does not fall into a deep sleep, but remains in lung stages sleep most day and night (7).

Both full-term and premature babies benefit from being near their parents day and night, although I do not advise sleeping with premature babies in the same bed due to their increased vulnerability and small size. However, it should be noted that children not only learn faster when they spend most of their time with their parents, but the overall amount of social interaction and communication increases. Babies who sleep on their parents' breasts, whether maternal or paternal (kangaroo nursing), breathe more regularly, expend energy more efficiently, grow faster and experience less stress (8). Scientists Sari Goldstein, McHaul and Helen Ball, in a review of the scientific literature on mother-child contact and kangaroo care, note that this way of raising children contributes to the early discharge of premature babies from the hospital, reduces the number of episodes of apnea and bradycardia (delayed heart rate) (9). Mother's touch has an analgesic effect, and carrying helps the baby recover from birth fatigue (10). Continued contact between mother and baby promotes spontaneous feeding initiation and increases the duration of each feeding (11). Body contact increases total duration sleep of a child, calms children, stabilizes the heartbeat and breathing, and as a result, improves blood oxygenation (12).

Co-sleeping is good for moms too. Physical contact with the baby increases the amount of oxytocin in the mother (a hormone that is released during breastfeeding). Swedish research shows (13) that body contact helps uterine contractions (editor's note: uterine contraction protects against postpartum hemorrhage and helps the uterus return to its prenatal state) and stimulates the milk ejection reflex (editor's note: this means that it is easier for the baby to suck milk). Mothers are less nervous and are also more adept at caring for their newborn (14).

Parents in the West are advised to leave the child to "shout" at bedtime in order to raise an independent, used to loneliness and able to calm himself child. However modern research show that in extreme cases, irreparable damage is done to a child's brain if no attempt is made to soothe a baby who is crying inconsolably. Constant stress in a child who does not even try to calm down when he cries is associated with high level depression and emotional disorders in later life. Many child psychologists believe that babies know what they need, so parents should listen to the natural urge to soothe a crying baby.

The joint sleep of parents and children in the same bed naturally follows from bodily contact, carrying a child in her arms, leaving a kangaroo. Many children and parents enjoy sleeping together, enjoying cozy closeness and warmth. But co-sleeping is not just a pleasant pastime, but a biological interaction between parent and child: the mother's body regulates the child's body temperature, regular rhythm the child's breathing is given by the rhythmic vibrations of the mother's breast and the sounds of her breathing. Biological research show that in many mammals such "hidden" signals serve as the trigger that triggers the next breath in the young (15, 16).

Even the carbon dioxide exhaled by the mother serves a useful purpose during co-sleeping. The amount of carbon dioxide a mother breathes out stimulates the baby's breathing (17). The carbon dioxide exhaled by the mother is an emergency stimulus for the child's breathing in case he begins to breathe more slowly or stops breathing altogether. Carbon dioxide makes the child breathe faster.

But that's not all! During close bodily contact, the development of brain cells is stimulated, the necessary neural connections. In a sense, co-sleeping at night naturally continues the microclimate that encourages the development of a variety of social, communication and emotional skills during the day, as the child is calm and under parental control and protection. The mother is not the person who takes care of the child. The mother is the habitat of the child, not only during the day, but also at night. The English psychologist Donald Winnicott said that the survival of a child is highly dependent on adults when he wrote: "There is no such thing as a child - only a child and someone else." So when we talk about what children need, what they can or cannot do, everything only makes sense in the context of the mother's body.

Additional resources: