When there are two psychos in the family. The psychopath is selfish and demands relentless attention.

Psychopathy is a personality device with a specific set of traits that psychologists and psychiatrists use to describe people who are charming, manipulative, emotionally violent, and potentially criminal. This term is used unnecessarily in the media, so you might think that psychopaths are all around us. In fact, it is estimated that psychopaths make up about one percent of all people. At the same time, psychopaths know how to disguise themselves. Many of them at first glance seem quite normal and attractive people. If you learn to appreciate some of the deepest personality traits, to identify characteristic emotional manifestations and pay attention to behavior in personal relationships, you will be able to recognize a psychopath in time.

Steps

Part 1

Pay attention to insincere charm. Like an actor who plays many roles, the psychopath puts on what experts call a “mask” of normality that seems pleasant and attractive to others. The psychopath is generally recognized as the soul of the company, he is usually liked by everyone. A psychopath simply influences others in order to please them so that they can be more easily manipulated in the future.

• Psychopaths exude an air of trust that draws others to them. They often have Good work and quite successful. A psychopath can have a spouse and children. They are quite successful in the role of “exemplary citizen”.

1. Look for excessive self-esteem. Psychopaths often believe that they are much smarter and more powerful than they really are. They like to attach themselves to successful and influential people, as this increases their own status. They think they deserve better attitude than the rest.

   • Their exaggerated sense of self-importance often leads to the fact that the mask of normality cracks. If they feel like you don't pay enough attention to their status, they may hurt you.

2. Pay attention to impulsiveness and irresponsibility. Both of these qualities serve as a sign of psychopathy. Psychopaths never notice anything reprehensible in their behavior and lifestyle. They have a pronounced tendency to refuse any responsibility for their decisions or for the consequences of these decisions. In fact, the refusal to acknowledge negative consequences his behavior leads to permanent irresponsibility. Psychopaths' behavior is often driven by impulsive thoughts such as "I don't want to go to work" or "I'm not going to this meeting, I'd rather have a drink instead." They can not be called responsible and reliable people.

   • Psychopaths are self-centered, they act on a whim and as the current emotional condition. They do what they want, when they want. They can cheat, lie and steal just because they feel like it. Them sexual relations may be erratic and frequent change partners. They may even quit because of mere trifles (while they, of course, explain that this work was below their dignity).

3. Look at the habit of breaking the rules. If your acquaintance strictly observes the established rules, he is unlikely to be prone to psychopathy. Psychopaths do not like to obey the law and usually consider themselves above any rules. Perhaps this is why about 25% of male prisoners exhibit psychopathic traits.

   • However, many psychopaths avoid jail time while breaking the law and have no qualms about it.

4. Pay attention to possible offenses in adolescence. Specialists discover common patterns in the childhood of those who adulthood showing signs of psychopathy. Psychopaths often break laws during adolescence and behave aggressively towards others. In addition, unlike other children, they may not respond to punishment or show empathy for others.

   • Check if the person you suspect to be a psychopath had a difficult childhood. Problems in childhood may indicate psychopathy in adulthood.

5. Observe a person during sad events. Psychopaths are great at manipulating the emotions and feelings of others and portraying themselves as victims. This helps them lower your guard and make it easier to manipulate you later on. If a person who appears to be a victim constantly performs unexpected and hostile actions, one should be wary of him.

Part 3

1. Pay attention to the tendency to aggravate relationships. Psychopaths love to create confusion and tension in personal relationships. Since they are prone to boredom, they often need a shake-up. They may provoke the conflict themselves and then present themselves as the victim. They bring chaos and destruction to other people's lives and then walk away innocently.

   • If someone you know is a psychopath, it's probably best to end the relationship to save your sanity. Let's say you come into contact with a psychopath at work, and he tells you that one of your co-workers spoke badly about you behind your back. Thus, the psychopath is trying to sow enmity between you. As a result of an unsightly showdown, you will finally realize that your colleague was also incited against you.

One percent of the world's population are psychopaths. A psychopath is not the person who is waiting for you with a sharpening in a dark entrance. This is not a serial killer and not an inmate of a hospital for the mentally ill. It could be your colleague who gets away with any frills at work. Someone's "perfect" ex who suddenly ran away with someone else. Or a completely ordinary guy who made you coffee in the morning.

Between a normal person and a psychopath there is only one difference - psychopaths have no conscience. They hurt and feel no remorse or guilt. They are able to imitate normal human emotions, but do not actually experience them. Compassion, love, trust, forgiveness - these emotions make you vulnerable, and psychopaths only use them to influence you.

Any outside observer will not be able to calculate the psychopath. Often they are likeable, friendly and charming people. But if you get close to such a person, then life turns into a nightmare. Fairy-tale relationships mutate into a mess of violent intellectual games. Does this look familiar to you? Here are 10 alarm bells that warn you are dating a psychopath. Data collected based on real stories and polls on the Psychopath Free website.

1. He surrounds you with declarations of love and compliments. Do you think this is the perfect partner for you?

When you first meet a psychopath, things move quickly. He inspires you that you have a lot in common, that you are perfect for each other. Like a chameleon, it reflects your hopes, dreams, fears to form trusting and exciting relationships. He constantly wants to communicate with you and seems to be completely fascinated by you. Your wall on Facebook or VKontakte will be littered with songs, compliments, poems and cute jokes that only the two of you can understand.

2. He preys on your emotions by telling compassionate stories.

You will quickly find a place in your heart to pity him. Because he's so sweet and innocent. Completely different from the cinematic images of psychopaths - cruel men with a contemptuous smile in an expensive car. Surely he will mention his ex, who is still in love with him. But all he wants is peace and quiet, he hates drama. However, you will soon notice that dramatic stories constantly surround him and people close to him.

3. He gets you into a love triangle.

Once you are hooked, you will be in love triangle and even a polygon. A psychopath will surround himself with former and potential lovers and anyone who pays attention to him. There will be former ones that he told you about before and assured you that you are superior to them in everything. You will feel embarrassed, and you will get the impression that he is always in demand from the opposite sex.

4. He constantly distorts reality and behaves abnormally

The psychopath always denies that he is manipulating you and ignores even the actual evidence of it. He reacts critically and dismissively if you try to disprove his tales with facts. He will shift the blame for the situation on you: you are too impressionable and inadequately perceive the situation. He will convince you that the problem is not with him, but with your incorrect reaction to normal events.

5. He blames you for the emotions he provokes.

A psychopath will say that you are too jealous, although you openly flirted with your ex, often even on social networks, for everyone to see. He will say that you are too clingy, although he deliberately ignored you for several days. He provokes your reaction in order to show his other targets how hysterical you are and to evoke sympathy for himself. You thought that you calm person? Meeting a psychopath will change you beyond recognition. Fortunately, temporarily.

6. You notice pathological lies and excuses.

He always has an excuse, even in situations where it is not required. He comes up with another lie faster than you can ask a question. He constantly blames others, but he himself is always at fault. He spends time inventing explanations for his behavior rather than improving it. Even when caught on, he does not express remorse or embarrassment. Sometimes it seems like he wanted you to catch him.

7. He provokes jealousy and rivalry while maintaining a mask of innocence.

At first, all the attention of the psychopath is focused on you. And you don't understand what happens when he suddenly switches to another person. He constantly does things that make you doubt that you mean anything to him. If he is active in social networks, then he lures the former with songs, photos, jokes that were significant for their couple. He seems to be actively looking for a partner and at the same time ignores you.

8. He holds your attention and undermines your self-esteem.

First, he brings down on you a stream of admiration that knocks you down, and then you become uninteresting to him. It’s a shame for you, because you have already caught fire with these passionate ones. And now you feel like a housekeeper with him and nothing more.

9. The psychopath is selfish and demands relentless attention.

He sucked all the energy out of you and filled your whole life with him. He demands constant worship of himself. you thought that you only person, capable of making him happy, but now you understand that anyone with a beating pulse is suitable for this role. But the truth is that no one can fill the void in the soul of a psychopath.

10. You don't recognize yourself

Your love and compassion has turned into overwhelming panic and anxiety. You apologize and cry more than you ever have in your life. You sleep badly and wake up in a bad and anxious mood. You cannot understand what happened to you, where is this cheerful, laid-back, calm person now? After communicating with a psychopath, you feel exhausted, devastated and deprived of an adequate perception of the world. Life rolls upside down: you spend money, break ties with friends and loved ones, and constantly look for the reason for these actions.

Relationship with a psychopath black hole. No matter how much it hurts, you will always be to blame for everything. He ignores your best qualities, and self-doubt grows in you, you change beyond recognition. You will heal the traumas of these relationships for a long time, it will seem to you that everything will never be fine with you.

But you can get your nerves in order. First of all, exclude all contacts with a psychopath: correspondence, letters, and even “spying” on him in social networks. At first, it will be unbearably difficult for you, but relief will come with time. You will feel that sanity is returning to you and chaos is leaving your life. This experience may even be useful in the end. You will learn to value yourself and set boundaries for psychopaths so that they never disturb your peace again.

So, our song is good, start from the beginning!

For the past two months I have had a suspicion that V.'s condition is beginning to worsen. Those combinations of pills that helped before stopped giving desired effect. The sense of the newly selected drugs was short-lived and insufficient.

Then there was the abolition of neuroleptics and, it seems, it got better. But then I began to notice that V. began to get hung up on some of his ideas (for example, excessive, in my opinion, obsession, evidence-based medicine), became less critical to the products of its mental activity and worse to perceive objective facts.

At first it seemed to me that this fit within the framework of his usual psychological problems, but then it became clear to both me and him that neuroleptics would again become an item of our expenses.
During the past few months, when I thought that I would likely have to face a worsening of condition B again, I decided for myself that it was more likely that I would just pack my things and leave in such a situation.

Too much at a great cost it was given to me to pull him out of the crisis of two years ago. And I'm not talking about money at all. I feel sorry for them the least. I'm talking about my personal internal resources. I became too vulnerable, weak, unstable, maladaptive. And I still can’t at least return the state that I had two years ago (not to mention something more).

And I was just scared to imagine that I would have to go through something like that again. I no longer have those opportunities: neither financial nor personal.

But, in fact, when we are now faced with the problem of the deterioration of V.'s condition, it turned out that on this moment I did have some positive changes in my mental state, which may allow me to try to cope with everything at least for a while.

And I also realized that I can’t leave a person in such a state, my self-preservation instinct just turns off, and I’m ready to give everything and even more again so that V. has another chance. This irrational self-sacrifice clearly carries a painful connotation and has little in common with the principles of human participation and mutual assistance. As they say, there will be something to discuss with a psychotherapist.

There are a few good things about all of this. Firstly, we already have much more knowledge and capabilities in terms of providing medical support. We know what to do.

Secondly, V. still did not reach the "bottom" in which he was last time, we still have time to catch him, and we still had to start from a much better state.

Thirdly, awareness and motivation B. He himself understands that he needs treatment, he trusts my opinion as a specialist, and there is no need to spend resources just to persuade him to accept help.

Fourthly, we no longer spend our resources on "like specialists", we do not wait for the magician-uncle-doctor to appear and help us. We do not mind hearing someone's opinion about the treatment, but we will no longer blindly trust and hope for someone's help. Thanks for the advice last time.

Let's start with good points.

1. Level of mutual understanding and empathy.

It is very easy for me with V., because he understands what it is like when you have severe abulia, or you are flattened by antipsychotics. I do not need to explain those things that seem natural to me, V. himself is well acquainted with most of these phenomena, completely alien to consciousness and experience healthy person. They don’t accuse me of just making it up, that I just don’t want enough, they don’t offer strange methods regulation of my condition. Indeed, a person who has experience of experiencing similar states can have much more empathy and sympathy than the average average person.

2. More information, intellectual resources.

The two of us are interested in the psychoindustry: each replenishes his knowledge in different ways, from different sources, gives preference to different directions. But in the end, we get the professional experience accumulated by each of us, a stock of knowledge that we can share, discovering something new for each other, which can be useful both in working with clients and in the process of helping ourselves.

3. Cool first aid kit with psychopharma.

AT better times our home first aid kit many mental hospitals could envy with psychopharmaceuticals. And now there is everything you need: neuroleptics, blood pressure, trunks, mood stabilizers, dopaminomimetics. Something gets V., something I, but at the same time, if necessary, we can always use each other's medicines, and this is a very important thing.

4. Observing the positive dynamics of the partner encourages not to give up

Both I and V. have periods of despair, when it seems that nothing is working out, and if it does, then not as we would like, and thoughts arise about the meaninglessness of the treatment, I want to hide under the covers and die there.

At such moments, in addition to the usual human support, an example helps partly not to give up. loved one. When you see on the example of a partner who is constantly next to you that the right medicines make life easier, psychotherapy gradually bears fruit, there is hope and a desire to continue your struggle.

And now a fly in the ointment. Minuses.

1. Destabilization of each other.

When one of us is in an unstable mental state, and the second at the moment has few psychological resources to cope, our clash on any issue becomes a disaster, where we hurt each other and only aggravate our own. mental condition. We are trying to work on this, coming up with strategies that will allow us to minimize, or better yet completely eliminate, the number of such episodes, but so far, unfortunately, this happens.

2. Vulnerability.

Living with a sick person is always difficult. But it is even harder to bear when you yourself are not a model of mental health. And some manifestations of a partner’s illness will hurt you much more than a healthy person could hurt.

3. Double financial costs.

A very painful question. We have to allocate from the family budget twice more money medication, psychotherapy. I often try to forego drugs for myself, buying only the bare necessities so that I can have more money for drugs for V.

Also with psychotherapists. We need two different specialists, at the same time they must be good professionals, be ready to work with me and V., and cost money to raise for us (and this is a fairly low price for the market). And also sometimes you have to sacrifice the regularity of someone's therapy, because there is not enough money, and only those who need it more at the moment go to therapy.

In conclusion, I want to say that life with a person who has mental disorder, of course, has its own characteristics. There are many more features if both of you are psychos.

But, above all, relationships are built between people. And the ability to maintain these relationships, to make the process of interaction more constructive - depends on our motivation, willingness to work on ourselves, the ability to hear a partner, to give each other support when it is needed.

V. has it all, and I really appreciate his human qualities, I see that he is ready to work on our relationship and this is one of the main reasons that allows me to find resources in myself to also continue to fight for these relationships. Be people, educate a Human in yourself, appreciate your loved ones, be ready to work on yourself - and then it doesn’t matter if you are crazy or not - you can love and be loved.

Socially adapted psychopaths do not commit crimes against life, but the damage that is done to the psyche of people living next to them is monstrous. At the same time, of all the participants in the drama in which he involves others, he seems to be the most adequate and normal person. Why is not difficult to understand. He brings loved ones to extreme stress, keeping calm and acting as an accuser. It's easy, because he has no true human emotions.

You have already read the checklist of signs of psychopathy. The first eight items on this list are the first factor on which they score a significant amount. What is behind the dry lines of the list? What will you see in reality?

He looks intelligent successful man capitalized.

A socially adapted psychopath in external image is no different from an ordinary man. On the contrary, he can be bright, successful, sexually attractive, dressed in latest fashion and those who know how to present themselves in an intelligent company. He can be very popular among inexperienced young women who consider him courageous, courageous and extraordinary thinking.

A socially adjusted psychopath may even be more socially successful than the average average male. He may be rich, he may hold a serious position in a corporation. May be the head of a large firm, or a respected investor or the main beneficiary of some fund.

He may be exquisitely educated and very well brought up, may be art savvy and read Franz Kafka and Jean Paul Sartre at night or play the works of Claude Debussy on the piano.

He lives among ordinary people and very similar to an ordinary good person. People are deceived by the fact that in the eyes of society, social success is a sign and proof of psychological well-being. How can such a “good” person inflict monstrous suffering on loved ones? What is the problem with it?

He pretends to be a normal person with a healthy human value system.

The problem with communicating with him is that he pretends. Pretending to be a normal person healthy system values. Pretends to be a person with deep feelings. Pretends to be a person who has the concept of conscience and morality. Pretends to be an honest person, incapable of deceit and lies. He pretends to be a better person than he really is. And he pretends to be better than the most professional actor. In the structure of his personality, there are two very serious defect:

The first defect in the personality of a socially adapted psychopath is the lack of capacity for deep feelings.

He does not experience deep feelings at all, but he reliably depicts them with facial expressions and voice .. This means that he communicates very emotionally and his facial expressions are also emotionally expressive. But inside he doesn't feel anything. It will be hard for you to believe it because you will be judging by yourself. Communicating with him, you will be sure that if a person speaks so emotionally, it means that he experiences very strong emotions and he is sincere. A common person has deep feelings, and is inclined to trust those who do not speak monotonously, but lively, emotionally. And a socially adapted psychopath reliably portrays any feelings - better than the most professional actor - without experiencing them at all inside, but rather uses this skill to manipulate other people's trust. Do you understand?

The second personality defect of a socially adapted psychopath is the lack of higher moral feelings.

That is, conscience, sympathy and compassion, empathy, as well as guilt, shame, repentance. He depicts moral values, and with a high degree of reliability and persuasiveness. By observing his behavior, you will see that he uses correct behavior in society when it suits him. At the same time, morality and human values for him - an empty sound. Within himself, he feels no remorse, no compassion, no guilt. Honesty and sincerity are unknown to him, since pretense, deceit and manipulation are his true lifestyle. He lives for profit. He pretends to be high-minded when it suits him. And he renounces moral behavior, every time when it is not profitable or when there is every chance that none of the persons significant to him will know about his immoral behavior. The socially adapted psychopath has a brilliant intellect, he thinks very rationally. He realizes what and why he does it. His actions - to deceive, to use a person - are the result of a well-thought-out strategy.

The ability of representatives of both groups of psychopaths (both socially adapted and socially unadapted) to calculate the features of the perception of another person, and then mislead and deceive everyone, is amazing. Some of them are designed to mislead professional psychologists, and it must be said that they are excellent at it.

Moreover, this is true not only for sociopaths who need to be tested in order to be released. In one of the books about psychopaths there is an impressive example of how one of them consulted his fellows for money on how to answer questions on the MMPI test (which has 600 !! questions) in order to make the right impression and go one step further get closer to parole.

They are difficult to distinguish even for professionals.

Socially adapted psychopaths who live a normal life social life, are misleading psychologists who are approached by their wives about family therapy, posing as caring and sensitive, vulnerable husbands. Questions psychological tests in family counseling, they respond as needed to create a profile of a calm, balanced, sane person.

At consultations, if such things happen, whole performances are played out in front of the psychologist in order to prove that the woman’s complaints are unfounded, due to her “inadequacy and weak upset psyche”, thereby diverting suspicions from herself, and continue to live a double life. Moreover, a psychologist who did not have experience with psychopathy will be sure that the problem is in the woman and her character. Thus, a woman will be obviously deprived of her right to the objectivity of a specialist's opinion and quality advice. To her, who daily experiences a monstrous heartache and humiliation can advise you to improve relationships, or even worse, work on yourself or please your spouse.

Repentance or empathy due to the deception of a woman and the deliberate misleading of a specialist, and even more so the deliberate intention to live a double life, naturally will not happen. Because repentance and empathy, shame, guilt, sympathy, compassion, conscience belong to the category of higher moral feelings, and socially adapted psychopaths do not have the ability to experience them.

Men come to my appointment exhausted by relationships with hysterical wives and women exhausted by psychopathic husbands. My clients - wonderful people: kind, gentle, caring, sympathetic, responsible, etc. In dealing with them, I involuntarily had a question: “Where do you find them, where do you get them from?”

I set off in search of an answer and found that the number of psychopaths in modern society is growing.

There are 8 obvious reasons:

2. Teens' interest in computer games with violence, brutality and murder. The law of feelings states that even in a fictional (virtual) situation, a person experiences real bodily feelings. A teenager, playing violent games, regularly trains in aggressive behavior, he will be prone to violence and cruelty.

3. Lack of a healthy home climate. Children grow up imitating others, so parents pass on psychopathic behavior patterns to them.

4. Lack of quality relationships in the family. In close, sincere and trusting relationships in a person's life, there are no psychological problems. basis psychological problem constitutes a violation of interpersonal communication.

5. A social environment that shapes malignant courage. In a certain society, vulnerability, vulnerability, the need for close and sincere relationships are considered weaknesses. Such character traits as attentiveness, kindness and caring are condemned.

6. Mass fatherlessness. A study led by Gabriella Gobbi at Canada's McGill University argues that being raised without a father leads to increased aggressiveness and abnormal ways of interacting with others.

Fatherlessness is not only complete absence father, when mommy raises a child alone, but also a "dead" father. In fact, dad can even live in the same apartment with children, but at the same time be removed from education, not participate in the lives of his children (alcoholics, drug addicts, workaholics, and dads who are so carried away by sorting out relations with their spouses that they forgot about children) .

On the other hand, a child may not have a physical father, but a grandfather, uncle or older brother takes care of him, giving the baby a masculine upbringing and models of healthy behavior.

7. The inability to create your own results in life leads to an unmet need for strength. Lack of understanding of their needs and ignorance of socially acceptable ways to satisfy them leads to catastrophic consequences.

8. Ignorance of the signs of psychopathy leads to the fact that people easily enter into love and marriage relationships with a psychopath. In these relationships, children appear who adopt patterns of abusive behavior. So statistics say that psychologically healthy man There are an average of two children, and there are four children per male psychopath in the general population.

What to do? First, be able to discern psychopathic behavior in “nice” people.

Psychopathic personality traits:

Here, by impulsiveness I mean the absence of fear of the consequences of one's actions and the absence of internal restrictions on immoral and criminal behavior.

2. Aggressiveness.

Violent behavior intended to harm someone or something. If a child tortures animals, mocks insects, hurts those who are weaker or helpless; breaks, damages and sets fire to objects, then urgently take measures to correct behavior.

The psychopath takes pleasure in seeing another person suffer and takes every opportunity to cause pain or harm.

3. Ruthlessness.

Psychopaths lack empathy, they are not able to put themselves in the place of another person and show sympathy.

4. Dishonesty.

Psychopaths always cheat. In the web of their stories, it is easy to get so confused that you no longer understand where the truth is and where the fiction is. Do not try to figure it out, most likely there is no truth at all (no matter how realistic the story looks).

5. Self-centeredness.

Characteristic for thinking 8-10 summer child. If the personality does not develop, then the person “gets stuck” at this age, not realizing that the people around him have their own feelings, desires and needs.

6. Failure to care for others.

Every normally developing child at the age of 6-7 has a need to take care of others. He seeks to take care of his mother, father or grandmother, asks to give birth to a brother or sister, buy a dog or cat. Parents do not always recognize this need and support its development.

Cruel or indifferent treatment of a child in the family leads to the fact that this need is not formed or is lost. In modern society, aimed at material success and commodity-money relations, people no longer feel like a person, but more often perceive themselves and others as a means or tool to achieve certain goals.

7. Failure to comply with the created agreements.

The life principle of a psychopath: either in my opinion or not at all.

8. Craving thrill and risk.

Psychopaths use situations to feel like they're on a razor's edge or on the crest of a wave. Hysteria, scandal, the ability to unbalance a loved one or drive him into a frenzy gives them a sense of omnipotence and superiority over the victim.

9. Disrespect for other people's work, values, personality and human life.

A psychopath easily spoils someone else's property, solves his problems at the expense and to the detriment of others, does not value relationships, health or life of loved ones.

10. As a rule, a psychopath has a bad relationship with relatives, colleagues, no real friends.

Secondly, understand that psychopathy is not a disease!

The psychopath has a strong mental health and achieves its goals in any way, up to the physical destruction (murder) of a loved one. To do this, he is capable not only of spontaneous hysterical behavior, blackmail and manipulation, but also of well-thought-out schemes for destroying obstacles to the desired.

Thirdly, psychopathy is a way to satisfy the need for strength. The psychopath, torturing and torturing the victim, feels great pleasure from his superiority. Control over a weak partner gives a sense of significance, up to omnipotence. For the manifestation of psychopathic behavior, the belief in one's own safety and impunity is important.

Conclusion:

Your desire to protect yourself by involving third parties (parents, friends, police) will turn into the other side of the coin: the psychopath will build a situational plan in which you will be to blame (incited, provoked an "innocent person" to harm you).

2. If you are still choosing a life partner, be vigilant and do not let money, attractive appearance or wonderful sex close your eyes.

3. If you saw in yourself the features of a psychopathic personality and wish to live in love, harmony, mutual understanding, then you can change your behavior! Psychopathy is not a sentence, it's a lifestyle.