Irritability for no reason during maternity leave. Description of depression on maternity leave. How to get out of the EV state

Back in the last century in America, this phenomenon was described in relation to social workers who have been carefully selected. They were motivated to help those in need: families on the verge of divorce or families with special child, relatives of a terminally ill person or people who are depressed.

Consider the main causes of maternity apathy:

Permanent employment (sometimes there is no time to drink tea);
Physical fatigue and lack of sleep (especially if the child is restless);
Lack of vitamins (when breastfeeding, a woman follows a special diet);
lack of communication;
Lack of self-realization;
"Groundhog Day" (days are no different from each other, regardless of holidays and weekdays);
Anxiety about their appearance (after the birth of a child, the figure of a woman has not yet come to a “pre-pregnant” look, there is no time and effort to visit beauty salons);
Financial difficulties (when the child turns 1.5 years old, the care allowance is not paid).

Depression on maternity leave appears due to a combination of reasons. Both the physical aspects and the purely emotional ones matter. In the first months after the birth of the baby, fatigue and constant lack of sleep are most pronounced. This results in alienation, apathy and irritability.

In addition, young mothers are forced to spend almost all the time in enclosed space. The lack of variety causes irritability, tearfulness, dissatisfaction with life and other problems. Such reasons can be caused by depression on maternity leave. Is the child a year old or a little more, but there is no more strength? It's just fatigue from the routine.

Here it is important to expand the “horizons”: with a child (even a small one) you can visit, explore new walking routes and go shopping. For ease of movement (especially if you do not have your own car), it is better to purchase a comfortable sling or kangaroo. Today there are models that are suitable even for newborns.

After childbirth, the figure of a woman noticeably changes. The kilograms gained during pregnancy do not go to the discharge. Changes are noticeable not only to the youngest mother, but also to her husband. Hence the irritability and lack of attention from the second half. But there is a way out. You need to improve nutrition and exercise (at least at home). During pregnancy, you should also try not to gain overweight to quickly bounce back after childbirth.

Can be pronounced in primiparous "syndrome bad mom". It seems that everything is falling out of hand, the child is missing something all the time, there is a fear of not having time or losing sight of something, doing everything wrong. In this case, you need to find a more experienced friend to whom you can turn for advice.

The joy of the appearance of a baby in the family is difficult to hide. Much better, many mothers manage to hide from themselves and from others the longing into which they often fall.

Moreover, this happens, despite the fact that every woman agrees: children are the flowers of life, giving positive emotions. Therefore, it is worthwhile to figure out why there is an inexplicable feeling of longing and depression on the decree becomes frequent companion many mothers.

The fact is that not everyone manages to endure a routine existence for several years and at the same time remain a positive, good-natured, sweet and cheerful person.

book an appointment with a specialist!
Health to you and your loved ones!

Depression is based on a mixture of different emotions: envy of other people's victories, the need to be torn out of the cycle of life, dissatisfaction with one's own appearance.

The main thing that prevents the realization of the desires of mothers on maternity leave is lack of time and fatigue.

How much we could do if the day were a few hours longer. And most importantly, in the hours free from babies, we would have the strength to accomplish grandiose plans.

There are several myths, the belief in which increases the chances of a woman to enter a depressive state.

In these one and a half years (a year, three years) I could achieve a lot(learn, grow in the service, go abroad, etc.). If you are smart, businesslike and active, then you will definitely do everything that you planned, or did not have time to do before pregnancy. Think of babysitting time as a little respite to realize your future goals. Perhaps your priorities will change. Maybe you will have new plans for life.
I have no personal and intellectual development. This oft-used phrase is absolutely wrong. Vacation Moms Grow Intellectually When They Learn New Things medical terms begin to understand vaccines and disease symptoms. It is during this period that women learn everything about proper nutrition, choose only quality products and prepare healthy meals.
While I'm babysitting, I need to do something.(learn a foreign language, write a dissertation). No need to run ahead of the locomotive and take on an overwhelming burden (even if you can do it). A woman who has given birth must recover after childbirth, and doctors give 2 years for this. Raising a child is a respected and honorable job (eg caregivers, teachers). Therefore, devote the time allotted for caring for the child to him.
I look like a fat, sleazy woman from the market. Any woman without makeup looks different. In addition, it is difficult to sleep when the baby asks for breasts at night or his tummy hurts. Many people have moments when they do not get enough sleep (work until night, go to nightclubs, watch TV, etc.). Everyone has their own choice and life path.

How many women who are not on maternity leave can boast that they have enough free time to take care of themselves?

All information on the site is for informational purposes and is NOT a guide to action!
Only a DOCTOR can make an EXACT DIAGNOSIS!
We kindly ask you DO NOT self-medicate, but book an appointment with a specialist!
Health to you and your loved ones!

It affects both physical overwork and emotional overstrain. Emotional burnout is a common problem for those who professional activity connected with people. At the same time, it is high time to admit that mother is one of the most serious professions.

Symptoms of depression on maternity leave

It is possible to suspect that fleeting melancholy has already developed into depression by the following signs:

excessive irritability and nervousness;
constant drowsiness, persistent feeling of weakness;
the inability to experience a feeling of joy from what used to give this emotion;
a woman considers herself a bad mother;
feeling of lack of time, inability to fulfill all duties;
decrease in emotional background.

Depression on maternity leave is complete emotional exhaustion, when nothing around is happy. The husband becomes an incomprehensible person, games with a child do not bring pleasure, and he himself behaves simply disgustingly. A woman dreams of only one thing - about escaping from a boring house.

Specialists described the features of somatized depression in our other publication.

If the depression on maternity leave still has not passed, the help of a psychotherapist will be required. It will help you deal with negativity good advice to overcome pathological condition. The doctor is able to restore the emotional comfort of a woman, to form an internal protection against negativity.

Very rarely, electroshock treatment is performed. This method is used if depression is a direct threat to life, and medications the patient is unable to accept.

Concerning drug treatment, then it comes down to taking antidepressants. These are serious drugs that only a doctor can prescribe. Self-administration is strictly prohibited.

The course of treatment is also determined by the psychotherapist, as a rule, it is quite long and can be a year or more. This is important for disease prevention.

Another way to get rid of depression is the use of aromatherapy. Essential oils, once in the blood through the skin, contribute to raising the mood.

To achieve this goal, you can take a bath with them, massage or just inhale. Greatest effect in this regard, it gives oil of rosemary, lemon balm, orange.

You should not hide your condition from your husband and secretly blame him for dislike and inattention. For a mass of pressing matters, he may simply not notice that something is happening to his wife, and if he notices, he often writes it off as a banal PMS. Meanwhile, you need to return happiness to the family together.

try to understand the root causes of depression;

pay more attention to his wife;

more often to please a woman with presents, to tell her pleasant things and compliments;

will go on a joint journey;

take on part of the childcare responsibilities so that the woman can rest.

Many husbands perceive female depression as something that does not require special attention. In fact, it is often not possible to eliminate the problem only by increasing care; it is important to return inner comfort to the wife. Therefore, the advice of professional psychologists should not be neglected.

The husband should not remain indifferent to the upbringing of the child. To do this, it is worth calling him to a frank conversation, which should take place in a calm tone. It is possible to apply small tricks, for example, to say that the joint activity will make the child more like a father.
You should read the literature on the upbringing and development of children, even if a woman is raising more than her first child. In such books you can always learn something new for yourself, gain experience.
It is worth following the reward system. That is, for every task completed, you need to thank yourself. At the same time, both tasks and rewards can be minimal (after cleaning, you can watch TV).
It is important to communicate as much as possible.
If there are no relatives who could unload the woman from the duties of caring for the baby, then you can use the services of a nanny. It is not at all necessary to hire her for the whole week, a few days are enough.
It is not necessary to artificially create, and even more so, exaggerate the problem. It is important to realize that a great miracle happened, and life was given to a new person. It cannot cause depression.

Symptoms prolonged depression you can find out from here.

Here are the symptoms of anxiety depression.

nerv.hvatit-bolet.ru

Advises: Ekaterina Andreevna Nikitenko

I have always been a rather pessimistic person, thinking a lot, reflecting. It gave me some inconvenience, but it didn’t really interfere with my life. After the birth of the child, the situation changed. Now I understand that I need the help of a specialist to cope with the situation and begin to enjoy life.

The child is now a little more than a year. All this time my husband and I were not easy, but recent times it got really hard. I am very mentally tired, tired of emotional swings: after a short rest for a day or two, I am a completely normal person, I make plans, I manage to do a lot of necessary things, but then I have a breakdown from literally any nonsense. For example, a child refuses breakfast, I start freaking out, crying, getting angry. For a long time, at such moments, I begin to think about suicide, but not in such a way that I want to do it, but from the point of view that this would be deliverance from such torment myself and

loved ones. After prolonged tears, a feeling of exhaustion sets in and there is no more strength for anything. And so it repeats over and over again. I want to break this vicious circle, stop taking it out on the child, learn to enjoy life and communicate with the child.

Firstly, it is easy for me when my husband is at home. In his presence, I control myself better, situations that usually irritate me, in his presence I can normally endure and adequately respond to them. My husband is doing quite well with the child (although not as perfect as I would like) and can close him in on himself when I need to rest. We have already discussed the possibility of my husband's transition to remote work, but his superiors are against it.

Secondly, I noticed that if I spend weekends away from home (yoga, shopping trips, meeting with friends), then the week goes by easier. In this case, the problem is that a lot of things accumulate in a week, both at home and jointly with my husband, that I cannot spend every weekend outside the house.

Unfortunately, I cannot find resources for recuperation in myself and at home. During periods of recovery, it seems that now I will plan everything, rebuild the day, etc., but in fact Small child- not a robot, and all plans quickly collapse. In this case, I do not show loyalty and tolerance, but immediately roll into hysterics.

learn to calmly respond to her daughter’s behavior, which is different from my “wants” (for example, with food. If she does not eat what I give her or the volume that I would like her to eat, so that I react to it calmly, but not irritated.) With my head, I perfectly understand that my aggression is senseless and stupid, but I can’t do anything, emotions take over.

Unfortunately, I cannot find resources for recuperation in myself and at home.

Psychologist, Clinical psychologist

for example, with food. If she does not eat what I give her or the volume that I would like her to eat, so that I react to it calmly, and not get annoyed.

Do you know such a psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya? She has a wonderful video on the Internet "When mom is at zero." Maybe you will somehow be supported by the words and topics raised in her seminar.

Yes, I heard about it, even read some articles. I'm going to read her books, but I can't find the strength to do so.

With my head, I perfectly understand that my aggression is senseless and stupid, but I can’t do anything, emotions take over.

Now, due to any small failure, the mood immediately finds me that everything is lost, I don’t give a damn about other plans, since some item did not work out.

Even after the birth, problems in relations with my mother got out, some kind of resentment against her appeared. I would like to let her go too.

How is your relationship with food in general? When you were growing up, was your diet heavily regulated as a child? Did your ancestors have a real hunger in life?

As a child, up to two years old, I ate very poorly, like many children, I was a thin and mobile child. Then my mother moved with me to my grandmother, and she began to feed me with songs and dances. As a result, I have been obese since childhood. She was one of the most complete in the class. At school, my mother bought me a lot of sweets, the food of our family cannot be called healthy and balanced.

At the institute, I began to make attempts to lose weight, sat on diets. And so far I can neither lose weight to the desired state and maintain weight, nor accept myself in the current form. Over the past few years, the weight has fluctuated from 57 to 70 kg. I understand that the values are not critical, but this situation of eternal expectation that someday I will look good is already rather tired.

And mom, and grandmother, and aunt - all overweight.

What do you think you are angry about? What causes anger?

I had absolutely no experience of interacting with babies, I saw mothers on the streets who rock the stroller with one foot, sitting on a bench, and read books. I listened to stories about how new professions are mastered on maternity leave, etc. So I thought that I would walk with a stroller in the park, read books, engage in self-development, creativity. I represented the decree, but in my ideas there was absolutely no child. In fact, all last summer I carried my screaming daughter in my arms, because she did not want to sleep or just lie in a stroller. There is practically no time for self-development, and most importantly, no strength. Whenever I get a free minute, I just stare at my phone.

Well, that is, you are, in principle, a perfectionist, and even more so in matters of daily routine, education? Do you really want to be the perfect mother?

Yes, I have perfectionism in everything, it has long interfered with me in many ways: both at work and in business. I also have some kind of non-constructive perfectionism: instead of methodically and consistently bringing the result to the desired one, I freak out and give up everything.

Previously, we communicated, as it seemed to me, quite openly.

Other than that, they seemed to be on good terms.

Thought more. I'm angry that my efforts are wasted. I cook food for my daughter, I try, and she can just spit it out, push the spoon away. I understand that most likely at this moment she simply does not want to eat, but I still start to get angry.

It seems that you have to fight to defend your role adult woman and mother of the child.

Another reason for anger is the desire to keep everything under control. And for any other person, this is impossible.

When my mother once came to visit, to meet her granddaughter, we quarreled. I expected her help and support, and I clearly spoke about it. And she came and began to drip on my brains, what I'm doing with the child is all wrong. I answered her sharply, she was offended and left.

We didn't talk for 2 weeks after that.

Yes, defend, because mom is you. Of course, your mother wants to remain only a mother, now it’s just experienced mom(and teach your adult daughter). But apparently your mother is not ready to accept, try on the role of a grandmother. After all, no matter how old she is, the role of a grandmother signals aging, withering. And to realize this can be sad, unbearable.

In general, it seemed to me that the birth of a granddaughter was a strong emotional shock for my mother. At first, it even seemed to me that she perceives my daughter as her daughter, and I seem to have nothing to do with it. In a conversation from my mother, it constantly sounded: how is my (or our) daughter. It was embarrassing for me, but I didn't say anything at the time. This is no longer the case, of course.

And you yourself stumble over control in your life.

Yes, I love being in control. Because of this, I have problems with delegation of duties, with “letting go” of the situation from myself.

I can delegate something only in case of complete trust in the person, when I am 100% sure that the result will be exactly what I need.

Now you need to observe yourself, where is this excessive control that crushes nature. Where do you press it in yourself?

Here, either I didn’t quite understand, or I can’t yet separate the unnecessary control from the necessary. Can you give an example of such a situation so that I can find something similar in my life by analogy?

Where do you put pressure on him in raising his daughter?

With regard to my daughter, there are probably few situations where I put pressure on her. Still, she is still quite small and does not yet show her “I” actively. Bye for the most part this is a necessary control in terms of security - do not go where it is dangerous, take away a dangerous object if it suddenly falls into her hands, stop using things for other purposes if it is unsafe (for example, she can start eating paper and cardboard). Excessive control just in terms of feeding my daughter. I think that constant phrases from my mother played a role here, that her daughter is thin, there are no cheeks, etc. I understand the absurdity of these remarks, but still they sit like a thorn in the brain.

I'm angry that my efforts are wasted. I cook food for my daughter, I try, and she can just spit it out, push the spoon away. I understand that most likely at this moment she simply does not want to eat, but I still start to get angry.

I also have some kind of non-constructive perfectionism: instead of methodically and consistently bringing the result to the desired one, I freak out and give up everything.

Did I want to be the perfect mother - probably not.

I guess I'm mostly tired of these tossing from side to side.

Excessive control just in terms of feeding my daughter. I think that constant phrases from my mother played a role here, that her daughter is thin, there are no cheeks, etc. I understand the absurdity of these remarks, but still they sit like a thorn in the brain.

Highly sad story! Can you set boundaries in a relationship?

Borders are hard. It seems to me that only recently my mother began to somehow distance herself from climbing into my life. She always told me that I should tell her everything, and I used to share a lot with her. But most often it does not bring joy, because my mother often does not approve of my plans and actions. I would like her understanding, and in response I hear that I came up with another stupidity. Apparently, my mother wants me to lead the same lifestyle as her, but I would not want that at all.

Can you tell your mom what kind of help and support you want?

Yes, and formulated, and asked to behave in a certain way. Useless. Mom will not change her view on many things, will not change her behavior.

She will listen to me, nod, but will remain in her opinion and will behave as before.

If you draw her attention to this again, in response she will say: eggs don’t teach chicken, or if you live with mine, then you will understand.

Can you explain what your brain is doing?

Well, for example, the time after the birth of the child was difficult. Colic, sleepless nights, the whole day is actually attached to the child, the deterioration of my health, a lot of conflicting information and recommendations on what can and cannot be done in relation to the baby, etc. I openly told my mother that I don’t need criticism now, I criticize myself in such a way that it doesn’t seem like a little. I need support, words that I am doing everything right, that everything will work out for me, etc. Arriving on a visit, my mother began from the threshold: why is it not done this way, and why is it not cleaned here, and many, many other reasons. The most interesting thing is that my mother is absolutely not an authority for me in matters of raising children. I think she did a lot of things wrong with me. I try to rely on modern recommendations and opinions. When she tried to explain her point of view to her mother, to give arguments, in response either the sacred “they have become too smart now, we raised you somehow”, or she agrees, but as if she agreed with a fool, just not to argue, and that’s all will still remain in his opinion and will again say the same thing.

Did mom tell you tiny? Apparently, mom has a lot of feelings about that period

Yes, she often said. She says it was relatively easy for her, she was young and “didn’t take a steam bath” 🙂 and after 2 years we moved to my grandparents, and there they were mainly involved in my upbringing.

depression on maternity leave

Why does depression occur on maternity leave?

Why is depression dangerous?

With depression, nutrition is disturbed: a person is prone to use a large number sweets and products high content carbohydrates. And this is the reason for the development diabetes. Research shows that diabetes and depression are related illnesses.
Depressed people tend to be obese.
Prolonged depressed mood reduces mental capacity person.
Prolonged lack of treatment for depression is the cause of the development of chronic pain. And often physiological causes such pains during a medical examination cannot be established. Treatment chronic pain when the mood is depressed, it becomes much more complicated.
People with depression have poor performance immune system. As a result, they are more likely to suffer from infectious diseases.
The worst thing is that depression is the cause of cancer.
Monotonous life. The first time after childbirth, a woman is near the baby, and this space does not change for her. There is no time left for communication, and even more entertainment. If every day is similar to each other and consists of a cycle of endlessly repeating events, then sooner or later emotional exhaustion sets in.
changing appearance, women's dissatisfaction with their appearance. This is due to the fact that after childbirth, the figure of a woman changes. And this, in turn, is the cause of increased irritability, because efforts to be beautiful become futile.
Lack of opportunities for self-realization and self-affirmation.
Limited or lack of communication. It often happens that a young mother has to communicate in a "childish" language. But the natural need is to communicate with people. As a result, a woman with a high degree of probability may experience a nervous breakdown.
a feeling of weakness that does not go away even after rest;
positive emotions cease to be a source of former joy;
the appearance of guilt, self-inferiority;
the emotional background decreases;
severe emotional exhaustion, when a woman is not happy with anything;
she is overcome by thoughts of how to run away from home;

Don't lose health

The period of caring for a child is very stressful for a woman. And there is no need to think that within 3 years the young mother will take a break from work. Quite the opposite: caring for a child is the very job, and very stressful and difficult.

Condition wellness and cheerfulness is a dream during the day. It is necessary to try to sleep during the day at the time when you put the baby to bed. it best holiday for a tired body.
Before going to bed, you can take a relaxing bath. She will remove negative emotions and tune in to night rest. Sleep from this will be much stronger. It is recommended to add a little to the water sea salt or natural essential oils.
You definitely need to play sports. Regular and easy exercise will raise your tone and drive away depression. Be sure to set aside time to practice fresh air: they allow you to feel the physical and emotional uplift.
Under no circumstances should alcohol be consumed. It is not an antidepressant, and in most cases only exacerbates the problems.

Yesterday you were so cheerful and cheerful, today, sitting on maternity leave to care for a child, do you feel overwhelmed and unhappy? This should definitely be corrected and not run, allowing depression to command you. How to do it? Specific descriptive situations will help you find your way out.

You've probably heard the term burnout. This means that the internal supply of energy and strength in a person is depleted over time if it is not replenished. The reason for this may be, among other things, nervous strain. If we talk about mom on maternity leave, then the causes of burnout will be lack of sleep, malnutrition, fear for the baby. Here they may well provoke such a burnout. Agree that no one will remove you from the post of mother, which means that now you work 24 hours and you have the most demanding boss - your child. Be honest, do you put off eating to please your baby? Do you also dream about rest and extra 15 minutes in the bathroom? Are you always on guard and ready to act? Be aware that at this pace you confident steps you go to the process of burning out.

I hope that the examples below will be useful to you, as they say: "Forewarned is forearmed."

A state of chronic irritability

If you don’t have the opportunity to sometimes switch from your immediate duties of caring for a baby, household chores - in a word, you don’t have assistants, then after a while you begin to understand that you’ll boil a little more and explode. You are annoyed by everything that happens around: any misconduct of a child, inattention of a husband can serve as a reason for a quarrel. You scream, get offended, and then cry because you understand that you are wrong, you apologize to your loved ones for the breakdown. But a little time passes, and a quarrel may arise again ... It's just some kind of vicious circle turns out. But, fortunately, it is quite possible to break it!

In order not to make misunderstood tantrums, first accept the fact that you are not infinite, and you need to rest. And for this you need to learn to allocate time for yourself personally. Going to the salon for a haircut, coloring, manicure, massage and other feminine joys is a great opportunity to pamper yourself and go out to people, change the situation. Maybe it will just be a meeting with a friend in a cafe or buying something for yourself. It doesn't matter what you do - the main thing is to do it for yourself! And then, when you have a little rest, think about whether you are planning your day correctly, and are you asking yourself a lot of work? Maybe it's time to stop rushing? Believe me, doing several things at the same time, you do not save time, you just wear yourself out irrationally! Pay attention to this please.

Mom is in a state of deficiency of the internal reserve of forces

It will be about the insufficiency of your internal resources, thanks to which you rejoice every day, charge those around you with your enthusiasm, good mood and enjoy taking care of your little one.

Whatever calm child, but it grows and requires attention: first it's teeth, tummy, then crawling, first steps, and so on. Sleepless nights, maximum attention and anxiety for the health of the crumbs exhaust you, fatigue accumulates, and already because of it you become inattentive, even absent-minded in something. And now you start to fill yourself with bruises and bumps, knocking your toes against furniture corners, trampling your fingers, chopping vegetables, you begin to forget the important things that you planned the day before. Attention becomes not so sharp, and memory becomes “leaky”. By completely unconsciously saving your strength, you infringe on the child in your tenderness, you smile less often, and the people around you also lack your attention. Because of this lack internal reserve you may well become more withdrawn soon. Sad prospect, right? How to fix everything?

A new hobby, a kind of emotional shake-up, will help. It's about about a new hobby (as an option). This can be needlework (knitting, embroidery, scrapbooking, modeling, jewelry making, and so on), learning a foreign language (you don’t even need to go to courses for this - everything can be found on the Internet), you can become an online consultant on a thematic forum. Choosing an occupation to your liking is a matter of your talents and desires. And then you yourself will not notice how it will appear free time in a seemingly completely "crammed" schedule for a new hobby. And who knows, maybe after a while your hobby will become your profession. Believe in yourself, in your strengths - even on maternity leave, you can grow professionally and, doing what you love, get rid of psychological discomfort.

If you have a breakdown

Excessive nervous strain is fraught not only with breakdowns and scandals, it may appear psychosomatic problems that affect health. It can also be problems with pressure, disruption of work gastrointestinal tract, headaches, may decrease sexual attraction to her husband and so on. No wonder they say that all diseases are from the nerves.
And how can you help your nervous system? You know, here in this case can't do without the help of specialists. It is one thing to get enough sleep and calm down, and another thing when there are malfunctions in the body. Don't delay in long box visit to the doctor: the sooner you start therapy, the sooner you will return to your normal state.

Initiative and enthusiasm beyond measure are punishable

When a child is born, a young mother, being in a state of emotional uplift, tries not to leave the baby for a second, postponing for later and “somehow later” such important things for her as eating, good rest, dream. Such refusal or even renunciation will not lead to anything good. Remember, your internal forces are limited, and more than they are - will not be, if they are not replenished. It's like constantly drawing from the source and not giving it the opportunity to recover. Sooner or later you will see the bottom. A month, three months, maybe half a year, maybe a year you will last in non-stop mode, dragging everything on yourself, and then? But the family members around you are already, to put it mildly, accustomed to the fact that you do everything yourself, and your sudden impulse to abandon this may affect the family not the most in the best way. The child will be capricious without you while you are resting - he is used to being always with you. And the husband does not want to sit with the baby - even, thanks to your excessive guardianship, he does not know which side to approach him and where diaper toys are in the house. This is how your plan to restore internal forces can fail, without even starting to be implemented, and the resources of the body, meanwhile, are melting and melting.

And what to do? How to be? There is an exit. If suddenly your situation is similar to the one described above - do not expect an emotional breakdown, act. Start with 30 minutes a day just for yourself. Let it be a cup of coffee or tea, but you have the right to drink it in absolute peace, listening to your favorite music or reading a book. There is such an old, bearded joke, the key phrase of which is the final chord of the mother: “Quiet, sha, I make you a happy mother!” So, start small, gradually bringing these 30 minutes to several hours a day, when you can be your own mistress. And do not say right away that it is unrealistic. The main thing is to want, set a goal and work to achieve it!

And finally

Sitting at home, on maternity leave, very often young mothers “launch” themselves, plunging headlong into everyday life and completely forgetting about themselves, who were once loved. Monotonous everyday life with a small child and a list of housework is not very conducive to growth and development. No, of course, the daily small victories and good luck of the little one are pleasing, you are proud of them with pleasure and tell all your friends and relatives about it. Someone will rejoice with you, someone will just smile, but someone is not interested. But life doesn't stop there, does it?

Children are wonderful, and when they appear in the family, you understand that you have switched to new level of its development. You and your spouse have become parents. And to live with the interests and concerns of the little ones, sharing everything with them - this is wonderful, but life is not limited solely to bottles, rattles and pots, cleaning. Do not be afraid to be interested in something else, in addition to household chores, arrange for yourself periodically emotional and psychological relief and shake-ups. Remember: your family needs you as a happy mother and wife!

Life is full of stresses that we can manage in a controlled way: they lead to personal development. We are looking for how to get out of the challenge situation, and our efforts lead to results. The chain "challenge - reaction - result" is an integral part of development. According to the physiologist Dmitry Zhukov, uncontrolled stress is detrimental to a person, which has three signs: it cannot be predicted, it cannot be avoided, and it is impossible to adapt to it. In other words, the source of stress does not depend on you in any way and you cannot influence it, make it stop.

The first child can create a situation of uncontrollable stress for the mother. She has almost no effect on his cry. Colic, teething and tantrums of 2-3 years of age are practically not amenable to calming and control. When he wakes up and screams again is unknown and also uncontrollable.

We get a different chain: challenge - reaction - lack of adequate and long-term result- again a challenge - a reaction - again the absence of a result. This can lead to a reluctance to react (i.e. comfort the child). scientific language this condition is called "learned helplessness". Its signs are apathy, anhedonia (lack of desire to enjoy the pleasures that are present), unwillingness to improve one's condition, cognitive decline, anxiety and fear.

Many people recognize themselves by imagining the following picture: they really want to sleep, but they can’t sleep from anxiety, that the baby will wake up soon anyway, and again ... Or you are sitting on the couch and feel that you are not even able to get up and water the flowers, because “Why ? Every day is the same."

How to "cure" uncontrollable stress

The mother's body seeks to avoid depression and defends itself from uncontrolled stress itself. He shows "displaced activity" - he invents actions that, in principle, do not affect the cause of stress, but reduce the mother's anxiety. For example, you can fanatically wash the floor or wipe the shelves every day. For a very long time, until sterility, iron clothes. Pounce on food, especially sweets. You can invent some strange rituals, in the expediency of which you sincerely believe, although in a year you will laugh at it. But in a situation of uncontrollable stress, you needed it.

What biased activity are you showing? Is she neurotic? If it does not suit you, think about what useful distracting activities you can replace it with. When I caught myself "rubbing the floors" - I knew with my head that it was useless, but I could not help myself ... The problem went away when I started writing a book. The cleanliness of the floors again ceased to excite me more often than once a week.

Yes, rats, fish, and dogs experience uncontrollable stress, and they also have “displaced activity”. For example, if a tethered rat is electrocuted indiscriminately and has no control over the shocks, it exhibits symptoms of depression. However, if at this moment the rat is allowed to run around the cage or gnaw on a stick, there will be no symptoms of depression. They will also not be there if there is an opportunity to fight with relatives in the cage. In a situation of uncontrolled stress, a person will also increase tension and aggression towards others (for example, husband, mother-in-law). But you and I do not want to become like rats and we can consciously choose a different “displaced activity”.

The most reliable way for a person to overcome uncontrollable stress is to turn it into controllable. To do this, you need to consistently act on each of the three signs of NS. Your task is to remove at least one.

"Avoid": leaving someone for a while with the child. If it’s impossible, we influence “Predict” - to create a daily routine for ourselves and the child and clear rituals for food, walks and sleep. This makes the child's reactions more predictable. “Adapt”: improve maternal skills and replenish the arsenal of ways to calm the child. For example, I had insomnia from anxiety that the child would soon wake up. Then I took him to my bed. When he began to toss and turn, even before screaming, she would put a tit in her mouth. I won myself a good night sleep. This is an example of the impact on the trait "adapt".

I am sure that this example will seem banal to many. Alas: if a woman, due to her youth, lack of education, lack of patterns of maternal behavior, does not know how to calm a child, she will also deal with uncontrolled stress, but in a different way. Her aggression may be directed against the child. A sign of "adapt" is to drink alcohol. The "avoid" sign is to throw the child into literally. But teach a woman to handle uncontrollable stress safely and we'll get healthy family. That is why mother support groups are needed.

Exercise: write down exactly what behavior of the child and when acts on you as uncontrollable stress. Write everything possible options safe actions for each of the three signs of uncontrollable stress in your case.

To maintain adequate self-esteem during a period of uncontrolled stress, it is important to ensure that you perform some kind of ritual every day. Example: Dinner for the husband must be ready and the floors must be washed.

My child regularly prevented me from doing household chores, and this exacerbated my sense of failure as a housewife. I felt much better when I managed to guarantee myself the cleanliness of the house. To do this, I had to put my rebel in a sling on her back, where she often fell asleep peacefully while washing the floor. I felt like I had “beaten” her and regained control of my own life.

You've probably heard the term burnout. This means that the internal supply of energy and strength in a person is depleted over time if it is not replenished. The reason for this may be including nervous strain. If we talk about mom on maternity leave, then the causes of burnout will be lack of sleep, malnutrition, fear for the baby. Here they may well provoke such a burnout. Agree that no one will remove you from the post of mother, which means that now you work 24 hours and you have the most demanding boss - your child. Be honest, do you put off eating to please your baby? Do you also dream about rest and extra 15 minutes in the bathroom? Are you always on guard and ready to act? Keep in mind that at this pace you are confidently moving towards the process of burnout.

I hope that the examples below will be useful to you, as they say: "Forewarned is forearmed."

A state of chronic irritability.

Mom is in a state of deficiency of the internal reserve of forces.

It will be about the insufficiency of your internal resources, thanks to which you enjoy every day, charge those around you with your enthusiasm, good mood and take care of the baby with pleasure.

No matter how calm the child, but he grows and requires attention: first it's teeth, tummy, then crawling, first steps and so on. Sleepless nights, maximum attention and anxiety for the health of the crumbs exhaust you, fatigue accumulates, and already because of it you become inattentive, even absent-minded in something. And now you start to fill yourself with bruises and bumps, knocking your toes against furniture corners, trampling your fingers, chopping vegetables, you begin to forget the important things that you planned the day before. Attention becomes not so sharp, and memory becomes “leaky”. By completely unconsciously saving your strength, you infringe on the child in your tenderness, you smile less often, and the people around you also lack your attention. Because of this lack of internal reserve, you may soon become more withdrawn. Sad prospect, right? How to fix everything?

A new hobby, a kind of emotional shake-up, will help. This is a new hobby (as an option). This can be needlework (knitting, embroidery, scrapbooking, modeling, jewelry making, and so on), learning a foreign language (you don’t even need to go to courses for this - everything can be found on the Internet), you can become an online consultant on a thematic forum. Choosing an occupation to your liking is a matter of your talents and desires. And then you yourself will not notice how free time will appear in a seemingly completely “crammed” schedule for a new hobby. And who knows, maybe after a while your hobby will become your profession. Believe in yourself, in your strengths - even on maternity leave, you can grow professionally and, doing what you love, get rid of psychological discomfort.

If you have a breakdown

Excessive nervous strain is fraught not only with breakdowns and scandals, psychosomatic problems may appear that affect health. These can be problems with pressure, disruption of the gastrointestinal tract, headaches, sexual desire for a husband may decrease, and so on. No wonder they say that all diseases are from the nerves.

And how can you help your nervous system? You know, in this case, you can’t do without the help of specialists. It is one thing to get enough sleep and calm down, and another thing when there are malfunctions in the body. Do not put off a visit to the doctor: the sooner you start therapy, the sooner you will return to your normal state.

Initiative and enthusiasm beyond measure are punishable.

When a child is born, a young mother, being in a state of emotional upsurge, tries not to leave the baby for a second, postponing for later and “somehow later” such important things for her as eating, proper rest, sleep. Such refusal or even renunciation will not lead to anything good. Remember, your internal forces are limited, and more than they are - will not be, if they are not replenished. It's like constantly drawing from the source and not giving it the opportunity to recover. Sooner or later you will see the bottom. A month, three months, maybe half a year, maybe a year you will last in non-stop mode, dragging everything on yourself, and then? But the family members around you are already, to put it mildly, used to the fact that you do everything yourself, and your sudden impulse to abandon this may not affect the family in the best way. The child will be capricious without you while you are resting - he is used to being always with you. And the husband does not want to sit with the baby - even, thanks to your excessive guardianship, he does not know which side to approach him and where diaper toys are in the house. This is how your plan to restore internal forces can fail, without even starting to be implemented, and the resources of the body, meanwhile, are melting and melting.

And finally.

Children are wonderful, and when they appear in the family, you understand that you have moved to a new level of your development. You and your spouse have become parents. And to live with the interests and concerns of the little ones, sharing everything with them - this is wonderful, but life is not limited solely to bottles, rattles and pots, cleaning. Do not be afraid to be interested in something else, in addition to household chores, arrange for yourself periodically emotional and psychological relief and shake-ups. Remember: your family needs you as a happy mother and wife!

Few people are able to withstand a routine existence for three years and still remain a kind, sweet and full of strength person. And it's not just about physical fatigue, although she, of course, plays a role, but also in emotional burnout. It is common to all professionals working with people. And mom is quite a serious profession!

Symptoms of depression and emotional burnout:

weakness, drowsiness;
constantly reduced emotional background;
apathy, indifference to what is happening;
what used to bring joy or pleasure becomes uninteresting;
increased irritability, nervousness;
feeling like a bad mother;
the feeling that you are not coping with your duties, you can’t do anything and you don’t have time.

And now, for the hundred thousandth time, Little Red Riding Hood does not seem to you such an exciting thriller, and every performance in a home puppet theater, where you invariably get the role of a bear, becomes hard labor. And the children, unfortunately, behave terribly, and the husband does not understand anything. You are offended by the whole world and only dream of running away from home ... A familiar situation? Then it's time to understand the causes of this condition.

Causes of depression and emotional burnout

Physical exhaustion. Lack of sleep and malnutrition, which were not able to break you in school years, now immediately make themselves known.
Lack of variety. When every day is like the previous 10 and the next 10 and consists of a cycle of bottles, diapers, cereals and toys, you begin to feel like a hero of Groundhog Day. With only one difference: he could afford to have fun and throw himself off a cliff ...
Impossibility of self-realization. Most likely, the role of an uninterrupted food provider and cleaner is not the limit of your dreams, and therefore the thought that you are losing ground on all other fronts depresses you.
dissatisfaction with their appearance. Even if you have already restored your figure after childbirth, daily makeup, styling, as from a salon, and stilettos are unlikely to have a place in your life. This alone can make you feel discouraged.
Lack of time for yourself. Everyone knows that personal time is necessary for everyone. normal person. And everyone wants to relax, be alone, buy, watch and cook something for themselves. And when you have to devote every minute of your life to someone else (even your beloved baby), sooner or later your nerves can't stand it.
Lack of interlocutors and like-minded people. This is especially hard on mothers who, for one reason or another, are deprived of the company of grandmothers-girlfriends and are forced, while the husband is at work, to communicate only in the language of "Ku-ku" and "Mu-mu".

How not to reach such a life

Set yourself achievable goals. Not "raise a happy and handsome genius", but "feed and put to sleep". Most mothers feel that they are not coping with their tasks, precisely because they choose unattainable, global goals.
Forget about perfectionism. Even if you have a gold medal and a red diploma, remember that becoming an ideal parent who raised perfect child, no one has been able to. Nature does not tolerate perfection, which means that you should not even try to run ahead of the rest of the planet. Something will have to be sacrificed: not looking perfect, not washing the dishes every time after eating, or not always fulfilling the wishes of the baby.
Don't expect gratitude. You should not sacrifice your health and nerves, so that later you can reproach your child with the words "But I put my whole life on you." He doesn't have to be grateful. And even for porridge in the morning is not obliged to say "thank you." Just do what you do. In the end, which of you wanted whom?
Communicate with the child for pleasure, and not on duty. It’s better to play with the baby for 30 minutes what you like than to spend 2 hours on another developmental activity that is not interesting to you simply because “everywhere they write about it.”
Don't focus on others. And both on other children and on their parents. Your baby is unique. And maybe he does not quote Pushkin like a girl from the fifth floor, but, unlike her, he knows what a pot is. And no other mother can be an absolute example for you, because she has her own child, and you have yours.
Do not overload yourself and the baby. Of course, early development is a good thing, but everything should be in moderation. Developing activities (both at home and in groups) take a lot of time and effort from both children and parents. Choose short games, because children are still not able to keep their attention on one thing for a long time. Sculpt for 10 minutes, draw for 5, sing one song. Or you can generally rattle pots: this, by the way, also develops hearing and coordination.
Distribute responsibilities. Of course, you want to be a super mom who worked out with the children, and went to fitness, and painted her nails, and cooked borscht for the whole family, but it’s unlikely that you will be able to do all this well. If you don’t have enough time and energy for everything, a grandmother may well take a walk with the little ones, and her husband, instead of borscht, will eat purchased dumplings or ordered to take home a couple of times a week Chinese food. And, I must say, it won’t even get poisoned!
Set aside at least an hour a day for yourself and your business. Let it be anything from a warm bath to watching your favorite series. Yes, dad is tired at work, but rest is a change of activity, right?
Loosen control. If you can calmly drink coffee only when the little one is stomping around the apartment in daddy's shoes, scattering toys or tearing up newspapers, let him. In the end, removing the consequences of the game is not so difficult, but both of you will become a little happier.
Don't be a recluse. Of course, your mother and grandmother are sure that you should not even take a child with you to the store until the age of 3, but we know that if the regime and safety precautions are followed, a trip to the zoo or a visit will not harm a single crumb. As for distant travels, this is a controversial issue, it all depends on the characteristics of the baby. Some children have a hard time with the road and transport, and some do not care.
Spend 2 hours a week without a child. Let this become a good tradition: for example, on weekends, while the baby is sleeping, dad, grandmother or nanny looks after him. And at this time you meet with friends, go to salons and shops, or just read a book in the park, having a snack milk shake cake.
go in for sports- this is the best remedy from depression. Physical exercise(especially outdoors) invigorate, improve mood and increase immunity.
Don't forget self-realization. Be sure to find yourself a hobby or a small remote work: this will allow you to feel not only a mother, but also a full-fledged member of society.
Treat yourself to mini-holidays. It sounds very funny, but for a mother on maternity leave, even buying a new shampoo is an event. So indulge yourself in the pleasure: regularly treat yourself to small purchases and goodies.
Find like-minded people and sympathizers. Whether it's members of the forum for moms, offline friends or relatives: someone should listen to you in difficult times, take pity on you and give you good advice.
Determine your threshold beyond which you are no longer human. And do not bring yourself to such a state. As soon as you feel the approach of a crisis point, drop everything, hand over things and rest.

How to get out of depression

If you didn’t track the right moment and still burned out, the main thing is to admit it. Say to yourself: "Yes, I'm tired of everything, everything annoys me, and I have a right to it." And then everyone possible ways take a vacation: sleep at least 10 hours a day, eat your favorite meals, do your favorite activities, or even break into a trip to change the situation. Of course, this will require the help of loved ones, so talk to them frankly. They certainly don't want you to develop neurotic disorders.