How to deal with a mentally ill person? Why fear does not go away when remission occurs. Nurse required for advanced dementia

First of all, you need to understand that there is no universal formula or phrase that will work in all cases and under all circumstances and which is known to everyone but you. The most important thing is your desire to help.
Very often we do not know what to say to a loved one who has cancer. However, the most important thing is not what we say, but how we listen. It is the ability to listen that is the main key in communicating with your friend or relative. By learning to listen, you will be much better able to help him. To do this, you need to understand why the ability to listen is so important. We will talk about this in the following sections.

However, before moving on to practical listening skills, we must touch on the reaction that the very word "cancer" evokes. At present, the diagnosis of cancer undoubtedly entails both for the patient himself and for his relatives a feeling of isolation from the rest of the world and predestination. Despite the fact that a fairly large number of cancer patients are completely cured, and from year to year the statistics of curability is slowly but steadily increasing, the word "cancer" still, for many reasons, paralyzes a person more than most other diagnoses. That is why this support is especially needed.

Why do we speak and why do we listen?
So, you want to help, but don't know how best to do it. Perhaps, to begin with, it is worth understanding why we speak and listen in general.

1. Conversation as the most convenient way of communication
Of course it's not the only way communication - there are still touches, kisses, laughter, even just silence. However, it is verbal communication that is most effective; it can most clearly convey to us the meaning of all other types of communication, which are also very important.

2. Conversation as a way to reduce stress levels
We can solve a whole range of problems by talking, which is probably what speech is for. We use speech as to explain vital truths to children; and in order to tell each other jokes or just exchange news. However, speech has another purpose - we need it to be listened to. People often just need to talk it out, especially when things aren't going the way they want. And it really helps to at least partially reduce internal stress, "chill out". This means that you can help your sick loved one by learning to listen carefully to what they have to say to you. And this, in turn, means that you can help, even if you do not have ready-made answers to his questions.
The fact is that listening in itself helps. AT next section we will introduce you to the ABC of listening. An interesting study was conducted in the USA, during which a group of people were trained basic techniques hearing. After that, several patients voluntarily decided to meet with people from this group and tell them about their problems. "Listeners" could only nod their heads and say phrases like: "Yes", "I understand", "Yes". The instructions forbade them from asking any questions of patients or discussing their problems. After an hour, most patients were sure that they had been to therapy session and many of them wished to meet these people again and thank them. It is very important to remember that you are not expected to answer questions: you can help by simply listening to all these questions.

3. We are more concerned about what we are silent about
Family and friends of cancer patients often explain their reluctance to discuss their anxieties and fears with them by saying that this can cause anxiety in patients that they did not have before. That is, in this case, the person argues something like this: "If I ask him if he is worried about radiotherapy, then he will begin to worry even if he did not think about it until I asked him. "In fact, this does not happen. This, in particular, was confirmed by the results of studies conducted in the 60s in the UK by psychologists among terminally ill people.Studies have shown that talking with friends and family does not lead to new fears.On the contrary, fear increases if a person does not have the opportunity to talk about it.People who have no one to talk to are more likely to suffer from anxiety and depression.Other research have shown that seriously ill people are faced with the fact that they stop talking to them, and they suffer even more from this.In general, if a person is very worried about something, he is simply unable to talk about something else, or does it through force. Shame is one of the reasons that make a person hide his feelings. Many are ashamed of the manifestations of anxiety and fear. They are really scared, but at the same time they believe that "not should be afraid and therefore ashamed of their own feelings. You can really help a loved one by listening to their fears and talking about them. This will show that you understand and accept his feelings. In turn, this will help him deal with shame and fear, and reassure him that you are always ready to talk to him.
Starting a conversation with a person who has just been told that he has cancer, many feel uncomfortable and confused. That is why now we will talk about what prevents us from communicating productively.

OBSTACLES IN CONVERSATION
There are certain circumstances that prevent you and your sick friend from communicating freely:

Do not worry too much about this: you are always able to find an opportunity to listen and talk to a person close to you without imposing your services on him. In addition, you can usually find out whether a person is inclined to talk with you or not. To do this, you need to master the basic techniques of listening.

HOW TO BECOME A GOOD LISTENER
In general, the art of listening involves communication at two levels - physical and verbal. Usually, failures in communication are explained by ignorance of the simplest rules.
1. Sit right
This is important because you kind of set the tone for the whole conversation. Sit comfortably; try to keep your posture relaxed (even if you actually feel some tension); make it clear to your interlocutor that you want to spend some time with him (for example, take off your coat, jacket or raincoat).
It is necessary that your eyes are at the same level with the eyes of the interlocutor, that is, you need to sit down. If you're visiting a loved one in a hospital room where it's usually hard to find a chair or chair, sit on the edge of the bed.
Try to create as intimate an atmosphere as possible, i.e. don't try to speak in public places. Often communication fails precisely because of the neglect of such simple rules.
Keep a comfortable distance from the person you are talking to. Usually this distance is about half a meter: if you are further away, communication becomes too formal; if closer - a person may feel "squeezed into a corner", especially if he lies in bed and cannot move away. Make sure there are no physical obstacles between you (such as tables, nightstands, etc.). If there is something, you'd better immediately say something like: "You know, it's not very convenient to talk across this table; come on, I'll move it aside for a while."
Look at the interlocutor - when he addresses you or when you address him. It is eye contact that tells the interlocutor that communication is strictly between you. If, at any particularly painful or painful moment, you are simply unable to look at each other, try at least to take the interlocutor by the hand or touch him.

2. Find out if your friend is ready to talk
It is possible that a person close to you today is not in the mood to talk at all; or for some reason he does not want to communicate with you. Or maybe he wants to chat about trifles (for example, about films, about recent events, or about other daily affairs). Try not to be offended by this. Do not insist on a deep conversation, even if you have internally prepared for it. You will help a loved one already by listening carefully to everything that he will say; or just stay with him if he keeps quiet. If you are not sure whether the interlocutor is ready to talk, you can ask: "Do you want us to talk?" It's better than jumping straight into a discussion of deeply personal experiences (like "Tell me how you feel"), especially if the person is tired or just talking to someone else.

3. Show the other person that you are listening
During a conversation, you need to do two things: first, listen to what is being said, and not think about what you need to answer; and secondly, to show the interlocutor that you are listening to him.
To become a good listener, you need to think about what the other person is saying. Do not rehearse your answer at this time: in this case, you are thinking about what the person is likely to say, instead of listening to what he actually says. You should also learn not to interrupt the interlocutor when he speaks. If he says something, wait for a pause and only then start talking yourself.
If your interlocutor interrupts you, saying: "But ...", "I think ...", etc., you should stop and listen to him.

4. Try to get your sick friend or relative to talk
By placing your friend in a conversation, you really help him express what lies on his soul. It is very easy to do this. Try to just nod your head or say something like: "Yes, yes," "I understand," "Really." This is not difficult at all, but it can help in moments of maximum stress.
Try to show that you are listening and hearing the interlocutor. To do this, just repeat 2 or 3 words from his last sentence (a very convenient way to demonstrate that you are listening carefully).
You can also retell what you heard. This will help you understand how well you understood everything, and once again show that you are listening carefully. (In such cases, it is convenient to use constructions like "You mean that", "If I understand you correctly, you think that").

5. Don't Forget About Nonverbal Communication and Silence
If your friend is silent, then this usually indicates that he was thinking about something painful or very intimate. Be silent together. If the situation allows, take his hand and then ask what he thinks. Do not rush it, even if it seems to you that the silence lasts for an eternity.
It happens that you are silent, because you simply "do not know what to say." It must be admitted that there are situations when there is really nothing to say. In such cases, one should not be afraid of silence; it is important to just be with a loved one. Remember that your touch can say much more than any words.
Sometimes communication without the help of words can unexpectedly tell you a lot about the other person. For example, one doctor gave such a case from his practice:
"Once among my patients there was one very unsociable and irritable elderly woman. Try as I might, I could not get her to talk. One day while talking to her, I put my hand next to hers. I did this very carefully, because I was not at all sure that it would help. To my surprise, she immediately grabbed my hand, squeezed it tightly and did not let go until the end of the conversation. The atmosphere of communication changed dramatically and she immediately began to sincerely talk about her fear of the upcoming operation and that she was afraid of becoming a burden on the family. Communication without the help of words in this case contained an invitation to talk. If this woman had not reacted to my gesture, I would have simply removed my hand, and it would not have offended any of us."

6. Don't be afraid to talk about your feelings
You might as well say something like, "It's hard for me to talk about this," "I don't feel like talking about it," or even "I don't know what to say."
By acknowledging the feelings that are quite obvious to both of you (even if they are more yours than your friend), you can thereby lighten the atmosphere and eliminate the feeling of awkwardness that we all experience from time to time. It's very simple and effective way make your communication more sincere.

7. Check how well you understood the interlocutor
If you think you understood the other person correctly, you can show this with phrases like "You must not be thrilled about this" or "I think this made you really angry." Such comments can serve as confirmation that you are able to understand the emotions that your friend is experiencing. If you do not quite understand what he wanted to say, you can ask the question: “How do you feel about this?”, “What do you think about this?”, “How do you feel now?”. Misunderstanding usually arises if you made an assumption that turned out to be wrong. In this case, you can ask the interlocutor to help understand the meaning of what was said (for example, like this: "Please explain what you mean").

8. Don't change the subject
Let your friend say whatever he wants, like how awful he feels. This may upset and unbalance you, but you should make every effort to listen to him. If you are completely unbearable, and you simply cannot bear this conversation, you should say so and offer to return to this topic again another time (for example, you can say: "You know, today it's hard for me to talk about this; let's go back more on that later"). First, you should convince the interlocutor that you understand his interest in this subject, and then find another topic for conversation.

9. Don't rush to give advice.
In general, advice should only be given when asked for. However, we live in a complex world and quite often we do this when no one asks us. Try to resist the temptation to give advice as long as possible, as this will end the dialogue. If you can't help it, try at least, use phrases like: "Do you think it might be worth a try...?" (if you are a born diplomat); or "Odna my girlfriend once tried ...". This is much better than saying: "If I were you, I would..."; because your friend will surely answer you that you are you, and he is he; and that's where your communication will stop.

10. Don't Forget Your Sense of Humor
Many people think that it is impossible to laugh if a person is seriously ill or dying. However, it is humor that helps us cope with fears and fears, because it allows us to reduce the severity of experiences and see things as if from the outside. Humor helps people experience what is otherwise impossible to experience. Remember the most common themes of jokes: cheating spouses, mother-in-law, doctors, drunkenness, drug addiction, sex, war - hardly at least one of these topics can be called funny in itself. However, for centuries, people have been happy to laugh at stories of adultery, although in reality such situations usually cause negative feelings. We usually find it easy to laugh at things we find difficult to deal with. By using humor, we reduce the importance of things that are unpleasant for us.
So, for example, a woman was admitted, who was in her early 40s, when, during the course of treatment, she had to install a catheter in bladder. This woman, while in the hospital, wore a drainage bag as handbag and said that it was necessary to make its design more modern, because it did not fit the style of her clothes. You may find this humor a little strange, but in this case he helped a woman cope with a very unpleasant situation and showed her strength of mind and desire to rise above her own physical ill health.
Humor really helps people difficult situations. Therefore, if your sick friend is trying to joke, you should support him, even if the humor seems rather dark to you. However, it helps keep him going.
All of this does not mean that you should definitely try to cheer him up with funny stories, etc. - most likely, this simply will not work. It's best to follow your friend's sense of humor.
Summing up, we can say that the task of a good listener is to understand as best as possible the feelings experienced by the interlocutor. Of course, it is impossible to achieve a 100% level of understanding; but the closer you try to be, the more successful your communication will be. The stronger your desire to understand your friend's feelings, the more valuable your help will be.

TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOUR FRIEND MEETS
It may be easier for you to communicate if you try to at least partially understand what your friend had to face, what concerns or fears he is worried about. Of course, with any disease, there are dozens, if not hundreds, of reasons for concern; but if the diagnosis is cancer, these fears are even more numerous and more difficult to experience. To make it easier for you to communicate with a sick loved one, we have listed the most common fears.

• Health Threat

As long as we are in good health, the threat of serious illness seems distant and unrealistic to us, so that very few of us give it much thought. When this happens to us, we fall into a state of shock and confusion, and sometimes into a state of anger or despair.
• suspense

Uncertainty is more difficult to bear than any certainty. This is natural, because it is very difficult to live without knowing what is happening to you and what to expect in the near future. You can help your friend by simply talking to them about how painful uncertainty is.
• Ignorance

In the process of diagnosing and treating cancer, many specialists are usually involved in various fields medicine; many surveys and analyzes are carried out. Often, patients lose their bearings in what is happening. You can help by saying that no one is able to understand all the subtleties. In addition, you may be able to answer some of your friend's questions.
• physical symptoms

Although here we mainly discuss psychological symptoms, physical manifestations of the disease, of course, impossible to ignore. On the different stages treatment, your friend may experience various physical symptoms (such as pain or nausea). Don't be embarrassed if your friend wants to discuss their feelings with you.
• Visible manifestations of the treatment process or disease
  Everything said about physical symptoms applies to visible manifestations oncological disease or the process of its treatment, such as, for example, hair loss due to chemotherapy or radiation therapy on the head. You can help a loved one feel more confident. If it's a woman, help her pick out a wig or a pretty scarf.
• Insulation

Any serious illness, including cancer, as if erecting an invisible wall between a sick person and the rest of society. You can reduce this barrier by visiting frequently and reminding your mutual friends to call and visit.
• Fear of death

Remember that you cannot know the answers to all questions; your mission is to listen

All of the above, of course, does not exhaust the whole variety of experiences and fears that have fallen on your friend, but at least gives you some idea about them. All these experiences and fears are absolutely natural; only a situation where there is no one to tell about them can be unnatural: That is why your presence and support acquire such value.

CONCLUSION
Of course, it is very difficult to get used to the idea that someone close to you has cancer. However, you can support him in this situation. Remember that a hands-on approach helps you deal with fear. You can help your friend look at the situation differently. To do this, you just need to listen to what worries him; help to perceive information; - this is the invaluable help that people can provide to each other.

Good evening, dear viewers, on the air of the Soyuz TV channel, the program "Conversations with the priest." Host - Mikhail Kudryavtsev.

Today our guest is the rector of the church in the name of the martyr St. Raisa of Alexandria at the Institute of Pediatric Hematology and Transplantation of St. Petersburg State Medical University, Academician I.P. Pavlova Priest Andrey Bityukov.

I ask you to traditionally bless our viewers.

The blessing of our Lord be with you. I congratulate everyone on the ongoing Holy Days and the upcoming feast of the Epiphany.

Save the Lord, father. Our topic today is "Being close to the sick." Call our studio and ask questions about various illnesses and how to be close to sick relatives, how to help them, pray and be saved.

How to behave around a sick person?

According to the Gospel, a sick person is the most valuable person in our life; the Lord himself looks at us through his eyes. We draw knowledge about this from the parable of the Last Judgment and for us this is a colossal opportunity, what the Lord calls us to - to serve our neighbor and really turn out to be that neighbor who sees someone else's grief and tries to participate in it. Through our help, a sick person understands that he is seen and loved by God.

Many of us live in a situation where we ourselves are healthy, and suddenly the news comes that a neighbor is sick. How to react to it?

Of course, one should not step aside, because in illness a person especially needs the support and participation of other people. You need to ask yourself how I can be useful to this person: my participation and time or my means, acquaintances. One should never be afraid that it will take time, the Lord subsequently gives such joy from doing good, which inspires and helps to live one’s own life. own life. A sick person asks himself many questions “why”, “from what”, and these questions often do not have answers. It is important to understand that the answers will come with time, when the person himself makes some discoveries, but it is very important that at this moment we are there.

- But there are still such cases when a person needs to be left alone?

Of course. If we are talking about the illness of our loved ones, then we have studied them quite well, and, of course, we must show tact and attention, but not justify ourselves by the fact that he himself must decide. It happens that a person feels constrained next to the patient, not always knowing what to talk about, and sometimes it is necessary to be silent together so that very deep thoughts and words can appear from this silence, which usually a person cannot even say to himself. Still, one must be very careful, understand what kind of disease it is and how to help it. Not in the medical part, which doctors should deal with, but in the social, psychological, just human. So that we can come to a sick person with something to inspire him.

Question from a viewer from Stary Oskol: “My father is seriously ill, I myself have a mental illness. It happens, unfortunately, that we break down on each other, this is the worst thing. How can we build relationships right?

Since you already fully understand that these breakdowns, outbursts of annoyance or fatigue do not make the world in the family better, try to prevent them. In communication with loved ones, we feel when this irritation begins to accumulate in us, and, probably, it is worth telling ourselves that I am tired, but I have no right to disturb this unsteady peace in the family. And if you are a Christian, and your father is still little churched, then your self-control and restraint will give more than, say, an offer to read the Gospel. He will see Christianity in action, he will see that it is difficult for you, but you are stronger and more resilient, because you do not endure it alone. Therefore, try, first of all, to take care of yourself and, even if you hear reproaches addressed to you, let these words fall into your heart and melt in it. It happens that a person will not answer, but will accumulate it in his heart, and then sooner or later the accumulated will break through and you can hurt a person painfully. We know that the word hits very hard, and a sick person becomes especially susceptible to any thoughtless word or step.

How do you feel about raising funds to help the seriously ill through social networks. Do you think that sometimes this gives a person false hopes, taking away the time allotted for him to repent?

By the nature of my work, I work with children with leukemia. Many charitable foundations they collect money to help them, and I think it is very right that these people are made public: they talk about them on TV, in various news services, do not neglect information about them. This is an appeal to people for mercy, and it is good a priori. Even if we do not help a specific person, a child, our heart is open to them. If it was not possible to help him, then the funds will be redirected to the treatment of another patient. We cannot guarantee that it is my means that will turn the tide of the disease, but my personal participation in this common cause is much more important. It is good that there are many such funds and that the process of charity is made, in a way, even fashionable: when a person is faced with such information, when sick children are brought to social events when you can see where the funds are spent and how the child becomes more joyful. We cannot sometimes overcome the disease, but to make sure that the child has a ray of happiness is very good.

- Tell me, if a person is in a hospital, in a hospital, how should he behave?

I'll start with the preliminary moments that a person goes through. If hospitalization is planned, the person has time to prepare. You need to take everything you need: and medical documents, and what will help to establish a hospital life. Usually they ask whether to take icons, books to the hospital? Often the stumbling block is pectoral cross from precious metals. When preparing for the hospital, you need to make sure that the cross is the simplest, on a regular string, but you can also explain to the anesthesiologist, resuscitator that the cross should remain with you during the operation. Of course, you need to take with you a prayer book, the Gospel, those books that you wanted to read, but did not have time. In the hospital, you need to find out if there is a temple, a chapel or a prayer room, if a priest comes. The most important thing is that we find ourselves in a ward, that environment that knows nothing about us, so this is a wonderful opportunity to become a little better than we are. Everything that we wanted to do at home, but could not, due to existing relationships, parities, we have the opportunity to do in this new environment. Here the notorious "glass of water" means a lot.

The comfort attribute of a modern ward is often a TV set. We must try to negotiate with the neighbors in the ward so that for some time it will be turned off, because there should be time to pray and read. As for prayer, you can pray in the position that is determined by the situation in the ward. Even when we pray to ourselves, but before the icons, this often raises questions, so we must remember the words of St. Ambrose of Optina that one should never argue about faith. Most often, ward neighbors are people with little church who know about the Church only from news broadcasts. Therefore, we must try, first of all, to destroy this sometimes negative stereotype with our appearance and attitude. so that people can see our Christian faith such as it is: peace, joy, participation in the life of another person, attention to him. We must try to answer the questions as fully as possible, if we are asked them. There are real miracles: when a person, having met a real Christian in the ward, starts with a very negative attitude, and ends with friendliness and the fact that they continue to communicate and sometimes meet already in the temple. We must hope for a miracle.

You need to find out the name of the doctor or doctors and pray for them. While serving in a hospital, I know how much a doctor appreciates the fact that the patient is praying for him.

Question of a TV viewer from Voronezh: “I have a seriously ill relative, can I take on a spiritual or bodily feat for the sake of her healing?”

- Of course, let it be a canon for a sick person, a canon of the Mother of God, which contains separate troparia about a sick person. But try to find out what your relative needs, maybe some things have not been done, maybe she needs to clean the apartment or the presence of a person nearby is required. Here we must follow the path of a reasonable combination of external and internal activities. In the lives of holy people, we see just a colossal feat for the sake of people, although we cannot know for sure about their inner prayer life. Saints Ambrose Optinsky and Seraphim of Sarov, being infirm themselves, carried out a huge feat of prayer, helping people with prayer. So try to strike a balance between prayer and activity. Prayer will help not only your relative, but also give strength to you yourself to come to her to help.

- If friends of a sick person have the opportunity to invite a priest, how to use it?

First, you need to find out the desire to see a priest next to you, since not all patients grow up to this. First you need to surround the patient with personal attention and care. Let him know that we are Christians, we pray for him, including in the Church. But first of all, one must wait for his own desire. Often, unbelieving people perceive the appearance of a priest at their bedside almost fatally. It is necessary to show colossal tact, attention. If we invite a priest, then the main refrain should be that the Lord performs all the sacraments for the healing of the soul and body, and a person is given a colossal impulse for life in abundance, as the Lord himself says. One must understand very clearly that this is not a preparation for death.

When we visit a sick person, is it possible to participate with him in the sacraments of Communion and Unction?

If your close relative is sick for a long time, and you do not have the opportunity to visit the temple, then you need to warn the priest that you also want to confess, take communion and take unction. A person who cares for a seriously ill person needs help himself. Often I give communion to a mother along with her baby, because she has no way to leave. We agree in advance to retire and confess. But if, nevertheless, the caring person has the opportunity to visit the temple himself, to be nourished by spiritual juices, then it is better to do this at a church service.

A question from a TV viewer from Bryansk: “In 2010, I had a severe leg injury, and this went on for three whole years, all this time the people with whom I communicated before the illness did not take part in any way, turned away from me. Now I have recovered, returned to them, but I don’t know how to force myself to treat them the same way?

As far as I understand, these people do not seek to communicate with you. I hope that your closest ones stayed with you in your illness, they did not leave you. This is also the miracle of the disease, all our values, all our environment are trusted to it, and you begin to appreciate people very much, not humanity as a whole, but each one individually. You begin to understand that every person is a gift from God to you.

It seems to me that it is better to excuse these people, since a person who does not have a sad experience of illness often remains deaf to someone else's grief. Therefore, one of the joys and wonders of Christianity is that we always remain understood by our crucified God, that every saint is a deeply unhappy person in everyday life, that Mother of God sees our every tear. I always try to convey to my patients that it is a believer who is always surrounded by people of colossal love and faith, and our veneration of saints is based on this. Therefore, try to find within yourself the words of justification for those people, knowing how a person needs participation in such a situation, you will be able to help them when necessary, and then, probably, reconcile with them and hear the words of forgiveness.

Question from a viewer from Krasnodar: “I ask for your prayers for my wife, the servant of God, Inna. In one year, the parents died, and the wife fell ill, apparently on nervous ground. She has already had several surgeries. We go to church, but she is sick. Maybe we are doing something wrong, please tell us what exactly we should do and how to pray correctly?

- First of all, you need to understand that the death of your parents is a serious shock, but we all know that someday we must see them off this day. mournful way. The fact that the wife is sick has nothing to do with these sad events, because you, as a husband, need to be strong, help your wife, seek treatment, and most importantly, do not be paralyzed by these circumstances. It is not necessary to make a fetish out of illness or a stone that pulls you into depression. We get sick, but the question is how we deal with it. All your strengths as a husband and a man must be realized, the wife must understand that a gentle and attentive husband does everything that is needed. As believers, you must understand that the Lord still gives consolations, sends people, small joys, and you need to cling to them, this is also a gift from God that must be accepted. We all remember the words of Job the Long-suffering that it is unreasonable to accept only bad things from God and reject bad things. The life of every family has both joys and sorrows that unite the family. It is in difficult circumstances that people must understand that they are close and need each other more than ever.

A question from a TV viewer from Perm: “I would like to help people as a nurse with sick people, but sometimes I think that I don’t take on a lot, if I can handle it. What would you advise me in this work, if I decide to become a nurse?

This is a wonderful wish. I think that there are courses at medical schools in your city. If possible, it's good to get additional education, study to be a nurse. As for the practical part, you can look among your elderly neighbors or in in social networks asking for a little help to test yourself before enrollment begins. See what categories of patients - the elderly, children, adolescents, bedridden patients - you are best at. Sick people are very different, each has its own psychotype, with which it is easy for us to communicate or not. The most important thing is to have within yourself a set of counterarguments against the "damned" questions. Literature helps a lot, I can name a number of books that are very useful to read, both for those who care for the sick, and for the sick themselves. These are very understandable books, for example, Evelyn Potter's book "Polyanna", more serious - Paul Young's book "The Cabin". You should always look for additional thoughts, words, a lot of such supporting words are contained in Holy Scripture. In the book of Jesus, the son of Sirach, several whole chapters are devoted to both illness and doctors, and they are very relevant now.

If you suddenly feel that you cannot help the sick for some reason, the acquired medical knowledge will be very useful to you in life. As a person who has medical education, I will tell you that you will greatly expand the scope of your usefulness.

Question from a TV viewer from the Volgograd region: “Is it possible Orthodox doctor apply treatments such as Chinese acupuncture?”

- Unfortunately, I am not an acupuncturist. I think that this should be determined by the attending specialist. If a neurologist practicing classical methods of treatment says that this is necessary as a form of treatment. However, there is a saying that such medicine helps if three conditions are met, and these conditions must be yellow color: This is a yellow doctor, yellow needles and a yellow patient. Some things do not work due to our attitude towards them. If, nevertheless, the inner feeling of a Christian somehow protests against this method, one must listen to oneself. We must remember the words of the Apostle Paul, “everything is lawful to me, but not everything is beneficial,” specifically for me. If there is no this sense of usefulness for me, you need to listen to this.

Question from a viewer: “I know one parishioner who built a church in St. Petersburg, she is already 86 years old, and she is in the hospital, but even the priest does not come to see her. The question is, is it worth having a confessor?”

Of course, I think that during the construction of the church, your friend met more than one priest. It is necessary to find out which of them is closer to her, call him and invite. If, for example, such there is no possibility, then it is necessary to agree in the temple closest to the hospital. But, as I said, you first need to find out about her own desire whether she wants to see the priest herself.

- Please tell us about the specifics of communication with sick children and the elderly.

It's perfect different categories. Children are happy all the time if it is not a particularly severe illness. In the usual department, where children do not lie, they are very mobile, cheerful. Rather, it is even difficult to stop a child in order to confess, to take communion. Of course, when he is seriously ill, he does not get up - the situation is different, you have to be extremely affectionate, attentive. Children with leukemia are different, they are no longer so cheerful. You need to see what surrounds him, his bed, usually this is a display inner world child. Try to listen to children's questions, which are extremely deep and open, hitting the very essence of the problem. We must try in accessible categories, taking into account the level of development and churching, to answer them in such a way that it is clear to both the mother and even to those who are together in the ward.

In communicating with older people, it is also necessary to understand the degree of churching, of course, one must have great respect, one must find out what a person has been living all this time, try to help him understand the past. I had to listen to the reproaches of the person that he ended up in the hospital, and explain that the leg was amputated because he had more smoking experience than working. But by saying this, we do not judge, but we try to show the reality and provide an opportunity for a way out. It is important that communication is not judgment and pulling negative phenomena past, but for a person to understand that a priest is a friend, an assistant with whom one can discuss complex issues of the past, present and future. A man perceives the priest partly as a rival, so you need to be prepared for difficult questions from different areas.

Question from a viewer Sverdlovsk region: “There is an opinion that in a family where there is a seriously ill child, it is necessary to treat the parents themselves, because they have a kind of dependence on the sick child. If so, please explain what this addiction is and how to get rid of it?

- There is no dependency, just long sickness leaves an imprint on the whole family, there is a so-called personality deformation, when a person perceives himself not just as a person, but as a “parent of a sick child”. This must be taken into account, but, of course, there are no special reasons as punishment, punishment. It is good that in large cities there are now psychologists who, together with the priest, help to solve these problems. See who needs whom. If the family is churched, then it’s good that the priest enters this house, if not, you need to advise a good psychologist which will help people not to close themselves from life. Being with a sick person is very limiting for a person, but there are plenty of activities that can be done at home. It is necessary to decide what opportunities are available so that the quality of life meets the aspirations of these people. It is necessary to create conditions in which parents will feel at least a little more comfortable.

The situation is the opposite: often there is such a situation that children are attached to sick parents, and their personal life is postponed until later. How do you assess such a phenomenon?

This is one of the ways to repay debts to our parents, they gave us their lives and health. But the life of a young family goes on, and if it is possible to find a paid nurse or a social hospital, but good quality so that the conditions are suitable or the person is accepted. It is important that there is no feeling that the children want to step back. Being with your neighbor, laying down your life for him does not mean sacrificing yourself in the sense of losing your own life, there may be other ways. If the pain of a neighbor inspires us with its ability to help him, the Lord gives us the opportunity for personal rest, pauses. Acquaintances appear, parents have close people. A “team” of relatives, relatives, friends, a priest, and doctors should be formed around a sick person. A community should be created that helps both the patient and each other, replaces and prays for each other, next to the patient there should not be emptiness. If it's one on one, it's very difficult, so you should try to create this team.

Question of a TV viewer from Saratov: “At the request of a sick friend, I invited a priest to her for confession and communion, but my daughter did not allow him. Now they are rejecting my help, and I don’t know what to do, whether to visit her, it’s even difficult for me for some reason to go to her house.

First, you need to understand the reason. If the impossibility of relations arose because you invited a clergyman, then you must apologize for the fact that you may have rushed things. If it does not depend on you, then you should try not to lose this family. It is the sick person and his immediate environment that should choose for themselves, and we must come to terms with the fact that some of our help will not be accepted, this is normal. Let's try to live for another person, then there will be no resentment and annoyance in us. Probably, for the arrival of a clergyman, one must wait for the desire of not only the patient, but also the closest relatives. It is very important to convey the motives for his arrival, so that relatives do not see anything fatal in this visit.

The question of a TV viewer, transmitted over the Internet: “I suffer multiple sclerosis, my arms and legs failed, but I restored their functions. My question is, have I violated the will of God? should I fight the disease or accept it as it is?

Of course, treatment is necessary. Probably, only very spiritual people perceive the disease exclusively as a spiritual feat. In the Holy Scriptures, we repeatedly see the commands of the Lord to come to sick people with healing. In the Old and New Testaments we see the praise of medical art, and the active coming of the Lord and the apostles to sick people.

Multiple sclerosis is serious disease, and even in order to save your loved ones, you must try to do the maximum recovery activities in order to preserve the functions of the limbs.

The will of God lies in the possibilities. It is possible for a person to be treated, which means that he needs to be treated. The impossibility of treatment for a sick person is so obvious that he clearly understands it. The patient himself can convince others of this, and it will be obvious to them that this is not a capitulation and not a gesture of despair, but a balanced, reasonable position of this person. When a person closes, lowers his hands - this is a consequence of despondency, and this is a very difficult condition.

- What is the meaning of the disease?

Any disease to the glory of God. In any illness, a person grows up to communion with God, feels His presence in his life, fulfills the gospel commandment of “spiritual poverty”, when the Lord Himself fills a person’s whole life, all his infirmities. That is why many saints had illnesses, as a sign that only the grace of God acts in this weak body. To become more sensitive, attentive, to understand how personally I am loved by God, and He wants to give me himself. This is the colossal meaning of the disease. And God forbid every person to find a reason to rejoice, to be surprised, to be a spectator of miracles in his life, as it never was when he was healthy.

- How can a sick person perceive the inconvenience that he delivers to those neighbors whom he loves?

There are two sides to this process. Each of us tries to bother our loved ones as little as possible, and illness puts a person in front of the need to ask. And people prefer to move away, to withdraw, just not to act as petitioners. This is a dangerous moment, because it is one of the manifestations of pride. We cannot refuse the help of people, our illness for loved ones is a signal that they can do something for us. Try to make the disease unite people around you. The thought that we have not managed to create a community around ourselves in our life can be very difficult. It is necessary to ask for help, and if the illness is severe, go beyond the nearest circle in order to get as much human attention as possible.

- Thank you, father, bless our viewers goodbye.

God's help to you in sorrows and illnesses, remember that in any worldly storm there is the Lord, who is waiting for our outstretched hand. May God give us not to miss this amazing, wonderful moment. God bless you.

Program guest: Priest Andrey Bityukov.

Host: Mikhail Kudryavtsev.

Transcription: Yulia Podzolova.

Unfortunately, in our time of complex ecology, frequent nervous stress, a large number temptations around, it is difficult to avoid diseases. Absolutely healthy people can not be. In this article, we will talk with you what to do if such a problem, and sometimes even trouble, has come to your home. How to behave with the patient?

home care

If the patient does not need special treatment, then there is reason to be in stationary conditions hospitals, absolutely not. He better be at home. Tranquility and a homely atmosphere can create favorable influence on the patient's well-being. In this case, attentive care and assistance are needed for the implementation of domestic and physiological needs.

The chief assistant to the attending physician is a person who understands well and knows how to behave with the patient. He must comply clearly and on time with all the prescriptions of the doctor, carry out necessary procedures and manipulation. And such an attitude will help save the patient from grief and worries.

Peace of mind is very important for the patient, because during the illness he becomes extremely vulnerable and sensitive. In no case should you notify a person about the likely deterioration of his condition. Or tell him that something happened to loved ones. One thoughtless word serious harm not only spiritual, but also general condition patient.

Caring for a mentally ill person

How to behave with the patient:

• You need to treat it with love. It's not his fault that he got into trouble.
• A certain distance must be kept. It makes no sense to be offended by his actions and words, he does not specifically commit them. Negative behavior is a symptom of illness.
• You need to behave calmly. The patient must not be yelled at. During the period of exacerbation, he will not be able to understand what you want from him. Your peace of mind will improve mental state sick.
• You need to learn to recognize the symptoms. During times of anger and irritability, communication should be limited. If the patient is closed, you should start a conversation with him. If you have difficulty concentrating, speak in short sentences and with repetitions. Do not support delusional beliefs, but do not enter into open disputes.
• The patient needs to be supported and celebrated even minor successes.
• For mentally ill people, a predictable and peaceful life is very important. You need to keep the routine to which he is accustomed.

If the disease is incurable

How to behave with the patient:

• Don't stop talking to him. Often people do not know how to behave and what to say in such cases. Don't be so shy. Communicate with the patient, despite the fact that you want to sit on the sidelines.
• You need to talk like a person is healthy. In no case do not lisp, and do not speak in a sympathetic tone.
• Talk about what he is interested in, about books, movies and TV shows, about his hobbies.
• If the patient talks about his illness, listen to him.
• If he wants to be quiet, be quiet with him. It happens that there is nothing to say, but a person needs support. Take the patient by the hand, sit next to him and be silent.
• Find out about his desires. Maybe he wants something tasty. Maybe he needs some book or thing that can please and distract him, fulfill his desire.