Should spouses sleep in the same bed: pros and cons. Why do spouses sleep in different beds? Is it necessary for a wife and husband to sleep together?

26.10.2017 2

Sleep together couples became not so long ago. Even in the Victorian era, it was not customary for spouses to sleep in the same bed, as in Russia until the revolution. Usually wives slept separately with their husbands and in peasant houses. In Asia, houses were often divided and are still divided into male and female halves, in Ancient Rome the joint bed was only a place of love pleasures, and it was customary for spouses to sleep in different places.

"Industrial Dream"

Tradition co-sleeping came into the world along with industrialization and with the population moving to cities. Cramped living conditions do not always allow you to “walk around” and put two beds in the apartment. The social factor also played a role - the tradition of co-sleeping established over the 20th century led to the emergence of a stereotype that if spouses sleep separately, then something is wrong in their marriage. But is it?

Just for sex

Seriously talking about co-sleeping spouses is not the best of the benefits of modern civilization in 2009. This year at the British Science Festival, which in popularity can be compared to the scientific "Oscar" University of Surrey sleep researcher Neil Stanley made a presentation, the main thesis of which was that "sleeping with someone" is good only in the sense of "studying sex”, everything else is pathology.

The scientist himself admitted that for many years he had been sleeping with his wife in different beds and wished the same for everyone.

“Sleep is a selfish pursuit. It does not need to be shared with anyone, ”Stanley concluded. "Isn't it better to tiptoe down the hallway to the beloved you want than to snore and kick her all night?" - Stanley asked the scientists who came to the conference. The scientists thought.

Hotbed of tension

According to sociology professor Paul Rosenblatt, author of the book Two in a Bed. social system couples who sleep in the same bed, the bedroom often becomes a “hotbed of tension”, where disputes and quarrels regularly flare up between husband and wife, and joint sleep may not be as harmless as it is commonly thought.

So, for example, spouses argue and swear over whether it is allowed to let pets into their bed, or because someone in bed smokes, snores, watches TV, kicks, pulls the blanket over himself, rustles newspaper, or does not turn off mobile phone. They argue about how long to set the alarm.

Opponents of co-sleeping spouses really have a lot of arguments. Firstly, the already mentioned snoring is often the reason that spouses do not get enough sleep, walk nervously and eventually get divorced. Snoring even reduces libido.

The researchers calculated that one partner's restless behavior robs the other of an average of 49 minutes of sleep each night. As a result, deprived good rest a person becomes nervous, works poorly, quarrels more often, reduces sexual activity, that leads to devastating consequences for marriage.

For sleep

Separate sleep gives spouses the opportunity to sleep better, it is able to renew and diversify sexual relations. According to surveys of psychologists, many couples note that since they began to sleep separately, they have become more interested in sex. bad dream- the reason is not only bad mood and a decrease in vital activity, but also hormonal imbalance, nightly trips to the refrigerator and weight gain. Sleeping apart could reverse this trend. Finally, many people simply need personal space, and when they are constantly harassed at night, pulling off their blankets and pushing them to the edge, this is not the most the best way affects the general condition.

"Isn't it better to tiptoe down the hallway to the beloved you want than to snore and kick her all night?" - Dr. Stanley asked the scientists who came to the conference. The scientists thought.

How was it accepted?

In fairness, we must admit that married couples began to sleep together not so long ago. Even in the Victorian era, it was not customary for spouses to sleep in the same bed, as in Russia until the revolution. Usually wives slept separately with their husbands and in peasant houses. In Asia, houses were often divided and are still divided into male and female halves; in ancient Rome, a joint bed was only a place of love comforts, and it was customary for spouses to sleep in different places.
The tradition of co-sleeping came into the world along with industrialization and with the movement of the population to cities.
Cramped living conditions do not always allow you to “walk around” and put two beds in the apartment. The social factor also played a role - the tradition of co-sleeping established over the 20th century led to the emergence of a stereotype that if spouses sleep separately, then something is wrong in their marriage. But is it?
Why was the question raised? They seriously started talking about the fact that the joint sleep of the spouses is not the best of the benefits of modern civilization in 2009. This year at the British Science Festival, which in popularity can be compared to the scientific "Oscar" University of Surrey sleep researcher Neil Stanley made a presentation, the main thesis of which was that "sleeping with someone" is good only in the sense of "studying sex”, everything else is pathology.
The scientist himself admitted that for many years he had been sleeping with his wife in different beds and wished the same for everyone.
“Sleep is a selfish pursuit. It does not need to be shared with anyone, ”Stanley concluded. "Isn't it better to tiptoe down the hallway to the beloved you want than to snore and kick her all night?" - Stanley asked the scientists who came to the conference. The scientists thought.

According to sociology professor Paul Rosenblatt, author of the book Two in a Bed. The social system of couples who sleep in the same bed, the bedroom often becomes a "hotbed of tension", where disputes and quarrels regularly flare up between husband and wife, and joint sleep may not be as harmless as it is commonly thought.
So, for example, spouses argue and swear over whether it is allowed to let pets into their bed, or because someone in bed smokes, snores, watches TV, kicks, pulls the blanket over himself, rustles newspaper, or does not turn off the mobile phone. They argue about how long to set the alarm.
According to the professor, in many cases the problem could be solved simply by moving to different sleeping places. “But people have a stereotype in their heads,” says Rosenblatt. After all, it is believed that it is so natural for spouses to sleep together!
Opponents of co-sleeping spouses really have a lot of arguments. Firstly, the already mentioned snoring is often the reason that spouses do not get enough sleep, walk nervously and eventually get divorced. Snoring even reduces libido.

The researchers calculated that one partner's restless behavior robs the other of an average of 49 minutes of sleep each night. As a result, a person deprived of proper rest becomes nervous, works poorly, quarrels more often, reduces sexual activity, which leads to devastating consequences for marriage.
Separate sleep gives spouses the opportunity to sleep better, it is able to renew and diversify sexual relationships. According to surveys of psychologists, many couples note that since they began to sleep separately, they have become more interested in sex.
Poor sleep is the cause of not only a bad mood and a decrease in vital activity, but also hormonal imbalance, nightly trips to the refrigerator and weight gain. Sleeping apart could reverse this trend.
Finally, many people simply need personal space, and when they are constantly harassed at night, pulling off their blanket and pushing them to the edge, this does not have the best effect on the general condition.

Everything would be fine, but if sleeping separately is so great, why are most couples still in no hurry to go to different beds and bedrooms?
Firstly, until now, not everything is so clear with the advantages of separate sleep. Separation of spouses in different beds or rooms can lead to a breakdown in understanding and sexual attraction.
Joint sleep is one of the most important manifestations of tenderness, trust and love. As the ancient Georgian proverb says, "Lovers will sleep on the edge of an ax."
Second, sleeping in different rooms can be downright dangerous, especially for older couples. One of the spouses can simply become ill, and if no one is nearby, and no one gives medicine or calls ambulance the consequences would be very dire.
Finally, there are reasonable fears that the territorial distance between husband and wife during sleep will sooner or later lead to the idea that without a partner you can not only get good sleep, but also live without him in principle.
Source: What's the best way to sleep? Together or separately © Russian Seven russian7.ru

Sexologists

To sleep or not to sleep together is a matter of habit, - says St. Petersburg's leading sex therapist, Dr. medical sciences Boris Alekseev. - Some spouses cannot be separated in bed, they cannot even fall asleep apart. Both human warmth and smells, sometimes perceived subconsciously, are important here. I don't even rule out erotic moments. But others sleep apart. I see a variety of reasons. Feelings can really become dull, adults, wanting something new, scatter to different beds.
Often, in middle-aged men, the lack of potency is caused by boredom and even the memory of past boredom. If the husband and wife always sleep in the same bed, there is an addiction to the body. This negatively affects the desire of a man to possess a woman: it becomes dull, and then it can disappear altogether. Sexual boredom - main reason forty-year-old divorces. But such impotence can be cured almost instantly. A separate bed is enough. However, not all women are ready for such sacrifices. Boris Alekseev says that he often hears the following phrase from his patients: "I like to lie on a man's shoulder." Indeed, Russian women, enduring many inconveniences (one snoring is worth it!), prefer not to let their husbands leave the marital bed at night. Some wives even say that they cannot sleep peacefully if no one is snoring next to them ...

Psychologists

It's all about the mentality, - says psychologist Katerina Boychenko. - Russian people are idealists, so relationships are extremely important for us - tenderness, affection. The snoring of a beloved man for a woman may sound better than any music.
- Beloved woman should at least slightly conceal a mystery, - says psychologist Katerina Boychenko. - Therefore, men resist absolute rapprochement, they always need a distance that preserves the possibility of constant movement towards dear person. A woman should be an eternal UFO - an unknown beloved object.
Separate bedrooms, according to sexologists, will only improve intimate life spouses. In this scenario, even the arrival of a husband in his wife's room will carry a clear sexual connotation.
Source: "MK in St. Petersburg"

Olga Shevtsova, psychologist:
According to scientists, different bedrooms of spouses, or at least different beds (if the living space does not allow different bedrooms), definitely strengthen the marriage between people. The explanation for this is very banal. Many members of the stronger sex, although some women also, suffer from snoring during sleep. And it is not always pleasant for a bed partner to listen to these roulades and sniffs.
Also for a complete and restful sleep, according to scientists, a person definitely needs enough space - it is difficult to sleep and feel rested on 80 centimeters of bed. And if you take into account the habits of a bed partner to pull the blanket over himself in a dream, scatter arms and legs, choose uncomfortable positions, then you can forget about a healthy and complete rest in a team.
And if we take the aesthetic side of the issue, then in the morning we do not always look five plus, all this will be after morning washing and light makeup or shaving, so it is also necessary to save the nerves and health of the second half. Although there are supporters of naturalness and they will definitely say that if he loves, then let him love anyone or anyone. This is all good and wonderful, naturalness and naturalness, but it is more pleasant to love a washed and combed partner, and not a sleepy creature with disheveled hair and a face swollen after sleep.
Proponents of separate sleep also emphasize that this very fact enlivens their intimate life, brings a sense of novelty and intrigue, reminds of the days when everything was just for the first time.
Well, as heavy artillery, supporters of separate sleep in different beds put forward statistics with its harsh and impartial figures. Out of 100 marriages, seven break up just because people are uncomfortable and uncomfortable sleeping together.

Sleeping alone is not safe, especially for older people - the risk increases sudden death in sleep or death as a result heart attack which can occur at night. If there is no one nearby or the partner sleeps in the next bedroom, the person has a risk of simply not surviving this night and not waking up in the morning.
Separation in a dream allegedly leads to separation in real life. A married couple who does not spend much time during the day, and even sleeps in different beds, is on the verge of breaking up due to a lack of mutual attention and love. Hugs in a dream, sleeping on the shoulder of a loved one is also a manifestation of a feeling of love, and those who sleep in different beds deprive themselves of this opportunity, steal their own love from themselves. According to psychologists, the formation of a distance between partners, unnecessary separation can lead to a break in relationships and thoughts that you can perfectly not only sleep, but also live without a partner.
There are, of course, cases when a couple sleeps in different beds or in different bedrooms, or simply not together due to different work schedules or other weighty circumstances beyond their control.
The opinion of doctors in this matter is unequivocal - a healthy adult, whether a man or a woman, for a normal full life You need about 7-8 hours of sleep and rest per day. So much sleep is necessary if you want to be healthy and not nervous. In the case when one of the spouses snores, pulls off the blanket, pushes the other to the edge of the bed or behaves violently in a dream, the second does not gain these same 7-8 hours healthy sleep. And so every night. We draw our own conclusions.

Spouses who chronically do not get enough sleep become nervous, perform their duties poorly at work, constantly swear and sort things out, and, in the end, stop having sex with each other.
If any of the above problem situations observed in your family, maybe you should try sleeping in different beds? What if it helps?
The latest studies of sexologists surprised and dumbfounded at the same time: it turns out that the most ideal and regular love joys are for those couples who sleep separately, in different rooms.
Sleeping together or apart is up to you, but maybe sleeping apart is exactly what can spice up your marriage.
Author: Olga Shevtsova, psychologist

There is a recommendation in Human Design to sleep separately. In your aura, so to speak. When I experimented with this, I had difficult times, the crisis, not up to romance, grabbed everything that could somehow help restore efficiency and performance.

I began to sleep in a separate room. I liked it very much. It is even very romantic to say goodbye and kiss everyone before going to bed, and then meet them and kiss them in the morning, saying hello. Romanticism crept up from where they did not expect.

Couples began to sleep together not so long ago. Even in the Victorian era, it was not customary for spouses to sleep in the same bed, as in Russia until the revolution. Usually wives slept separately with their husbands and in peasant houses. In Asia, houses were often divided and are still divided into male and female halves; in ancient Rome, a joint bed was only a place of love comforts, and it was customary for spouses to sleep in different places.

"Industrial Dream"

The tradition of co-sleeping came into the world along with industrialization and with the movement of the population to cities.

Cramped living conditions do not always allow you to “walk around” and put two beds in the apartment. The social factor also played a role - the tradition of co-sleeping established over the 20th century led to the emergence of a stereotype that if spouses sleep separately, then something is wrong in their marriage. But is it?

Just for sex

They seriously started talking about the fact that the joint sleep of the spouses is not the best of the benefits of modern civilization in 2009. This year at the British Science Festival, which in popularity can be compared to the scientific "Oscar" University of Surrey sleep researcher Neil Stanley made a presentation, the main thesis of which was that "sleeping with someone" is good only in the sense of "studying sex”, everything else is pathology.

The scientist himself admitted that for many years he had been sleeping with his wife in different beds and wished the same for everyone.

“Sleep is a selfish pursuit. It does not need to be shared with anyone, ”Stanley concluded. "Isn't it better to tiptoe down the hallway to the beloved you want than to snore and kick her all night?" – Stanley asked the scientists who came to the conference. The scientists thought.

Hotbed of tension

So, for example, spouses argue and swear over whether it is allowed to let pets into their bed, or because someone in bed smokes, snores, watches TV, kicks, pulls the blanket over himself, rustles newspaper, or does not turn off the mobile phone. They argue about how long to set the alarm.

For sleep

Separate sleep gives spouses the opportunity to sleep better, it is able to renew and diversify sexual relationships. According to surveys of psychologists, many couples note that since they began to sleep separately, they have become more interested in sex.

Poor sleep is the cause of not only a bad mood and a decrease in vital activity, but also hormonal imbalance, nightly trips to the refrigerator and weight gain. Sleeping apart could reverse this trend.

Finally, many people simply need personal space, and when they are constantly harassed at night, pulling off their blanket and pushing them to the edge, this does not have the best effect on the general condition.

Should spouses share the marriage bed, not only during the performance of marital duties, but also during sleep? Or is it better to go to different bedrooms? British scientists argue that co-sleeping in no way contributes to strengthening marriage. They believe that those who complain about the opposite are simply victims of stereotypes. But many psychologists say that a separate dream is a step towards a separate life. So which one is right?

A bit of history

It is worth noting that the joint dream of husband and wife began to be practiced not so long ago - during the period of industrialization. Previously, married men and women had separate bedrooms. Couples were reunited on a bed only for sexual pleasures. The rest of the time, each of the spouses spent in their personal space. In Asia today, some houses are divided into male and female halves.

As soon as the population began to move to cities, to high-rise buildings, where they had apartments with a limited area at their disposal, the joint dream of husband and wife began to be considered generally accepted. Indeed, in cramped living conditions, there was no place for a second bedroom, or at least a bed. The 20th century is a time when the separate sleep of a husband and wife is considered a sign of problems in the family. The society generally negatively meets the news that a married couple has separate bedrooms.

It wasn't until 2009 at the British Science Festival that the question was raised by scientist Neil Stanley. He argued that sleep is too selfish an occupation that should not be shared with anyone. The scientist admitted that he and his wife have long had separate bedrooms.

Sleeping Together: All the Arguments Against

Sociology professor Paul Rosenblatt writes in his thematic book that the joint sleep of spouses becomes a hotbed of scandals and mutual recriminations. For example, the snoring of one of them can get on the nerves of the other. It has long been proven that snoring significantly reduces libido, causes chronic lack of sleep husband or wife and may eventually lead to divorce.

One spouse may prefer to smoke in bed or let pets in, while the other may be opposed to all this. If one of the sleepers behaves restlessly during sleep, then he “steals” from the other as much as 49 minutes of rest every night. Poor sleep is the cause of decreased work capacity, bad mood, hormonal imbalance. In addition, if the spouses sleep separately, then they have no complaints about the fact that one pulls off the blanket from the other, kicks and tosses and turns.

Several benefits of separate sleep:

A person who is not kicked, pushed, or pushed to the edge during the night wakes up happier in the morning. This circumstance positively affects all areas of his life. If the husband and wife sleep together, then a full-fledged uninterrupted sleep does not work, because at night each of the spouses wakes up due to the influence of the other at least six times.
A well-rested and full of strength person looks more sexy and attractive. When a partner strongly squeezes the other in his arms or makes any loud sounds while sleeping, then talk about good sleep do not have to.
Voluntary sex. Usually, when spouses go to bed in the evening, they have sex before going to bed. But one of the partners may not be in the mood today. However, he is forced to fulfill his marital duty. If they slept separately, then making love would not look like a duty, but would bring more joy.
Less quarrels. Interrupted sleep or insomnia adversely affects emotional state person. Only uninterrupted sleep will help solve this problem. And it is possible only in a separate bed. Thus, rested spouses are less willing to sort things out and quarrel during the day.
A number of inconveniences disappear: watching TV at night by one of the spouses is no longer a problem for the other, problems with different schedules for going to bed and waking up in the morning are being solved.

Spouses who do not sleep together are more likely to keep their love. Indeed, during sleep, a partner can not only snore, toss and turn, blow gases and push, but also talk, which becomes real. annoying factor for the second. But that second one will endure all this for a long time in the name of love, until one fine day he throws out all the accumulated discontent on the other. Why bring the situation to a boiling point? Wouldn't it be better to go straight to your own bedroom?

Psychologists advise separate sleep as a kind of time-out in a relationship. It is sometimes useful for spouses to miss each other, to refresh their feelings, to return sharpness and a thirst for intimacy to them.

Proponents of separate sleep cite sad statistics as a weighty argument - out of 100 couples, seven break up precisely because of the uncomfortable nightly rest.

Benefits of co-sleeping

Despite so many advantages of sleeping separately, most spouses still sleep together, even if they have the opportunity to have separate bedrooms. What's the matter? Many of them believe that co-sleeping is a manifestation of trust, tenderness and love for their partner. In addition, adherents of the common marriage bed argue that a separate night rest leads to a decrease in sexual desire and a breakdown in understanding.

Women simply want to feel a “strong shoulder” nearby when they prefer to fall asleep in the arms of a partner. Between two people sleeping together, a strong emotional connection, which positively affects relationships throughout the day.

Bioenergy experts say that when one spouse falls ill, the other can transfer healing energy to him during sleep. But this is possible only between those couples in which love and harmony really reign.

Constant separate sleep can lead to the fact that partners will not need each other during the day.

So together or separately?

The answer to this question cannot be unambiguous. If the spouses do not see a problem in going to different bedrooms at night and have the opportunity to provide such conditions, then why not? If the nightly "features" of the partner in no way affect the usefulness of the other's sleep, then there is no need to go to separate beds.

The presence next to the bed of a native and loved one- it's a pledge peace of mind, stabilizing a sense of security. Therefore, you should not lose the opportunity to once again feel secure and calm by refusing to sleep with your partner.

In Asia, houses were often divided and are still divided into male and female halves; in ancient Rome, a joint bed was only a place of love comforts, and it was customary for spouses to sleep in different places. "Industrial sleep" The tradition of co-sleeping came into the world along with industrialization and with the population moving to cities.

Just for c#ksa

The scientist himself admitted that for many years he had been sleeping with his wife in different beds and wished the same for everyone. “Sleep is a selfish pursuit. It does not need to be shared with anyone, ”Stanley concluded. "Isn't it better to tiptoe down the hallway to the beloved you want than to snore and kick her all night?" - Stanley asked the scientists who came to the conference. The scientists thought.

Hotbed of tension

So, for example, spouses argue and swear over whether it is allowed to let pets into their bed, or because someone in bed smokes, snores, watches TV, kicks, pulls the blanket over himself, rustles newspaper, or does not turn off the mobile phone. They argue about how long to set the alarm.

According to the professor, in many cases the problem could be solved simply by moving to different sleeping places. “But people have a stereotype in their heads,” says Rosenblatt. After all, it is believed that it is so natural for spouses to sleep together! Opponents of co-sleeping spouses really have a lot of arguments. Firstly, the already mentioned snoring is often the reason that spouses do not get enough sleep, walk nervously and eventually get divorced. Snoring even reduces libido.

The researchers calculated that one partner's restless behavior robs the other of an average of 49 minutes of sleep each night. As a result, a person deprived of adequate rest becomes nervous, works poorly, quarrels more often, reduces sexual activity, which leads to devastating consequences for marriage.

For sleep