Co-sleeping with a child what. Co-sleeping with a child: when and why is it needed. Intimate life of young parents and joint sleep with a child

The long-awaited miracle has finally appeared in the house! With the arrival of a new resident, everything in the family changes, parents have thousands of questions about the care and upbringing of the baby. The problem of co-sleeping with a child is quite relevant. Most babies prefer to sleep with their parents, expressing dissatisfaction when they are put in the bassinet. They act up, cry and in other ways (depending on age) protest. But there are those who come to terms with the will of their parents and get used to sleeping separately. Some babies sleep in their crib after a week, others take months to get used to, and sometimes it is not possible to accustom to the cradle at all. Is it worth putting the baby to sleep in a separate bed, or should you still give in and take it to your bed?

A bit of history

Looking into the past, you can pay attention to the fact that in the old days (late Middle Ages) the bed was the "property" of the family. Those. it was an item that middle-class people could afford. The poor and the poor did without special facilities for sleeping and plunged into the world of Morpheus on homemade mattresses or lay down directly on the benches. Only very rich people could afford a private bed, and basically there was one bed for the whole family. Naturally, its dimensions corresponded to "needs". Over time, it "grew", richly decorated in well-to-do houses and turned into a kind of bed for receiving guests.
It can be assumed that the invention of the baby cradle was simply a necessity, but not to separate the child from the mother, but to separate the child from the rest of the family, and in very poor houses, cradles facilitated the work of the mother, who did not need to build a bed all the time from improvised items. The cradles of the poor were homemade from wood and hay.
In the 18th-19th centuries, when cradles had long been known and were in great demand, the first cribs appeared - small analogues of large beds. Being copies of adults, they were decorated with carvings, various figurines and fabrics, according to the fashion of that time. Families who could not afford decorated beds used canopies made of simple materials, as well as dried branches and leaves of plants. Children were placed in a cradle located not far from the mother (nanny, wet nurse).

Pros and cons of co-sleeping

Previously, children were tightly swaddled with ordinary diapers, pulling their arms and legs together. The baby was in this position almost all the time, except when it was opened for a change. With the age of the child, this time increased. Swaddling made it impossible to move the limbs, which helped the baby avoid unnecessary awakenings from his own hands (children of the first months of life involuntarily and randomly move their hands, this also happens during sleep).
Today, swaddling is no longer relevant, and free chaotic hand movements often cause children to wake up, so many modern mothers put their children with them to avoid frequent tiring motion sickness. So far, there are no medical statements about the inappropriateness of co-sleeping, there are only recommendations about the benefits and harms of co-sleeping with parents.
Positive sides:

Peaceful sleep for mother and child. There is no need to get up several times a night to rock the baby, more time is left for sleep, which is very important for a young mother. The feeling of security and calmness in a child when the mother is nearby, and, as a result, the absence of worries has a positive effect on sleep.
The bodily feeling of the mother, both day and night, contributes to the proper development of the nervous system. Direct touches are very important for the child, since he does not yet share the body of his mother and his body. The world is known through sensations, because what the eyes see is not always clear, especially since in a dream the visual perception of the world, for obvious reasons, does not work.
The ability to apply the baby to the chest without getting out of bed. The need for sucking is satisfied, which is especially important at night. A baby who sleeps with mom suckles more often than one who sleeps alone. The child receives more breast milk, the benefits of which need not be discussed.
The child falls asleep easily next to the mother and wakes up less often. A certain regimen and habit is developed to fall asleep with mom. Any, the best lullaby in the cradle will not replace mother's hands, hugs, affection and warmth. And it's even better to fall asleep with mom, listening to a lullaby!
When they sleep together, they are easier to overcome. The first fear appears at about the age of about a year, when the baby realizes that he and his mother are not a single whole. Next come the fear of the dark, certain objects, associations, and so on. The constant presence of the mother gives self-confidence, peace of mind in the world around.
Maintaining lactation for a longer period. Prolactin (the hormone responsible for the production of milk) is produced during night feedings.
Mother's caress is very important, especially for babies with birth injuries, premature babies and those born by caesarean section. Therefore, joint sleep for such children is an additional portion of love and energy that they need so much.

Cons of co-sleeping:

There is an opinion that children who are used to sleeping with their parents are much more attached to their mother than those who are accustomed to the crib. They begin to feel the need for increased attention to themselves, but with age this passes.
Children get used to falling asleep, sleeping and waking up with their parents. For them, it becomes a normal life ritual. And, growing up, they still don’t want to change anything, they strongly protest if they are trying to be “relocated”, even being already at a conscious, fairly adult age.
Sleeping with dad can be dangerous for a child, especially the first six months of life. Unlike the mother, the father does not have an instinct that makes him react to every movement of the baby. Therefore, in this case, when the father sleeps with the baby, it is better to put the child between the wall and the mother.
In some families, when sleeping together with a child, there are problems of an intimate nature. Parents are embarrassed by intimacy next to the baby, they are afraid to wake him up, hurt him, disturb him, etc.

Tips for organizing a child's sleep in a parent's bed

How to teach your baby to sleep in his own crib

Afterword

Every mother wants the best for her baby... She chooses a beautiful bed, decorates it with a canopy... But does her baby need this? Lying alone in a crib and snuggling up to a teddy bear? And who else can you snuggle up to at night, because your mother is not around. Gradually forming a strong attachment to a toy, adults tend to be seen more as a naive childhood whim, and not a sign of lack of attention of a child who is forced to stick to an inanimate piece of matter, replacing his closest person - his mother .. (Jean Ledloff "How to raise a child happy. Principle succession.")

Forget beds. The child can and should be put to bed with the parents (mother). Co-sleeping is the most physiological and natural. We can most clearly see the naturalness of joint sleep in nature, yes, yes, on the most ordinary little animals. Fortunately, animals perfectly feel the instinctive needs of their babies and, moreover, do not hide their actions behind all sorts of logical explanations. Look, in nature, not a single animal drags its cub anywhere, he sleeps, buried in his mother and sucks her milk. Because it is natural, because nature is wise. Why did man create such an absurd structure as a crib? For what?..

Scientific studies have long proven the need for co-sleeping. Take for example the research of William and Martha Serze (parents of eight children, pediatricians with 20 years of experience. Authors of the famous book “Your Child: Everything You Need to Know About Your Child from Birth to Two Years”). As early as 1992, Dr. Sears made observations. A somatically healthy child (Lauren's own daughter, age 3 months) was hung with sensors and put to sleep in her own crib. They took (breast) for feeding, calmed, and again laid in bed. There were 53 cases of respiratory and heart rhythm failures in 6 hours outside the period of contact with the mother (and more than 150 episodes of a drop in blood oxygen levels). Potentially, in a weakened child, they could be dangerous, or simply aggravated. The next night's sleep was with my mother in bed. ZERO failures. Blamed it on a hardware error. Next night "in half". 3 hours in bed, then the father shifted the mother's daughter. While the child was sleeping a meter away from the mother, the registration of failures was clear. (28 registered anomalies). After 15 minutes of being in the mother's bed - ZERO. Perfect heart rate, perfect breathing. In addition, cases of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome is the sudden death of an infant, which cannot be explained either by its previous condition, or subsequent autopsy, or examination of the scene, as a rule, occurs in a dream ..) mainly occur with children sleeping separately from mothers - in cribs or strollers. With children sleeping with their mother, SIDS almost never happens.

Author of the book How to Raise a Happy Child. The principle of continuity” Jean Ledloff spent two and a half years in the depths of the jungles of Latin America, along with the Indians of the Yekuana tribe. So in this tribe, such cases never happen, because children always sleep with their mother and during the day they often carry them in their arms. SIDS is a disease of civilization and separate sleep. Feeling the mother close during sleep gives the child the necessary sense of security, comfort and confidence in the world around him and provides him with a healthy sleep.

Another "indispensable" attribute of motherhood - sleepless nights, as a rule, mothers who sleep with their children are not familiar at all. Joint sleep satisfies both the mental and physiological needs of the child - for food (after all, you can feed the child in a dream, without waking up either mother or child), in mother's touches, and therefore such a child sleeps much calmer.

A child sleeping with parents is easily included in their life rhythm, so there is no need for various rituals of putting the baby to sleep, for example, long motion sickness, etc.

There are many myths and many prejudices about co-sleeping. Many are afraid that they can crush the child during sleep. Surely, caring girlfriends or grandmothers have already told you some scary story about how a mother can crush her baby while sleeping together. Many mothers significantly burden their lives with endless nightly getting up to feed the baby, frightened by such stories. Instinctively, many mothers are drawn to take their baby to them, many sleep very restlessly, constantly checking how the baby sleeps alone in the crib.

But let's try to find the roots of the story of mothers "crushing" their children's breasts!

Consider medieval Europe. Overcrowded cities, most live in poverty... Families are large and continue to grow. Infant and child mortality is very high. In Sweden, up to 20 percent of babies have died. And although most of the deaths were caused by birth complications and diseases (given the general unsanitary condition in which people lived), some children died from "accidents" while sleeping with their parents. Such situations were called "crushing" and there were so many of them that most of the European countries from the 16th to the 18th century passed laws prohibiting children from sleeping with their parents. In fact, the laws were trying to prevent infanticide. When there are a lot of children in the family, and it becomes more and more difficult to feed them with the advent of each new baby, it is very easy to “accidentally” strangle a newborn. (This version of the story has the following source: Neredith F. Small. Our Babies, Ouselves. How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent. New York: Anchor Books, 1998. (Special thanks to Natalia Wilson for the information). Other ( author's note: link, unfortunately not found), the source describes the version that such a deliberate killing of their children was recognized by mothers at confession to priests, and in order to hide such confessions, rumors began to spread that "the child was accidentally crushed in a dream." It was these confessions that were the real basis for the adoption of the laws described above.

The current situation is that there is no proven case of ACCIDENTAL mother suffocating her child with her breast during sleep if the following conditions are met:

Mom is not under any kind of intoxication (drug, alcohol, etc. intoxication)
Mom is mentally healthy
Mom deliberately goes to sleep together (and did not fall asleep, completely exhausted by accident and for the first time next to the child, which indicates a high level of stress and fatigue)

Under these conditions, it is impossible to crush a child with a breast, since the baby’s snub nose (the wings of the nose in infants are designed in such a way that no matter how their mother’s breasts fall on them, they will still have air access), and the corresponding maternal hormones (by nature, a nursing mother is not already designed for deep, unresponsive sleep, it is typical for her to sleep very sensitively, even if the nature of sleep was different before the birth of the child).

It is natural for mother and child to sleep together (and even the sleep of many fathers becomes more sensitive at the time when the baby appears in the family), their hormonal and other physiological processes are designed just for this ... If parents fail to organize a calm and comfortable family sleep together, then , perhaps they should hang out with more successful moms and dads in this regard, since this becomes only a matter of experience.

The myth of the Middle Ages is supported at the moment for various reasons, social, political and emotional (for example, because of the fear of promiscuity between fathers and daughters, protecting the sanctity of the "romantic" union of husband and wife, which is interfered with by children, etc.). Modern statistics show that only mothers who are in a state of alcohol or drug intoxication can crush a child during sleep. With the birth of a child, a mother's sleep becomes very sensitive, and it cannot be otherwise - nature has taken care of all her pets, including a person, giving him this amazing opportunity to sleep with her babies. Listen to what mothers who sleep with their babies say: “Sleeping with a baby is wonderful and convenient”, “I also put my son in my bed for the first six months and jumped up to him every two hours ... but what for? .. then they began to sleep together and it became so great right away”, “I don’t know why, but 9 years ago, when Lucy was born and there were no smart books, I still began to sleep with her, intuitively, I feel that it’s better for everyone.”

Another fear is that a child sleeping with their parents will deprive them of their privacy. Here I would like to advise you to remember your youth, apply your imagination and not limit yourself to one bed (try it on the bedside table, on the chandelier :). If your apartment / house has more than one room, then there are no difficulties at all. Yes, and dad, if he is not completely selfish, would prefer to see a contented mother getting enough sleep, and not a half-asleep creature dreaming of only one thing - sleep !!!

Many are afraid that a child sleeping with their parents will forever settle in their parents' bed. But think, co-sleeping is a normal physiological need for a baby, and like any need, once satisfied, it goes away. herself. In the case of co-sleeping, this usually occurs at the age of 3-6 years, when the so-called. period "I am myself!". And vice versa, there are many examples when a child who did not sleep with his parents suddenly begins to come and ask for his parents' bed. But this is nothing more than a manifestation of the baby's need for joint sleep.

Co-sleeping allows the mother to get enough sleep, promotes the production of breast milk and helps to plant the baby to pee at night. And in the daytime, the crib is also not the most convenient place to put a sleeping child (firstly, because of the high sides, and secondly, many children wake up immediately, one has only to shift them from their hands to the crib). But during the day it is very convenient to lie down on a large bed / sofa with the little one, give the breast and leave the sleeping baby to sleep there.

The child must sleep with the mother. This is how nature intended. After all, more than anything in the world, your baby would like to be close to the closest and dearest creature in the world - his mother, to feel her, trust and walk along the path to this huge new world with her ..

In contact with

A little bit about myself:

For as long as I can remember, nowhere have I slept such a healthy sleep as on my parent's bed. As an adult and visiting my mother, I no-no, and I will take a nap on her pillow. And so much strength comes! Nothing surprising. The strongest bond between people is the bond between parents and children. I notice that my sons often snore sweetly on my bed.

Before the birth of the first child, many, including pediatricians, told me that children should be taught to sleep only in their own crib. This should bring up independence and responsibility. I agreed with them as long as it was theory. After giving birth, the son established his own rules in the house. Listening to him yelling for hours in the cradle and looking at me with blue reproach was beyond my strength. Not more than half an hour later, my son was in a deep sleep on my bed.

What is the child looking for?

Mom is warmer and safer.
The emotional connection did not end with the umbilical cord.
Man, though small, is a social being.
The parental aura protects at the energy level.

My husband, after a night shift, had to carry his son back to the cradle. Over time, I noticed that every night of morning sleep in the family did not exist. The child woke up and woke everyone up. Over time, youth won, and the husband had no choice but to move to another room for several years. Peace reigned in the family.

What did I buy

I noticed that a dream next to my son is somehow healing. It's come

calm;
attitude towards people became more equal;
maternal feelings acquired a conscious depth;
my son and I began to understand each other on a subconscious level without words;
feelings for her husband became more serious.

Yes, yes, through tenderness and love for the child, I realized how strong my attachment to my husband, the father of my son, how much stronger our feelings became.

Two is not a family

It came by accident, all of a sudden. Looking at my men, small and large, who eventually peacefully shared a place next to me, I realized that happiness had settled. There is an age for a child when it is vital for him to be closer to his parents. You can not deprive him of this for the sake of scientific theories and pedagogical fabrications. Everything must obey the laws of nature. This is my firm conviction, as mothers of four sons.

Moms take note!

Hello girls) I didn’t think that the problem of stretch marks would affect me, but I’ll write about it))) But I have nowhere to go, so I’m writing here: How did I get rid of stretch marks after childbirth? I will be very glad if my method helps you too ...

Several years passed, and the son no longer ran in the morning to our bed. He became an "adult", independent. And this does not need to be prevented either. The child has passed to a new stage of his formation as a separate person.

Like a blueprint, this story repeated itself with my other sons.

Is there any harm in co-sleeping?

In my experience, I have not noticed such harm. In theory, it probably is:

you can accidentally hit a child in a dream, crush it with your own weight;
relations between parents can be upset;
selfish notes may appear in the character of the child.

I will say one thing, each family should have its own recipes for the proper upbringing of children, based on traditions, pedagogical experience and a reasonable, attentive attitude towards each other.

We also read:

Shared sleep. View of a pediatrician

There are different opinions about co-sleeping with a baby. Does it affect the development of independence of the child? At what age should a child be weaned from co-sleeping? How to do it? Violetta Kulishova talked to two specialists: pediatrician Zelenikina Natalya Anatolyevna and psychologist, breastfeeding consultant Lapshina Anna. Which opinion to listen to is up to you!

Even during pregnancy, parents buy a beautiful bed for the future baby, bedding, and install a canopy. The sleeping place for the crumbs looks so cute that it doesn’t even occur to me to practice co-sleeping with the baby. Returning home from the maternity hospital, the mother cradles the baby in the evening, and when he falls asleep, she shifts the child to a bed specially prepared for him. Several hours pass and the baby wakes up in the middle of the night screaming. What should a mother do: rock the baby and put it to bed or take it to her and sleep peacefully until morning?

typical story

If we compare the experience of most new mothers, one pattern can be seen. At first, the mother strictly follows the common stereotype that the child should sleep in his own crib. Every time after feeding, when the baby falls asleep, she puts him in the baby's bed. This is repeated day and night. That is, at night, she has to wake up at the first request of the child, feed him, for example, in a chair, and when he falls asleep, put him in a crib, and then lie down in an adult bed herself.

We all know that being a mom is hard work. In addition to taking care of the baby during the day, mountains of dirty and not ironed diapers await her, cleaning the apartment, preparing lunch and dinner ... And if you constantly jump up at night and rock the baby until he falls asleep, the mother herself has no time to sleep. Therefore, gradually the woman begins to practice joint sleep with the child. First, she leaves him with her after morning feeding (after 4-5 in the morning) until she fully wakes up, and then all night.

Today, the question of the possibility of a situation when a child sleeps with parents is decided by adults themselves. However, a few years ago, the answer to it was unequivocal: the baby must sleep alone, otherwise he will be spoiled and it will be difficult to accustom him to his own bed. Therefore, mothers of infants, obeying an inner instinct, left the babies in their bed, but at the same time they experienced great fear and realized that they were doing wrong. Which in turn had a negative impact on their emotional state.

In order not to torment yourself with unreasonable fears, weigh all the pros and cons of co-sleeping. We'll talk about them below. And most importantly - solve this issue in your family, without listening to the advice of "well-wishers" who want to teach you how to live. Every person, baby and family is unique.

Arguments "against" joint sleep of the child and parents

In Soviet times, it was believed that the baby should sleep alone. This was largely facilitated by Benjamin Spock's book "The Child and the Care of Him", approved by pediatricians of that time. It stated that the baby should sleep in his own crib until the age of 6 months, and then he should sleep alone in his own room. This opinion was justified as follows:

parents can crush the baby in a dream;
sleeping with mom in the same bed is unhygienic;
the child will get used to the parent's bed and it will be difficult to teach him to fall asleep on his own;
the baby can get psychologically traumatized if he sees how the parents have sex;
a child in an adult bed interferes with the intimate life of parents;
children sleeping with their parents grow up dependent and insecure, relying on their mother for everything.

You should not be afraid that the mother will “sleep” the baby - this does not happen for two reasons. Firstly, babies are born snub-nosed, that is, their nose has a special structure, which makes it very difficult for him to block access to air with his chest. Secondly, the mother's sleep becomes sensitive - the corresponding hormones are responsible for this. It is worth mentioning that a mother who is intoxicated with alcohol, under the influence of drugs or potent drugs, in a mentally inadequate state, and very tired can crush a child in a dream. In order not to worry about the father, it is preferable to put the child on the side of the mother.

The non-sterility of the parental bed is considered normal for the child. Moreover, it even needs to encounter bacteria in order for the body to develop immunity to them. Of course, we are not talking about a neglected dirty bed. If the child sleeps with the parents, the linen should be changed as often as possible.

Teaching a baby to fall asleep on its own is usually not difficult. Only you need to do this correctly, gently and methodically at the age of 2-3 years. It was then that the children began the period of "I myself!" and they begin to need independence. Quite often, on the contrary, children who were not allowed to sleep with their parents from birth may be capricious in adulthood and ask for an adult bed.

Having sex when the baby is around is really not worth it. He will not be able to understand the essence of this action. Most often, children interpret sex as the aggressive behavior of one parent towards another. However, a child can wake up and get up in a crib or come (if we talk about children after a year) to their parents in the midst of their “love”, even if they sleep in another room. Parents should carefully choose the time and place for intimacy.

If the parents do not limit the area in which you can have sex, the matrimonial bed, the baby in it will not cause them any inconvenience. Mom and dad should remember that there are other places for "it". A child in a parent's bed should serve as a stimulus for the awakening of fantasy. And at the same time, new sensations should appear!

It has long been proven that children who are confident that they are loved grow up happier. A baby who slept with his mother will gain confidence from childhood that in any situation they will understand him and not push him away. And whether he can make decisions on his own depends on the nuances of education.

Pros of co-sleeping with parents

Many of the arguments against co-sleeping have changed sign from minus to plus. Let's complement the positive aspects of sleeping with mom, both for herself and for the baby:

mom gets enough sleep;
the child sleeps;
the baby satisfies the need for the presence of a mother nearby, which is especially acute in the first months of life;
reduces the likelihood of sudden infant death;
mother's lactation increases;
the biorhythms of mother and baby gradually come to unity, also a child who sleeps with mother does not confuse day and night;
when sleeping together, it is easier for a mother to feed a baby or, especially if everything is prepared in advance and is at hand.

Comments on the above "pluses" are unnecessary.

How to make a choice?

The above arguments "for" and "against" the joint sleep of parents and children are given as general educational material. In fact, the whole family should decide who and where will sleep after the birth of the child. That is, not mom alone, after weighing all the arguments, but together with dad. His opinion must be taken into account. Otherwise, ignoring him once or twice, mom will always have to decide everything on her own, and in this case there will be nothing to be offended by her husband.

The main purpose of sleep is to sleep and gain strength, and this applies to the whole family: mom, dad, child and other children. If dad cannot sleep all night in the same bed with the baby, being afraid to crush him, you should abandon the idea of sleeping together. As an alternative to co-sleeping, you can move the baby crib to the adult and lower its front partition. Thus, it turns out that the baby sleeps in a separate bed, but at the same time next to her mother. Later it will be easier to teach him to sleep separately.

If the family lives in a one-room apartment, it is worth taking care of the normal sleep of other children. They may be disturbed by a newborn who cries at night when he wakes up alone in his crib. In this case, it is better for mom to take him to sleep with her.

How to teach a child to sleep separately? This question worries parents who have practiced co-sleeping with their child. It is worth making them happy: most often the baby begins to sleep on his own by 2.5-3 years. At this age, the child wants to have his own "mink" - a soft and warm bed. Parents just need to teach the baby to fall asleep correctly.

The most important thing is to act methodically and confidently. In no case should you put pressure on the child and forcibly send him to bed. To teach the baby to sleep separately, try to persuade him and explain why this is necessary. At the age of 3, children are able to listen and hear their parents. Only the level of explanation should be accessible to the child.

A great idea on how to teach your baby to fall asleep on their own is to come up with an evening ritual of going to bed. The child changes into his favorite pajamas, brushes his teeth and goes to bed under a soft blanket. Just like that, only older children are able to fall asleep on their own. Toddlers over the age of 3, as a rule, are waiting for a fairy tale or a song.

Teaching a child to sleep on his own all night is not an easy task. First you have to teach him to at least fit and fall asleep in his own bed without any problems. It often happens that a child is afraid to sleep alone and therefore, waking up at night, he comes to mom and dad. It is impossible to drive a baby or scold! It is better to praise when he sleeps on his own in a baby bed all night.

Sleeping next to a child is a great happiness. When, waking up at night, you hear his measured breathing or a barely audible sniff, you feel truly happy. Teaching a baby to sleep alone is not very difficult. The most important thing is to teach him to fall asleep on his own and make it clear that if he suddenly becomes sad or has a terrible dream, the baby will always be able to come to the parent's bedroom, because mom is nearby!

Young mothers are reading a book by Pamela Druckerman "French children don't spit food." It gives advice on how to raise an obedient child without punishment ... Including it is said that parents do not need to sleep with their child.

So is it worth it or not to take the baby to the parent's bed? A psychologist and mothers of many children share their opinions.

Co-sleeping as natural bonding

Anna Pishcheleva, mother of five children:

Co-sleeping is just sleeping with a baby. There is nothing terrible or unusual about this. he lived for nine months inside his mother, now he is outside, the closer to his mother, the more comfortable he is. The baby usually falls asleep at the breast. At night, he wakes up to eat - some once, some twice, and some many times. It is so convenient to feed the child without getting up, almost without waking up!

Fumble for a clean diaper on the nightstand by the bed and change it, and throw the wet one into the container, which is right there by the bed. If the baby is in a diaper, then even easier. Neither colic nor night terrors attack the baby in the parent's bed. No need for a night light and a teddy bear - these sad companions of orphanhood with living parents. There is no need to listen through a dream, jump up, rock to sleep ...

And waking up in the morning! When the baby stretches, turns to his mother, strokes his face, laughs, then climbs on his father like a mountain and rolls down to the wall like into a cave! And dad, without opening his eyes, catches a small heel or a pen, tickles his belly! Life is Beautiful!

There is one "but" - the interests of the child should not infringe on the interests of the pope. Dad at night also needs mom's attention. Dad will get used to sleeping with the baby, but not to mother's coldness. This needs to be taken care of.

In order not to sleep in cramped conditions, I put the baby crib close to ours. This gave the child (!) the opportunity to move away from me to his own territory for a calmer and deeper sleep, when it became his age. At an earlier age, the baby could be laid in his bed, and then move away quietly on his own and sleep more freely for a while.

I have not yet encountered the problem of weaning from the parent's bed. The child ceases to need such close contact by the age of two, and by three it is completely separated. At this time, mom can have a new baby - this speeds up the process of separation in a natural way.

Just don’t expel with the words “now you are big, and I have another small one!” This will backfire. And if you show patience, then the child will gradually understand the advantages of his own territory. This becomes important to him with age - a separate space. If only parents were available!

In the evening, it is enough to put the baby to bed with a fairy tale and a song, sitting next to him, hugging him. And in the morning he can move to his mother under the flank. A couple of times my husband and I woke up surrounded by three children. It's funny.

Sometimes an already separated child needs a mother at night. Denying this, locking the door, forbidding entry is cruel! I recently read an American book on child psychology. Horror! In several places, the theme of night fears, wet sheets, the struggle for the lights turned on at night, night vigils under the door of the parent's bedroom surfaced there ... What wildness!

A baby locked in a crib with high bars on all sides - wildness! A bear that a baby hugs instead of a mother and with whom he shares secrets and sorrows, becoming older - wildness! This bear is the forerunner of forcing and tulpa. Isn't it scary? It is not scary that the baby will experience alienation, will be rejected, lonely and will begin to seek substitution and compensation in inanimate objects.

Rather than fight for separate sleep, and then deal with its consequences, it is easier to relax and enjoy the warm sniffing baby next to you. In short, co-sleeping is pleasant, peaceful and comfortable, good for the health of the child and the development of natural affection.

Running towards a screaming baby is hard

Anna Sinyakova, mother of six children:

What to say about sleeping in a parent's bed ... Everyone is different. It is enough for one to eat in the evening and in the morning, Masha was such a baby for me. She somehow quickly set herself such a regime. And it could be safely left in the crib. But there are children who wake up many times a night. Then the mother gets very tired - and does not sleep during the day, and does not sleep at night.

Our children slept in another room, and such a screaming baby had to be constantly run to. It was very hard. And with the younger ones, I became wiser and took those who needed to eat at night under my side to sleep.

Then the baby grew up, stopped eating at night and calmly, without any “accustoming”, moved to the nursery.

Grown up children should have their own "mink"

Ekaterina Tevkina, mother of four children:

From my own experience, I can say that at first I have a clear set: to transfer to my crib in order to sleep well. Sometimes several times a night. But at the same time, somewhere by the age of six or seven, the child still accumulates fatigue, and we almost always take him to sleep with us. I just don't have the strength to move to bed.

And then there comes a moment when you make an inner decision: “I’m so uncomfortable, I don’t get enough sleep, the child should go to his bed.” This usually comes about after a year.

At some point, the child must smoothly move into his crib so as not to affect parental relationships.

When the child grows up and he has a new crib, it's time to finally evict him from the parent. The children (I judge by my own) really like that they now have their new sofa, with new bed linen, with their own corner where you can put a picture, put your favorite toy. This is their mink, which they love as their personal space.

Parents can lie down in this mink with a child before going to bed, cuddle, or the child can lie in the parent's bed, and then everyone goes to their "beds".

But if the child finally moved to his bed, this does not mean that under no circumstances will he not sleep with his parents. The child may be frightened at night, feel bad, and so on. In such one-time moments of joint sleep, there is nothing to worry about, they will not spoil you. What are parents for if you can’t come at night and cry that you had a bad dream?

Joint sleep - from parental weakness

Tatyana Zaitseva, mother of eight children:

You take a baby to bed with you - from maternal infirmity. Because if a baby starts crying every half an hour because it hurts, it’s hot, cold, in general, uncomfortable and uncomfortable, then, tired of walking these every half an hour, in the end you put him to sleep next to you. He warms up, calms down, and it’s easier for you to tell him “chi-chi-chi” with your eyes closed, give him breasts, stroke your tummy.

In order not to approach a screaming baby - this is not discussed. Babies do not have whims, if he cries, it means that he feels physiological discomfort. But all the same, even if the baby often ends up in the bed of his parents at night, in the evening you still first put him in his own bed.

When the baby grows up, at nine or ten months, by the year, he already takes up more space and interferes in the parent's bed. One of the main things about a child is that the mother should have a night's sleep. And she can fully sleep without a child, especially such a big one.

In general, all children behave differently. It's always more difficult with a firstborn, you learn everything. He was with us all the time. True, we substituted the crib for an adult, removed one side, and the baby seemed to sleep with us, but also in his crib.

Co-sleeping - the opportunity for mom to sleep

Anna Dikova, mother of seven children:

But what about at night? We all want to sleep. I remember finding myself sleeping sweetly standing by the hot dryer in the bathroom. Yes, in girls we sleep sweetly all night, and now we only dream of peace. Here I have accumulated such useful tips. First, stop whining, now we will learn how to sleep well in the existing conditions. Secondly, we will divide the dream into several parts and be cheerful and cheerful.

Women are so arranged that they can fall asleep at any time, at any time and almost anywhere. You can get enough sleep in parts (like Stirlitz). Feeding lying down is very conducive to this - and they fed, and the back was not tired, and the mother slept for half an hour, and milk is better excreted in a relaxed position.

Moms, just remember, most men can’t get enough sleep like that - this is physiology, and they don’t take offense at it. Dad needs to work and try to get enough sleep at night - I don’t know how here, because my husband courageously shared sleepless nights with me.

And now the important thing. Let's sleep together! We did it with our fourth child. Since then, we sleep at night (of course, when no one is sick). It is best to put a crib close to the parent's side on the mother's side. You need to remove that wall of the crib that separates you, and you get a common surface. A child woke up - fed - we sleep on.

Sometimes you have to get up and shake, take it easy. A necessary addition - do not be angry, take it for granted that the child controls the presence of his mother at night. Woke up - I'm here - love - sleep. Such a mother's lifestyle.

Bonus - he'll get used to it! At first, he will wake up less often, and after six months, when he sees you sleeping at 6 in the morning, he will take a nap next to you and sleep until you wake up - it’s checked, the children catch their mother’s biorhythms.

And they say that you can crush a child in a dream? I think that such cases are more related to the well-known syndrome of sudden infant death. Only a dead drunk mother can crush her child in her sleep. But a mother who is mortally tired from lack of sleep really poses a serious danger, as she can even reach a mental breakdown.

But how then to wean from the parent's bed, from indiscriminate feeding, from hands? Please remember that you are not training a dog. Your child is growing. For starters, he will stop constantly eating - there are too many interesting things around. You also run after him with a spoon, not without reason one of the questions is how to make sure that children do not spit food. This is where you establish a comfortable and scientific diet.

Then he gets off his hands - all for the same reason. True, our beloved children will resort to our hands for a long time - up to gray hair, I hope. He will also learn to speak (sometimes even too much) and understand words - it will be possible to explain to him that now he sleeps separately.

Co-sleeping with a child or not - each family chooses

Anna Rautkina, psychologist-consultant of the Moscow Service for Psychological Assistance to the Population of Moscow:

There is not and cannot be a clear answer to this question. It is very important not to forget that all children are different in temperament and character. And parents are different, and family structures are also different for everyone. This is an important postulate. “And what’s good for a Russian is death for a German…”

There are many opinions on the Internet regarding the joint and separate sleep of the child and parents. And here we must remember that the main task of sleep is rest and restoration of the body. If parents and the child get enough sleep, then the dream that is accepted in their family (joint or separate) is the right one, it fulfills its function.

The only important aspect is that not only mom, but also dad should decide how the child will sleep. And taking into account the opinion of the pope is important not only regarding sleep, but also in other topics of the upbringing and development of the child. After all, when making a decision alone, we ourselves often push the spouses to the background, and then complain that the contact between them is broken.

Both with co-sleeping and when the child sleeps separately, there are pros and cons.

For example, when sleeping together, one of the significant disadvantages is possible violations in marital relations. And it is often the dads who complain about this, whose opinions were not heard, and who suffer from the impossibility of close (at the moment I don’t even mean intimate) contact with their wife.

When the child sleeps separately, the minus that the parents themselves name is the need to get up to the child. There is no way to feed the baby in a nap, as mothers usually do when they sleep together.

Attachment between mother and child is formed through tactile contact: both during breastfeeding and during joint sleep - and this has a very beneficial effect on the baby. And many perinatal psychologists are in favor of co-sleeping.

There are many pluses and minuses in both situations, and I repeat, each family should make decisions based on their capabilities, traditions, and joint decisions. And, of course, from the characteristics of the child himself.

The meaning of sleep is to relax, gain strength for the next day.

If dad and mom are comfortable sleeping with a child in the same bed, if they get enough sleep, if other children are happy (in a one-room apartment, a baby screaming at night, who needs to be approached, wakes everyone up) - then the variant of this family is a joint dream.

If the family does not get enough sleep in such a situation, if the father, for example, cannot fall asleep all night, fearing to crush the child, then this option is not very suitable for specific people.

Important!

Take care of your child's safety

Here's what to do before putting your baby to sleep in the same bed as you:

Make sure your mattress is firm: the child may suffocate or overheat if he sleeps on a mattress that is too soft. If your bed has a frame, headboard, or is pushed up against a wall, make sure the mattress fits snugly against them so your little one doesn't fall between them and the mattress. This risk exists, especially if your baby is between 3 and 10 months old.
The bed should be light, there should not be anything superfluous in it: if the baby is less than a year old, use lightweight bedspreads, and there should not be many of them. This will help to avoid the risk of suffocation and overheating of the baby. The biggest risk is in the first three months. Constantly check the sleeping baby - maybe he rolled over, and the blanket covered him with his head.
Never sleep on a couch or water bed with your baby. Don't sleep with your baby on the couch. The child can get stuck between the pillows or between you and the back of the sofa. Beds with water mattresses are too soft, they may have a deep gap near the frame, where the baby can fall through.
The child should be warm, not hot. Dress or swaddle your baby in something light before going to bed: contact with your body can increase its temperature. There is such a rule - if you are comfortable, then, most likely, the baby too. Learn more about how to maintain a safe temperature.
Don't let your baby sleep on a pillow: never put your baby to sleep on a pillow, because he can roll off it or suffocate in its soft folds.
Never let toddlers sleep with older children: you can sleep in the same bed with your baby and older child only if they do not sleep next to each other. Older ones are still too small to be aware of the possible risk, and may lie on the baby in a dream or put a hand on his mouth or head. You or your other half should sleep between children.
Do not leave your baby in bed alone: the child may fall out of bed when you go to the toilet or get up early in the morning. Don't put pillows around your baby if he sleeps alone. Buy a bed rail or move your baby to a safe place, like a carrycot or crib, while you're out of the room.

When is the best time to stop co-sleeping?

To reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), the Department of Health does not recommend co-sleeping if:

Do you or your significant other smoke: it is not known why, but if the baby sleeps in the same bed with a smoker, the risk of SIDS increases.
You or your partner have been drinking alcohol or taking medication: they can affect your memory, you can forget that the baby is in the same bed with you. You may fall asleep too deeply, so that you do not notice that you have laid on the child.
If you are very tired: excessive fatigue or some kind of sleep disorder, such as sleep apnea, can cause you to sleep so deeply that you may not wake up if you lie on a child in your sleep.
Your baby is premature: the risk is higher if your baby was born prematurely or if he was underweight at birth.