Fear of going crazy or losing control over yourself: how to deal with them? Control over the situation is a physiological need of a person

Many people have this problem, although the reasons for its occurrence are different. Sometimes this fear is based on distrust and unconscious repetition of parental behavior, and more often - psychological trauma, like one of my clients (although strictly speaking, trauma is the basis of any pathological behavior). This story I want to tell, it is very instructive, especially for those parents who have two or more children. And maybe someone will remember his story. The main thing to understand is that there is always a reason.

In this story, my heroine controls almost everything, especially her daughter. Actually, she came to me with this problem: her daughter started her studies, and she was very afraid that her daughter would leave school, as she had in her time, go into all serious trouble, and so on. “If I don’t check, something terrible will happen, so I will check everything or do everything myself - it’s more reliable that way.” Of course, it is based on distrust of the mind, memory, responsibility, opportunities, abilities of other people. So to begin with, I gave her a very good technique for independent work.

On the next appointment says with enthusiasm: “My daughter (a teenager) was asked to read a book at school, I immediately got on the Internet, downloaded it electronically to a tablet, so that my daughter had a book (well, as usual). And can you imagine, I tell her that I downloaded the book for her, and she shows the book that she took from the library ... ”My client was both surprised and delighted at the same time by the fact that it turns out that her daughter is quite capable of solving many issues herself, without her participation and control, which is exactly what was required in this situation.

When they began to figure out where she got this fear, the following story came to mind: When Anya was 6 years old, she had a brother. My brother is 3 months old, my mother went to bed with a migraine, put my brother on the sofa, put Anya next to me and strictly ordered me to sit next to him and not take my eyes off him until the feeding time comes - “You’ll wake me up in an hour!” - said the mother. Anya sat out the allotted time, her mother continued to sleep, and the child had to be fed. And now, almost verbatim: I decided not to wake my mother so that she would sleep and not scream at me (screaming, displeasure and irritation were the norm for mom), and went to the kitchen to cook food for him. The brother had not yet rolled over, lay quietly.

I’m in the kitchen, I hear the cry of a child, and while I was fussing to do something with food, my mother flies into the kitchen and slaps me in a big way, shouting: “I told someone not to leave!” well, and many more unpleasant words and moralizing, the essence of which is to control.

The child rolled over and fell off the couch for the first time, cried, mother woke up ... Of course, nothing bad happened to her brother, something bad happened to Anya - she got injured - there was a fear of losing control. Anya did not want to part with her guilt in any way, she continued to consider herself guilty for having moved away, disobeying her mother, that she had to do as she said. Guilt left when I asked to say it simple words: "It's my fault that I'm a child." She burst into tears and said: No, it's not my fault that I'm a child.

Here, once again, I want to draw attention to seemingly obvious things that are rarely taken into account when raising children:
1. You can not shift the responsibility for younger children to the older child. In this situation, the little girl could not have foreseen that the child would roll over and fall off the couch. It was so hard for her to sit whole hour next to the baby. She herself was still a small child.

2. Being a child means, among other things, not knowing something, not being able to, not foreseeing, indulging, making mistakes, doing stupid things, playing and much more. The child is not an adult. And in this situation, the responsibility of an adult was shifted to the girl, and then also the responsibility for what happened.

Another client's fear of losing control of the situation appeared in connection with the rape. The girl was 16 years old, she and her boyfriend were at some kind of outdoor event, something like a demonstration. They came to her house, ate (parents, by the way, were at home), moved to her room, and she, tired, fell asleep. The young man took advantage of this. Parents were already very tough, but here it is ... The young man began to intimidate her, and she for a long time I couldn’t tell my parents, I was afraid to admit it, but when I said (I had to, I got pregnant), in response I heard a lot of nasty things, including: It’s my own fault ...
Fear of relaxing, losing control, guilt, did not let her go. long years She stopped trusting people...

Another story, with a different context, but according to the reaction of the parents - even worse. One of my clients has, among other things, a difficult relationship with his father. They hate each other, you can't say otherwise. One of the stories that left a very heavy mark on Alexander's soul: when he was 10 years old, their whole family went to visit their grandparents in Altai. All relatives gathered at the table, the boy was instructed to look after the younger children (5 and 3 years old), the feast was in full swing, Sasha listened with interest to the stories of adults, when the parents realized: where are the little ones? Someone remembered that he and the local children went to the pumping station, a rather dangerous place for small children. Mom ran to look for the children, and the father became furious and severely beat his eldest son, and kicked him. Resentment remained for life, spoiled relationships, and ... - fear of losing control ...

I don’t want to comment, read, think, realize, remember, there is always a reason ...

Popova I.V. The article is protected by copyright law.

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It stuck in my head: “What if ???” But now you take a step up the ladder, a moment - and your fate is in the hands of a changeable fortune. Turbulence, decompression, crash landing... It's better not to continue this list. At these moments, the stomach shrinks into a ball of fear, and cold and sweaty hands begin to look for no less sweaty hands of a neighbor in the chair. Convinced atheists, according to all the laws of paradox, begin to believe in God and promise him to behave well: if only it would blow over! In general, such a fear can not only spoil your long-awaited vacation, but also significantly complicate your life.

So what are the reasons panic fear flights? And why can't we drown it in ourselves?

Subconscious games

Every year more and more new versions of the ipad, ipod, iphone come out, and our brain - after 20 centuries - has not learned how to update itself. He still thinks that people are not birds and we are not allowed to fly: they say, since we do not have wings, we should not rise into the sky. Such a fear of flying is somewhere deep in our subconscious (on the next shelf with the one where the fear of snakes and spiders is located).

Tip: 50 years ago, sending letters by e-mail also seemed like a miracle. Progress does not stand still, so the fact that we are flying should not be surprised, but rejoiced.

Fear of losing control of the situation

This reason is more characteristic strong half humanity. Many men are afraid to fly because they do not fly the plane, which means they do not control anything. In the event of emergency situations, they do not have to rely on themselves and their strength. Simply put, when you are driving a car, everything depends on you. With an airplane, everything is completely different: a technical malfunction, the pilot lost control ... Here, obviously no one will need your help. Unless they ask you not to be nervous and remain calm.

Tip: on the road, too, not everything depends on you. There is also ice, bad brakes and drunk drivers. And a professional is sitting at the helm, who will surely be able to cope with an emergency situation.

thanatophobia

Are you afraid to suddenly see that same old woman with a scythe? Perhaps you have thanatophobia. That's what uncontrollable fear is called. sudden death. AT this case It's the fear of a plane crash. The difference between thanatophobia and ordinary fear is that it occurs regardless of whether there is a threat to life or not: a person is simply afraid of the unfamiliar. This fear arises for reasons beyond our control.

Tip: thoughts of death greatly spoil life. Enjoy the moment and don't be afraid of what will happen someday later.

Acrophobia

If as a child you recited poetry, standing on a stool, climbed trees with boys or jumped from a bungee, then you can be absolutely sure: aerophobia is not about you. Many people are afraid to fly because obsessive fear heights that haunts them throughout their lives. You start to climb the ladder - your head will spin, and what can we say about flying at a level of several thousand meters above the ground ?!

Tip: settle on a high floor or go to the attraction. It might help you deal with your fear. Then you can fly without problems.

Claustrophobia

The plane, of course, is not an elevator, but the space is also closed. Therefore, if, while boarding, you experience suffocation and discomfort, you were overtaken by fear closed space. Claustrophobia arises from the fear of imprisonment: people with this phobia tend not to be afraid of specific places, but rather what can happen to them if they are in this place.

Tip: if you are experiencing claustrophobia, then you better visit a psychologist. This fear probably prevents you not only from flying on an airplane, but also from riding the subway, using the elevator and being in small rooms.

Fear of terror

Participated in recent times Act of terrorism every now and then they lead to the thought: “What if there is an explosion, arson?” And now, terrible pictures from television reports have already flashed in your head, which, as it were, tell you that it is safer to stay at home.

Advice: unfortunately, we are not insured against a terrorist attack anywhere. And by the way, the airport is far from the most dangerous place in this sense. So don't think bad.

Strong feelings of affection and responsibility

Attachment to loved ones or, more importantly, responsibility for someone ... At such moments, you are especially vulnerable. You worry not so much for yourself as for another person: “What if something happens? What will happen then? As a result, you are afraid to fly.

Advice: it is commendable that you care about people dear to you, but guardianship should not be hypertrophied. And even more so, your good feelings should not prevent you from living a full life.

Fear of natural disasters

Do you know the situation when the whole life flies before your eyes, but in your head you can’t turn off the picture in which the plane is pierced by lightning and it falls to pieces? The most annoying thing is that in this situation you are absolutely powerless. Unless, of course, you are not Perun - the god of thunder and lightning.

Tip: The weather services alert pilots to weather conditions in a timely manner, so the chance that your plane will be in the hurricane zone is negligible. And you probably saw a scary picture in the movie. Maybe you should not watch disaster movies for the coming dream?

Fear of deterioration of health during the flight

You are afraid that during the flight you will suddenly feel unwell, and there will be no pills, no doctor, no hospital nearby.

Tip: the flight, of course, can be a burden on your body, but not so dangerous that it gives a serious failure. If you know about health problems or just want to play it safe, take tests before the flight and consult a doctor.

As strange as it may sound, but the best remedy from aerophobia - these are flights. The more often you fly, the less afraid you are. And, of course, a positive attitude. Think positive, then the flight will go unnoticed!

The feeling of control over the situation is a physiological need, and the loss of control makes you look for order in any available means, including through irrational decisions, according to an article published by American scientists in the journal Science. Scientists have studied the psychology of people who have lost a sense of control over the situation. They asked one group of volunteers to remember situations when they could not control the course of events, such as during a serious accident on the road. The other group was asked to recall times when they felt completely in control, such as when they came to an exam well prepared. The subjects were then shown images that contained either a random set of a large number points, or barely visible images objects "hidden" among the dots. It turned out that people who felt in control of the situation were 95% correct in identifying "hidden" images and distinguishing them from a random set of dots. But volunteers who recalled losing control of the situation saw images of objects in a random set of dots 43% of the time. "People have seen false images, which suggests that the lack of control leads to a physiological need for order, even if it is imaginary," said study leader Jennifer Whitson of the University of Texas, according to MS&L. According to scientists, when people lose control, people often tend to make irrational decisions and actions. This also explains the popularity astrological forecasts during social crises, when people seize every opportunity to establish order and connections. "How less people control the situation, the more likely it is that he will seek order through mental effort. The feeling of control is so important that losing it causes great fear. Despite the fact that perception at this point often becomes erroneous, a person is looking for any semblance of order that satisfies a deep psychological need, "says one of the authors of the study Adam Galinsky (Adam Galinsky) from Northwestern University. Scientists have also found that people are able to regain a sense of control over the situation through mental actions. The researchers asked the subjects what values were meaningful to them beforehand. In a situation of loss of control, some of the volunteers were asked to remember something significant for them, and the other part - about something not significant. It turned out that memories of something insignificant did not affect the situation, and memories of significant things restored a sense of control. In this case, the volunteers' ability to distinguish between "hidden" images and a random set of dots in the pictures was completely restored.

Were you so tired that you were afraid to go crazy, stop managing the situation and yourself? Fear of insanity (lysophobia) is an extreme form of fear of losing control of oneself. But this phobia is rare, more often people are afraid to fall into anger, hysteria, rage and make an irreparable mistake. Or be in a state of helplessness, become a hostage of the situation.

In psychology, control over a situation implies a person's confidence in himself and his safety. In a situation where a person does not feel sufficient control, it arises in a real or imaginary order. So it develops, the desire to make lists, attempts to control other people,.

Fear of losing control anxiety state accompanied by excitement. Surely you had to take exams, and I think you were not always 100% ready. How does an unprepared student feel? . He is afraid of losing control and failing the exam. So a person who is not ready for life is afraid to fail.

The need for order forces one to look for illusory ways of control. This is how a passion for horoscopes, fortune-telling, belief in omens and superstitions, amulets and so on is born.

The need for control and security is primary, physiological need. Every person has it. Therefore, in a crisis situation of social, political or economic instability of society, people are confused and intimidated.

By the way, such consciousness is easier to control. Sometimes for the sake of this, people are intimidated on purpose, broadcasting provocative news in the media. At these moments, you must be sure to remember about the internal. This allows you to maintain rationality and feel control again.

Causes of fear

Fear of losing control is not a problem in itself. This is a kind of panic or or consequence,.

A number of factors influence the development of fear of helplessness:

uncertainty;
increased anxiety;
dependence on the opinions of others;
depressive tendencies;
overload of the nervous system;
a sense of uncertainty about the future;
increased sense of responsibility;
perfectionism;
attempts of total control over the world and oneself;
dissatisfaction with life;
overwhelming and numerous responsibilities.

People who have been subjected to tyranny in childhood, who feel danger, are more susceptible than others panic attacks, anxieties and fears. It is negatively reflected in the conditions of exactingness, increased moral responsibility and expectations. Just as one instance of severe punishment for a mistake, so the systematic conditions of stress in the future form the fear of losing self-control or losing control over the situation.

What causes fear in a child:

alcoholism, fights and scandals of parents (he is not able to control their behavior, he never knows how the next scandal will end);
tough penalties for a forgotten cup or soiled shirt;
requirements to sit with younger brother and punishment for failures (for example, the baby hit).

Fear of losing control is formed after repeated stressful situations. If under some conditions a person experienced great excitement, with difficulty retained self-control, for example, he left with dignity from, then with repeated similar situations internal stress is growing. The individual is afraid that the situation will repeat itself, but he will not be able to cope with it.

Another example - on the street a girl ran into an inadequate tipsy man and miraculously escaped from him. In this case, one event will be enough to form fear. The same goes for car accidents. An accident or skidding of a car that did not end in an accident creates a fear of a repeat of the situation with an unfavorable outcome.

Your own negative experience of losing control is another reason for the fear of losing control. In addition, a phobia develops in a situation of observation (a person saw how someone lost control over himself or the situation).

The fear of losing control is aggravated in a situation of instability, during periods of personality crises, internal or external changes, inexplicable. When a person feels that something has changed inside him, for example, interests change dramatically or because of chronic fatigue memory has noticeably deteriorated, then the fear of further deterioration and total loss self-control is aggravated.

How to get rid

Realize that the fear of losing control is based on distrust of yourself, the world, specific people. In fact we are talking not about fear, but about responsibility, planning, abilities and opportunities. Under what conditions does a person not become a hostage of circumstances:

he is sure of himself;
he has adequate;
he is well aware of his strengths and weaknesses;
a person knows how to overcome;
he knows in which direction he is moving and what;
he has a life plan.

Does this portrait look like you? If not, then determine which item needs to be improved. Start working.

The reason for the fear of losing control - and the consequences of it. Everyone who is afraid of losing control, blames himself for something in the past, has not forgiven a mistake.

If this is your case, then realize the reason for the guilt. Now think, are you really guilty? Probably, in that situation, you did not have the proper knowledge or skills. But now you are experienced and smart. And if not, then acquire the missing skill. So people who are afraid of being attacked go to self-defense courses. And a student who once got into a mess actively broadens his horizons and develops erudition. Now he will enter into controversy with anyone, but will no longer be ridiculed.

It is not always possible to cope with injuries on your own. If rooted in childhood, removing insecurities or boosting self-esteem is a disguise, not a solution. The list of possible psychotraumas is endless. But if you select them common sense, then we are talking about betrayal, loss of trust, humiliation, loneliness, accusations.

To fully get rid of the fear of losing control, you need to contact a psychotherapist, as this is an element of the disorder or a condition that precedes it.

Julia

I'm worried about my state of mind. Constant feeling fatigue which results in anger at the spouse, the eldest child of ten years. Feelings of despair, guilt that I have time to do too little work during the day. When bouts of anger occur, suicidal thoughts instantly appear, I want to kill myself right now. Not very often, about 2-3 times a month auditory hallucinations, as if someone, or rather not someone, but my husband calls me by name. I am afraid of these calls myself. I am also constantly haunted by the feeling that my husband does not appreciate me, does not want to communicate, that he has one goal, to use me as a housekeeper. With all my suspicions and suspiciousness, I am aware that these are just my intrusive thoughts. But when another bout of anger comes, panic, a feeling of hopelessness, a desire to hide and not communicate with anyone, I cannot control myself. I save myself by taking a sedative immediately. Without him, I can't recover. I'm afraid one day I'll lose control of myself. I'm trying to talk to my husband, but he abruptly leaves the conversation, says that I'm a psychopath, that I need to be put in a mental hospital. After these words, a feeling of intense loneliness seizes me, I withdraw into myself, I don’t want to talk to anyone, I cry and leave the house to wander the streets. Fresh air brings me to my senses and I return home. Please advise how I can help myself. About me: 34 years old, married, higher education She gave birth to her second child 10 months ago. I am at home with my children. Before the birth of the child, she was very active, worked a lot. Even when the child was already born, she worked by inertia. Now I don’t have the strength to work, some kind of psychological tightness, although there is an opportunity to work at home. The work is creative, connected with communication with people. There is a fear of interacting with people. I'm afraid of my own voice. Help me please. Sincerely, Julia.

Well, with such an indifferent attitude to your problems ("I'm a psychopath, I need to be put in a mental hospital"), your reproaches to your husband are completely justified. As if, indeed, it did not turn out that he did not sympathize with you at all. And as for your emotional state, it may well be related to postpartum period- Have you heard of "postpartum"? Be sure to contact a competent psychotherapist or psychiatrist, it is better not to rely on the fact that everything will pass by itself. Such conditions are treated very well and are no longer renewed (unless they can provoke another birth). All the best!

Psychotherapist's consultation on the topic "Loss of control over oneself" is given for reference purposes only. Based on the results of the consultation, please consult a doctor, including to identify possible contraindications.

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Psychotherapist, psychiatrist, psychologist-psychoanalyst, candidate medical sciences, associate professor, member of the expert council and presenter of the regular columns of the magazine "Our Psychology", member public organization Russian Society of Psychiatrists.