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How to survive a divorce from your wife: 5 lines of behavior for a man + 7 feelings that he may experience + 15 tips for three scenarios + 10 recommendations from a family psychologist.

There is nothing pleasant in divorce for either men or women.

Even if you were the initiator of the breakup, even if you rejoice at getting rid of this person, then the process of official divorce itself is unpleasant.

But the worst thing is when they leave you. When they don't even ask if you want to save your family or not.

In such cases, many men have to seek advice " How to survive a divorce from your wife?", so as not to go crazy from all these experiences. How to start living after such an unpleasant event?

How to survive a divorce, or do men also have their weaknesses?

From childhood, boys are taught: you are a man, you should not cry, whine, complain, be weak, sentimental, etc.

As a result, there are many men who do not know how to cope with pain when they have to endure or face other personal troubles.

It will be easier if you allow yourself to feel and use those feelings for good.

5 ways a man should behave when divorcing his wife

All people are different, so it is natural that we react differently to unpleasant situations.

Men who have to go through a divorce from their wife are no exception.

There are five main behaviors for a man who has to go through a divorce from his wife:

Negation.

Your wife told you that she wants to leave forever. For you, her decision was a shock that you are trying to deny.

You refuse to come to the registry office on the appointed day, hide from her so as not to sort things out, tell everyone how happy you are in marriage.

That is, you simply do not perceive as a fact that your family is collapsing and, of course, do nothing to save it.

Posturing.

Do you want to go? For God's sake!

Yes, I'll find a dozen like you in a matter of minutes! Yes, I don't need you at all!

To hide his suffering, a man begins to show indifference to divorce with all his might and, naturally, pushes his wife even more away from him.

Aggressiveness.

Upon learning that his marriage is hanging in the balance, the man begins to show aggression towards his wife, her relatives, her new boyfriend, if any.

But people who are completely innocent of his suffering can also become victims of his anger: friends, colleagues, random fellow travelers, etc.

I think it's not worth saying that this is also a road to nowhere if you still want to try to glue the family together.

I am a victim.

The abandoned husband (and this option is typical for abandoned husbands) begins to suffer, and he does this in front of the audience.

Everyone, from a close friend to a random fellow traveler in public transport, a man tells how he suffers, complains about “this bitch that left him”, cries, demands sympathy, asks for advice.

Least dangerous for mental health a variant of behavior during a divorce (although not too pleasant for others), if the period of suffering is not delayed.

Closure.

And this is the most dangerous phase of behavior in a divorce.

A man withdraws into himself, does not want to talk about what happened, stops all attempts of relatives to help, or at least sympathize. He becomes silent, withdrawn, gloomy.

There is only one step from such behavior to a severe form of depression. If you can’t get out of this state yourself, go ahead to. It will help you get through this difficult period.

What can a man feel when divorcing his wife?

A man is a person, not a piece of iron, and for people to experience feelings is natural.

If a man had a chance to survive a divorce from his wife, then he may feel:

How to survive a divorce from your wife: different options for an unpleasant event

The circumstances of divorce are different for everyone.

If you want to survive the separation from your wife with minimal emotional loss, act according to the situation.

1) You are the initiator of the break.

You met another woman or realized that you no longer love your wife. Whatever the reason, its result is that you initiated a divorce.

In this case, in order to survive a divorce from your wife, you need:

1. Be sympathetic to the fact that the wife suffers.
2. Do not openly demonstrate your joy: “Hurrah-ah-ah! I'm finally free!"
3. Do not defame her in the eyes of your mutual friends.
4. Behave like a real man, and not a nonentity that came because "my mother gave it to us."
5. Treat the woman you once loved and were happy with with respect and gratitude for the time spent.

2) You have been abandoned.

The opposite situation is that your wife was the initiator of the divorce. The reasons for this may be different:

• another man;
• your betrayal;
• your drunkenness and nightlife;
• the disappearance of love from relationships;
• your bad attitude towards her, etc.

How to survive a divorce from your wife in this case:

1. Do not show aggression towards your family.
2. Do not do stupid things: get drunk, fight, quit your job, etc.
3. Do not impose if several of your attempts to save the marriage have already failed.
4. Do not withdraw into yourself, rejecting all help.
5. Do something useful to keep yourself busy.

3) You have children.

It is most difficult to survive a divorce if there are children in the family. While adults sort things out, kids suffer.

When going through a divorce from your wife, you should not focus only on your suffering, but, above all, you must think about children:

1. Explain to them that it is not their fault that mom and dad are getting divorced.
2. Do not transfer your dislike for your wife to the children she bore you.
3. Do not cross out children from a previous marriage from your life, even if you have created a new family.
4. Spend enough time with them, participate in their lives.
5. Help them financially and let it be not only minimal alimony, but also valuable gifts, pocket money, etc.

Survive a divorce from your wife and move on!

If you could not do anything to save the relationship and the divorce has already taken place, accept it as a fact. Don't deny what happened.

Believe me, life does not end after this. Many divorced men are ready to confirm the truth of this statement to you.

... If you are the initiator of the gap, make sure that you really want it so that you do not regret it later.

If this wife left you, and you continue to love her, try to get her back. The most reasonable thing is to find out the reason for her departure and draw the appropriate conclusions.

For example, she left because you are abusing alcohol. If you are, she will most likely return to you.

If you know for sure that nothing can be fixed, then the divorce from your wife can only be experienced. How to do this, advises a family psychologist:

Do not reject the help of loved ones if you need it, but don't let them interfere with your business.

A heart-to-heart talk with a friend is one thing, but sending your mom to talk to your wife so that she changes her mind is quite another.

After a divorce, take a vacation and go on vacation.

This will allow you to change the situation and distract from sad thoughts.

1. Plunge headlong into work, then there will simply be no time for suffering.
2. Don't lead the life of a hermit Do not turn down invitations from family and friends.
3. Find yourself a hobby, because now you have enough time to do what you like.
4. Try to keep with your wife, if not friendly, then at least moderately friendly relations.

Take off your wedding ring.

And even better - sell it and buy yourself with the proceeds what you have long dreamed of, but your wife did not allow.

start go on dates.

Don't tie yet serious relationship but it is not necessary to lead the life of a monk.

Read a few interesting books , dedicated to the topic divorce.

In them you will find answers to many questions that interest you.

For example:

• Andrey Kurpatov “7 real stories. How to survive a divorce”;
• Oleg Ivik "History of divorces";
• Bruce Fisher, Robert Alberti "Recovering from Divorce";
• John Ventura, Mary Reid "Divorce for Dummies";
• Helmut Figdor "The Troubles of Divorce and Ways to Overcome Them".

5. Look to the future with optimism and believe that true love and family happiness are ahead of you.

   The first marriage was just a rehearsal.

The process of divorce from a wife is fraught with many nuances.

The advice of an experienced lawyer will help you deal with them:

“Surviving a divorce is easier if you understand that parting is good”

I remember a close friend of mine going through a divorce.

Igor lived with Olga for 3 years. We got married while still students. Her friend simply adored her, but she restrainedly showed her feelings.

The first step towards parting was different work interests. After graduating from the university, Igor entered graduate school, stayed to teach, and worked on his Ph.D. Ira got a job in a commercial company.

She made a lot more money. She did not understand her husband's scientific aspirations. She was angry that he devotes little time to her, does not give her expensive gifts, does not arrange constantly romantic evenings.

And then a colleague burst into her life with his love. After a short but stormy romance, Olga filed for divorce.

For Igor, it was a shock, because he was sure that everything was wonderful in his family.

The man went through all the phases of experiences: denial, anger, misunderstanding, guilt, fear, etc.

He closed himself in. Didn't want to talk about it. He even thought about quitting graduate school and finding a job that would suit "his Olenka."

And then, being a reasonable person, I realized that it was not about work at all. They were just different people and the older they got, the more clearly these differences manifested themselves. They would have broken up anyway, only a little later.

5 years after the divorce, Igor married again - to a teacher from his department. They are happy and expect an addition to the family.

Now you don't understand how to get over a divorce with your wife and don't go crazy with pain.

Believe me, all this will pass.

There will come a day when you feel better, when you are optimistic about the future and open to new relationships.

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Human life is full of not only pleasant moments, but also unpleasant events. As every heart yearns for love when the love relationship, no one thinks about the fact that it will diverge. An alliance of convenience usually does not last long, but relationships of love are built over the years. But even in love there are disappointments that often lead to. How to survive a divorce for a woman if she breaks up with her husband?

No one experienced specialist will not say that going through a divorce will be easy. All people - both men and women - experience divorce hard. The only exceptions are situations where a person is already long time cooled down to his partner, loves another man / woman, wants to build a relationship with him / her. Then divorce becomes the beginning of a new happy life when, as if from a burden, you get rid of obsolete relationships.

But often divorces do not happen by mutual agreement. It happens that a man leaves a woman, because of which major depression the last one falls. It happens that a woman gladly leaves a man, because of which the latter begins to suffer. Usually, the one who files for divorce experiences less suffering and throwing. Moreover, the more conscious this step becomes, the less painful it is. However, if everything happens spontaneously, on emotions or because of resentment (for example, because of the betrayal of the second spouse), then often even the one who gets divorced suffers.

How to survive a divorce?

It is impossible to calmly endure a divorce from her husband. If you are trying on your own, but not finding peace inside, then you need to seek the help of a psychologist on the site site, which will consider the reasons that keep you in a past relationship.

Divorce is always difficult to go through, and there are many reasons:

1. First, a woman gets used to the man with whom she lives. Despite all his shortcomings, which she periodically wants to change in him, nevertheless he suits her, she likes it, you can live with him. Over the years, a habit is developed to live with a specific person. You know him well, he is already easy to read, a woman knows how to behave in response to any of his negative attacks. It is difficult to part with what is already well known, even if there are no feelings.
2. Secondly, a woman may not be ready to break family ties. Quite often, divorce happens unexpectedly. It turns out that the man has a mistress, he has children on the side, or he is constantly on the road. In other words, a woman is not ready to separate from her husband, because she believes in his devotion and care for her. And divorce often becomes the "butt" that you do not expect.
3. Thirdly, a woman was brought up in the tradition of keeping the family together, no matter what. Simply put, Russian women are sharpened from childhood to endure all male antics and bullying in order to save their families. Even if the husband cheats, insults, beats, etc., the woman must look for the reason for all his actions in herself, change herself and justify her husband's behavior. All this will allow her to save the family, and not destroy it with her husband.

Divorce, of course, is quite difficult to survive, because a woman is set up for the fact that no matter how difficult it is, but the family needs to be saved. That is why the departure of the husband becomes tragic, because without him the family will not take place. And here psychologists give advice to a woman: to realize that her husband is no longer in her life, and to perceive given event adequately.

In order not to plunge further into her own suffering, a woman should treat divorce simply as an event, and not a tragedy of a lifetime.

• Divorce is not the end of life. One model of life just ended, after which you need to get used to another model and live on.
• Divorce is just a waste of opportunities. However, there are so many interesting things to do in the world, especially if you have a lot of free time.

How to survive a divorce if you still love?

It becomes even more difficult to part with a former partner if feelings for him remain. Divorce, when a woman loves her husband, can happen only in two cases:

1. If the husband himself leaves his wife when she does not want it.
2. If a wife finds out that her husband is cheating on her, she files for divorce herself.

In any case, the presence of feelings will force a woman to forgive her husband for all his actions, no matter how disgusting and treacherous they may be. A woman will doubt her decision if she suddenly initiated a divorce from her beloved husband. She will justify all his unthinkable decisions and actions, in order to only regain that family peace in which she was.

However, the divorce process itself does not pass without a trace, even if the couple does not part. The very fact that a wife learns the news that her husband is unfaithful to her remains forever in her memory. If the divorce has already begun, then psychologists recommend not to stop it, unless the appeal to the registry office was made on emotions when the spouses quarreled over some trifle.

A quarrel is not a reason for divorce, but it always makes a woman think about what she has become bad for her husband. And the most amazing thing is that most men find lovers not because their wives are bad in some way, but simply for a change, for additional entertainment, to refresh their feelings. Most married men everything suits his women, so they do not divorce them.

However, the fact of infidelity is impossible to forgive and easy to forget if you have feelings for your husband. This fact can force a woman to file for divorce herself. And only in rare cases the husband himself goes to his mistress if he is really dissatisfied with something in his wife or has stopped loving her for a long time, which is usually noticeable.

How to survive a divorce if you still have feelings for your husband?

• Allow yourself to grieve the first time. You do not need to be strong and courageous, to show everyone that nothing worries you. Well, if the first days you surround yourself with understanding people who will support you and listen. If there are none, then you can just take a vacation from work and poison yourself for a few days at sea or any other vacation. Change scenery while you grieve. This will help you not to be in those circumstances that will constantly remind you of the grief that happened to you.
• Don't suffer for weeks. For a few days, give yourself the freedom to cry, get angry, blame yourself and ex-husband. But after a week, stop doing it. Realize that what happened cannot be reversed. Your task now is to start a new life in which there will be no ex-husband. Moreover, this new life should be so interesting and desirable for you that you do not want to remember and return to those “rotten” relationships that you had with your ex.
• Feel free to accept the fact of divorce. When your emotions subside, accept the fact that you are divorced. Yes, it happened, but life does not end there, and you are ready to move on, dream and achieve goals that will make you happy.
• Tidy up your appearance. Often women forget about themselves while trying to satisfy all the wishes of their husbands. Now that you're alone, you should raise your self-esteem a little. In women, it rises when they notice that other men are paying attention to them. Change your wardrobe, image, or just bring yourself into beautiful view to notice the looks of men on you again.
• Want to live without your ex-husband. Realize that you can live happily and harmoniously without it. Moreover, for sure, everything in your relationship was not as perfect as it might seem to you. You probably already suffered before the divorce, you just didn’t want to admit it to yourself. It's time to take a sober look at what you had and be glad for what happened in the end. Now start dreaming and doing everything to achieve the life where you will be happy without your ex-husband.

Try to do something interesting while the divorce is going on and getting used to a new life. Get carried away with work, start communicating more actively with girlfriends or relatives, take up a new hobby. Start to please yourself in the end: go for a massage, visit a sauna, go through all the specialists in a beauty salon. Start living with care for yourself, not for your ex-husband.

How to survive a divorce with a husband if there is a child?

If the marriage was long, surely after its destruction there are children. Divorce occurs between spouses, but as parents, a man and a woman continue to be responsible to their children. Divorce should not touch the emotional and mental state child, which depends entirely on the actions of both parents.

Although you can hate your ex-husband, the only thing that should not be done in this situation is to form hatred in the child towards the father. It was you who divorced your husband, and your child should be able to communicate with his mother and father in the same way as before the collapse of the family. Let your child not even feel the difference after his mom and dad began to live separately. Let the baby communicate with dad the same way as before. The child will decide for himself how much he wants to see his father and how to treat him.

The mother should calmly and on an equal footing with the child, explaining to him what happened in their family. There is no need to make a tragedy out of this. Therefore, communicate with the child in such a way that he does not perceive this event as the most tragic in his life, since the parents divorced, but continue to see him and communicate with him as before.

Personally, a woman should always remember that she divorced her ex-husband. Now she has no right to claim it and consider it her property. He is a stranger to her. A woman should take care of her life, and when she sees her ex-husband, treat him like their father common child, completely leaving in the past how she behaved while she was his wife.

Since divorce is always difficult to experience, a woman seeks psychological advice to help you quickly get rid of oppressive feelings. There is only one thing to say here - be patient until time will pass. Over time, your feelings will cool down and the experience will pass. You should not just make them the main landmarks that you should pay attention to.

Put an end to past relationships and wish to live new life without an ex-husband. Start planning and setting new goals, and then actively achieve them. Try not to remember the past, which will help throwing out the things of your ex-husband and hiding shared photos, videos.

Don't think anything bad. You do not need to analyze the situation and find the guilty ones until you have emotionally calmed down. Then you will be engaged in "debriefing", but for now just start living a new life.

Surround yourself nice people, relatives and friends. Start visiting new places, get involved in something, immerse your head in something completely. Over time, new impressions and emotions will replace past unpleasant experiences, after which you can look back and think about what mistakes you made so that you don’t repeat them again when you have another beloved man.

How do you end up surviving a divorce?

No one says that it will be easy to go through a divorce. However, if you do not make an effort and do not want to live a new life, then you will not be able to quickly forget about the past. Try, and in time you will succeed.

I am 38, I was not married, but I have a son, he is now 19 years old, we live together. When he was little, I thought he would not grow up much and I would marry so that it would be easier for her, no diapers and no reproaches against me. Years passed, he grew up and I began to understand that I had to get married when he was little. I remember his look at other people's Moms when they lisped with their children, when I took his kindergarten from school later. I didn’t have many women as men or my friends can boast. I denied myself a lot, although knowing that women like me, I won’t hide, I’m a pretty brunette with blue eyes. You can’t even imagine what a holiday it was for me when my mother came to visit us, it meant that I could these two, three days to pay attention to yourself. My son was 11 years old when she met that same love, or whatever it is called “at your discretion and representation))”. She is a sweet, pretty girl with a low voice, her daughter was two years old, she worked in structures on a discrete vacation. Met, walked with children, dined and woke up together in my territory. Never invited guests to her place. But this could not be avoided, since we practically began to live together, we were visiting her. Yes, to be honest, her life was not very easy. It was difficult for her to eat. Although her Mom and sister lived very well, you can say prosperously. Yes, I met them and we still respect each other, what can I say about my passion. I won’t tell the details, they always told me that she was not grateful, and that’s why she lives and we will not help her. We decided that we would live together, oooh you have no idea how much I was in love with her. I decided to take out a mortgage on an apartment because I didn’t have my own housing and we rented with my son, and the thought flashed through my mind that you never know that housing will be housing. But no, my woman sawed me for a long time that this was not necessary and why she had housing for us, and without this there would be where to invest. I listened, we lived, made repairs, raised children, or rather, all this fell on my shoulders. she immediately left the maternity leave ahead of time, as it became easier for her. I won’t praise myself, but I worked with children. Her daughter called me dad, I loved her madly. drove took kindergarten, taught to read at 4 years old, at 5 years old signed up for lessons of English language, at the age of 6 went to gymnastics. in general, the children were mine, only I cooked. It's good that I had work from 8 to 17 two days off. Well, her work, of course, cannot be compared with mine, she is from the structures)), she leaves in the morning and comes at nine, ten in the evening for everything ready. With this certification, we used to not see her for days. I did the repairs with my own hands, no one was hired in order to save money, though I did a little more than a year. Well, you can’t immediately buy everything. the apartment looked perfect, I didn’t think I could)), furnished with furniture, began to go to the sea in the sanatorium, my daughter went every year, began to save some money, Mom and sister began to communicate with her even to help in something, there was a feeling of idyll. Everything was fine, then it started. HER arrival from work meant that there would be a scandal. My son was already adolescence and understood everything, we didn’t talk about this topic, he didn’t interfere, but there was a feeling that he was sorry to me that I live with this woman. My daughter ran, frolicked, raged, made everyone laugh with her infectious laugh until a certain hour, knowing that she would come soon. My daughter began to walk everywhere, wherever I went around the room to sit next to me, she just waited for her own mother and knew that there would be a scandal. She loved me so much, I felt how worried and nervous she was. I myself did not understand why you could find fault with me, But there was a nitpick, as she said. I got it with my women. And everywhere, everywhere there were women. I stopped going to the garage where we used to gather with friends, played chess, drank beer, although I don’t drink beer, but it was not about beer, but about communication. In general, she began to come to work and make scandals there, I was ashamed and it’s not convenient, I couldn’t find a place for myself. I worked as the head of the section, and it’s okay when the men laugh there, well, what doesn’t happen in life, but you can’t close the mouth of women with a seeing-off look, a sly smile, they whisper behind their backs, gossip is born in one word was in the spotlight. Then it turned out that I didn’t earn much, but we don’t have a Moscow salary in the region, but by our local standards, the salary was quite decent. We talked a lot, but still a scandal then violent sex)). Did I even say that maybe scandal excites you? as far as sex issues and claims were concerned, it suited both of us. With friends, when we were going without wives in the garage, we started talking about who does their marital duty), I turned out to be a record holder because I only loved my woman. I left my job and got a job, as they say, where there is more, but there I had to go on a business trip to another city. Once I came back from a business trip and saw that my son was gone and things too. He packed his things and left for his grandmother (these are my parents), but how is the school? district to my grandmother. Why did he do this, there was no answer, everyone said that he decided so himself. My son told me the same thing. We have a small city to hide something will not work. Well, of course, we found out that she had a young man 7 years younger. She is now 37. Then my sister told me why my son left, he made a remark to her that he didn’t like how you see yourself. HE began to interfere and witnessed unnecessary things and she asked him to leave. And I'm a fool, I come, I make golden gifts, I pay a loan, and here there it is. the last visit was out of the cup of patience, my mother-in-law just arrived, they set the table, they were waiting for me. last time she sees that notebooks will bring drawings, she showed me gymnastics and tried to teach me English)), she was already 7 years old then. Dinner came, they ate. The daughter never left me, her Mother (that is, my beloved) began to resent her daughter and sent her to the room, in the end they had a fight and a couple of claps on the neck the child was sent to the room where she cried for a long time and it didn’t stop. My soul couldn’t stand it, I went to calm it down and explained that the child understood everything well, it was a mistake, my beloved made a scandal that I was preventing her from raising the child properly and so that I didn’t climb, take care of your son. And then there was a number ..., My daughter left the room, hugged me and asked me and her grandmother (my beloved mother) to take her to work with me that she did not want to live with her since she often stays at home at night, they do their homework late and for that she gets, and she doesn't like Dima who comes late at night and sleeps in dad's room. Hearing what was said, Tea didn’t help me anymore, I don’t know if they noticed or not, but it felt like my lips were trembling and my forehead was throbbing. For some reason, I didn’t say anything, I just silently began to go out into the street. The daughter realized that I was leaving and began to cry, the mother-in-law gathered her daughter and also went out into the street. Mother-in-law asked only one question? - Where are you now? i said before cousin I'll spend the night in the morning, I'll go see my parents and son and I'll go to work. Mom was categorically against it and insisted that I go to her place and spend the night reassuring Sasha (Docha), and then we'll see. Well, of course, I could not take Docha, I had no rights either biologically or legally. We didn’t talk about anything with my mother-in-law, she just said, “I told you like she was not grateful. I felt very bad, I can’t describe it. I went to work, but of course I came and visited Docha, my mother-in-law took her to her when I came and we saw each other there. Half a year has passed), during these half a year my beloved times made themselves felt with their calls, then the calls became frequent and I was looking for meetings to talk, it was just an occasion for Easter. I arrived, met a lot, said again, the same innocent smile, thin voice, an apology, let's go together, let's try. I didn’t answer anything, but simply offered to go to Lermontov’s places to relax. Her sister, mother-in-law, just arrived, in general, the whole crowd went. I won’t hide it, I felt very good there with her, children, laughter, sex, it’s just that there wasn’t anything bad, I began to think, well, what doesn’t happen in life ... at the end of the rest, I began to notice that she was hiding and talking to someone or correspond by phone. I asked one question?. - Are you worried about someone? Can you explain to me that you don’t need to bother. To which the answer was given, I don’t need to worry about anything. IT was a blow below the belt, no, it was a blow to the back. It turned out I was needed to face off with her young suitors. he doesn’t like her gray hair company, beer, go for a walk. they bring him drunk to her late at night, and who? the girls are driving). So she got tired and she told him that she would not find anyone either, to which he laughed. for him to return. I will not say how much dirt there was during the conversation, but I was furious, humiliated and insulted. I’m not ideal, I have my shortcomings, but I didn’t deserve such an appeal to me, after what I did for her, let her remember how she lived. I was left with nothing, sold the car to pay off the loan that we took on furniture and others. See, everything is left with her, I suggested that they pay with their boyfriend, see, they live there, I have more to do with it. It would be better if I then took a mortgage, I would have already paid off and spoiled my housing. They grew up, melted, but it was possible at least with respect like that, and not a second blow in the back. You know, dear ladies, when she did something bad for the first time, I was hurt, bad, offended, but tolerably life goes on (the most the best medicine this is work).,., But for some reason it broke me the second time., no no, I didn’t drink, I don’t drink, or go for a walk. It’s just that everything in my head prevented me from working and I didn’t want to do everything else, so I worked for a year in a foreign city. I quit, sadness and sadness didn’t go away, then I realized what it was stressful condition. So I spent a year without work for a little while I came to my senses and again realized that life goes on with my son and I need to help him. I threw in my resume to find a job, I’ll go to Moscow, it’s hard for us to work here. I will work, I will correct not a lot of things in Moscow, two sisters of a Muscovite, as they say, created personalities do not depend on anyone. That's the whole story, my dear girls, can you think and ask yourself a question ?. maybe we ourselves did something wrong ... Personally, I have no answer to this question. Aaa Sasha Docha, you are probably interested to know how she is there., Sasha Docha is now 9 years old, we keep in touch really secretly. I don't keep in touch with my ex and I don't want to see her.

Women endure divorce much more tragically and emotionally than men. Although in the soul both experience the same, but ex-wives this is more noticeable, especially if the initiator of the separation was a man. Not only is love “trampled on”, but a woman also has a double complex because of her status: she is not only a “divorced”, but also “abandoned”. So there is something wrong with her. And if the ex-husband also left for another, then for her this is a real blow.

Tears, belittling, threats, the participation of friends and relatives did not lead to anything - the former spouse is like a flint. Divorced and disappeared. Depression is inevitable at the beginning of this time. "Help me survive my divorce from my husband!" - real SOS signal from an abandoned wife to all those she trusts. And here, of course, you need the support of others, although you yourself should not give up.

How to survive the betrayal of her husband and the inevitable divorce on his initiative

Usually treated by Dr. Time. The most qualified doctor. As well as close people, "wedge-wedge", and full employment. To begin with, I would like to tell a story from my life. This story is out of the ordinary, but even in this case, her heroine, Elena, managed to control herself for 3-4 months.

There lived a wonderful family - he, she and their six-year-old son. Elena loving wife, a wonderful hostess, also the owner of a golden character. My husband is all in business, he stayed at work for a long time, but he brought all the finances to the house. In general, an ordinary exemplary family, and it seemed that troubles were not expected in this "nest". Although the husband began to disappear more and more often on business trips, this is a common thing for him.

was approaching New Year came December 31st. Elena set the table under the Christmas tree, dressed herself, dressed her son in a New Year's costume, and as agreed - by 9 pm, she was waiting for her husband. Husband came. Even an hour early. But not alone, but with some lady. In a hurry, he began to pack his suitcase and “gave” his wife the news that he loves this lady who came with him, divorces Elena, and goes to live with his mistress, with the intention of marrying her.

It was even scary to listen to how Elena experienced this new year's eve after the door slammed shut behind her husband, she rolled on the floor sobbing, not even paying attention to the fact that her frightened son was whimpering nearby. Outside the window, fireworks and shouts: “Hurrah!”, But she does not want to live.

Everything else was trite- depression, calls, belittling, requests not to leave them with their son. But all to no avail, an application to the court from him had already been filed, as it turned out, even in advance. Elena thought that she would not survive the betrayal of her husband and the subsequent divorce - everything was too sudden and very painful. But they were quickly divorced - literally in January, and the abandoned wife did not object, anyway, the husband became like a zombie - indifferent and impregnable.

After depression and the support of relatives and friends, she slowly came to her senses. Her best friend dragged her to the courses in order to completely fill Elena's time. And in the month of March, a funny incident happened: Elena was walking down the street, and suddenly she sees - in front of her is a homemaker, all like this: fi-fi. In a white coat, and slush around. Nothing else occurred to Lena, how to run up and give a weighty pendal to that under the skinny ass. The lady in a rut fell with her fur coat into a dirty snowdrift.

It seems like nothing special happened, but for Elena this case was like a saving pill. Laughter therapy and revenge. And in the same month there was another pleasant event- she met a new love and soon married him. And the former tried to return Elena back later, but it was too late. So her advice is:“To survive a divorce from your husband, you need to go through all the stages in a dosed manner: a little bit of tears and depression (you can’t do without it), help from caring loved ones, full employment, easy revenge and new love.” Here is a recipe for future happiness.

How can you survive a divorce without pain and torment

Let's not now touch on such reasons for divorce as infidelity and mistresses. Let's say a man left you because he became unbearable to live with you, he initiated a divorce, and reconciliation is impossible. Here, at least cry, at least get depressed, the result is the same - he will not return to you. Not to give a divorce is stupid, on the third attempt they are bred "automatically". The easiest way is to give consent in advance and leave for a while.

Why? Here are the reasons:

• you change the scene. It is always easier for the one who leaves than for the one who stays;
• you do not have to accidentally run into an ex-spouse somewhere on the street;
• you will not need to be present at a difficult divorce process;
• you will rest your soul for at least some time in order to get used to this stage in your life;
• you will be surrounded by other people who do not know about your current situation, and will not oppress you with their pity;

But the place of "deployment" choose the one that you will like. Return home after all judicial passions are over. Try not to stir up the past - do not look for meetings with your ex-husband, do not call him, delete him from friends on all your pages on social networks. There is none and that's it.

How to Forget Your Ex Husband After a Divorce

Hanging new wallpaper at home and moving furniture is the first thing. Remove everything that will remind you of your spouse: all his forgotten things. Let your house look like a neat single woman, and not an abandoned sufferer - a new love is still waiting for you ahead. Get out of your head all the good things that you had in the past family life remember only the bad. And tell people close to you that the topic of the past is closed to you.

Transform, rock out and get carried away. Change your hairstyle and buy a new dress - and go with your girlfriends to a restaurant. Compliments from men will be a balm for your soul and give you self-confidence. Find a new hobby - something that interested you, but you postponed its development “for later”. That “later” has already come for you.

And if by chance you meet your husband somewhere, after everything you have experienced, then you yourself will see how indifferent he has become to you. There will be no former feelings and passion, but simply for you he will become a person from past life who once hurt you. And that's it!

Natalya Kaptsova

Reading time: 6 minutes

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The departure of a husband is one of the most difficult situations in a woman's life. Divorce is the loss of confidence in oneself close person, the collapse of all plans, betrayal, a flurry of questions that you have to answer yourself, and the most serious test for your willpower and self-confidence.

How to survive a divorce with a spouse? ?

Not falling into a protracted black depression is, perhaps, the main task at divorce. Especially when a divorce is not a peaceful agreement of people tired of each other, but a “knife in the heart”, small children and lack of air, because then there is only emptiness. Of course, time the best doctor, and stress-experiences pass by themselves, after a while.

But this the process can, alas, be delayed for more than one year Yes, and it takes too much power. Therefore, the problem should be dealt with immediately, without accumulating resentment inside , which will then carry you down with an avalanche. What recommendations do psychologists give to women who find themselves in such situations?

• Contact a professional psychologist if you are unable to cope on your own. The stress of divorce can cause serious injury psyche. If not a single day goes without sedatives, the flow of tears does not dry up, and nothing can distract and interest you, the help of a psychologist will not be superfluous.
• Set a goal- be happy no matter what. Don't back down, don't give in to weaknesses, stick to your goal.
• Throw away all negativity. Do not accumulate negative emotions in yourself, getting rid of them as they come (there are many options - from breaking dishes to tears in a girlfriend's vest).
• Don't lock yourself in. No need to hide in the shell and hide from relatives and friends, devoting yourself to your "grief". This is not grief - this is a new milestone in life. It is close people who will help to overcome the difficult period as painlessly as possible. No need to be ashamed of your tears, feelings and words that someone may perceive as “whining”.
• Spend your time doing enjoyable things. Do not leave free hours for soul-searching and self-pity. Think about hobbies, friends, cinemas, etc. You should not sit at home within four walls - fill your life with pleasant events.
• No matter how much you want to take revenge on your ex-spouse, turn his life into hell, make him suffer (even involuntarily) - do not stoop to gossip and revenge. You will not fix the situation, but your reputation may suffer significantly. Not to mention the fact that the stressful state itself will only get worse from such actions. Let go of resentment.
• Do not try to replace the emptiness inside with an urgent search for a new relationship.. They will not help you forget your spouse. The relationship with your ex-husband is still too alive in your mind, and the new partner is doomed to the fact that you will constantly compare him with your spouse. Yes, and relationships built on the basis of "spite of the former" will never be durable. And even short intrigues will not bring you peace. Just give yourself time to cool down and your state of mind to stabilize. You can dive headlong into a new relationship only when the past no longer turns your soul inside out, and you are really free for new love.
• Time certainly heals. But, given the laws of our memory, from time to time you will still return to divorce and moments life together with a spouse. A common friend suddenly met, a melody and a postcard in a box on the mezzanine can remind you of the past. The pain that you did not let go right away can then haunt you for the rest of your life. That's why your main task is to forgive. And not only for the divorce, but for everything that you were unhappy with. Remember only good moments and mentally say thank you for having them. With these kind thoughts, let go of your grievances and your ex-husband.
• Go headlong into work and children - do not best way out. It is clear that it is necessary to distract from thoughts, but this option entails your chronic fatigue and neurotic disorders. Yes, and children need a healthy, cheerful mother, and not a pale ghost with hands shaking from processing. That's why switch to what you really wanted, but was not available in family life. Make a list of what you want. And do it methodically. Realize that now you can afford everything.
• Do not reproach yourself and do not look for the cause of the collapse family boat in itself. First, it doesn't make sense. Because the divorce has already happened, and we need to move on. Secondly, in a divorce, two are always to blame. Thirdly, you are not an oracle, and could not foresee everything. Try to accept the breakup as another fait accompli of the biography, and nothing more.
• Do not allow relatives, and even more so - strangers to criticize you. They have no right to accuse you of breaking up a relationship, of having children without a father, or of being an inattentive wife. There is no need to quarrel, of course. As well as making excuses. Behave in these situations with the dignity and calmness of an elephant after bathing - “The topic is closed. Please vacate the premises”, “I don’t know who you are talking about”, “I think that my relationship with my husband concerns only the two of us.” Also ignore the ill-wishers who, at any opportunity, seek to bite you, informing about the events of the life of a stranger.
• Don't give up on yourself. Who said that a divorced woman or a woman with children cannot find happiness? According to statistics, it is in this matter that luck accompanies them more often than others. Categorically do not allow yourself to "sink" to a disheveled aunt in a worn dressing gown with circles under her eyes. Do your makeup and hair, take care of your appearance, buy new clothes, smile to yourself! The pillow, of course, will endure your tears, but life goes on - and it's too early to bury yourself. Be an example of a self-sufficient strong-willed woman who knows her own worth for children and relatives.
• Hide out of sight everything that may remind you of the past. Souvenirs, gifts, photographs, etc. You don’t need to throw it away, just put it away. Or on the mezzanine, or even take it to the dacha and put it in the attic. Someday, when the pain subsides and enough time has passed, you will want to revisit them.
• Found out that the ex-husband is going to remarry? Did you see him on the street with a new passion? Smile and mentally wish him happiness as you wish a friend. By letting go of resentment, you are freed from those shackles that pull you to the bottom. - the most complex science, but it is she who forms the creative energy that determines our future happy life.
• Do you have children in common? In no case do not set your crumbs against the father. You should also not criticize and blame your ex-husband in their presence. For children, divorce is even more difficult than it is for you. Your task is to make them feel that, despite the divorce, dad and mom still love them, and nothing can prevent this.

Is there life after divorce? Definitely - there is! Just accept it the way it is and move on . Look for advantages and eliminate disadvantages . Realize your true needs and, set a goal, move towards it . Getting over a divorce is hard. But your future and present depends only on you!