How to know if a person really loves you. Why does a person love a person? Is everyone able to love

Sometimes it’s easy for us to answer why we like this or that person. And to explain why someone, on the contrary, is unsympathetic to us, is quite simple. What if we are talking about love? How to describe in words why exactly and for what people love each other? Although leading psychologists say that it is impossible to explain the love for someone, we will not ask ourselves less from this ...

Love and science

For many years, world scientists have been trying to figure out what makes women fall in love with men and vice versa. There are few conclusions, they are short and known to all of us. Men by nature prefer to love with their eyes, and women with their ears. These are not just words - it is really backed up by science. Scientists also say that we fall in love not under the influence of a fleeting impulse, but out of necessity. We subconsciously find the person who will most contribute to the continuation of our kind. But recently new amazing facts. Scientists have proven that love actually exists!

As a result of research by American psychologists, it was proved that our brain contains separate zones responsible for love experiences. And when a loved one thinks about us, sees us, communicates, these zones become very active. Moreover, these zones “clog” the work of other important zones. For example, a zone responsible for critical understanding of reality, social assessment and anger. Therefore, if your loved one walks with a constant smile on his face, then he has not gone crazy, he just truly loves you. Just for what?

Love and the subconscious

No one wants to believe that we are loved only because of the action of pheromones. But this is largely true. These are substances that are produced together with the release of sweat and on a subconscious level attract a sexual partner. Pheromones act indiscriminately, we can not always explain the principle of their "work". That is why “good” girls sometimes choose “bad” guys, or outwardly unattractive ones fall in love with beauties, and at the same time their feelings are mutual. We often explain this attachment of dissimilar people in our own way: opposites attract. This is not entirely true in essence, but the result is very similar to the truth. Two people who are similar in everything can easily get bored together. On this basis, conflicts can often arise. And yet, if two people have a similar temperament, then it is not easy for them to live in a family. If both are passive, then there is no one to make decisions, things simply remain unresolved, problems accumulate like a snowball. If both partners are leaders, then the situation is also not easy. Everyone will strive for leadership, will not yield in resolving issues, will not tolerate disobedience.

Sometimes you can, in order to save yourself from questions, come up and ask your loved one directly why he loves you. That's just the answer is usually not enough for us. Most likely, the partner will begin to list individual external features or character traits. For example, your boyfriend may say: “You are so beautiful, funny, not like everyone else, etc.”. An older man, if he thinks to say something, then something like: "You are caring, sexy, affectionate, original, etc." Note that this will be an ordinary "standard" set of those qualities that attract men in women, and women in men.

Sometimes such an answer will indeed be more like a template than a plausible one. But on a subconscious level, we are loved for a completely different reason. For example, a girl suddenly fell in love with a man twice her age. Why did it happen? He can be perfect in any way, but in general this happened only because the girl grew up without a father and subconsciously searched for a man who could be her support, protection, who would educate her by virtue of his greater life experience. On the other hand, it may be that the girl had a father, but relations with him did not develop. This further influences the choice of a partner older than himself.

It happens that a person is initially inclined to suffer and arouse pity for himself. He chooses a despotic partner who will constantly humiliate and suppress him. That is why certain types of women can steadfastly endure the beatings and betrayals of their husbands, or a man can choose women who are powerful and selfish, being subsequently “under their thumb”. At the same time, they all sincerely love each other.

Love and "self-hypnosis"

In childhood, we all somehow figuratively represented our other half. Moreover, sometimes, closing our eyes, we have already clearly seen how they love us, how they take care of us, we see in detail our ideal wedding, we dream of having children. It is believed that it is precisely those women who, from childhood, were able to draw up a clear model (necessarily positive) of their adulthood, in the future, this is the kind of life they get. It has been proven that love can be inspired. We so inspire ourselves with our future ideal feeling that it is literally attracted to us over the years. True, sometimes the details do not match, but the essence remains unchanged. Such women are always happy in marriage; in such families, partners love each other selflessly.

It also happens, for example, when a girl has dreamed all her life of meeting a rich man who, in a fit of love, will shower her with precious gifts, fashionable clothes, and go on a trip around the world with her. Growing up, she meets such a person on the way. He is decent, a businessman and not greedy at all. So, she will definitely fall in love. It is already clear what will be the main advantage of a man for such a girl. However, one should not immediately condemn her for selfishness. As a man, she will love him madly, for real. Because such is the power of her self-hypnosis. True, if it were not for his financial situation, he simply would not fit her “childish standard”. Such a man would not become wise, gallant and attentive for her, because he would not have the original basic quality.

We often say: "Love is evil ...". However, love is not as irrational as it seems - people love each other for a reason. Everything can, if desired, find its own explanation. True, why? It is better to love without looking back and with an open heart.

Mutual love is wonderful when people live for each other, and everyone tries to make his beloved happy. However, it often happens that one of the partners loves, and the other only allows himself to be loved. Of course, one of them is selfish, but the one who truly loves is able to forgive everything and be happy only with his own, even unrequited feeling.

Often, mutual sympathy is born if people become interested in communicating with each other. But when they truly fell in love, it’s good for them even just to be silent together. Love is born not during nights full of violent passion, but during calm, leisurely walks, when people simply hold each other's hands.

Sometimes very young girls cynically talk about the fact that you can’t live with love alone, that you need to find a wealthy person who stands firmly on his feet. However, when a real feeling comes, it doesn’t matter at all how much money a person has, whether he has the opportunity to bring armfuls of flowers and drive his chosen one to expensive restaurants.

How is love different from passion?

People sometimes confuse true love and sudden passion, although it is quite easy to distinguish between them. When they truly love a person, first of all, they want him to be happy, even with someone else. And the indispensable desire to possess it is a strong, but fleeting passion.

Passion is most often caused by external attractiveness, but a person can become seriously ill, have an accident, and even just start to age. Then the flash of passion will quickly fade away, and the one who is still healthy and good-looking will find a new object for himself.

There are many people with whom you can feel good when there are no problems in life. If trouble knocks on the door, you need to have a loving and reliable person who will never betray and will help overcome any difficulties.

Every person should have someone who loves and accepts him as he is. Then he will feel protected from any life hardships and upheavals.

It is impossible to say with absolute certainty that a person really loves you. However, there are many ways to determine a person's true attitude. To do this, you should pay attention to his behavior, words and actions, especially when you are together. And despite the fact that the idea of ​​\u200b\u200breal love is different for each person, it can be distinguished from simple love, interest, or a fleeting hobby. If you want to know true feelings loved one, follow the instructions below.

Steps

How does he behave?

Can a person be himself next to you? To love means to be open to your soul mate. If a person changes, being alone with you, then he loves you. For example, if in public he is serious and courteous, but in private with you he fools around and does stupid things, then he is completely open and loves you.

• If a person shares their deepest emotions and experiences with you, while feeling comfortable, he loves you.
• If a person feels comfortable without pretending to be perfect, relaxes and doesn't care about food stuck in their teeth, then they don't mind if you see that side of their personality.

1. Is the person happy to see you after have a hard day? If a person has had a bad day but perks up when he sees you, that's a sign of love. If the person loves you, the sight of you or the sound of your voice will already make them feel a little better.

   • The next time he's not in the mood, see how he reacts to your presence.

2. Does your loved one look at you with loving eyes? Have you noticed on yourself a blurred look full of adoration? You will immediately understand what it is about, as soon as you see it. Sometimes you may notice this look in the morning, or even casually during lunch.

   • You may also notice that the person is staring at you with the same facial expression.

3. Does the person like to play the fool around you? Love makes a person dumber, more inspired and makes you laugh for no reason. If a person behaves like this in your presence, he is most likely in love.

   • If you said something not very funny, and the person just bursts with laughter, he is devoured by love for you.
   • If the person is nervous or fidgeting, they are most likely excited by your presence.

4. Is a person sad when you are sad? If you are experiencing incredible emotional suffering or simply feeling overwhelmed by illness, this condition should be transferred to the person who loves you. He will absorb negative emotions to make you feel better.

   • While the person doesn't have to feel the same way you do, they will definitely be influenced by your mood.

   What he says?

   1. Does the person talk about your future together as something taken for granted? If a person really loves you, the thought of a joint future will be natural for him, he should not feel uncertain or insecure. If it is in the order of things for him to talk about what you will do in the future, what your life together will look like in a year, two, ten years, then he really loves you.

      • True love implies the desire to live forever with your loved one. If a person does not see his future without you, he definitely loves you.
      • If you are discussing what your children will look like, where you will live in retirement, or where you will go for Honeymoon, you real love.

   2. Does your loved one give you meaningful compliments? Exists big difference between "I love your hair" and "You make me feel better no matter what." It is important that the person tells you that he appreciates you as a person and respects some of your character traits.

      • You don't have to be complimented all the time. Quality matters, not quantity.

   3. When a person says “I love you” to you, does he really mean it? There is a huge difference between "Liu Cha!" I love you too". If a person really loves you, he talks about it, looking into his eyes, his voice sounds sincere and he does not demand anything in return.

      • You don't need a reason to confess your love. He should not do this out of a favor or because in this moment it sounds appropriate.

   4. Is the person really open to you? A loving person will not be afraid to talk about their thoughts, feelings, fears, and the like. He'll talk about his childhood, his regrets, difficult periods, dreams, and he will be comfortable sharing it with you.

      • If a person says “I haven’t told this to anyone before ...”, then most likely he really loves you and trusts you.

   5. Does your loved one tell you that he misses you when you are apart? If you are far from each other, but continue to correspond, call up, making it clear that you are missing, then you cannot imagine life without each other. If you left for 3 weeks and did not receive any news, most likely this is not love.

      • A loved one should not call you all the time to say that he misses you.

   6. Does your loved one see your flaws? He should not idealize you. For real loving person will be able to point out to you an error, incorrect statement or indecent behavior. However, he should not criticize you all the time. It must be healthy constructive criticism, meaning that a person knows you inside and out and accepts with all your advantages and disadvantages.

      • You should be alerted if a person never criticizes you and never argues with you. Make sure the person loves you, not your ideal version.

   7. Does your loved one respect your opinion? If he is interested in yours on a variety of issues, from the assessment of a pair of new shoes to the political situation in the world, then he really loves you. A loving person can ask for your advice or opinion on any subject, even if he already has his own formed opinion.

      • He does not have to ask your opinion about everything - only about the things that are most important to him.

   What is he doing?

   1. Does your loved one listen to everything you say? If a person truly loves you, he will not only be open with you, but he will also listen to what you say to him, even if he has heard about it before. This does not mean that he should act like your dog. It’s just that he will be there so that, without interrupting or being distracted, he will listen to your thoughts and express a reciprocal point of view.

      • To love means not only to speak, but also to be able to listen.

   2. Does a loved one come to your aid at any moment, even at the wrong and inconvenient time? Of course, he is always there for a couple of drinks at the bar or a delicious lunch, but will he drive you to the airport if necessary? Or will he walk your dog when you are sick? A loving person will share with you both joyful and sad moments.

      • If a person is next to you when you are happy, good mood and with with a light heart, but disappears when you are sad or depressed, he does not like you.
      • Love is being close to a person, no matter what. A loving person will accept you with all your strengths and weaknesses, as well as share happy and difficult times with you.

   3. Does your loved one do nice things for you? A loving person will fill up your car when you are busy, buy you groceries or cook chicken bouillon if you are sick. He shouldn't be constantly fussing around and overprotecting you, but if he loves you, he'll want to give you a reason to smile or make your life a little easier.

      • True love is the ability not only to take, but also to give in return.
      • If a person truly loves you, they will do these things without asking your permission. This should be taken for granted. If you yourself ask him for help every time, most likely they do not like you.

   4. Does the person always want to be by your side? To love means to always strive to be there, even when it seems impossible. Of course, this does not mean that you should stick to each other, but loving people use every opportunity to be together.

   5. Does the person you love give you enough freedom? A loving person will always give you time to be alone with yourself and go about your business. If a person does not let you go even a step, this is already a blind obsession. In a couple, everyone needs time to do their own thing and be themselves.

      • The desire to be around constantly speaks not about love, but about the fact that a person is not confident in himself.

   6. Does the person really understand you? True love is true understanding. If a person knows how to recognize your mood, knows what you like and what not, and how to please you, then he loves you.

      • It's okay if in part you remain a mystery to a person. You do not need to expect that he understands you 100%, but you must have a strong confidence that the person feels and understands you most time.
      • If a person truly loves you, he will support your goals and interests, even if he is far from them.
   • When someone likes you, the person behaves differently in your presence, looks at you differently, or smiles a lot.
   • Consider other people's feelings. When someone likes you, whatever you do will mean a lot to that person. Be careful.
   • If a person does not talk to you, this does not mean that he does not like you. Maybe he's just shy.
   • Don't confuse flirting with friendship, or you'll get hurt later.
   • It is necessary to give a person freedom, but if you are not at all interested in where, what and with whom he does, you risk losing him.
   • If a friend or boyfriend seems pushy and overprotective of you, it may be because they care about you.

   Warnings

   • A person may try to sacrifice their love if you are no longer interested in them and are already in a relationship or marriage with someone else. However, he will not do this if you constantly feed his hopes.

On the one hand, you can see a lot of happy and loving couples, but it’s not clear, because you need to continue to love and be together. There are many reasons for this, but you need to know the most basic reasons for breaking up so as not to fall into the same situation.

In the article, psychologists will tell you about why do people break up when they love each other, how to prevent this in your family or relationships. After all, outwardly we see happy couples, but internally we understand that soon these people will part.

'Cause love isn't real

Not everyone understands what love is and, accordingly, believe that if people are together, then they love each other. Today it is rare to see people who are truly in love, and this a big problem. People have not learned to take care of what they have and have begun to invent the illusion of love, creating it even on the Internet. The reason why people break up when they love each other is because they don't really love and didn't love each other.

Because there are no common interests

main reason, why do people break up that there are no common interests and outlooks on life. These people just meet and they don’t even have anything to talk about with each other. Because of this, they part, not even trying to find at least something in common, which can definitely be found in every person, there would be a desire. Find out: how to find a worthy husband, as women are looking for a real man, but they themselves do not want to become real women.

They do not understand the meaning of further relationships

Often all relationships are created on emotions and when a couple begins to think logically, they do not find the meaning of further relationships and this is the reason why people break up when they love each other, because their love was just affection.

Changed interests

It happens that people for a long time meet, but with age, their interests and outlook on life change and they need something different in life. Differences in interests begin and as a result, people part. But if there was a desire, it would be possible to stay together and form new common interests.

People rush to create relationships

Especially today's youth, constantly somewhere in a hurry and trying to try everything. Here why do people break up when they love each other, as they confuse falling in love, affection with true love. True love will never allow people to break up and betray each other, and this is a problem, since few people truly love. Don't rush to cost serious relationship, make friends and walk together for at least 1-2 years. Then it will become clear whether you need each other spiritually or not.

Betrayal, betrayal

The main reason why people break up when they love each other is, of course, betrayal and betrayal in a relationship or family. People do not love each other and seek pleasure in other people, hiding it. When the truth becomes reality, the couple is disappointed and breaks up. After all, it makes no sense to live with someone who changes and gives.

Love disappears

Many consider the reason why people break up when they love each other, then that love is gone and gone. This does not happen, love cannot pass, because true love always exists and will be in our hearts, we just do not want to feel it, and we continue to create artificial love for ourselves and believe in it. For this reason, not only couples, but also families break up for three years. life together. Find out: how to get to know a guy to really create strong relationship for life.

The main thing is not to rush to create a family and relationships, because no one bothers you just for the first time to be friends and meet. And when you realize that you love, then after three years, you can create a serious relationship and family. And if there are no feelings, then you will simply remain friends, and you will not suffer like many because of what was not there, because of affection, and not because of love.

Keep love always in your heart and then you will never stop loving and love that person who really loves you and wants to be with you all his life.

Likes and dislikes arise between strangers sometimes instantly and most often we can give them a clear explanation. With love, it's much more difficult. How, with what words to explain what is happening in the soul of a man in love and why he chose this particular object for his love? Psychologists have long and persistently argued that it is completely pointless to look for a reasonable reason for love, but people continue to dig to the depths of the origin of this feeling.

Love by Science

Scientists echo them. For centuries, scientists of all sciences have been trying to figure out the mechanism that drives people in love. They have long been interested in the question - why does a man fall in love with this particular woman and no other? But there were no definite conclusions, and there are still none, and those that have appeared are rather small and incomprehensible. The most famous is that men love with their eyes, and women with their ears. This fact is indeed confirmed scientific research. Another conclusion of scientists: falling in love is not a random impulse, but a pattern and even a necessity. People, guided by the subconscious, from the many applicants choose the one that is best suited as a companion for procreation. Recently, scientists have made an amazing discovery. They argued that love really exists.

American psychologists, having studied the human brain, found in it special zones responsible for love emotions. When a loving person sees his beloved, communicates with him, even thinks about him, these zones are activated. And activated so much that they block normal work all other zones. The zones where a real understanding of the situation, assessments of the world around, anger and irritability are developed are almost completely turned off. Therefore, the first sign of a person in love is an increased smile, a state of euphoria and an optimistic-inadequate social behavior. But the answer was never received - how a person chooses whom to love.

Love from the subconscious

There is an assumption that the feeling of love is caused by pheromones secreted by our body. But for some reason, I don’t want to believe at all that the basis of tender feelings is not our attractive appearance and beautiful soul, but just chemical reactions beyond our will. But scientists say that these chemical substances, secreted through the skin along with sweat and then inhaled by a potential partner, affect his subconscious. But scientists did not understand the mechanism of this effect, its selectivity and patterns. But the fact remains that very often excellent girls fall in love with hooligans, while frank ugly girls have whole army handsome fans. There is another not very intelligible explanation for this - opposites attract, that is, people who are very different from each other become attached and interested in each other. Of course it is. But in what true reason- in the polarity of their pheromones or mutual interest - it is not clear. It is logical that the same people have nothing to say and show to each other, so they will get bored very quickly. And from here conflicts and divergence will grow in different directions. Far from always the similarity of temperaments and life positions is a guarantee of a long and happy family life. Two passive people are not able to make decisions in a timely manner, arrange their affairs, hence mutual dissatisfaction with each other will grow. Conversely, two leaders may not get along on the same territory, since each will defend his only correct opinion with foam at the mouth.

If the question “Why does he love me?” is so much tormenting, you can come up and ask directly. But, most likely, the answer will be banal and will not satisfy you. Often in such cases, men say common phrases, list those of your virtues that come to mind right now. Both he and you will know that the answer is superficial and very inaccurate. His originality will be higher only if your man is distinguished by resourcefulness, intelligence and the ability to present beautifully. But you know that there will be little in common with the truth.

What do you want - to a stupid question, a template answer is not the most worst case. Indeed, in order to accurately convey in words the cause of feelings, one must at least know it. And since love arises in the subconscious, it is impossible to consciously explain it. After all, often we do not think about the reasons for making our choice. Without realizing it, one is looking for a father in a man, the other, on the contrary, is looking for a child. The third likes dashing guys, and therefore she could not fall in love with a nerd. The fourth needs to be commanded and dominated, so she chooses someone who is already ready in advance for the role of a henpecked.

And if a girl has a Cinderella complex, then she will definitely choose an analogue of her stepmother as her husband, she will suffer from humiliation, but she simply does not know how otherwise. For another ideal man - sexy Casanova and, accordingly, she falls in love with a note heartthrob and all her life meekly endures his betrayals. There are women who do not see anything wrong with periodic scuffles and even justify it. It is not surprising that they cannot fall in love with a gentle and kind man.

Love or "self-hypnosis"

Growing up, the girl, seeing the example of her parents in front of her, listening to the tales of princes and evil sorcerers, is already beginning to invent for herself the image of her future lover. In faces and colors, she imagines an acquaintance, his courtship. Already planning the wedding, the number and names of the children. This model is of great importance for the adult personal life of a woman. It is by her that she will build her life, she will be the measure ideal relationship. Is it possible to create, inspire love? Can. This is what the girl does, dreaming of her prince. When she grows up, she will subconsciously build her life in such a way that it is combined with an imaginary future happiness, she will unconsciously weed out applicants who are not suitable for the role of a loved one and look for him, the only one. And if you can agree to change the details, then in general the model sits so deep in the mind that it categorically directs the actions of the girl from there. If a woman finds her ideal man, then she is happy. And if you are unhappy, then you need to change not only the man, but also the model, otherwise the next one will be exactly the same. But changing the model in adulthood is extremely difficult, which is why it is so important to give a little girl the right idea of family harmony about one's own honor and dignity.

Each seeks its own and finds. The one who seeks material well-being will definitely meet a rich prince who can make her rich. And what is most interesting, she will love him sincerely, since he meets her criteria. perfect man. And it will be difficult to reproach her for selfish motives. She simply cannot fall in love with a poor man, since no spiritual qualities or appearance are for her. important qualities. It's just that her standard includes required condition- wealth. And all the other qualities - intelligence, attentiveness, external attractiveness - are already pleasant bonuses.

As you can see, love is not blind at all. Cupid's arrow always hits right on target. And we love for those qualities that we need and are important for, for the sake of which we can even turn a blind eye to shortcomings, sometimes major ones. But, if you are happy, you should not dig into love. She is a subtle matter, and does not tolerate rough interference. Just love with all your heart.