Manic-depressive personality type. What do we have to do. Schizoaffective disorder depressive type, causes

Z. Freud singled out as the main feature in this type of personality organization the redirection of most of his negative affect not on another, but on himself.

Nancy McWilliams

During grief, the world is experienced as diminished by some in a meaningful way. At depressed state what is experienced as lost and destroyed is part of itself.

The model of inward-directed aggression as a mechanism for the occurrence of depressive states. According to some observations, depressed individuals rarely experience feelings of anger spontaneously and without conflict. Instead, they feel guilty. They painfully experience their sins, easily forgetting their noble deeds. They tend to resolve all doubts in favor of others and strive to maintain relationships at any cost.

Incorporative processes in depression. These patients have many critical internalized parental messages. (I'm selfish. - How do you know? - the first time my mother told me about it.)

Psychological mechanism- unconscious internalization of the most hated qualities of former love objects (starting with parents and ending with love partners). Their positive traits are remembered with gratitude, while the negative ones are experienced as part of oneself (M. Klein, 1940).

On the possible genesis and the chosen method of protection

The child emerges from the experiences of traumatic or premature loss idealizing the lost object and absorbing all negative affects into the sense of self. desire to experience only positive feelings towards the one you love.

Such a reaction allows you to maintain exclusively positive feelings for the object of love and at the same time gives you a feeling of control over the situation (non-acceptance of separation, separateness and fundamental uncontrollability of the Other; a person, especially a child, is ready to go to great lengths so as not to face his own helplessness), because once bad the quality in me means I can fix everything by becoming better.

In the future, such people may be in relationships with people who are truly hostile to them, with the feeling that if they can overcome their shortcomings, the attacks will stop. There is an interest in coping with one's own shortcomings, while the favor of another serves as an indicator of success. It is generally accepted that it is anger and criticism that can be thrown - therefore, it is safer to direct them at yourself.

Predisposition (risk factors)

1) Experiencing early loss or difficulty arising from separation from a parent or raising adult (the loss can also be symbolic, for example, premature abandonment of addictive behavior).

Erna Furman

“The mother must be there so that she can be left”;
"The desire for independence is as primal and powerful as the need for dependency."

Margaret Mahler

“A child confidently solves the separation problem if he is confident in the availability of the “left” parent.

According to Furman, depressive development occurs when the mother overly vividly and defiantly experiences pain at the moment of separation, making her feel guilty(then the normal desire for aggressiveness and independence begins to be associated with guilt). Or the mother counterphobic pushes the child away from her, afraid of their own feelings about being abandoned - “why can’t you do this and that on your own? - get away from me and do everything yourself” (independence begins to call negative reactions due to a frustrated need for dependence, then the child himself begins to suppress his own tendencies towards independence). The result in both cases is the same - a part of his personality (which wants separation and independence) begins to be perceived as bad.

2) Family atmosphere, where there is a negative attitude towards crying, mourning. This modeled the denial of grief. The experience of grief becomes hidden, and there is a conviction that something wrong happens to me in moments of grief. There may also be family myths that open grief and other forms of self-support and self-care are "selfish," "self-indulgent," or "self-pitying" and are treated as contemptible. The child begins to hide any wounded aspects of the self due to identification with the critical parent. There is a rejection of these aspects of one's own personality (non-acceptance of one's weakness).

3) Depression in parents early years child development. Children in this case quickly come to the conclusion that their needs exhaust and exhaust others.

Depressive Self

Such patients are convinced that at their core they are bad, do not deserve love and respect, and can even be dangerous to others if they do not tame their own. dark sides. They lament their "bad" traits and believe they deserve all the bad things that happen in their lives. They are very afraid that their badness will be exposed, and then they will be rejected. "No one deserves to be insulted, even if what they are rightly accused of" is a formula that such patients can hardly accept on emotional level. They often find relief from their haunting guilt in helping others. It also allows you to maintain a stable sense of self-esteem and avoid depressive episodes.

They also often experience anxiety about their own destructiveness. Significant Others seem overly vulnerable and defenseless. ("My hunger can destroy others"; "my defiance and sadism are dangerous"; "my needs to compete and achieve love are evil").

Expectations towards the Other: rejection, condemnation, revenge for any manifestations of disagreement, combined with the defenselessness of the other.

Feeling of self: not good enough, unworthy of love and respect, dangerous to others in the absence of control of their impulses.

Countertransference (about the therapist's feelings)

The therapist may develop both tender attachments and omnipotent fantasies of salvation.

Complementary countertransference to the patient's unconscious belief that the healing force is unconditional love and complete understanding. The therapist's fantasies of himself as God, a good mother, or a sensitive host parent that the patient has been deprived of in his life.

Concordant (consistent, duplicate) countertransference. The therapist feels "not good enough" to help the patient.

About psychotherapy

It is important for the therapist to create an atmosphere of acceptance, respect, understanding, especially to be emotionally constant and not judgmental. Analysis of the patient's introjects about inevitable rejection, about the importance of "becoming" good for it, has an important place in the therapy of such patients. The most adaptive of these patients may "hide" their depressive dynamics by constantly scanning the Other (for disapproval and rejection) and are very sensitive in this regard - "chronic vigilance"; such monitoring leads to a decrease in the level of anxiety. In disturbed patients, this suspicion of judgment is ego-syntonic, so constant validation of the invalidity of one's worst fears is necessary.

It is important to investigate and interpret their response to separation. A short silence on the part of the patient is an example of separation from the therapist. Prolonged silence can cause the patient to feel uninterested, of little value, hopeless.

It is important that the patient learns to express negative experiences in contact. You should not encourage reasoning from the series "how can I be angry with you, you are ...". Anger does not lead to separation (basic introject). Freedom That Means Tolerance negative feelings increases intimacy, while the state of falseness and lack of contact with these feelings leads to isolation.

It can be quite dangerous to praise such patients. The patient can transform positive feedback in an attack on his address: "I'm bad, because I fooled such nice person, which means that any support from him cannot be trusted, since he is so easily misled. It is more effective in such cases not to support the ego, but to criticize the superego, the critical introject ("Let's discuss what is so terrible in your act?").

As long as the therapist remains an idealized object in the eyes of the client, his image of himself also remains distorted (underestimation of his good qualities).

Setting

Much attention should be paid to the process of completing psychotherapy. For this reason, it may often be undesirable to select short courses for such patients, especially with a predetermined number of sessions.

You should not enter into a neurosis, and protect patients from episodes of parting. It is an extremely important experience, especially for these patients, that after the disappearance of the object, if the relationship does not end, the object returns.

It is best when the patient himself is given the opportunity to choose the end of therapy. And also tell the patient that the doors remain open if he wants to return.

Elena Shevchenko

A depressed person is almost always pessimistic. AT different situations, whether it is about family, work or something new, he thinks first of all about possible troubles. His mood is most often gloomy, as evidenced by his expression, sad and preoccupied. He rarely feels pleasure, does not look for activities that are pleasant for himself, partly because nothing seems like that to him. He often feels guilty and clearly underestimates himself. It seems to such people that life is difficult, everything requires effort and causes suffering. And this sense of their own weakness and vulnerability prevents them from achieving success in the profession. Either the slightest effort scares them away, or they are pessimistic (“nothing good will come of it anyway”), or they have forgotten what it means to experience pleasure. If you suggest that they go somewhere, they will most likely prefer to stay at home. They do not like society, the companies of other people tire them, perhaps because they themselves consider themselves uninteresting interlocutors.

This is not to say that these traits are typical of all depressive individuals. Many of them are very conscientious, work hard, try to do their best, take care of their professional or family environment. But be that as it may, in such people we observe:

a negative view of oneself: "I'm not up to par";
negative view of the world: "The world is cruel and unfair";
negative outlook on the future: “I and my loved ones are in trouble”;

This triple negative view is called the depressive triad. It is also seen in people who are depressed.

DOCTOR, WHERE IS THIS?

It has been irrefutably proven that heredity plays a decisive role in the emergence and formation of a depressive personality. If you sort through all the relatives of such a person, it is often found that some of them suffered from depression. But education is also important. For example, the image of parents who are constantly tired, preoccupied, not allowing themselves the slightest joy, can serve as a model that the child will unconsciously imitate. It can be assumed that in children, everything that contributes to the creation of a negative self-image increases the risk of developing a depressive personality, especially if the child is biologically predisposed to this. Some traditional views upbringing, when ideals of perfection are imposed on children, which are clearly unattainable for them, can develop a sense of their own inferiority and guilt, and this, in turn, leads to the formation of a depressive personality.

“I think I was raised to believe that I didn’t deserve to be happy. My father worked from dawn to dusk and did not allow himself a single minute of rest. I myself and my brothers received a very strict Christian upbringing. At the same time, the emphasis has always been on the dark side: we are sinners, we must constantly remind ourselves that Christ gave His life to atone for our sins. It really affected me - impressionable and insecure. Until now, in everything I am looking first of all for my own fault, I often reproach myself for selfishness (that I am an egoist, my mother constantly repeated). It is difficult for me to ask for something, and even more so to demand, as if defending my own opinion or own interests and really selfish. Now I am much happier than before, but this does not solve all the problems: when something good happens to me and I rejoice, there is immediately a feeling of an imminent catastrophe, as if for every minute of happiness I should be “punished” by misfortune, ”- remembers Thibault.

How to help yourself?

Many people think that understanding and realizing the situation means improving it, but this, alas, is far from being the case. Many depressed individuals endlessly "chew" various reasons their state, but they cannot get out of it. Being aware of something is often very helpful, but usually not enough. In addition, there are reasons why depressed individuals are reluctant to seek help.

1. They do not consider their condition to be a disease, but they think that it is all about their character.

2. As long as they manage to cope with their professional and family responsibilities, they do not see the need to seek outside help.

3. They believe in willpower. Of course, they feel bad, but they think that if they can show their will, “shake themselves”, they will feel better. People around often share this opinion and do not skimp on this kind of advice.

4. They think that their case is special and that talking to a specialist is useless.

5. Distrustful of medicines, do not see the need for them.

6. They are so used to feeling bad that they don’t even know what it means to feel good, and therefore they can’t even want it.

7. They manage to boost their self-esteem by convincing themselves that they endure the hardships of life.

8. Sometimes their problems give them some advantages: the sympathy of others, the ability to “put pressure” on children, not to show proper attention, and so on.

RULES OF BEHAVIOR WITH A DEPRESSIVE PERSONALITY

What do we have to do

Use questions to draw their attention to the positive side of the situation. For example, your friend has received a responsible position and is sure that he will not cope. Perhaps you really want to say: “You always see everything in a black light! Stop complaining! But this will not lead to anything good. He will be left with the impression that no one understands or wants to understand him, and this will only aggravate his depressive outlook on life. Better try, without denying his fears and beliefs, to remind him of positive aspects situations, and do it in the form of questions. “Of course it will be difficult, but it’s interesting, isn’t it?” Don't talk to depressed personality sharply and assertively, try to find and give examples from the past when he was pessimistic, but, nevertheless, everything was resolved successfully.
Engage them in enjoyable activities that are compatible with their abilities.
They like to reject everything that can give them pleasure. There are many reasons for this, and they are interconnected: fatigue, bad feeling, fear of not being up to par, a sense of guilt (“I have no right to pleasure”) and, most importantly, the conviction that the situation will certainly not turn out in their favor. In dealing with such people, two extremes must be avoided. On the one hand, they should not be completely left to them - "let them try if they want." On the other hand, you should not impose on them what is beyond their strength. This is difficult and requires effort from those around you: you need to remain calm, positive and benevolent.
Show them respect and praise on specific occasions. Moderate praise for what they have done will increase their self-esteem. But it is worth praising not the person himself, but what he did, or his behavior. For example, if you tell your assistant: “You are an excellent specialist,” she will think that you either do not notice her shortcomings, or put her so low that you try to comfort her. But if you say, "I think you did a great job with this story," she's more likely to accept that modest praise because it's based on a specific fact.
Suggest that they see a specialist. They may be helped by medication or psychotherapy. But to convince them of this, it will take a lot of time and diplomatic efforts.

What not to do

Advise them to shake things up. "Get a hold of yourself!" "Who wants, he can!". As a rule, people around willingly give such advice, but they do not have the slightest sense. Even depressed person tries to follow them, he will feel misunderstood, rejected and infringed.
Read morals to them. "Where is your will?" “Look at me, I keep myself in control all the time!” Such statements are also in great use. But neither moralizing nor accusatory tone will help you. It's like blaming a near-sighted person for seeing poorly, or a person who sprained his leg for being lame. Many depressed individuals already live with constant feeling guilt, there is no need to strengthen it.
Give in to their mood. Next to them, so sad and preoccupied, we also fall into sadness or begin to feel a vague sense of guilt due to the fact that we cannot share their pain. Merging with them together will not help, as well as trying to stir them up. Respect your longing for freedom and joy, even if interacting with a depressed person sometimes causes you to forget about it.

Three warnings

If this is your boss, check in regularly to make sure everything is going well at work.
If this is your employee, praise him more often.
If this is your life partner, let him (her) read this article.

* F. Lelor, K. Andre "He is a schizophrenic?! .. How to deal with difficult people" (Generation, 2007).

In modern This type of personality is absent from the modern classification of mental illness, but this does not mean at all that this type does not exist. Alas, it is too common. And here I will give excerpts from several books, the authors of which describe in detail the characteristics of the depressive (or melancholic) personality type.

ACCORDING TO THE MATERIALS OF THE BOOK BY FRITZ RIEMANN "THE BASIC FORMS OF FEAR" , Per. with him. E.L. Gushansky. - M.: Aleteya, 1999

How the child perceives the image of the mother and what the experience of communicating with her in his mind determines his attitude towards himself ... The mother is the internal spiritual authority for the child, from which comes his rejection of himself. Therefore, the central problem of depressive personalities is the "failed turn to oneself", the lack of development of one's existence as a subject, and the fear of being abandoned inherent in them.

The less we learn to develop our personal existence, our independence, the more we need others. Thus, it can be stated that the fear of loss is reverse side weaknesses of the "I".

If the “I” is not sufficiently developed, then such a person needs outside support and becomes more dependent on the other, the weaker he himself is.

Due to the fact that the world is opposed to such a weak "I", depressed individuals perceive everything as a demand on them; they see a whole mountain of demands in front of them, from which, in the end, they fall into despair and disappointment.

Because of the weakness of the "I" they have strong impulses, desires and attitudes of their own, aimed at avoiding such demands, which they consider excessive. However, it is difficult for them to avoid, as depressed individuals cannot say “no” due to fear of loss and guilt. Therefore, they either continue to be in a depressed state, or, when the cup of their patience is overflowing, they subconsciously "strike", which, however, does not free them from guilt.

Because of the accumulated hatred and envy that they do not dare to express, depressed individuals either become disgusted with life or are forced to atone for guilt by constant self-blame and self-punishment.

The more persistently they try to reduce the fear of their own existence, the more they reject own personality, which creates an unsolvable situation. Here only the RESOLUTION to defend one's individuality can help.

Depressed individuals always approach the limit of their adaptability and readiness for self-denial.

Due to the weakness of his own "I" self-sufficiency in this world seems to the spoiled child an impossible task, which frightens and disappoints him.

They are characterized by a deep conviction that they are not able to be happy. They willingly give up happiness in advance, fearing greater disappointment in the future.

Finding themselves in a hopeless situation, such individuals try to guess and fulfill all the requirements, without experiencing the joy of life; trying to refuse to fulfill the requirements, they find themselves in the grip of a heavy sense of guilt. Thus, they subconsciously repeat the situation of their childhood.

Healthy persons belonging to this characterological type, in interpersonal relations, are distinguished by a tendency to empathy, readiness to take care and help. Caring, mutual assistance and mutual understanding are distinctive feature their behaviour. They can forgive, they can be patient, they can give or give away things of value without regret, and they are devoid of manifestations of selfishness. They are distinguished by affection in their emotional connections, modest and unpretentious in needs, easily refuse the necessary. They perceive life as a heavy burden; at the same time, as a counterbalance to this, they have developed humor - like "laughter in spite of everything."

Endurance and endurance are their main virtues. Spiritual commitment and responsibility, depth of feelings and warmth are their best qualities.

They are deeply grateful for what they have, and are happy if someone celebrates their abilities or reminds them a little of themselves. They perceive gratitude as mercy, thereby revealing true humility.

They accept life as it is and love it.

ON THE MATERIALS OF THE BOOK "NEUROSIS AND PERSONAL GROWTH" by KAREN HORNEY , Translated by E.I. Zamfir, St. Petersburg: East European Institute of Psychoanalysis and BSC, 1997

INABILITY TO REALIZE THE FAVORABILITY OF YOUR POSITION AND INABILITY TO USE IT

Privileges in his eyes turn into duties. He does not realize the superiority of his knowledge and at the decisive moment is unable to show it. He becomes confused in any situation in which his rights are not clearly defined. By making perfectly legitimate demands, he feels as though he is unfairly taking advantage of another's disadvantage. He either refuses to ask others at all, or he asks, apologizing for his "consciencelessness". He can be helpless even in front of those who are actually dependent on him, and cannot defend himself when they treat him simply insultingly.

ABOUT Pride

His ideal self-image is primarily a fusion of "lovable" qualities, such as lack of selfishness, kindness, generosity, humility, holiness, nobility, compassion. Helplessness, suffering, sacrifice are to be glorified for the second time. Feelings are also encouraged: joys and sufferings, feelings not only for individual people, but to all mankind, to art, nature, all kinds of "universal" values. Deep feelings are part of his self-image.

Since the sinless and lovable qualities of his PSEUDO-SELF are all he has, he cannot help being proud of them. Although he renounces his pride, it manifests itself in many subtle forms - in vulnerability, in various kinds avoidance, in defense mechanisms that allow "saving face", etc. His image as a saint and a catcher of hearts forbids any conscious sense of pride. He must destroy any trace of her. He can feel himself only as his subordinate, sacrificed self. He feels not only small and defenseless, but also guilty, unwanted, unloved, stupid, incompetent.

The exclusion of pride from awareness is part of his way of resolving internal conflict. This entails a biblical sin against oneself - burying one's talent in the ground; the other side, the taboo of capture, makes him a helpless victim of self-hatred.

Whatever his hidden pride or desire for power, he is "not familiar with" them, while he, on the contrary, perceives the subordinate and helpless part of himself as the very essence of himself.

He renounces his own pride and aggressiveness, but admires them in others, and this plays a huge role in his painful addiction.

"NEUROTIC REQUIREMENTS" (DO'S AND DON'Ts)

The two main MUSTs are MUSTs to transform any love relationship into absolutely harmonious and it is NECESSARY to make the partner love him. The feeling that he is pampered and cherished brings to life the most best qualities humble person. However, this situation inevitably prevents him from outgrowing his neurotic difficulties.

He tends to deny and eliminate all his feelings of an invasive plan, such as self-aggrandizement, pride and arrogance. Pride, no matter what, is subject to comprehensive and strict taboos. As a result, it is not consciously felt; he denies it and renounces it. He merges with his submissive self; he is a stowaway without rights. In accordance with this attitude, he is also inclined to suppress in himself everything that has a tinge of ambition, revenge, triumph, the search for profit.

Taboo on "aggressiveness". He cannot defend his right to reject any person, idea, motive, he cannot fight them if necessary. He cannot consciously for a long time remain hostile to the person or even dissatisfied with him.

Taboos fall on everything that is arrogant, selfish and aggressive. DO NOT with strong chains fetter his ability to capture, fight, protect himself and his interests, everything that could contribute to his development and increase self-esteem.

Violation of the taboo causes in him self-condemnation and contempt for himself. He reacts to them either with an all-encompassing, meaningless panic, or with a FEELING OF GUILT.

The need to restrain underlying aggressiveness forces him to cling tightly to the habitual pattern of humility and thereby increases his rigidity.

He can neither openly demand nor reproach. The hardest thing for him is to criticize, reprimand, blame, even when it seems justified.

He must be infinitely generous, helpful, considerate, understanding, compassionate, loving and sacrificial. In fact, love and sacrifice are closely intertwined in his mind: he must sacrifice everything for the sake of love - love is sacrifice.

Hopeless conflicts (pendulum) are possible between his requirements and his NECESSARY. He decides his internal conflict, suppressing all predatory attitudes and inclinations and giving way to inclinations to deny oneself and to deny oneself.

SUFFERING AND ITS FUNCTIONS

Suffering becomes the basis of demands. It is not only a plea for attention, care and sympathy, but gives the right to all this. It serves as a support for the neurotic decision and therefore has an integrating function. Suffering is also a special way of revenge.

Suffering provides him with an over-sufficient alibi, both that he did not really accomplish much in his life, and that he did not achieve his ambitious goals. His suffering allows him to save face by deciding for himself, consciously or unconsciously, that he would achieve the most high peaks, do not strike his mysterious affliction.

SELF-DEPRESSION

He cannot stand up for himself, and this applies not only to his clash with others, but also to his attacks on himself. He is just as defenseless against his own accusations, contempt, torment, etc., as well as against attacks from others.

The very process of self-deprecation is not only a means of avoiding predatory attitudes and keeping within the narrow limits of NO, but also a means of appeasing one's own self-hatred. The other way is passive externalization (he believes that he is accused, suspected, neglected, humiliated, despised, mocked, taken advantage of, or outright abused). This spoils his relationship with others, and he, for many reasons, is especially sensitive to this.

He cannot discard self-accusations by using self-justifications, because otherwise he would violate his DON'Ts by arrogance and vanity.

Nor can he successfully hate or despise others for what he rejects in himself, because he must be "understanding" and able to forgive.

If self-contempt is in the foreground, he may react with fear of being ridiculous. Fear that people will think it's funny if he enters into a discussion, puts himself up for any position or dares to write something.

RELATIONSHIPS WITH PEOPLE

Duality in relation to people: on the surface, "naive" optimistic trust prevails, and in depth - indiscriminate suspicion and indignation.

He favors an environment that does not force him to do more than he can, and allows for that measure of satisfaction that he (in accordance with his personality structure) needs and decides to allow himself (leading a life dedicated to others or to some business, a life where he can forget about himself, helping and benefiting others, and will feel needed, desired and pleasant).

He is looking for other people to strengthen his inner position: others will give him the feeling that he is accepted, approved, needed, desired, liked, loved and appreciated. His salvation is in the hands of others. His need for people is not only deeply rooted, but often takes on the character of madness. Love (sympathy, tenderness, friendship, gratitude, sexual love or the feeling that you are needed and appreciated) has an attraction for this type of personality. He needs others so much that for this very reason he must avoid friction with them.

He stubbornly waits for good. It looks as if he had an unshakable faith in the innate human goodness. He is more open, more sensitive to the pleasant qualities of other people. But the compulsiveness of his expectations does not allow him to show at least some legibility.

He, as a rule, cannot distinguish true friendliness from the mass of its fakes. He is too easily bribed by any display of warmth or interest. His internal prescriptions say that he MUST love everyone and MUST suspect no one of anything. His fear of confrontation and a possible collision makes him not see point-blank, brush aside, reduce to zero and in every possible way justify such traits as deceit, resourcefulness, exploitation, cruelty, treachery.

He refuses to believe in any intent to deceive, humiliate, exploit. Although he is often abused (and even more often he perceives what is happening), this does not change his basic expectations. The more he expects from people, the more he tends to idealize them.

He has no real faith in people.

He becomes an easy prey for those who want to use it, but often realizes this much later and then can be terribly angry with himself and with the exploiter.

He is an offended innocence and can decide to tell his partner everything that he thinks about him. But the next day he is afraid of his own boldness: both his demands from the other, and his accusations against him; afraid of the prospect of losing him.

He tends to obey others, depend on them and please them. If there is something in the attitude of others towards him that resembles admiration or recognition for him, then this puts him above others and makes him feel embarrassed (after all, he CANNOT consider himself superior to others or show such feelings in his behavior).

What he longs for is help, protection, absorbing love. He lives with a vague sense of failure (in living the right way) and therefore tends to feel guilty, inferior and inferior to others, and even contemptible. The self-hatred and contempt for himself that springs from this sense of failure is carried out by him: he believes that others blame or despise him (PROJECTION).

WHAT HE EXPECTS FROM PEOPLE

1. he must feel that he is accepted (in any available form: attention, approval, gratitude, friendship, sympathy, love, sex). He measures his value with the coin of love, using this word here in a broad sense, generalizing various forms location: it is worth as much as it is liked, needed, desired or loved.

2. he needs human contact and company because he cannot be alone even for a minute. He immediately feels lost, as if cut off from life. Painful as the feeling is, he can tolerate it as long as his mistreatment of himself doesn't get out of hand. But as soon as his self-accusations or self-contempt escalate, his sense of loss can escalate into unspeakable horror, and it is at this point that his need for others becomes insane. His idea is that if he is alone now, it means that he is not wanted and not loved at all, and this is a shame that should be kept secret. It's a disgrace to go alone to the movies or on vacation, and a shame to be alone for the weekend when everyone else is in the company. This illustrates the extent to which his self-confidence depends on whether someone cares about him in any way.

3. He needs others so that every little thing, no matter what he does, has a MEANING and taste.

4. He needs help, and in incredible proportions. In his opinion, the help that he needs remains within the most reasonable limits, and this is partly because the bulk of his needs are unconscious. His need for help actually comes to the expectation that everything will be done for him. Others must take the initiative, do his work, take responsibility, give meaning to his life, or take over his life in such a way that he lives them, through them. This is not only a means to alleviate anxiety; without love, he and his life are worthless and meaningless. Therefore, love is an integral part of the decision to be humble. If you speak the language of feelings of such a person, love becomes necessary for him, like air. Love and in a wider sense: signs of friendship, special attention or interest.

5. He believes he has a right to be showered with favors. A deeply unconscious need for love, affection, understanding, sympathy or help turns into a demand: "I have the right to love, affection, understanding, sympathy. I have the right to have everything done for me. I have the right not to pursue happiness, it must fall into my hands."

On what does this type of personality base its claims and how does it support them?

1. He tries hard to be pleasant and helpful, overestimates what he does for the other person (this person may not have wanted such attention or generosity at all; his proposals are like a baited hook; he does not take into account his not too pleasant features) .

2. Suffering is unconsciously placed at the service of neurotic demands, which not only stops the urge to overcome it, but also leads to an unintentional exaggeration of suffering. He must prove, first of all to himself, for the sake of his own peace of mind, that he has the right to satisfy his needs. He must feel that his suffering is so exceptional and great that it entitles him to help (since he is afraid of being alone, then others should stay at home; since he cannot stand noise, everyone should tiptoe around the house).

3. The feeling that he is offended, injured, and has the right to demand that he be compensated for the damage caused (this person craves love all the time and feels offended):

others often take advantage of his defenselessness and willingness to help or sacrifice something. Due to the feeling of his insignificance and inability to stand up for himself, he sometimes does not realize such abuse.
even if he is in some respect actually more fortunate than others, he is NOT allowed to acknowledge his advantages, and he must imagine himself (and therefore feel) in a worse position than they are.
he feels resentful when his many unconscious demands are not met - for example, when those around him do not respond with gratitude to his convulsive efforts to please, help and sacrifice something to them. His typical response to the frustration of demands is not so much righteous indignation as self-pity for being treated unfairly.
even more poisonous are the grievances that he experiences, engaging in self-deprecation, self-reproach, self-contempt and self-torture. The connection between the unexpected increase in self-blame and the subsequent feeling of resentment!!! As soon as self-blame rises at the sight of his difficulties, his thoughts will immediately shift to that occasion or period in his life when he was really mistreated. He can dramatically exaggerate the wrong done to him and get bored with it. If, for example, he vaguely feels that he has shown inattention to someone, he can, with the speed of lightning, switch to a feeling of resentment.
The wild fear of doing something "wrong" makes him feel like a victim, even when he really let others down or managed to impose something on them through indirect demands. The feeling of "I am the victim" thus becomes a defense against self-hatred. The more malicious the self-accusations become, the more violent must be the proofs and exaggerations of the evil done to him, and the deeper he lives this evil. This need can be unshakable, which makes him unavailable for help forever (if you accept help or see it being offered, the position of the victim simply collapses). With every sudden increase in resentment - possible increase feelings of guilt.
It can provoke mistreatment. Thus he becomes a noble victim, suffering in a world devoid of nobility and cruel.

The characterological patterns of manic-depressive personalities are created by the depressive dynamics. People who can be called manic are characterized by a denial of depression and are guided by life strategies opposite to those unconsciously used by depressed people. Yet the basic organizing themes, fears, conflicts, and unconscious explanatory constructs of depressed and manic people are similar.

It has been observed that people in a depressed state most they direct their negative affect not on the other, but on themselves, hating themselves beyond any correlation with their actual shortcomings. This phenomenon has been described as "inward anger". Depressed individuals are painfully aware of every sin they have committed - despite the fact that they ignore their own good deeds, experiencing for a long time each of their selfish manifestations. Sadness is another of the main affects of people with depressive psychology.

The most powerful and organizing defense that these types usually use is introjection. Another frequently observed defense mechanism is turning against oneself. By turning against oneself, anxiety is reduced, especially separation anxiety (if someone believes that it is anger and criticism that cause abandonment, he feels safer directing them at himself), and a feeling of power is maintained (if the "badness" is in me, I can change this disturbed situation). Another defense is idealization. Since the self-esteem of depressed individuals decreases in response to experiences, the admiration with which they perceive others increases it.

People with depressive psychology believe that they are inherently bad. They lament their greed, selfishness, vanity, pride, anger, envy, and passion. They view all these normal aspects of experience as perverted and dangerous, and worry about their inherent destructiveness. They try very hard to be "good" and are afraid of being exposed for their sins and rejected as unworthy.

Since people with a depressive personality type are constantly in a state of readiness to believe the worst about themselves, they are very vulnerable. Criticism devastates them. In any message that contains a message about their shortcomings, they tend to distinguish only that part of the communication.

Depressed individuals are deeply sensitive to being left behind and are unhappy when alone. They experience the loss as proof of their negative individual properties.

Mania is the other side of depression. People endowed with a hypomanic personality have a depressive organization that is neutralized by defense mechanism denial.

Manic people are characterized by high energy, excitement, mobility, switchability and sociability. When negative affect occurs in people with manic and hypomanic personalities, it manifests itself not as sadness or frustration, but as anger—sometimes in the form of a sudden and uncontrollable display of hatred.

The main defenses of manic and hypomanic people are denial and reaction. Denial manifests itself in their tendency to ignore (or transform into humor) events that upset and disturb most other people. Manic individuals are usually prone to devaluation, a process isomorphic to the depressive tendency to idealize. For a manic personality, everything that distracts from emotional suffering is preferred.

Home hallmark of this type is a lack of will and an inability to withstand pressure from the outside world. Such individuals easily go astray from the true path both under the pressure of circumstances and under the influence of others. It is natural that with their malleable behavior they are also sensitive to good influences.

Probably the most famous of the syndromes corresponding to this type was defined by Ernst Kretschmer as cyclothymia. Manic-depressive personalities can be described as dependent personalities in the context of the following characteristics:
1) unable to make decisions without much advice or support from others;
2) allows others to take for him important decisions type: where to live, what job to choose;
3) because of the fear of being rejected, agrees with people, even when he believes that they are wrong;
4) it is difficult for him or her to take the initiative in any undertakings or simply act alone;
5) volunteers to do harmful or humiliating work in order to earn the sympathy of others;
6) feels discomfort or helplessness when alone, goes to great lengths to avoid loneliness;
7) feels empty or helpless if a close relationship with someone ends;
8) he is often overcome by the fear of being abandoned by everyone;
9) He is easily offended by criticism or disapproval.

A feature of this syndrome is that the centers of attraction of dependent individuals are in others, and not in themselves. They tailor their own behavior to please those on whom they depend, and the search for love leads to the rejection of thoughts and feelings that others may not like.

Personalities of this type are markedly endomorphic - Sheldon's "whales in the atlas" are rarely compared with people of any other character, and about the totality of such personalities, we can say that this is the most endomorphic group.

A depressed person is almost always pessimistic. In different situations, whether it is about family, work or something new, he thinks first of all about possible troubles. His mood is most often gloomy, as evidenced by his expression, sad and preoccupied. He rarely feels pleasure, does not look for activities that are pleasant for himself, partly because nothing seems like that to him. He often feels guilty and clearly underestimates himself. It seems to such people that life is difficult, everything requires effort and causes suffering. And this sense of their own weakness and vulnerability prevents them from achieving success in the profession. Either the slightest effort scares them away, or they are pessimistic (“nothing good will come of it anyway”), or they have forgotten what it means to experience pleasure. If you suggest that they go somewhere, they will most likely prefer to stay at home. They do not like society, the companies of other people tire them, perhaps because they themselves consider themselves uninteresting interlocutors.

a negative view of oneself: "I'm not up to par";
negative view of the world: "The world is cruel and unfair";
negative outlook on the future: “I and my loved ones are in trouble”;

This triple negative view is called the depressive triad. It is also seen in people who are depressed.

Doctor, where is this from?

It has been irrefutably proven that heredity plays a decisive role in the emergence and formation of a depressive personality. If you sort through all the relatives of such a person, it is often found that some of them suffered from depression. But education is also important. For example, the image of parents who are constantly tired, preoccupied, not allowing themselves the slightest joy, can serve as a model that the child will unconsciously imitate. It can be assumed that in children, everything that contributes to the creation of a negative self-image increases the risk of developing a depressive personality, especially if the child is biologically predisposed to this. Some traditional types of education, when ideals of perfection are imposed on children that are clearly unattainable for them, can develop a sense of their own inferiority and guilt, and this, in turn, leads to the formation of a depressive personality.

“I think I was raised to believe that I didn’t deserve to be happy. My father worked from dawn to dusk and did not allow himself a single minute of rest. I myself and my brothers received a very strict Christian upbringing. At the same time, the emphasis has always been on the dark side: we are sinners, we must constantly remind ourselves that Christ gave His life to atone for our sins. It really affected me - impressionable and insecure. Until now, in everything I am looking first of all for my own fault, I often reproach myself for selfishness (that I am an egoist, my mother constantly repeated). It is difficult for me to ask for something, and even more so to demand, as if defending my own opinion or my own interests is really “selfish”. Now I am much happier than before, but this does not solve all the problems: when something good happens to me and I rejoice, there is immediately a feeling of an imminent catastrophe, as if for every minute of happiness I should be “punished” by misfortune, - remembers Thibault.

How to help yourself?

Many people think that understanding and understanding the situation means improving it, but this, alas, is far from being the case. Many depressed individuals endlessly "chew" the various causes of their condition, but cannot get out of it. Being aware of something is often very helpful, but usually not enough. In addition, there are reasons why depressed individuals are reluctant to seek help.

1. They do not consider their condition to be a disease, but they think that it is all about their character.

2. As long as they manage to cope with their professional and family responsibilities, they do not see the need to seek outside help.

4. They believe that their case is special and that talking to a specialist is useless.

5. Distrustful of medicines, do not see the need for them.

6. They are so used to feeling bad that they don’t even know what it means to feel good, and therefore they can’t even want it.

7. They manage to boost their self-esteem by convincing themselves that they endure the hardships of life.

8. Sometimes their problems give them some advantages: the sympathy of others, the ability to “put pressure” on children, not to show proper attention, and so on.

Rules of behavior with a depressive personality

What do we have to do

Use questions to draw their attention to the positive side of the situation. For example, your friend has received a responsible position and is sure that he will not cope. Perhaps you really want to say: “You always see everything in a black light! Stop complaining! But this will not lead to anything good. He will be left with the impression that no one understands or wants to understand him, and this will only aggravate his depressive outlook on life. Better try, without denying his fears and beliefs, to recall the positive aspects of the situation, and do it in the form of questions. “Of course it will be difficult, but it’s interesting, isn’t it?” Do not speak sharply and forcefully with a depressed person, try to find and give examples from the past when he was pessimistic, but, nevertheless, everything was resolved successfully.
Engage them in enjoyable activities that are compatible with their abilities.
They like to reject everything that can give them pleasure. There are many reasons for this, and they are interconnected: fatigue, poor health, fear of not being up to par, a feeling of guilt (“I have no right to pleasure”) and, most importantly, the conviction that the situation will certainly not turn out in their favor. In dealing with such people, two extremes must be avoided. On the one hand, they should not be completely left to them - "let them try if they want." On the other hand, you should not impose on them what is beyond their strength. This is difficult and requires effort from those around you: you need to remain calm, positive and benevolent.
Show them respect and praise on specific occasions. Moderate praise for what they have done will increase their self-esteem. But it is worth praising not the person himself, but what he did, or his behavior. For example, if you tell your assistant: “You are an excellent specialist,” she will think that you either do not notice her shortcomings, or put her so low that you try to comfort her. But if you say, "I think you did a great job with this story," she's more likely to accept that modest praise because it's based on a specific fact.
Suggest that they see a specialist. They may be helped by medication or psychotherapy. But to convince them of this, it will take a lot of time and diplomatic efforts.

What not to do

Advise them to shake things up. "Get a hold of yourself!" "Who wants, he can!". As a rule, people around willingly give such advice, but they do not have the slightest sense. Even if a depressed person tries to follow them, he will feel misunderstood, rejected and hurt.
Read morals to them. "Where is your will?" “Look at me, I keep myself in control all the time!” Such statements are also in great use. But neither moralizing nor accusatory tone will help you. It's like blaming a near-sighted person for seeing poorly, or a person who sprained his leg for being lame. Many depressed individuals already live with a constant sense of guilt, there is no need to increase it.
Give in to their mood. Next to them, so sad and preoccupied, we also fall into sadness or begin to feel a vague sense of guilt due to the fact that we cannot share their pain. Merging with them together will not help, as well as trying to stir them up. Respect your longing for freedom and joy, even if interacting with a depressed person sometimes causes you to forget about it.

Three warnings

If this is your boss, check in regularly to make sure everything is going well at work.
If this is your employee, praise him more often.
If this is your life partner, let him (her) read this article.

* F. Lelor, K. Andre "He is a schizophrenic?! .. How to deal with difficult people" (Generation, 2007).