What is depression and who are depressed people? How people with depression and their loved ones live What does a depressed person mean

Depression is a mental illness that is accompanied by three main symptoms: a decrease in mood and the ability to experience joy, impaired thinking (negative judgments, pessimistic mood), accompanied by motor inhibition. With this disease, the patient has reduced self-esteem, he loses interest in life and in his professional activities.

Most often, depression affects women, most of them over 40 years old. Depression in women is associated with constantly changing hormonal levels (puberty, menstruation, pregnancy, childbirth, the postpartum period, menopause). Symptoms of depression in men are very often associated with low levels of the hormone testosterone.

About 5% of children and adolescents aged 10-16 are prone to depression, some cases end in suicide.

The prevalence of depression among the population is very high, but not all patients go to doctors for help and can tell about the symptoms. Modern popular culture teaches people to restrain their emotions and keep feelings under control. Many patients, when they see a general practitioner, do not admit their depressive experiences. Patients are afraid of prescribing strong psychotropic drugs or that the employer will find out about the disease and they will be fired. Some people don't want to be referred to a psychiatrist and have a diagnosis of depression written on their outpatient chart. In order to get rid of unpleasant symptoms, the patient begins to consume large amounts of alcohol or psychotropic substances in order to stimulate psycho-emotional activity.

Manifestations

Symptoms of depression are divided into two types: typical and additional.

Typical manifestations of the disease

1. Apathy. The patient has a decrease in mood, depression. This condition has been observed for at least two weeks. No external circumstances can improve the mood of the patient;
2. Anhedonia. The person loses interest in life. Previously, he could enjoy simple things, go to work and communicate with friends. But at some point, he was completely uninterested. He sees no meaning in his life. It seems to him that he is a loser, did not take place in life as a professional, could not arrange his personal life;
3. Aginesia. The patient has severe fatigue and loss of strength. Within a month, the patient feels weakness, drowsiness. He gets tired of simple household chores. He is constantly sleepy during the day, but at night he cannot sleep. It is difficult for the patient to go to work, to perform ordinary professional duties.

Additional symptoms

Men and women show signs of depression differently. In men, it manifests itself in the form of increased self-esteem, the predominance of anger and the desire to control everything. Anxiety, agitation, irritability are signs of latent depression in male patients.

Many patients experience insomnia. They cannot fall asleep for a long time, various thoughts climb into their heads, toss and turn from side to side. Sleep is superficial, with frequent awakenings. As a rule, it is very difficult to wake up in the morning, they feel overwhelmed. Some patients during the period of depression do not sleep until 2 - 3 o'clock in the morning, and spend the weekend in bed, sleeping.

Patients turn to general practitioners with complaints of pain in the region of the heart, discomfort in the region of the "solar plexus".

Some can hardly remember when they ate or slept well. In severe cases, depression manifests itself in the form of severe melancholy and anxiety. Patients are not sociable, they talk little, their speech is monotonous and monotonous.

Manifestations in women

A woman in a period of depression experiences feelings of guilt, anxiety or fear. She believes that her existence in the world is useless. Against the background of a reduced mood, a woman shows an inability to concentrate and make decisions. She does everything in her life “automatically”.

The patient is completely immersed in her sad thoughts. When communicating with others, a woman constantly expresses her pessimistic thoughts. She has low self-esteem. The patient is unable to make important decisions, the thoughts in his head are constantly confused, she cannot distinguish the main from the secondary. Against the backdrop of severe depressive thoughts, some women attempt suicide.

The patient during this period has an unstable appetite: from anorexia to bulimia. Some patients during the period of depression greatly gain weight, the reflection in the mirror upsets them even more, which aggravates the course of the disease. Women with depressive thoughts begin to actively eat sweets and flour products (cakes, pastries, chocolate) and do not notice how much they gain weight. Patients become isolated, try to get away from communication with others. Remembering unpleasant events, many women begin to cry. They rarely smile, almost never laugh.

Very often, signs of depression in women occur after childbirth, and become protracted.

Manifestations in children

Children and teenagers during the period of depression behave aggressively. They move away from their peers and loved ones, become very touchy, do not talk. As a rule, their performance at school decreases, they begin to skip circles and sections.

At night, children cannot sleep for a long time. During sleep, they are tormented by nightmares, some children begin to scream in their sleep. During this period, minors have a reduced mood, apathy. They often cry. It seems to many that life is unfair to them, they are not “lucky”, no one loves them and will never love them.

Signs of depression in teenagers are very dangerous because they often lead to suicide attempts.

Characteristic appearance of the patient

Patients lose interest in their appearance. Women stop dyeing and styling their hair, use cosmetics. A very characteristic sign of a depressed patient is a sad expression on his face. The upper eyelid is broken, folds are expressed on the forehead and in the region of the nasolabial triangle. The head is down, the back is hunched.

The corners of the lips are lowered in patients, longing and resentment are in the eyes. Depressed people, as a rule, wear dark-colored clothes (usually black), baggy. They become less neat, tidy. The patient looks tired and tormented. In a conversation, a person always returns to the same topic that worries him.

Neurotic disease level

This level of depression in a person is observed after severe stress, the patient's mood decreases moderately, and mainly in the evening. In such people, the processes of inhibition in the brain predominate over the processes of excitation. Patients with depression are very slowly included in a new job or activity. They do everything detachedly, without complicity.

With depressive disorders of the neurotic level, the patient may experience sudden outbursts of business activity or interest in any field of activity, but they fade very quickly. As a rule, such people very rarely bring the work they have started to the end. The paroxysmal nature of social activity in a patient looks like the processes of inhibition and excitation in the brain are fighting each other, but in the end inhibition wins. During the period of depression, the patient has a reduced neuropsychic tone, he negatively perceives reality and himself. He gloomily evaluates the past and present, has a pessimistic attitude towards the future.

Some patients complain of a feeling of "inner emptiness". During the disease, all spheres of human activity suffer: volitional, emotional, intellectual, motivational. A person loses interest in everything that previously seemed attractive to him. He stops reading books, does not go in for sports, he is not interested in various types of leisure and sexual life.

During an illness, a person does not feel spiritual uplift and a state of inspiration. The patient loses motivation for his activity, it seems monotonous to him and causes apathy and irritation. A change in the patient's motivational behavior is inextricably linked with a change in the metabolism of brain monoamines - serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine.

Some patients with a neurotic form of depression frankly admit to their loved ones: “I am not in the mood. I am depressed". The patient decreases or disappears the highest human needs - the desire for knowledge, self-realization in society.

Cyclothymic level of the disease

This level of depression is very common in people who have lost a loved one.

The mood in such patients decreases mainly in the morning and at night. During the day, the patient "paces" and pessimistic thoughts gradually disappear. Such patients are characterized by sudden tearfulness. The patient tries not to show his emotions, but he can hardly do it. Often such patients complain of a hard life, share thoughts about suicide. Their level of anxiety is very high, but, as a rule, they are pointless. Surrounding people are trying with all their might to cheer up a depressed person, but this causes him only an ironic smirk.

The circle of interests of the patient is narrowed down by the plot of the experience. A person behaves indifferently to everything that happens around. He is not interested in politics, fashion, music, personal life. A depressed person loses the taste of food, the world seems “gray” and monotonous to him.

Many patients begin to compare themselves with "normal" people who have achieved something in life or are striving for something else. The patient feels unfit. He believes that he has changed a lot, has become completely different and will never again be able to live happily, like all "normal" people.

Very often, such people behave constrainedly. Their gait may change, all movements are uncertain. Mimicry is very poor and monotonous. A person cannot gather his thoughts, answer the question clearly and distinctly. People with this level of depression often complain: "I'm tired of living!", "I can't concentrate," "I don't understand."

Psychotic level of illness

At this level of depression, the decrease in mood is permanent. The feeling of depression in such patients is felt as physical pain. Severe anxiety develops into constant internal tension. The person feels as if he is being squeezed in a vise. He completely loses interest in life, quits work or school, does not communicate with friends and relatives. The patient is tormented by thoughts of suicide. A pessimistic attitude extends not only to the future and the present, the past of a person is criticized. He begins to evaluate his entire life and realizes that there was nothing good in it, he was never happy. All his past life interests seem to him stupid, meaningless and monstrous. Such patients may experience a sudden attack of anxiety, which manifests itself in the form of excitement and aimless activity.

I am a very, very depressed person. A few months ago I went to a psychotherapist, he prescribed antidepressants for me and diagnosed me. Having started taking antidepressants, I wanted to live, endless thoughts of suicide, tears, goals appeared, a desire to live .... But it wasn’t there so long ago I told him that obsessive thoughts don’t leave me anyway, he prescribed, in addition to one drug, another<ред.мод.>.And that one from schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. At first I drank it together with two tablets of the first half, then he told me to increase the dose. , I was writhing from side to side, in an ambulance they couldn’t help me, they called a psycho brigade. They took me to a psychiatric hospital, they made a dropper there. It all happened at night. I fell asleep. Then the next day I ended up in a psychiatric hospital with psychos. and I accidentally stepped on. Unflattering things were said about me, and they told me to pick it up, I was overcome with rage, I hit the one who went to the toilet. She started beating me. sedative shot<ред.мод.>They didn’t want to let me out. My grandmother and mother somehow took me out of the psych hospital, I didn’t think anything, I lost track of time, three or four days have already passed, I still feel dizzy. My parents took away all antidepressants, I roar all day thinking about death, I want to fall asleep and not wake up. Uncle found some kind of herbal medicine, they give me water with it, they buy all kinds of chocolates, I want to go back to antidepressants. My whole life was shattered to smithereens after they took them away. I will live. I have no friends, no support, I roar all day long, I think about death, I think that I'm just a mistake, no one has ever loved me except my parents, they bullied me at school, the people dearest to me hated and despised. What's the point should I continue to live if I don’t want anything? Now there are no antidepressants that temporarily helped. But I can’t leave this life, I live terribly suffering, not finding joy in anything, I constantly cry, I am corroded by mental pain. was I need it. Everyone didn't care about me. What is the point of my life? What lies ahead for me?
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Sydney, age: 12/19/2014

Responses:

How can I tell you .. While the meaning of life you have to solve the riddle, what is your meaning of life. Sometimes it is only at the end of life that one can understand. Since you did not create your life, it is not for you to take it away from yourself.
You write "I never need anyone" and immediately above you write "except for your parents." Would it be better if you were in the hospital? Why are you making yourself a victim?!
Antidepressants.. some of them are addictive. And abrupt cancellation leads to difficulties like yours. Sydney, you gotta hold on.
We need to fight. With your condition, with yourself.

Alexey, age: 33 / 20.12.2014

Sydney, believe me, there is no magic pill for all suffering. The pills helped you at that time. But you wouldn't drink them all your life, would you? This can only be a temporary support, but after that you will inevitably need to look for a new one in the face of your family, in things that are interesting to you, in work, etc. I understand that everything now seems useless to you. Do you know who the most valuable people are? I think you know, parents. So the dearest ones are right next to you, and they love you. I think they need your love, just like you need theirs. Take a moment away from your suffering, talk to them, pay attention, do not be afraid to let this warmth into your soul. And then more, strength will come to you to get out, just look and do not reject support. You have already taken the first step. I believe in you.

Polik, age: 22/20.12.2014

Sydney! You have such happiness as the love of parents! Remember that no one will ever love you like mom and dad. Read at least the titles of some requests for help. How many children, teenagers, boys and girls who do not find the love and support of their closest people - their parents. You have it and it's great.
In order to gradually start getting out of a state of depression, I advise you not to refuse if you are invited to take a walk on the street, to breathe fresh air, especially during the day when it is light. Sunlight helps to disperse melancholy. Walking and physical activity also help fight depression. Dishes with the addition of cinnamon improve mood (just do not eat such dishes in the evening before bedtime).
Consult with a therapist, maybe you can drink lemongrass or eleutherococcus tinctures to raise your vitality. Consult with a therapist, maybe you should drink nutritional supplements such as "optimistin", which include vitamins and microelements necessary for the body in this state.
I wish you recovery! Start doing something little by little, like taking a walk every day. This will become a habit and it will become easier to continue the fight against depression.

Oletta, age: 45 / 12/20/2014

Hello dear! Perhaps you have a nervous breakdown, psychological exhaustion after this whole story. Yes, it’s not easy for you now, but don’t even think about giving up;) Not our method :) And believe me: everything in your life will be fine, and these are not empty words, you have wonderful parents, they love you and worry about you. After all, you yourself know it. And imagine how they will feel if they do not save you? Trust them. They don't wish you harm. They removed these pills and okay, learn to live without antidepressants;) do you really want your mood to depend on some kind of pills? You yourself are the mistress of your emotions, and indeed, who inspired you that everything is so regrettable, huh? Everything passes and it will pass =) Step by step, up your nose, baby! Since you write that you are haunted by obsessive ideas about ... the bad, then stubbornly, in contrast, "impose" thoughts about the beautiful on yourself :) You are only 19 !!! Why do you have this depression? Calm down, think. Well, is it really worse than ever? Yes, it’s unlikely :) Don’t worry;) Figure out in yourself what you like, what you don’t, what you are drawn to, what not. Do not rush death, it will come to everyone, as in Aria's song "There high up." Live while you breathe, breathe while you live :) and instead of drugs, take jokes. Unlimited =))))))))))

Light, age: 25/20.12.2014

Sydney, dear! Do not think that your relatives do not love you. They love you and want you to learn how to live without antidepressants. You are young and there is still a lot of good things to come, but there are not pleasant moments in life that you need to be able to experience. I have a friend who fought for the life of her child for almost two years, she spent a lot of money on his treatment and lived in the hospital with him, forgetting about herself and work, but she was able to survive the loss ... hard, but she could. there are also depressions, but you need to find joy in small things. Rejoice that you have arms and legs, there are people with disabilities, they want to work and live a full life, but they cannot do it. Appreciate your life and learn to enjoy even the little things, and you can learn this only you yourself, no one will help you. Just try changing the settings in your head. Have you noticed that people who radiate a good mood have many friends, but sad and gloomy ones have none. People love good emotions, they don’t like sad ones. Read a good literature, look good movies, walk in the park with your parents, listen to good music. Sometimes when I’m in a bad mood, I listen to classical music, it helps me sort out my thoughts. We create the mood ourselves and we need to learn how to manage it! but you should also make an effort! Be happy, start to please your loved ones with a good mood and you will see that friends and a lot of good moments will come into your life!

Good, age: 100 years / 12/20/2014

Your parents love you and take care of you, they need you - appreciate it. Many people do not have parents and families - no one needs them.
What lies ahead? - Growing up: study, work, love, family, children. Maybe success, fame, money. Everything depends on you. You are still young and everything is in your hands: you can become limp, lie in bed and think about all sorts of shit, or you can live, work on yourself and achieve ...

Alexionides, age: 30 / 20.12.2014

Sydney, after reading your story, I want to warn you that a lot of medication does not mean better, especially in such a delicate area as psychiatry. You most likely do not have schizophrenia, and obsessions are mainly treated with self-hypnosis and psychotherapy. But keep taking antidepressants, which are now prescribed for no dependence on modern drugs. If only the person himself convinces himself that without antidepressants he is nothing, then yes, this is dependence, but only psychological ... You need to learn to live with your peculiarity - a tendency to depression, and of course, you should not take antidepressants for life ... Your case is work with a psychologist, psychotherapist and, of course, hard work on yourself)

Eliya, age: 24/21.12.2014

I tirelessly thank the Creator who created the antidepressants, and you should be glad that you have chosen the right ones so quickly, because for many it takes years to select. I have been prescribed all sorts of rubbish, from which there were terrible side effects. And you have already been selected an antidepressant, You already know what it is to live and enjoy life, I found out about it only at almost 25. A little later, you will definitely return to antidepressants, as the substance accumulates in the body, obsessions will disappear. It is a pity that people who understand nothing, including those close to you they give ignorant advice. So I want support in this incurable disease (endogenous, like you and I, is incurable).

Violetta, age: 01/31/2015

Depressive personality - a person with constantly depressed mood. Their picture of the world is drawn mainly in black colors and dark colors. Life seems devoid of meaning, in everything they look for only gloomy sides. Even with a great desire, they hardly manage to find something positive around: in events, the behavior of other people.

inherent negative attitude towards the future. A depressed person is a real pessimist. Every joyful event is immediately poisoned by the thought of the fragility of joy, of that grief that will come to replace joy. Nothing is expected of the future but misfortune and hardship.

The attitude towards the past is somewhat different - it is mainly the source of remorse about real or imaginary mistakes made by them, as well as missed opportunities. Many depressive individuals are haunted by a certainty of their own guilt, which colors for them with an extremely painful feeling the memories of the most ordinary acts of youth. Accordingly, it often seems to them that others treat them with contempt, look down on them. This makes them shun other people, withdraw into themselves.

A depressed person is extremely sensitive to all sorts of troubles that happen in life. Often they react very sharply even to not the most unpleasant events. No matter how successful things are, there is a characteristic anxious anticipation of misfortune.

If self-flagellation acquires a permanent and painful character, a depressive person with a head plunges into self-flagellation and completely ceases to be interested in the surrounding reality, becomes indifferent and indifferent to it.

With his gloominess, gloomy thoughts, constant discontent, and little talkativeness, a depressive person involuntarily repels others, even sympathizers. Loneliness can deepen depressive experiences.

With external gloom, the nature of the attitude towards others is quite positive. A depressed personality is often capable of manifestations of great kindness, kindness. She understands the mental movements of other people quite well. In a close circle of relatives, surrounded by an atmosphere of sympathy and love, it becomes cheerful, friendly, talkative, can successfully joke and even be the "soul of the company". Thus, the depressed personality usually retains the ability to be infected by the general merriment.

In movements, in facial expressions and pantomime, it is usually visible lethargy:

drooping facial features,

Hands dangling helplessly

slow walk,

Stingy, sluggish gestures.

Appearance, as it were, reports hopeless despondency.

The labor activity of a usually depressive person is unpleasant, it soon causes fatigue. In what they have done, they notice mostly mistakes, but in what lies ahead - so many difficulties that in anticipation of them they involuntarily give up. A depressed person is usually incapable of prolonged volitional tension, easily falls into despair in the face of difficulties. As a result, extreme indecision and inability to take effective initiative.

Physically active depressive personality often prefers reflection and intellectual work. But at the same time, mental work is colored unpleasantly, accompanied by a feeling of great tension. Here, too, internal inhibition is felt, manifesting itself in the extreme slowness of intellectual processes. The speed of intellectual processes is low, although this may not affect the quality. Many depressed individuals are highly intelligent.

Physical well-being is usually completely dependent on mood. Usually a depressed person is haunted by a feeling of constant fatigue and weakness especially in the morning. The head seems stale, tormented by a feeling of pressure in it. Some complain of severe migraines. The intestines do not work well, and constant constipation worsens mood even more. The stomach may suffer from nervous dyspepsia. Poor sleep at night, often accompanied by nightmares. Sleepiness during the day is possible.

From the book of the practicing psychotherapist Richard O'Connor "Depression is canceled."

All people from time to time succumb to melancholy and despondency. And that's okay. But can you answer with confidence what exactly is bothering you: just sadness or real depression? And if, nevertheless, depression (a disease that should be treated), then why did it appear and how to deal with it?

1. A depressed person does not spare himself.

He can criticize himself endlessly, believing that the inherent qualities of his personality are inferiority, inferiority, deprivation. A depressed person is sure that he really deserves all the misfortunes that happen to him. He does not see anything in himself but negative traits, therefore he thinks that he is not worthy of being happy. Low self-esteem, lack of hope, constant introspection - such is the life of a depressed person.

In a state of depression, a person does not know how to believe in a good future, does not remember pleasant moments from the past, and does not expect positive changes in his life. And even if he tries to change something for the better, he is still sure of failure. To realize that these thoughts are false, and to get rid of them, means already to go on the mend.

2. There are objective reasons that make us vulnerable

Among them are a genetic predisposition, poor relationships with parents in childhood, shyness, loneliness, pessimism, low self-esteem. And any stressful situation can push a vulnerable person to depression. Here is a far from complete list of such situations: physical illness, defeat, breakup, dismissal, social stress (for example, during an economic crisis).

And then - a person falls into a trap. Negative thoughts lead to feelings of guilt and shame. There are neurochemical changes in the brain. All this forces the sufferer to lead a self-destructive lifestyle. Which, no doubt, only increases the feeling of guilt and causes new gloomy thoughts. This is a vicious circle that needs to be broken out of, otherwise it will get worse and worse.

3. Postpartum depression

Approximately 15% of women who have given birth to a child overtake this serious illness. The new mother is waiting for such unpleasant symptoms as lack of sleep and appetite, guilt, self-flagellation, pessimistic thoughts. The woman is disturbed by the feeling that she is a bad mother, unable to take care of the child. She does not feel love for the baby, and he himself seems hostile to her. The woman thinks that she has made an irreparable mistake by giving birth to a child.

If this disease is not treated, then it can turn into postpartum psychosis with delusions and obsessive thoughts, for example, that the child needs to be disposed of. However, this rarely comes to pass. If motherhood does not bring you joy, be sure to go to an appointment with a psychotherapist.

4. Depression changes the brain

Really severe depression causes serious changes in the brain. This leads to the fact that we lose the ability to experience pleasure from something good: we are let down by degraded receptors for joy hormones. In addition, depression causes the hippocampus to shrink, resulting in problems with memory and concentration. But don't worry. Scientists have found out that the brain can be trained. We ourselves are able to influence it.

“Depression habits” can be changed by improving lifestyle. The facts confirm that by changing habits, we erase old neural connections in the brain and replace them with others. Depression is like alcohol addiction. This is a chronic disease that can be cured if taken seriously.

5. Depressed people misunderstand their emotions.

Some are characterized by coldness, detachment and prudence. What makes them so is the fear of any emotion. Others feel that they are on the verge of hysteria, and at any moment they can burst into tears in front of everyone. Anger is another emotion that many are needlessly ashamed of. They mistakenly believe that this is a shameful and forbidden feeling, so they try to suppress it, but in the end this leads to an unexpected breakdown for others.

Friends and relatives are lost, because for them the reasons for the violent reaction to a minor incident remain a mystery. And a person who has lost control of emotions begins to suffer even more. During psychotherapy, he must learn to see these patterns of behavior and understand that it is impossible to drive healthy emotions (unhealthy ones simply do not happen) into the subconscious. There is nothing to fear here, because close intimacy does not lead to absorption by another person, and anger does not end the relationship.

6. Perfectionism leads to depression.

People with depression are sure that any work should be done with five plus. Even a minor mistake causes a sharp decrease in self-esteem. But, as a rule, this approach leads to the opposite result. Fearing to spoil everything, a depressed person may never get down to business at all.

Because of perfectionism, we want to remake ourselves from scratch. A considerable amount of work looms before us, so we play for time or one fine day we nevertheless take on the task, but the flow of energy dissipates in different directions, we achieve nothing and only affirm in the belief that it is not worth even trying. In fact, achieving more realistic goals is much more satisfying than building castles in the air.

7. Depression hurts the whole body

Depressed patients typically have elevated levels of cortisol and adrenaline, the fight-or-flight hormones, which wear out the brain and many body systems. The result is sad: exhaustion, heart tension, damage to the kidneys, circulatory and digestive systems, muscle fatigue, loss of appetite, impaired immunity, and increased vulnerability to infections.

In no case should you neglect your health, because in this way you harm yourself. Learn to relax. Sign up for a yoga course, taijiquan, practice in a dance ensemble. Do aerobic exercise three times a week for at least half an hour. Listen to the signals your body is giving and learn to take care of it. Avoid junk food and alcohol.

8. Depressed people tend to be overly responsible.

During depression, people care too much about other people's feelings and not enough about their own. Sufferers take the blame for things they have nothing to do with and may feel terribly guilty of trivial incidents. But if we carefully examine what is and is not our responsibility, it is quite possible to get rid of this depressive guilt to a large extent.

It is important to understand that we are only responsible for our own actions and inactions; we are not responsible for the happiness of others; we are allowed to be selfish; we can forgive, but forgiving and letting ourselves be used are not the same thing.

9. Extroverts are less likely to get depressed.

Extroverts are much more likely to feel happy - or are happy people more extroverted? It doesn't really matter. Try to be an extrovert. Go out to people. Smile. Talk more. Research on students showed that all participants (even introverts) were happier when they acted as extroverts, indicating that anyone who chooses to be friendly will be happier as a result.

10. Pride in yourself helps to cope with depression.

Learn to love yourself. We rarely experience happiness and satisfaction, so such feelings can even be frightening. But there is nothing to be afraid of here, you just need to develop the habit of being proud of yourself. Not occasionally, but daily. This is really worth working on.

Take a couple of minutes each day to make a list of your most rewarding accomplishments. Even if there are very few of them. It could be things that you were afraid of failing, or difficult tasks that you forced yourself to solve, or just spontaneous generosity, or an act of intimacy. After a week, summarize, take a look at your list again. Through this experience, you will begin to think better about yourself.

10 TIPS from Richard O'Connor's bestseller Depression Canceled

Many experts call depression the "plague of the 21st century" and such a nickname is quite justified. In our world oversaturated with information, people sometimes cannot cope with the flow of information, become too closed or, on the contrary, dissolve their own “I” in others and lose it. Both lead straight into the pool of depressive states, slipping into it is quite easy, but not everyone manages to get out. Despite a fairly rich experience in monitoring patients suffering from depression, science has not yet been able to give mankind a complete picture of this disease. The development of depression is influenced by a lot of factors - social, psychological, cultural, even political and historical! We offer you some practical advice based on the book by psychologist Richard O'Connor Depression Canceled. The techniques described by him will help you not to become a victim of this terrible disease, which is confidently walking around our planet.

Richard O'Connor

1. Don't be afraid of feelings

Suppression of emotions is one of the main causes of depression, in order to prevent its visit, first of all, you need to learn to accept your feelings without blaming yourself for them. Many depressive individuals live with a burden of guilt since childhood and are so accustomed to it that they can no longer imagine life without self-abasement and self-flagellation. The paradox is that sometimes people do not even realize what exactly they are to blame for - the barriers that they put up for themselves are so strong. As a result, negative desires and aspirations are nipped in the bud, and a vague feeling of guilt remains. For example, a quiet wife has been experiencing anger towards her despot husband for years, but for various reasons (for example, fear of physical violence) does not show it in any way. Without giving vent to feelings, the spouse, nevertheless, is ashamed of them and her mental problems are gradually aggravated.

The main thing is to understand that one way or another we can’t get away from our emotions, the ability to experience them is inherent in us by nature itself. Suppression of feelings consumes a huge amount of energy, which can be used to much greater benefit. Do not abuse defense mechanisms - you run the risk of completely forgetting how to experience strong emotions. Try to realize what caused you vivid experiences, create your own “Mood Diary”, where you will describe emotional outbursts. Periodically re-read the notes, over time you will understand that you should not be afraid of feelings, and even more so avoid them. Your emotions are you.

2. Work on your behavior

Of course, depression alone cannot be overcome with good intentions; your aspirations must be manifested in practice. It is difficult to radically change your behavior, but it is possible, and the sooner you start working on it, the better.

For example, let's take the habit of postponing everything "for later" (the so-called procrastination) - this is a sure sign of an impending or already developed depression. Procrastinators believe that the motivation to act should arise on its own, but this is not true. In fact, most often the opposite happens - motivation follows action and instead of endlessly waiting for the "suitable situation" or "inspiration", you need to take the first step. The second one will probably be much easier for you.

The fight against procrastination is best done in several stages. First, pick a task that you keep putting off. Make a list of the pros and cons you'll get by dealing with it. Develop an action plan based on your capabilities. Try to stay positive at work. In the course of its implementation, do not forget to praise yourself for what has already been done, accustom yourself to enjoy the achievement of goals.

If this algorithm looks too complicated, try the "Irish method" - when the Irishman does not find a way to overcome a high wall, he throws his hat over it. In the end, he has no choice but to get to the other side at any cost. In other words, put yourself in conditions in which you will simply have to work.

3. Train willpower

Self-discipline is the basis of a successful and active life. Without developing your willpower, you are unlikely to achieve anything outstanding, let alone cope with depression. Modern medical research shows that willpower is not so much an innate quality as it is a skill that can be trained. By forcing yourself to do sometimes not very pleasant, but necessary things, you change the structure of your brain, expand and strengthen the neural connections responsible for self-control.

As with exercise, you need to work on your willpower every day if you really want to be successful. Fight temptations and distractions, avoid indulgent people (people who push you into self-destructive behavior), and feel free to ask family and friends for help. You can find a group of like-minded people - say, those who, like you, are on a diet, or trying to quit smoking. In case of failures, do not despair, do not let them lead you astray. Remember - even the longest path consists of many steps, mark each step forward and with due patience and perseverance, you will definitely reach the goal!

4. Get rid of bad habits

Dependence on alcohol or drugs is one of the most common problems faced by those suffering from depression, or those who are predisposed to it. The close relationship between depression and the use of alcohol or psychoactive substances has long been beyond doubt among doctors. They have been talking for years about the vicious circle that people get into when they try to cope with depression in this way. Some see alcohol as a “cure for all diseases”: it gives self-confidence, improves mood, relieves complexes, but the problem is that all this is temporary. Numerous side effects of such a "treatment" catastrophically worsen the physical and mental state of a person and reduce the chances of returning to normal life to almost zero.

If you are used to "solving problems" with alcohol or drugs, the first thing you need to do is give up addictions. In addition to the obvious health benefits, getting rid of bad habits is a great chance to train willpower. To make it easier for you to start a new life, you can join a society that deals with the rehabilitation of drug and alcohol addicts. Do not be ashamed of your problems - many people have managed to cope with such difficulties, you will succeed too.

5. Learn to relax

As practice shows, often people become depressed because they do not know how to relax properly. Some do not think of leisure without alcohol, which eventually becomes the cause of new stresses, for others there is no better “rest” than spending the whole day watching TV, and still others believe that a successful person should give all his time to work: “Rest? Let's rest in that world!"

There are different ways to make leisure not only enjoyable, but also effective. Can't get off the boring "home-office-home" route because of work for months? Dedicate your vacation to chatting with friends, making new acquaintances, try to spend more time in crowded places. If, due to your professional activities, you have to communicate a lot with people, at your leisure try to avoid noisy companies, spend your free time with your “soulmate” or with your family. If you are one of the people who cannot sit idle even on weekends, find yourself some kind of hobby. By learning to appreciate the little pleasures of life, you will soon notice that your physical and mental condition has improved significantly.

6. Take care of your health

There is a popular belief among those suffering from depression that the source of all their troubles is in their head. This is not entirely true, our body and brain are a single system and each part of it directly affects all the others. There is such a thing as psychosomatics, its essence is that mental processes inevitably affect the physical state of a person and can even provoke the development of any physiological disease. There is also a feedback - the deterioration of physical health has a detrimental effect on the psyche, so the more carefully you monitor your body, the easier it will be for you to solve psychological problems. Go in for sports or physical education, establish a normal daily routine, develop a healthy diet, sign up for massages and spas. Medical research shows that regular exercise in the treatment of depression is as effective as antidepressants, and in the long term, their benefits are much greater than those of drugs.

Do not make excuses to yourself that you "do not have the opportunity and time" to take care of your health - you will find both, if there is a desire.

7. Deal with stress together

Frequent stress, especially if it threatens to develop into permanent depression, can destroy even the strongest relationships. Those suffering from depression are not always able to adequately assess actions, correct their behavior and find compromises, therefore, for the second half, the illness of a lover (or lover) becomes a real torture. The best strategy, in this case, is to build a trusting relationship with a partner and use them as a support, let him know that you appreciate and love him, despite temporary difficulties. Under stress, a person needs cooperation and support, so do not give in to the selfish impulse to exclaim, “Deal with your problems yourself!”, And leave, slamming the door.

It is important for the most depressing or permanently stressed individual to recognize the existence of problems, not to hide them behind a mask of anger or deliberate cheerfulness. A calm discussion of your fears and ways to get rid of them, without mutual reproaches and accusations, is the first step towards a normal life. By overcoming difficulties together, you will strengthen your relationship and take it to the next level.

8. Be optimistic

Science has proven that the wounds of optimists heal faster than those of pessimists, and mental trauma is no exception. Pessimism greatly increases the risk of developing depression, so the more optimistic you are about the future, the more likely you will never have serious health problems - both physical and mental.

A pessimistic attitude towards life can turn into learned helplessness, which is considered to be one of the models of depression. Learned helplessness is manifested in the fact that a person himself convinces himself that he cannot influence the situation in any way, so there is nothing to try.

By all means, stay optimistic, always find a place for hope in life. By the way, according to the famous American psychologist Martin Seligman, hope is the ability to find temporary and specific (non-generalizing) explanations for failures. Having suffered a fiasco, a pessimistic loser will begin to complain: "As always, I screwed up ...", and an optimist who does not lose hope will draw conclusions: "Apparently, I was not ready, next time I will take into account the mistakes."

9. Keep your "inner critic" in check

In each of you, two sides of your nature periodically argue, one of them can be called the “inner critic”, and the other - the “defender”. As a rule, the “critic” is much more active than the timid “defender”, he constantly points out your mistakes and shortcomings: “You were late for work again! One more time and you will probably be fired, how much can you? Stay calm and carry on!". The “Defender”, in turn, either hesitantly tries to justify himself: “Who knew that there would be such traffic jams, and he was only half an hour late ...”, or transfers the conversation to another topic (“I wish this day would pass, I’ll have a little drink in the evening and sleep"), or simply silent.

The “inner critic” is your fears, which are most pronounced in stressful situations, and the “protector” is a set of habits and psychological mechanisms by which you get away from problems. Among them are denial, dissociation (the desire to step back) and rationalization. Also, in the arsenal of the "defender" you can include the abuse of alcohol and potent substances, overeating or, say, a painful addiction to shopping - everything that allows you to forget about problems for a while.

So that the "critic" does not go too far in his desire to make you always feel guilty, try to calmly analyze his "accusations" and take them into account. Self-criticism is certainly useful, but if it becomes intrusive and inappropriate, it is likely that depression is on the way. It is important to distinguish your mistakes from the coincidence of circumstances, while do not let the “defender” simply “shrug off” fair reproaches (see paragraph 4) - this will only give the “criticism” new reasons for derogatory remarks.

If it is not possible to find a compromise between the "critic" and the "defender" on your own, you should contact an experienced psychotherapist - over the years of practice, experts have learned how to effectively deal with such problems, they will help you emerge victorious from this dispute.

10. Take care of your "I"

The loss of the integrity of one's "I" is one of the main dangers that depression is fraught with. To avoid this, clearly define the boundaries of the "I", find a balance between autonomy and merging. Autonomy implies the presence of a strong "I" and a large amount of internal resources, and merging is the "dissolution" of one's personality in the people around, unwillingness to take responsibility. However, one should not think that autonomy is unambiguously positive and merger is unambiguously negative. In some cases, an overly insistent desire for the autonomy of the "I" leads a person to isolation and loneliness. Merging, on the other hand, can be useful in communication when it is necessary to understand the interlocutor, to look at the situation through his eyes.

The most effective can be considered "semi-permeable" boundaries of the "I" - in other words, when you are able to be aware of in which cases you can "let" another person into yourself, and in which it is better to keep the boundaries "locked". Responsibility and awareness must always remain inside your “I”, that is, the understanding that your feelings and thoughts will remain a secret until you yourself decide to tell about them. Clearly defined boundaries of responsibility mean that you personally are responsible only for yourself, your well-being, your actions or inaction. Understanding the boundaries of one's own "I" is one of the main conditions for a successful and happy life, without depression.