The person who reports such news has a great responsibility. You need to choose the words, know how to behave, and what to do with the reaction of the one to whom you tell.

The editors of Evrikak have prepared examples of phrases that will help you be as correct and tactful as possible. Collected important recommendations psychologists who will help “soften” the situation.

Mothers about the death of a son or daughter

You need to say this in a personal meeting, quietly and briefly, without going into difficult details.

Example:

“I’m scared to tell you about this, but your baby has died ... I know that all consolations are powerless, because the loss of a child is the worst loss, but I will be there for as long as it takes, together we will learn to live side by side with this pain”

• Help, support, love and compassion will be needed for a very long time;
• Attend all memorial ceremonies;
• Benefit from household affairs when a woman does not have the strength to do this;
• Provide tactile support - hug more often and let's cry;

Never use the phrases: “humble up”, “you will give birth”, “do not cry”. Do not compare this grief with any other or the same stranger.

• Talk about the child and feelings;
• Be ready for anger and aggression and understand it;
• Be so attentive as to distinguish between possible suicidal tendencies, and in time to prevent it, and also to provide medical care, if required.

To a child about the death of a mother or father

Children's psyche is very vulnerable.

• Speak only the truth, in clear language;
• Do this as early as possible so that he does not learn about it accidentally from strangers in a more cruel form;
• It is better to tell about this to a close person whom he knows and trusts well;
• You need to control yourself so as not to frighten the child even more;
• Establish visual, and, if possible, tactile contact;
• Answer his questions, but don't scare him;
• Be there, try to play a little by his rules, do not drastically change your usual daily routine;
• Do not avoid talking about death, do not forbid expressing any emotions;
• Add to new life topic: "Grievance happened, we all hurt, but life must go on."
• Talk about tomorrow, next week- stability will give some firmness under your feet and scare away fear.

Example:

“Baby, I have very bad news - my father (mother) has died. Don't think he (she) hasn't stopped (a) loving you! This is what happens in life. You will no longer be able to see him (her), hug him, but he (she) will always live in your heart.

You can briefly explain the reason:

“You see, there are such diseases that doctors still don’t know how to treat, so they couldn’t help.”

In the event of a disaster:

“There was such a situation that his (her) body was very damaged and can no longer work, and no one in the world would be able to fix it.”

To a child about the death of a grandparent

Unlike the death of parents, the baby understands that mom and / or dad are nearby, which alleviates the acute fear of the unknown.

No need to focus the child's attention on "death from illness" or "in the hospital." It is better to explain that all old people die.

Afterwards, questions arise to the parents whether they will die. It should be emphasized the fact that everyone dies, but only when they have lived a long life.

Example:

“Grandma died today. She was very old, and, unfortunately, people, when they have lived a lot, die. But she loves you, and we can always come to her grave or send her a letter in a balloon.

How to talk about the death of a loved one

To speak or not to speak depends on the individual situation. A person may find out by accident. The pain of loss will be intensified by grief from the inability to say goodbye and the strongest resentment against you that they did not say.

Communicate quietly and carefully, stock up on medications and call the doctor in advance, be close to the patient, supporting and controlling the condition.

Example:

“I am very sorry to have to talk about this. But I have no right to remain silent. Darling, your... is dead. I don't know the details, and you don't need them. I beg you, accept this news with humility, because we love you very much and do not want to lose you. We will be there and help, you know.

How to tell your husband about your wife's death

Correctness, brevity, sympathy, gentleness should always be present in the words of the "herald", as well as further care and assistance to recover from shock.

Example:

“I have very bad news for you, friend, but I appeal to your courage… Your wife is dead. I knew about your love, and it is very hard for me that such a misfortune happened to you. I will be there to help you realize and accept it.”

Wife about the death of her husband

Stay close and don't let them make rash acts.

Example:

"Honey, I have terrible news - your husband has died." After the primary emotions, you can say the following: "I will be there, I will not leave you alone with this grief." Or as a distraction and a way to speak out: "Tell me about your love."

How can a doctor tell family about a patient's death?

• Do not go out to relatives in a bathrobe with blood stains - you risk meeting with aggression;
• Introduce yourself clearly and find out, depending on the degree of kinship, with whom you need to talk directly;
• Take a position similar to the position in which there is a relative with whom you are talking;
• Make eye contact;
• Add a light touch (it depends on which emotional state there is a relative);
• Provide specific information (“Your…died”), do not use words that can be misunderstood (for example: “he is gone”), do not make a long uninformative introduction - this is annoying and even more scary;
• Pause;
• Do not go into the terrible details of resuscitation, difficult procedures, do not load with terminology. It is better to ask about whether relatives would like to know some details;
• Try to ask something personal: how did the person live, what were the relationships, etc. This method sometimes helps to distract the grieving person and touch him. Nice memories, and it is easier for the doctor to end the conversation without remaining soulless and incorrect in the eyes of others.

Example:

"I'm sorry to have to break the news, but your friend has died." Pause, then: “I'm sorry that this happened to you. Perhaps you would like to know some details?

And as a conclusion:

"How long have you been friends?"

Pregnant about the death of a loved one

Stress is extremely dangerous. Report quietly, briefly, without terrifying details, having a sedative and a doctor in the wings.

Example:

“Darling, sit down, please, I need to tell you something terrible, but I have no right to remain silent. Your ... died. I know it hurts a lot, but I beg you, try to think about your baby and your own health. I’m there, I’ll help you with everything, don’t be afraid.”

To a child about the death of an animal

The word "died" should sound clear, do not replace it with "fell asleep" or "gone." If the animal is very old, it is better to tell in advance so that there is time to get used to this thought.

If you need to euthanize, explain that it is necessary, it is impossible to change the state of the pet, otherwise he will no longer suffer from pain.

In the event of an unexpected death of a pet, report as briefly and calmly as possible, and then answer the child's questions.

The next step - . Support him, understand the importance of experiences, explain that the feeling of grief, pain is normal in case of loss, and this should pass with time.

Talk about a pet, remember best moments life together. Speak of your pet with love, and hug your child more often.

Example:

“Our Rex is in a lot of pain, and the vet needs to give him an injection, after which he will die. We are all hurt, sad and we do not want to part with him, but this is the only way we can help him. Be with him."

Or:

“Our Barsik is dead. We are all very sad because we will no longer be able to have fun with him when he plays. Do you remember when he was little, how he loved the ball ... and so on.

Psychological tricks to “soften” bad news

Psychologists advise adhering to rules that can mitigate the shock and rehabilitation period:

1. Maintain eye contact, physical contact, unobtrusively be there, help.
2. Give the opportunity to “pour out” your emotions, even anger and aggression, do not avoid talking about the deceased.
3. If you do not know how to express condolences, it is better to remain silent and hug.
4. Don't formulate consolations with the presence of God - that can only hurt.
5. Pay attention, don't turn away.

Frequently Asked Questions

How to express condolences on death?

Do not be intrusive and observe correctness: these words are spoken quietly and directly to those closest to you. Think about those who are going through a loss - now they absolutely do not need to listen to a loud hysteria with tears in a stream, grabbing their hands: “How are you now! To whom did he leave (a)! or indifferent "Well, don't be upset, everything will be fine." Both cases can both offend and hit a person even more;
- be brief - half-hour lectures are useless;
- the best formula: “regret about what happened - a few kind words about the deceased - an offer of his help ";
- do not “turn on” the psychologist - forget the stupid phrases “everything will pass”, “everything will be fine”, “do not cry”, “it will be easier / how are you now”;
- be sincere in words and emotions, falsehood is not appropriate here.

Try somehow to persuade the person you are calling to come to the EDU. If the death must be reported by telephone, use the procedure described above. Follow the rules in your medical institution taking into account specific circumstances.

In some cases, at the first call, it is only necessary to inform brief information, e.g. “There has been an accident, Mrs. X is currently being treated. I will call you back in 5-10 minutes and inform you about the development of events. If you can, call someone and ask to be with you." When the news of death is communicated in this two-stage way, the relative of the deceased will not be alone at the time of receiving the news of the death. If possible, ED staff (e.g. counselors, support group members, clergymen) can be sent to the relative's home to provide additional support to the person who has lost a relative.

Should you call immediately, such as in the middle of the night, or is it better to wait for a reasonable time of day?

Relatives prefer to find out about what happened as early as possible, at any time of the day. Reporting a life-threatening condition or death of a patient too late reduces the trust of relatives in health care workers. In addition, relatives may decide that they have been deprived of the opportunity to spend precious last minutes next to the deceased.

How should the body of the deceased be prepared if relatives wish to see it?

All traces of blood, biological secretions, dirt are washed off the body, unless a forensic medical examination is required. If available with discharge, to reduce its amount, you can apply gel soap or medical Shay to the wound; Wound dressings should be clean and dry. With the permission of the medical examiner or pathologist, droppers, catheters, and endotracheal tubes are removed. Medical equipment should be put in order, but remain close to the patient's bed. This will allow relatives to make sure that the necessary medical measures were held.

What must be communicated to relatives before they enter the room and see the body?

Describe clearly everything they see, including the endotracheal tube, open wounds, medical equipment. Sometimes this information is better to repeat

several times, because it takes time to assimilate it, especially in such stressful situation. After describing what they should see, ask relatives and friends if they are ready to see the body of the deceased. Give them time to process all the information they have received and alert you when they are ready to see the body. The right to choose this moment allows them to better control their emotions and prepare psychologically.

What is the best way to position the body?

The body should be laid with the head elevated. Placing a small towel under your head to tuck your chin into your chest will prevent your mouth from opening. Place the body close to the door, feet towards the entrance. Then relatives will not have to approach the body from afar. Tell relatives that they can touch the body if they wish, and warn them that the skin will feel cold and unusually tight to the touch. If possible, place one of the patient's hands over the sheet or blanket. If the body is completely disfigured, or if it cannot be touched due to the need to conduct a forensic examination, allow relatives to touch the hair of the deceased. Before allowing other persons to the body, be sure to verify the legality of such actions.

How should the room be prepared and the lighting adjusted in it if relatives want to stay near the body for some time, especially if the deceased is a child?

The death of a child is a great tragedy; but do not forget that the death of any person is a great loss, and when reporting the death of a loved one medical workers should provide support to the relatives of every deceased, regardless of age. If time permits and there is enough space in the ED, allow relatives to stay at the body of the deceased for as long as they wish. Lighting in the room should be normal; dim lighting can aggravate the feelings of relatives. Make sure there are no unusual odors in the room. The use of air fresheners, for example with the smell of vanilla, can lead to the fact that subsequently this smell will always cause relatives to associate with the death of a loved one. Place a few chairs next to the gurney so that relatives can sit down if they want to or cannot stand on their feet. Parents who have lost a child, if they want to pick him up and rock him in last time a rocking chair may be useful.

The death of loved ones is not a topic that is easy to talk about and it is especially scary to report it to a child who has not yet encountered such an event. Is it worth hiding such events, or should the baby be enlightened as early as possible?

To tell or not to tell?

According to many psychologists, even a small child should learn in a timely manner about a sad event in the family or among close friends. This is especially true in cases where the deceased was close enough to the child, often met, communicated with him.

This is especially important if we are talking about one of the baby's parents. Sooner or later he will have to find out the truth. We are sometimes afraid of traumatizing a child with negative information, but wouldn’t a sudden and mysterious disappearance be a trauma for him? loved one? And besides, everyone around will not be able to pretend for a long time that nothing happened. The child will find himself in an atmosphere of severe bewilderment, after which there will still be resentment for being deprived of the opportunity to spend dear person on the last journey.

How to present information to a child

It is best to take the flow of information into your own hands and convey the sad news in words appropriate for the age of the child. In this case, you should not express your emotions too much. Tears and even short story about the cause of death are acceptable, but the details should be completely excluded. If you are unable to control yourself, ask someone close to you to talk to the baby who will be able to restrain himself.

If the child decides to ask a question - answer, including if it sounds immodest or without visible regret. Even an adult sometimes cannot immediately realize the full depth of what happened, and it will be even more difficult for an inexperienced child's soul to understand the situation. Let the child learn the most basic thing - a person died because of something (although it is better to soften especially unpleasant details), there will be a funeral, you can not attend them. It is unlikely that anyone will condemn if Small child will not go to the cemetery. However, most children behave quite normally and adequately at a funeral.

How to present information to a teenager

You should report the death of a loved one to a teenager as if he were an adult and you would count on his support. In no case should you be forced to feel guilty for the death or not enough warm relationship on the eve of death, even if there is such guilt. Now it's more important not to harm the living, because psychological trauma no less dangerous than the physical and can cause too much damage to the emerging personality. It should be borne in mind that a significant number of adolescents are in a less stable state of mind due to age-related changes organism.