In harmony with yourself. Egocentrism: the inflated conceit of the human ego
And they are synonyms. However, it is not.
A person is egocentric if he feels himself the center of all events, the center of the Universe, and considers his opinion to be the only correct one. The egocentric is focused on his experiences, feelings, interests and does not notice the interests and experiences of other people. He is not able to perceive and take into account information that contradicts his own experience. An egocentric person does not understand that other points of view are possible, he is sure that other people should think in the same way as he . The main need of an egocentric person is to be the center of attention.
We can say that in a sense, egocentrism is a natural state. It is inherent in one degree or another to any person and can intensify, aggravate depending on the circumstances. From the very first days of life, a child requires the exclusive attention of everyone around him, especially his mother. Even a very tiny one knows how to find ways to achieve this (cry, smile). He manipulates those around him. The child grows and more and more keenly he manifests a desire to be in the center of attention in the family, at school, among friends. Children's egocentrism becomes a kind of self-affirmation. Over time, he can cause feelings that are mistakenly called love, although these feelings are based on the spirit of possessiveness, the desire to become the center of existence for the “beloved” person, to keep him only for himself. Therefore, along with egocentrism, jealousy is born. Thus egocentrism is the first stage of self-assertion. Overcoming children's egocentrism is one of the most important tasks of education. The egocentrism of adults is often the cause of conflicts and loneliness, which is why it is so important to teach a child to be tolerant of other people's opinions, to form the ability to see and evaluate this or that situation from different points of view.
If the egocentrist considers himself the center of the world, then the egoist considers himself not just the center, he considers himself THE ONLY the center of the world. The egoist lives, feels and behaves as if there is no one else in the world but him. The whole world for him is divided into "I" and "not-I". selfish person can see goals, wants and needs those around him (that is, he may not be self-centered) and intentionally neglect them.
Immersed in himself and for the most part simply does not notice the needs and desires of others. If an egocentrist is asked to do something for another person, he can happily do it. The behavior of an egoist will be selfish contrary to interests other people. If his desires are satisfied, he is absolutely not interested in what happens to other people.
Professor Livraga was right when he said:
“There is no person who would be a coward more than an egoist. And there is no person more cruel than an egoist. No one is so proud of himself and does not show his strength so much as a selfish person in his victories and triumphs. But no one is ever as pitiful and weak as an egoist in his falls.
For many, selfishness and egocentrism are synonymous words that are usually addressed to people deeply in love with themselves. But is it? Psychologist Ksenia Alyaeva wrote about the difference in concepts, as well as why it is important to distinguish between them.
Ksenia Alyaeva, psychologist
Let's break it down into pieces
PARAGRAPH 1. What is the difference between an egoist and an egocentrist? For myself, I have identified several signs:
Egoist takes care of the satisfaction of his own needs, but at the same time does not lose the ability to relate to others.
For example, I want to eat, I come to people and say directly: please give me something to eat. And then they either refuse me and I respectfully accept this refusal and go on looking for ways to satisfy my hunger, or they give me food and the need is satisfied.
Egocentric believes that the whole world revolves around him, which means that he does not have the ability to relate himself to others.
For example: Children are naturally self-centered and lack the personal maturity to relate to others. The child comes up to the mother in the children's world and directly asks to buy him a toy. In the event of a refusal, he is not able to take care of himself, and then the matter goes to the next point.
POINT 2. The egoist is focused on solving the problem. Egocentric - for relationships.
Where the egoist takes responsibility for solving his problems, the egocentric demands it from others.
In other words, where the egoist is denied food, he finds the resources to cope with his frustration*
and looking for other ways to meet their needs. The egocentric is not able to endure frustration, he believes that it should not be, and if his request was not satisfied, then an active invitation to relations begins in destructive ways - manipulation, accusations, revenge, demands.
What does a small child usually say to mom when she refuses to buy a toy? You are bad! To cope with despair and frustration, he can climb with his fists, fall to the floor, throw a tantrum. An older child may begin to manipulate in all sorts of ways - to cheat, adapt, deceive, offer a deal (for example, “I promise to wash dishes / study for one five all my life”, etc.).
Adult people do the same thing, only under more plausible, as if "adult" pretexts. But in any case, egocentrics have an idea that they know how to do it right, and if someone has different rules, then this can be experienced as a “swindler”, deliberate deceit, meanness, which means you can take revenge, manipulate, to deceive, to accuse and to delay in a relationship in all sorts of ways. I once heard an accusation against me when I refused to use my resources: “You see, I smoked because of the situation that you created for me.”
POINT 3. Well, and the last, perhaps, point. The ability to empathize.
The egoist relates himself and his resources to the situation/environment. The egocentric relates the situation to himself.
Simply put, an egocentric, in order to assess the situation, asks himself “what would I do in this person’s place?”. That is, he puts himself in the place of another, measuring everything BY YOURSELF.
The egoist tries to find a new perspective, trying to look at the world through the eyes of another, in order to expand the field of perception. That is, it becomes all the same “like I would”, it is interesting “how about the other?”. And he easily returns to himself with new experience (this is important! For experience can not be appropriated, avoiding feelings, leaving in rationality and doing something).
* * * *
If we simplify all these three points and draw a general summary, then, in my opinion, in experiencing one's own boundaries:
- An egocentric can experience the whole world and other people as an extension of himself. Accordingly, and demand from the world / others to bend for themselves.
- The egoist experiences himself as separate from others, which makes it possible not to waste resources on bending the world for himself, but to look for eco-friendly ways to relate to himself and others.
Unfortunately, selfishness is often confused with egocentrism. I really wanted to share them and indicate my sympathy for egoism.
*
frustration(frustratio - "deceit", "failure", "vain expectation", "disorder of intentions") -
negative psychological condition, arising in a situation of real
or the perceived impossibility of satisfying certain needs,
or, more simply, in a situation where desires do not correspond to the available possibilities.
This situation can be seen as somewhat traumatic.
Have you ever asked yourself the question: "Who am I?" The exact answer to it should bring you into agreement with yourself. Indeed, without knowing oneself, it is hard to find a worthy place in this world, to become an active participant in this life, and not a weak-willed spectator ...
Although all this is not true for everyone. Like the question itself. They are asked only by those who are generally interested in all sorts of meanings: the meaning of life, the place of one's "I" in the world and society (yes, yes, first in the world), the meaning of daily fuss - and other meanings. These are people with a sound vector (for simplicity, I will call them sound engineers) - people are often difficult to communicate with, for many they are strange and "complicat" their lives.
So, if you understand who I'm talking about, you are also familiar with such a characteristic feature of many sound engineers - egocentrism. It is only "I" - without others, it is only "I" - smarter than others, it is only "I" and my suffering.
Egocentrism vs Selfishness - What's the difference?
What is egocentrism anyway? Wikipedia gives a very narrow interpretation, highlighting the inability of a person to perceive someone else's point of view as the main sign of egocentrism. The "Great Soviet Encyclopedia" interprets more broadly and speaks of an attitude to the world that can be characterized as focusing on one's "I".
And yet, from these definitions it is difficult to understand what is egocentrism and what is egoism, what are their similarities and differences. Yuri Burlana helped me understand the nuances of meanings, once again putting everything in its place.
You look at some people and wonder why they are so sure that the world revolves around them. Attempts to convince them or in some way influence their perception of reality usually do not lead to positive results, but they only show their indifference to everything except their far from modest person. You need to understand that such people do not behave this way on purpose, they just have one trait that is actually inherent in children. This trait is called egocentrism. It means the unwillingness and inability of a person to perceive a different point of view, different from his own, focusing solely on his own experiences, thoughts and interests. Yes, such people - the centers of the Universe - live among us.
egocentrism and selfishness.
The concept of "egocentrism" is very consonant with another one - egoism, but the meanings of these terms are still different. If egoism considers exclusively the moral aspect of the personality, then egocentrism is mainly associated with the cognitive sphere.
So, an egoist can neglect the feelings of other people not because he does not even know about them. He perfectly understands that there are several points of view on one issue, that there are different people with different interests, however, he puts his interests and his pleasure above the rest. That is why he behaves as if those around him are garbage.
The egocentric behaves in this way because he sincerely does not realize that there is a point of view that is different from his own. He really does not understand that the people around him may have other interests, emotions and thoughts. In an egocentric, experiences, thoughts and feelings are concentrated around one person - his own.
The concept of egocentrism in psychology.
Initially, this concept was introduced to describe the personality traits of a child. It was believed that egocentrism in children is a completely normal phenomenon, reflecting a certain level of development of the cognitive sphere of the baby. Experiments were conducted with children 8-10 years old, the results of which confirmed the presence of egocentrism in them.
For example, a child was shown a certain area representing a certain landscape in miniature: a mountain, trees, houses, etc. He looked at this landscape from all sides, and then sat down on a chair and described what he saw. Then a doll was planted on the opposite side, and the baby was asked what she sees. The child again described what he saw himself. It was concluded that children cannot put themselves in the place of another.
Another scientific experience was that the baby was asked about the number of brothers or sisters. And then they asked how many brothers and sisters his, for example, brother had. The kid always named one less relative than in the previous answer, i.e. he did not consider himself. He could not perceive himself as an “attachment” to something, only as a central figure.
Then these experiments were criticized, but the fact is the fact. Even if such experiments were carried out on children now, the majority would respond and would do the same. After all, the egocentrism of children is a certain stage of development. Indeed, newly-made parents subordinate their lives to a newborn baby, change their interests and, in general, the rhythm of life for his sake. Only through egocentrism do children learn about themselves, their abilities, desires and needs, learn to take care of themselves and perform actions that they traditionally learn in childhood. As you grow older, you realize that there are different opinions on one issue, that even mom and dad sometimes disagree with each other, that each person has his own position, etc. But there are exceptions: not all guys are aware of this thought in time.
Adult egocentrics.
Due to various factors of upbringing and personality traits, egocentrism can also manifest itself in adults. For some, manifestations of egocentrism can occur very rarely, for others - more often, and still others do not change at all since childhood, and therefore they see the world around them only from their own position.
Everyone sometimes has a similar situation: the thought of something or the desire for something captures a person so much that it seems that he is not capable of thinking about anything else now. Everything is subject to this: emotions, thinking, behavior. Everything is for the sake of satisfying a certain need! This is how the manifestation of egocentrism in ordinary people looks like. And egocentrics are so captured by something related to their own desires, all the time.
Egocentrics are often described as some kind of philosophers who are not understood by others. Indeed, such traits usually appear in those who ponder the meaning of life, their place on the planet, their purpose and other philosophical issues. But the answers to all these questions come down to a kind of “I-perception” of reality. A person understands everything only through the prism of his own personality: "Everything that happens in the world happens especially for me." Yes, yes, and planes fly, and moose eat salt, and African tribes jump around the fire - all this is for him. It is difficult to interact with such people. In addition, they do not particularly strive for this interaction with others.
You need to understand that egocentrism in adults is not entirely good, although, of course, this is not a disease or pathology. But to deal with such manifestations of personality is quite difficult.
Is it possible to change the egocentric?
In children, egocentrism usually disappears during adolescence. If significant adults (parents, teachers) behave correctly, then the child quickly understands that he is not the central figure in the world, that there are many different points of view, that everyone has different interests, goals and life positions.
There are adults who can instill and impose “correct” thoughts on their children, which others later have to regret. Such children may either become aware of all these things later, or may not be aware of them at all.
And with egocentrism in adults, you need to work for a long time and, most importantly, deeply:
- Firstly, it will not work to change someone without his desire and will. If an adult does not himself understand that his behavior makes it somewhat difficult for him to communicate and interact with the outside world, he will not be able to help. Even experienced psychologists are not able to prove to a person that he is an egocentric. If a person understands why he needs to change his behavior and way of thinking, he can either work on himself on his own or go to a specialist.
- Secondly, it is important to realize that egocentrism is inherent in children. And for children who are 20, 40 or 50 years old, it is somewhat uncharacteristic. It is important for others not to indulge egocentrism and not accept his lifestyle, then he may realize that he has already left childhood.
- If a loved one is an egocentric, you can try to put him in the place of another person. It’s easier to do this with questions like, “How do you think I felt?” This can plunge him into a stupor (“Do others really think differently?”), But it is likely that the first thoughts that not everyone around is like himself will settle in his head.
If you do not work with manifestations of egocentrism, do not correct your behavior in any way, then life itself can teach a lesson, and the lesson is quite cruel. After all, life usually does not choose the means of “treatment”.
Here it is appropriate to cite one surprising observation of its kind. - Egocentrism and narcissism can be, so to speak, "secondary" - consciously cultivated by people in themselves. Thus, the “victorious march of narcissism” (the title of an essay by A. Sozonova about this phenomenon, see http://hpsy.ru/public/x2262.htm) is now observed in the broad post-Soviet masses, in the well-known absurd reaction of these masses to forced socialist collectivism : everyone is now talking about "themselves beloved", advertising teaches - "the world was created for you", etc. etc.
A more subtle manifestation of self-cultivated egocentrism is a cultural phenomenon known as "aestheticism". Here everything that appears to a person, an “esthete” - he learns to perceive only as aesthetic phenomena, that is, only as his own impressions, without further reconstruction of his own being perceived - and thus even the most terrible (for others) or bad ( morally) can appear to him as simply entertaining and even beautiful. That is, in order for the spectacle of, say, someone else's death to be used aesthetically, in an aesthetic way, one must find in oneself and cultivate primitive solipsism. Narcissism is included, as noted above, to solipsism "in the kit." Do you want to be a poet? - then “do not sympathize with anyone, love yourself ...”, etc. For to sympathize is, after all, what it means to reconstruct objectivity, to pierce the aesthetic surface of things, while the poet, from an aesthetic point of view, must fundamentally remain on this surface; but “never sympathize with anyone” will not work without narcissism. Let me note: here we are not talking about crude and understandable egoism, but about (a special kind, but still quite repulsive) egocentrism-narcissism.
Egocentrism is also cultivated, in my opinion, by the usual religious attitude: here the believer feels himself in such an attitude to the world in which his (the world's) creator deals with him personally, has his own plans for him, is available at his will, and even, as a result of known sacred actions, can correct by him the given course of things in his, the believer, favor ...
(2) This formula - “doing good to others, I do it for myself” - is also similar to the formula of true morality, reasonable humanity: but the egocentric himself in his good is still similar to a spiritually developed person. - There are parallels: we remain fair even with people who are unsympathetic to us for the sake of our “internal” “God”, that is, for the sake of our own conscience, and therefore, ultimately, “for ourselves”; here, however, in a different from the egocentric sense, namely - “I do not expect anything from this for myself, no benefits or rewards, conscience itself constitutes my “interest”” ... - Well, the human spirit grows from a savage to a rational being millennia, ascends from an egocentric to a human being, recognizing and understanding others, with difficulty, and along with this long ascent of the spirit, the "God" of the savage gradually turns into a familiar metaphor for truth and goodness. “The kingdom of God is within us” (with me, in me, for me): this is conscience. Conscience, which was more understandable to the savage in the form of an all-seeing punishing God, and the God of a reasonable person is only a metaphor for the incorruptible conscience that understands everything in him.
The situation is somewhat different with the egoist. If the conscience in a worthy developed person is what is most important in him, what allows him to respect himself, his dear best self (almost like an egocentric), then for an egoist his conscience is his enemy: after all, she is something that can to prevent him from taking possession of something he wants, when nothing objectively prevents him ...
