Should people be helped? Moral exhaustion or life satisfaction? Do you need to help others?

I think every person sooner or later realizes that he experiences much more happiness when he helps others than when he does everything for himself. However, in most cases, such assistance consists mainly of financial support. Many companies donate millions to charity, people collect special funds and simply add up to buy some thing for those in need ...

But more often than not, ordinary people, like you and me, do not have extra money for financial assistance. I want to do something useful and useful for others, but I don't know how. I used to have these kinds of emotions all the time. And not only when I see when someone really needs help, but just like that. The soul always yearns for meaning. And the best meaning is to give people benefit/happiness/health/(fill in yourself).

And then a simple but profound thought came into my head. After all, we are able to help others without spending a single ruble. Often the result will be even better than if we just helped with money. In this post, I have collected 5 of the most possible options for how to help other people without having extra money.

1. Time

Regardless of our social status, the thickness of the wallet and the number of lovers (s), each person has 24 hours a day that he can spend as he pleases. Why not spend an hour or two a week helping others. Perhaps your friend is preparing to move? Ask to help him. Or is your wife/mother falling down at the stove? Replace it, because everyone can cook some simple dish. You can pick up a huge number of such examples: take a neighbor for groceries, help a brother / sister or child with homework, help a friend deal with a blockage of cases, and so on.

By the way, you can visit your grandfather or your grandmother. Usually such people need to talk to someone. So give them this gift. I'm sure you won't lose much time, but these people will feel needed. This is very valuable for them, and you will immediately feel the warmth of kindness within yourself.

2. Skills

Each of us, to one degree or another, has some useful skills. Someone writes well, another draws masterfully, the third is a free programmer, the fourth is able to organize, the fifth is a professional in the field of creativity. So put your skills to good use!

Maybe you could help your friend save a lot of money by drawing a flashy logo. Or they offered a great option for a program that would save a lot of time. There are also situations when your friend takes the first steps in an area in which you are quite well versed. So push it. Recommend some literature, point out mistakes and give good advice. It will not take much time, but it will be pleasant for you and it will be useful for him.

As a rule, such help does not exhaust at all, but, on the contrary, gives even more strength. No wonder you are an expert in this field. Moreover, such assistance can noticeably advance for you. After all, when you teach something else, you yourself begin to understand it much better.

3. Information

In our age, information is beginning to be valued much more than money. The one who owns the information owns everything. But, it happens that the necessary information can be difficult to find, and you are just the one who was once interested in this topic.

For example, my friend recently decided to improve his knowledge of the English language and asked me to help him. In just a few minutes, I sent him dozens of links with very useful programs, video tutorials and exercises. It seems to be nothing unusual, but he managed to save a lot of time and thanked me from the bottom of his heart.

You can share information in advance, as I and other bloggers do. For example, Neverlex, whose blog I have been reading for a long time, recently published a post about weekly planning. I myself use this technique to some extent (in conjunction with the daily one), so I really liked the comprehensive disclosure of the topic, I advise you to read it. After all, his methodology is based on the advice of Stephen R. Covey, whom I have great respect for and tremble.

But it is not necessary to create any resource to share really useful information with others. Use pre-made ones. I am sure that most authors will be happy to host your material. I once did this, though I used forums for these purposes. Great solution, by the way. Don't forget print media.

4. Praise

Praise (do not compare with flattery) can truly work wonders. Man constantly yearns to be praised for his own efforts. Even if it is some ordinary thing that has become familiar to everyone. I was a bit surprised when I found out how much many people crave the usual words of recognition.

I think you are familiar with situations when you did something once - everyone praised it. Did it a second time and didn't notice. Starting from the third time, they take it for granted and suddenly begin to splash out the negative when it stops. In fact, there are many such examples. I bet you can remember a few things.

Sincere praise in our time is a very rare thing. But that makes it even more valuable. I myself have witnessed a case where simple words changed people. For example, once at school, a classmate of mine was praised for his excellent knowledge of biology, although he only read a paragraph well for the first time. After that, he began to intensively comprehend the natural sciences and he really liked it. Although before he could not stand them.

You can praise your wife for how well she keeps the house cozy. Parents for a good upbringing. Friends, for some not bright achievements. This does not require any skills, and it will not take much time, but the result is really impressive.

5. Unnecessary things

During the last general cleaning of the room, I found a bunch of things that now I don't need at all. Some old books, a keyboard, a mouse, a lot of clean notebooks and notepads, clothes that have become small, and so on. You can, of course, throw it all away, but it would be better to give it to those who really need it.

My mother taught me not to give too much advice or try to help someone unless the person asks for it. I always thought that she was out of harm. But as I grew up, I realized that my mother was right after all. And yes, she is one of the kindest and warmest people I have ever known.

Society says that you need to help people. I agree with that. It is believed that we should unconditionally strive to help others, and even when they do not expect it. No, everything is right here, sudden acts of kindness can sometimes change lives. However, the coin has two sides. And you should know what such philanthropy can turn into.

Of course, not everything is so sad, but not so rosy either. There is good in bad, and there is bad in good. While helping people isn't the worst idea, it's still not the best. There are three instances in which I personally tend to refuse to help, and I strongly encourage you to do the same.

Don't help people who don't deserve your help

It's not that simple. We have been taught all our lives to help others, but now forget about it.

When you grow up, you will understand that you have only two hands: one is for helping yourself, the other is for helping others.

Sam Levenson

These guys don't understand that I have a family to feed, bills to pay, urgent things to deal with on time. They don't realize that I'll have to make up for the time spent talking to them by staying up late at work. Since they do not value my time, then I am not going to waste it on them.

If people don't care about you, you don't have to help them. They just don't deserve it.

Now I'm just saying how much an hour of my time is worth. Severely, yes, but life has become easier, and I am happier. People take me much more seriously. If my services seem too expensive to someone, I offer other ways to compensate for the time spent.

Rule 1: Never offer anything for free.

Rule 2. Never forget rule 1.

People will always try to exploit you if you let them. You don't have time to help everyone. Support only those who truly deserve it.

Don't help people who can't appreciate your help.

My biggest weakness is that I really like to help. I support people whether they asked for it or not. This approach can sometimes backfire in the most unexpected way.

One of my clients was doing very badly. My team and I killed a few days to study the data with trends and understand what the problem is. This was not part of our assignment, and therefore was not included in the bill, we just sincerely worried about the success of the client. My team uncovered some serious problems with his business model and strategy. We told him about it, and he fired us.

We have done work beyond the scope of duty, just out of empathy. We told the client things that he did not want to hear from us. We lost a client because we were trying to help. Finally, now he hates us simply because we voiced our professional opinion.

A sure way to turn a friend into a fierce enemy is to tell him something that he does not want to hear.

I stopped helping people who don't want to. Minimum drama, maximum time for yourself.

Don't help if you can't do it well

Here is the most important thing. Offering support when you are not really ready to give it is not immediately. NO. I have done this several times and still regret it.

One day my father and mother were going abroad and asked me to look after their house. I had no idea how to water the flowers. Some I flooded, and some I dried out. When the parents returned a month later, all their plants had already died. If I had not offered my help, there would have been someone knowledgeable in this, and my dad's precious flowers would have been alive to this day. By the way, my parents forbade me from even touching the plants with my finger.

If you want to help without the skills or time, your help will be of no use.

Finally, everything can be good or bad. It is important for us to find a balance between these extremes. Evaluate everything carefully before lending a helping hand. If you don't, you're wasting your time and money, and endangering important relationships, whether personal or professional.

A random act of kindness can change someone's life, or it can break it. If you help the wrong people, you will miss the chance to support people who really deserve it. Think before you help.

Very often we help close and familiar people, but in the end it turns out that they did not need our support at all. Sometimes, having committed a noble deed, in response we do receive insults and insults. Depression sets in, because we wholeheartedly strived to do something good, but we were not appreciated. Sometimes we even promise that we will never help anyone again in the future, thus we generate hostility towards the world around us inside ourselves. But this is not an option...

Let's highlight a few rules for helping, following which you will never get into unpleasant situations, and your help will really increase the good in this world.

There is no hierarchy among these rules, it is impossible to single out some more significant, some less, because only if all 5 rules are observed, you can be sure of a favorable continuation of your relationship. If at least one of the 5 rules is not true, you better refuse help, justifying your refusal in a correct and friendly way. Otherwise, you will step on all the same native rake that you stepped on earlier.

Rule 1: You can help only when you have done all your work

Very often there are moments when it is simply inconvenient for us to refuse the one who asks, and out of a feeling of inconvenience or pity we agree to his conditions. These feelings cause us to reactively agree without analyzing the consequences.

There are also situations when we get a call unexpectedly, taking us by surprise in the midst of a blockage of cases, and our consciousness does not have time to soberly evaluate the request, as a result of which we also quickly give an answer of consent without evaluation.

And in such situations, when we get involved in helping, and then return to the usual rhythm of life, we find that not everything is so smooth in it, and now we ourselves need help. It can be a routine blockage at work or a conflict with the manager. There may be omissions in the family due to detachment, when your presence was extremely important for your household. Or you lent money to a friend, leaving yourself with an empty wallet. I'm sure many readers have been in a similar situation.

To avoid typical troubles, before responding with your consent to a request, be sure to think about how the consequences of this help will affect your life! Do you have time to do all your business, will relationships in your family suffer, do you have any urgent plans for this time ... Ask yourself the main question: “If I help, will it harm me?”.

Rule 2: You can only help purposeful people

Every person has difficult circumstances in life. But there is a type of people in whom these circumstances occur very often, if not constantly. This means only one thing: a person does not want to improve his own life. He prefers to be improved by others.

A goal-oriented person in this context can be called even a homeless person, who wants to achieve well-being with all his might, and who directs all his actions to the search for improvements. This means that the homeless person will be ready to deny himself sleep, rest, delicious food, in order to work and improve the standards of his life.

A purposeful person is one who makes real and voluminous efforts on himself to improve the quality of his life!

Conversely, a person who, perhaps, even looks presentable and businesslike, but provides himself with comfort through manipulative extortion, we will consider a bum. The main criterion in this rule is the specific actions and active efforts of the person himself to achieve the goals.

As you already understand, it is impossible to help a person without his own desire. More precisely, the person himself asks you for help, but hidden behind this request is a banal desire to take advantage of the kindness of people again. In this case, your noble intentions turn out to be a waste of your strength, time, money, emotions, which will never bring a good result either for you or for him.

And even if your support gives a temporary result, then without the diligence of the person himself, he will soon find himself in the same position as he was. So the second rule is: never care about a person more than he cares about himself(Except when a person is not really able to take care of himself).

It is better to imagine right away that you are throwing all your precious efforts and experiences into the wastebasket. Such a person will never be able to appreciate your efforts, even with a great desire, because he has no idea: how, with what diligence, how much work and brain effort you have invested in order to accumulate this strength, money, knowledge, etc., which you entrust to him. If a person himself does not make any efforts to improve his well-being, then why should you make your own?

Rule 3: You can help only in cases where the process of helping brings pleasure.

“What a strange rule,” most readers will think. In fact, it is just as significant as the previous ones. Failure to comply with this rule can, at a minimum, spoil the mood for both you and the one who asks, as a maximum, lead to the collapse of all relationships once and for all.

Surely, each of you got into situations when you had to ask your friends for help. And perhaps you remember that feeling of awkwardness and those uncomfortable worries that you experienced when pronouncing the words with a request. Most likely, it was very important for you that your appeal for help did not create inconvenience to your beloved friends. This is what made you literally peer into your friend's non-verbal to understand that you are not creating an extra burden in his life.

So, the feelings with which a person responds to your request, the asker will definitely see. He will certainly understand: out of good will you want to help him or against your will. And here's the attention: most often, help contrary to one’s desire is presented in the eyes of the asker as condescension, and then no actions of the helper will justify the imprint that will be created in the relationship.

An incident like this can ruin even the strongest relationship. Therefore, if you do not have the opportunity to help a friend at the moment (and this is normal, because you may have a breakdown or you simply have a protest of principles for what you are asked), then it is better to immediately justify your position and refuse than to create a feeling " misalliance" and spoil the relationship with a good friend. Over time, a friend will understand your refusal and forget about this situation, and the feeling " condescension he will remember forever.

Rule 4: You can help only when the request is made out loud

Quite often it happens when we are approached with a request in an indirect form. The person talks about the problem for a long time, as if hinting at the desire to receive support, but does not directly report this. You spend hours listening to a story around the bush about the difficulties of a person, but he does not put forward specific proposals. This situation may arise for two reasons.

The first is that a person is simply uncomfortable asking you for help. Perhaps he is afraid of rejection, perhaps pride does not allow him to cross this border, perhaps he is under great stress and cannot find the right words. In any case, a person is set to appeal specifically to you, but it is difficult for him to make this request.

The second reason is that the person does not want to receive your help, he just wants to speak out and calm down. Such a conversation is like a waterfall of negative thoughts and brings little pleasure to the listeners. But the most dangerous thing is the continuation of this situation, when the listener accepts independent the decision to help a person and save him from all troubles. After some time, your friend utters amazing phrases: “But I didn’t ask you for help” or “Why did you climb where you weren’t asked?”. Outcome: You remain guilty.

In order to push the interlocutor to a logical conclusion in the first situation, and in order not to spoil the relationship as in the second situation, there is one question that immediately clarifies the person's intentions. So, we repeat and remember: “Do I understand you correctly that you are asking me for help?”, “Do I understand you correctly: do you want me to perform this or that action?”, “Do I understand you correctly…?”. This question is your protection from incorrect conclusions and decisions.

Rule 5: It is better to help with actions than with money

Many people know, but often forget that it is better to give a fishing rod to a person than 2-3 ready-made fish. Of course, already prepared fish will become more pleasant for a person, but after eating it, he will again look for prey. And having learned to fish, he will not have more hungry periods in his life. This is where the real help is. That is, to help a person to understand himself, to acquire some skills, to offer the possibility of independent earnings - this is much more valuable than any money.

Moreover, material-money relations, as a rule, experience friendship. Any debt that you have lent to friends and acquaintances can become a cause of contention. Therefore, there is an unspoken rule: “Either give money without expecting it back, or don’t lend at all”. As soon as you begin to expect a return of your money from a person, you subconsciously, as it were, keep a secret account of his money, ceasing to notice a person in him. In this vein, any friendship turns into a strained relationship. Yes, and resentment against a person will torment you, and not the debtor.

These 5 rules are simple and easy to remember, but the mistakes above are the ones most people make on a regular basis. Of course, these rules do not apply to emergencies concerning matters of life itself. For any other assistance, remember that your helping hand is truly a good deed if:

- You are not hurting yourself

- You help a goal-oriented person

- The process of helping gives you pleasure

- Request made aloud

- You help by action, not by money (or if you give money, you do not count on their return)

When is it not worth helping people and why even sincere help can lead to undesirable consequences?

Selfless help is good. That's how we were all taught in elementary school. But how right were the teachers and parents when they tried to instill this “truth” in us?

Of course, mercy and a hospitable desire to help the needy are worthy of praise. But such altruism is not always useful in real life. We are not talking about situations where universal assistance is meant (donations for an orphanage or a piece of bread given to a starving person). We are talking about situations in which mercenary people “spin” us for free help in this or that matter, putting pressure on pity. This may be a request to help with business advice, or a ride to a business meeting on the other side of the city in bad weather, and so on.

And then, when such requests become regular, and only the one who asks benefits from them, it is urgent to think about it. Are you doing everything right? Let's talk about this in more detail. So, why not help people who can use your sincerity for purely personal purposes?

Do people really need help?

Extremes are always fatal. You can’t put an end to any kind of help, saying to yourself once, as if cutting off: “Never help people!” and continue to enjoy your selfish life.

However, it is worth learning to single out from the general mass those individuals whose gratuitous assistance will cause damage to you personally and does not benefit him. First of all, if your personal time and finances are at the expense.

How often have you been asked for some small things by people with whom you are not at all in a particularly close relationship? And how often did they not even express their gratitude to you after getting what they wanted, or got off with an artificial smile? Agree, such situations were in the life of everyone.

And again - helping someone, you spend your own precious time, which could be converted into a specific amount of money.

Try to think this dogma. After all, it is unlikely that the person who turned to you with a request for a meeting will pay this amount after a joint tea party, at which you, having actualized all your own strengths, are looking for ways to develop him or solve his problems.

How not to help people who absolutely do not appreciate help?

In order to maintain a cool, judicious mind in such situations, it is necessary to be guided by the following principles.

Other people don't need help. We need to cooperate with them

Just so that help does not make one side worse off, there are a few easy-to-understand rules:

1. Never help people if they can't appreciate it!

   Each one had a story when you want to sincerely lend a helping hand to someone around you. It happens that you from the outside find something in the life of another person that prevents him from achieving success in one area or another. Many of us wanted to point out the problem to a friend at such a moment. But does it need to be done?

   As a rule, after you demonstrate to a person his shortcomings, he will take this demonstration with hostility. Few people know how to take criticism and use it to their advantage. Perhaps your communication will come to naught after this. This scenario brings the most valuable lesson into your life - give advice only when it is asked for. After all, often even the most sincere help will be accepted by others as a desire to convict the person himself of some kind of weakness.

   Even if you clearly know how to act for another person in order to improve their life or succeed in some business, give him the opportunity to make mistakes, do not impose your recommendations if you are not asked for them. Let even close people go their own way, even the wrong one from your point of view.

2. You should not help people for free if it directly concerns your field of activity.

   Where does this rule apply? Take, for example, the situation: you are an interior designer and your job is the development and visualization of interiors. In addition to the fact that such creative work can often seem simple and time-consuming to outsiders and people not familiar with the field of design, such acquaintances also have a habit of asking you to design an interior for themselves personally. For what reward? Naturally, free of charge, "according to old friendship." After all, in their opinion, this is normal. This is where the trick lies.

   The main skill that you need here is the ability to clearly and politely refuse. And this is not rudeness - this is a necessary measure without which your capital risks decreasing. Do not evade the request, hiding behind the fact that “now there is no time” - “later” will come and you will hear the same request again. The best move here is to act as openly as possible, if possible, to offer a discount on that very “old friendship”.

3. Do not help people if you are not confident in your own abilities.

   You may notice that this advice is a little out of the general outline of the topic under consideration. But it is no less important than all that has been stated above. It happens that we sincerely want to help a person dear to us and are eager to do it as soon as possible. Often such a sincere desire does not allow a sober assessment - but can we really provide a person with truly qualified assistance? Shall we hurt?

   The essence of the described principle is extremely simple - you should not rush into battle if you probably don’t know what to do. Having the brightest motives and undertaking to help people in what you yourself are not very familiar with, you can decently “break wood”. Then time will be wasted, and even your own reputation may deteriorate in the eyes of a person you respect. Especially when the result cannot be achieved, and the person will not be able to evaluate the attempt itself.

How not to help people who do not appreciate help, and not to live with remorse?

Not when you pull him out by the collar, not when you “love him to death”, not even when you selflessly do everything without expecting anything in return.

If a person with whom neither time nor desire connects you with any blessings awaits you, be sure of your refusals and do not be afraid to upset anyone because of the norms of politeness. And if you undertake to lend a helping hand, voice an honest price for this very help. People do not need to help when your help is not a way to solve the situation, but an excuse to throw problems.

Many people say that we live to help others. By helping others, we fulfill our purpose. It is impossible to know how true this is, but it is possible to know well the feeling that we experience when we help someone and see the difference. Something happens, we get a sense of satisfaction and experience a surge of energy and purposefulness.

I don't know if this is proof that helping others is our destiny, but I do know that there are enough reasons to try and help someone when we have the opportunity.

Feel the difference

We all have a unique set of skills and abilities. Given these abilities, we can either do extraordinary things around us or not. It is entirely up to you whether you want to change your life and what exactly you want to change in it.

Many people set high goals in their lives and want to be remembered as visionaries. They want to change and save the world.

Others want to be remembered simply as kind people who are always ready to help and listen to you if you need it.

Which one do you think is better?

The one who changes the world, or the one who helps an individual?

Do what you can with what you have

To be remembered, you don't have to do incredible things, just be around people you can save from a meaningless life and help start.

Little things matter

Listening to other people's problems without judgment is one of the kindest things you can do. Most people know the answers to the questions they face; they just haven't realized it yet.

By allowing them to talk about their problems, you help them find their way and understand what they should be doing. Sometimes they may need support and help to get started on a new path.

Do something amazing

By changing someone else's life, you can experience incredible sensations, and all this is completely within your capabilities. You can do this by choosing to be a mentor to young, ambitious people. You can help them avoid the mistakes they made themselves, as well as help them get started, which they will inevitably make in turn.

Fight for justice

You will often see in your life that someone has been treated unfairly. This happens both professionally and socially. Many people who deserve recognition don't get it.

By starting to fight and making sure that others get what they deserve, you will become a real hero. You will thereby make a lasting impact on their lives and be rewarded with love and help in the future when you need it.

The law of karma says that no matter what you do, you will get back three times as much. In this sense, helping other people is a selfish act, but it is still a good deed that you should do without fear, with love and in the knowledge that someday you will be rewarded for it.

Get things done

Compromise is the enemy of long-term commitment. If you have made a commitment to helping someone by being a mentor or advocating for the rights of others, do not stop halfway. Finish what you started. Make sure that there are some changes so that your commitments do not turn out to be empty words.

The difference between stopping halfway and finishing the job will not be that big in terms of getting the work done, but for the person you are helping, it will be very noticeable.

Conclusion

In fact, we can all help each other, we can be part of a mechanism that promotes cooperation and, finally, we ourselves can create better conditions for our lives.

In any case, helping other people brings prosperity and happiness to your own life, so no matter the reason why you choose to start helping other people, the help will always come back to you.