We create ourselves. We create our own beliefs. How does this affect the fate of a person

Great illusionist

STUDYING human consciousness and subconsciousness, I came to the conclusion that people communicate with the surrounding reality at least on two levels: conscious and subconscious. And each of us consciously deals not directly with the WORLD, but with some model of the WORLD. While the subconscious perceives reality as it is.

Our subconscious mind is a great illusionist, which, according to the appropriate rules, builds a great illusion in front of us. He creates our world (more precisely, a little world), protects us from the chaos of the Universe, selecting for our perception only what he considers necessary and safe. But, performing creative and protective functions, he involuntarily turned into a jailer for many. After all, it is our mind that does not allow us to go beyond the boundaries of the created world. He constantly comes up with various tricks, often using fear to convince us that the illusion that he presents to us is REALITY itself.

Every moment we, as human beings, are bombarded with a huge stream of information. And our subconscious mind chooses from the general stream and presents to us, our consciousness, exactly the information that fits into our subconscious program and then is realized in our model of the Universe. He distorts something, generalizes something, and simply omits some things.

We ourselves create the world in which we live. We ourselves create our illnesses, situations with people, with work, with money, and much more. And since we ourselves create our world, then, therefore, we can change it. In other words, if we are not satisfied with something in our life, then we can change our life by identifying and eliminating the causes of this or that problem and creating something new; we can begin to live more fully and joyfully!

Our destiny is our thoughts!

The COUNTRY is undergoing economic and political changes. Many businesses are closing. People are looking for a new job. They have such an intention - to find a job, and even one that they like and bring enough money. One man decides that he is not the right age (after all, he read in the ads that people under the age of 40 are required for work); besides, he had already received several refusals; from his friends he constantly hears about how difficult it is now to find a new job; and on TV they constantly scare people with mass unemployment and report almost universal non-payment of wages. As a result, he still cannot find a suitable job or works at an enterprise where wages are not paid on time.

Another man, despite his age, believes that someone needs his knowledge and skills somewhere. He takes a pen and a piece of paper and calculates how much money he needs to receive in order to satisfy all his needs: pay the rent, eat well, dress, rest and others. At first, he is frightened by the number that turned out. And then he thinks: "Why not? After all, there are people who get much more, and, therefore, I deserve this money." The next day, this man meets in the city with his friend, whom he had not seen for a long time. We got talking. And a friend, having learned about his problem, reports that he has an acquaintance who opens a new enterprise and he needs people with just such a specialty. And now, a week later, this man works at a new job and the salary exactly corresponds to the figure on the sheet.

These are not fairy tales - these are examples from life. Accident? But randomness is a subconscious regularity! Just in the first case, thoughts-doubts prevented getting the desired job, and these thoughts were generated by the corresponding program. And in the second case, the man firmly believed in himself and valued his knowledge and experience. And everyone received in accordance with their thoughts-expectations. After all, we create our own life!

What you need to know about your subconscious

The SUBCONSCIOUS mind perceives all information coming from the outside literally. For example, a doctor who has not been able to cure a patient or simply does not know other methods of treatment may say: "I'm sorry, but I think that medicine is powerless here." And the patient can stop treatment, being sure that his disease is incurable. In modern medicine, many diseases are classified as "incurable". But you should know that they are incurable by the well-known methods that our official medicine is trying to treat. And any disease becomes curable when a person is ready to take responsibility for its occurrence.

All problems in people (illness, stress) are the result of a discrepancy between conscious desires and subconscious intentions. The thing is that our subconscious mind knows much more about ourselves and about our vital intentions. In addition, remember - the subconscious is directly connected with REALITY itself or with God. And our inner mind makes its contribution to the process of universal evolution.

Therefore, it is very important that there be a correspondence, a harmony between the conscious and the subconscious.

For a long time you have struggled with your illness. You perceived it as something alien, interfering with you. Now you know that we create everything in our life for ourselves, with our thoughts and our behavior. Therefore, before you begin to communicate with your subconscious mind, change your attitude towards yourself and your illness. After all, this disease is yours, and you "nurtured" it in your body.

People are accustomed to this stereotype of thinking, according to which the disease is the enemy and it must be fought by any means, regardless of the consequences. But to fight the disease is to fight with yourself. Therefore, accept it and thereby refuse to fight with yourself. There is no power in the universe that cannot be used in a positive way. And your illness is just such a force. Use it as a tool for self-development.

How to make direct contact with the subconscious

COMMUNICATION with your subconscious is a great mystery. This is a touch to the great and indescribable forces of the Universe. If you are ready to start cognizing these forces, then do it only with pure thoughts.

In order to successfully communicate with the subconscious, it is necessary to establish certain signals, or sign language, with it. It will be better if you do not impose a certain stereotype of communication on the subconscious mind, but give it the opportunity to decide for itself which signal to choose for a response.

Now sit back and be ready to ask a question inside yourself, your subconscious. After you ask this question, your task is to be very attentive and sensitive to the changes that will occur in your body. Watch for sensations in a particular part of the body, mental images and internal sounds or an internal voice. Don't try to influence the answer in any way. The subconscious will choose its own way to answer. You must be sensitive enough to pick up the answer.

The question is: "Is my subconscious now ready to communicate with me on a conscious level?"

The answer can be anything - it depends on your subconscious. For example, after a while there was a burning sensation in the stomach. You do not yet know what this answer means - "yes" or "no". So thank your subconscious mind for the answer and say, "Subconscious mind, I would like to understand your message. If the burning sensation in the stomach area means -" Yes, I would like to communicate, "then let this feeling repeat itself or become stronger and clearer. If this the message means - "No, I'm not ready to communicate", then, on the contrary, make this feeling very weak, to the point that it disappears completely.

If the signal is repeated again and becomes stronger, then this means the answer is "yes", therefore, the subconscious expresses its readiness to communicate with you on a conscious level. Thank him again (by the way, do not forget to do this after each answer). Now you have a channel of communication with your subconscious. And you can ask him questions, to which he will answer "yes" or "no".

If suddenly the answer to the question you get is "no" - do not be upset. After all, you still got the answer. This happens in cases where the subconscious is not ready to communicate for one reason or another (fatigue, bad mood, unfavorable external environment, noise). Or you need to change your attitude towards your subconscious and treat it (that is, yourself) more respectfully. Wait a while, remove any possible obstacles and try again.

Instead of sensations, the subconscious mind can give an answer in the form of a visual image or some kind of mental picture. Moreover, the answer "yes" - one image, and the answer "no" - another. Or you can make the picture brighter for a "yes" answer and darker for a "no" answer. If the answer is a mental sound, then you can make it louder in the case of "yes" and quieter - "no".

Sometimes you can communicate with the subconscious with the help of an "inner voice", that is, mentally receive specific answers.

In principle, how many people - so many ways of communication. Everyone chooses the one that suits them best. Personally, I like finger signals, mental and figurative communication. This allows me to communicate with the subconscious even in transport - no one notices anything.

The subconscious functions in the same way for everyone, regardless of education and intellectual level, be it a scientist or a fireman. I would even say that it is much easier for the latter to do this, since an advanced degree often contributes to the growth of self-importance, which prevents a person from noticing simple and amazing things.

finger signals

The EASIEST sign language would be to raise one or the other finger: for example, raise the index finger on the right hand for a yes (if you are right-handed) and raise the index finger on the left hand for a no. Lifting both fingers at the same time for the answer "I do not know" and the immobility of the fingers - "I do not want to answer." As you understand, such a division is purely arbitrary, and you can set the sign language yourself. Finger movements should be unconscious, automatic. Don't try to move your fingers consciously. Just do not interfere with your subconscious, trust it completely. Questions must be asked clearly and unambiguously - after all, the subconscious mind understands everything literally. I want to warn you right away - there are no people who could not communicate with the subconscious, and there are no bad subconscious. The result will be sure if you intend to get an answer from the depths of your mind.

Now let's try. Sit in a soft, comfortable chair or lie down on the couch. Let your hands lie freely and nothing interferes with them. Immediately agree with the subconscious mind which signal will correspond to this or that answer. Now, mentally or aloud, turn inside yourself and ask this question: "Is my subconscious mind ready to communicate with me? If yes, raise the index finger on your right hand with an unconscious movement; if no, on your left hand." Don't try to guess the answer - just wait patiently. After a few seconds in a certain place, you will feel a slight itching, tingling or numbness. This means that the muscles have received a subconscious signal, tensed up and are about to start raising a finger. Another second - and the tip of the finger slowly, slightly trembling, moves up. The finger can finish its movement, having risen quite high, or maybe only slightly breaking away from the surface. Once you have received and understood the answer, thank your subconscious mind and put your finger down.

WE CREATE AN INTENT!!!

"Each person creates his own world, his own life"
Man is essentially a creator. Creator of your world.
Remember? What's in the micro, then in the macro?
This is very important to realize. And we create our world with our thoughts, feelings and emotions. Our action begins not with a word and not with a movement, but with our thought. Thought is a universal form of energy, and its power is colossal.
Our thoughts and feelings materialize, that is, become reality. Thought, as a form of energy, originating in our soul, does not disappear anywhere. The law of conservation of energy applies. Any thought sent to the outer world creates certain forms and events in our life. Thus, this energy returns to us in one form or another.
From this first position of the model follows the statement: "Like attracts like." If our thought is aggressive, then unpleasant and painful events are created. If thoughts are creative and carry goodness and love, then they are embodied in reality, which brings us only pleasant experiences. What thoughts to use, everyone decides for himself.
We ourselves create the world in which we live. Each of us lives in a unique reality, or rather a model of Reality, built on the basis of individual experience or the experience of our ancestors. In fact, the world around us is incomprehensible, and we are forced to simplify it in order to feel safe and be able to act in it, comprehend it.

It turns out that everything in this world: the state of our body, mental and physical health, family relationships with loved ones, relationships with people and the outside world, work, financial situation - all this is a reflection and transformation of our thoughts, feelings and emotions.
From this follows the statement, brilliant in its simplicity and wisdom: "You and I live in a harmonious, just and pure world, where everyone is rewarded according to his thoughts."
"According to your faith, be it to you!" These are words from the Bible. You get in life what you believe in.
In other words, "The outside reflects the inside."
If something is missing in your life or there is some kind of injustice, then do not rush to blame anyone and make yourself a victim. The reason for what is happening is hidden not only in the outside world or in the so-called external circumstances, but, first of all, within you. Look inside yourself.
Since we ourselves create our world, then, therefore, we can change it. But how to do that?
If you want to change the world around you and the people around you, then remember that everything that surrounds you is a reflection of yourself (the external reflects the internal). Therefore, start with yourself. When you change yourself, the people and events around you will change. The law of reflection will just work.
If you don't like something in other people, then it must be inside you, in your subconscious. Give up the desire to change the world around you, people, your loved ones. Accept them as they are. Just change yourself - and then the world will change.
If you avoid something, then there is some fear or some pain behind it, that is, something that you have to go through and learn a very important positive lesson.
Each of us must take responsibility for our own world.
Taking responsibility for your life means a complete rejection of the accusations of others and yourself, liberation from pity and regret, from criticism, condemnation and hatred. When you take responsibility, you begin to live a full and powerful life. And no one can make you suffer anymore, no stasis and damage will affect you. You yourself will build events in your life the way you want. You will create a special space around you that will help change the people around you. By changing your beliefs, you change your world. But in order to change beliefs, you need a special, new model of human consciousness, within which you could act as a master.
When a person takes responsibility for his world, for his life, he has the freedom of choice. He becomes the master of his life, a real magician and wizard. He is free to choose which thoughts he uses. In this sense, a person is stronger and higher than an angel, because he can choose between good and evil. Man is originally free!
The subconscious contains information about any event occurring in the universe. This means that each of you already knows everything.
Imagine a cell in an organism. She cannot see the whole body. But it contains information about the whole organism. It is encoded at the genetic level. Man is the same cell of the Universe. His subconscious stores all the information about the past, present and even the future of the universe.
.The greater the purity of thoughts a person has, the more abilities he has, the more knowledge of the Universe he gets access to. This can be expressed in a simpler way: the less aggression in your soul, in your subconscious, the more pleasant and interesting your life and the more health and abilities you will have. To change yourself is first of all to get rid of aggressive thoughts and emotions.
Since a person is only a part of God, the Universe, then, as a part of the whole, he strives for this whole. Newton discovered the law of universal gravitation for material bodies. But this law also applies to living bodies, which are information-energy structures. Each living being is originally integral, including man, as he lives in Reality itself. But the human mind divided the world, violated the integrity. And therefore, a person subconsciously strives to acquire this integrity throughout his life. In religion, this is called the pursuit of God. It unites all people. And not only people, but everything that exists in this world. And not only in this "human" world, but also in other worlds, and in general in the whole Universe.
Everyone has the same end goal, but the paths are different. The part strives for the whole. The soul longs for God. Every person is haunted all his life by his remoteness from the original source. Intuitively, he feels this and rushes to him. In our life it looks like a search for peace of mind, happiness, enjoyment. A person aspires to some earthly things in the hope of finding this eternal bliss. He tries to forget himself with money, food, things, entertainment, sex, relationships. But over time, he feels the pain of losing it all. And in old age there is a nagging feeling that the main thing in life has been missed, for the sake of which life was given. But the forces are not the same.
Man is given life and awareness by God so that he enriches this awareness by the very process of his life and makes his unique contribution to the universal process of evolution. This is the answer to the age-old question: "What is the meaning and purpose of life?" Each person subconsciously performs the main function and the main goal of life - to live in this world and strive for his model of reality to correspond to Reality itself. In other words, connect the conscious and subconscious. Only in this way can he find the integrity of himself.
A person cannot refuse to carry out his Intentions. It's impossible. That is life. Therefore, you do not need to fight with yourself - you just need to change your thoughts and ways of behaving. And it is quite realistic to realize your Intentions, create new ones and change the ways of their implementation.

In a person's life, nothing ever happens just like that. All accidents are the natural consequences of our thoughts, actions in the past .. Not only some events in life, but even a thought does not just appear. Any thought, any human behavior serves to achieve certain intentions. And our subconscious guides our actions to help us. And it works in the way you yourself taught it. "Everything that we need comes into life at the right time and in the right place."

HOW TO FORM AN INTENT?

Step 1. Form an Intention
Step 2. Get in touch with your subconscious.
To do this, turn inside yourself and ask the question: "Is my subconscious mind ready to communicate with me on a conscious level?"
Wait for an answer. It can be some kind of sensation, a visual image, an inner voice or a finger movement. (One of the techniques for contracting with the subconscious is in the regressive hypnosis group)
To communicate with the subconscious, it is desirable to be at least in a shallow trance. At the level of relaxation will be enough.
Step 3. Ecological check: "Are there any parts of my subconscious that would object to the implementation of this Intention in my life?"
This is where you should be careful. Remember the opposite programs? Which we talked about at the beginning of the topic in the REGRESS group?
Listen to your inner voice. He will definitely tell you. If such a program and a subpersonality executing it exists, you need to neutralize it. How to do this, we will talk in the following topics.
After adjusting the Intention, perform the environmental check again. Proceed to the next step only after receiving a clear "no" answer.
Step 4. Creation of the part that will be responsible for the implementation of your Intention. To do this, turn to your subconscious: "Create a part that will be responsible for the implementation of this Intention. As soon as you do this, give me the answer "yes." Having received the answer "yes", go to the next step.
Step 5. Create new ways of behaving and thinking.
Refer to the newly created part of the subconscious: (subpersonalities to fulfill your new program, intention. "Use my creative resources, imagination and personal strength and create several new ways of behaving and thinking to fulfill my Intention. Let the new ways be effective, reliable, fast and simple. And may they be favorable to me and others. Once you do this, give me the answer "yes."
Now you have such a part of the subconscious that will strive to fulfill your Intention and will do it in the best way, at the right time and in the right place.
And after your goal is achieved, do not forget to thank this part of the subconscious, which was created at the time of the realization of your desires and needs, and ask it to merge with the subconscious as a whole or give it new functions.
Aim for results. And forget about failures. There is no such thing as failure in reality. It exists only in our brains. Failure is just your negative evaluation of the result

There will be questions, ask. Good practice.
With uv. Felix Adele.

Life Principle #2:

We create our own life experience

Your strategy. Recognize and take responsibility for your life and your actions. Be aware of your role in creating the results that your life is. Learn to choose the best in order to have the best.

This principle is simple: you are responsible for your life. Good or bad, successful or unsuccessful, happy or unhappy, fair or not, your life is yours.

You are responsible now, you have always carried it, and you will carry it in the future. It's just the way it is. You may wish it were different, but it is.

Please don't misunderstand me: I'm not offering you this discussion as a general statement, and I'm not presenting it as a theory. I repeat: you create your own life. Not occasionally, but always. If you don't like your work, you are responsible for it. If there are difficulties in your relationship with a loved one, you are responsible for this. If you are overweight, do not trust the opposite sex, are unhappy, finally, this is your responsibility. Whatever the circumstances of your life, passing this law means you can no longer shirk responsibility for how and why your life is the way it is. And this does not mean the utterance of empty words: "All right, I'm responsible for this."

Let me explain why this is so important. If you don't take responsibility for yourself, you will see every problem you face in the wrong light. If you make a wrong diagnosis, you will choose the wrong course of treatment, and the situation will not change for the better. Even if you think that there is no connection between your problems and you personally, let's just assume that I'm right and continue to look for your role in creating our own difficulties. I promise you, you will find it.

This law is absolutely true, and since this is how the world works, your resistance or denial of this principle keeps you firmly in the grip of fantasies. When you convince yourself that you are a victim, you are guaranteed no progress, no healing, no victory. Your flight from responsibility will prevent you from biting the bit, start working and take control of your life. In truly wanting to change and recognizing that you create your own life experience, you must analyze what you have done and what you have not done in order to arrive at undesirable results.

What life circumstances do not suit me?

What did I do to ensure that the situation turned out the way it did, and exactly what happened happened?

What have I done to make such a result possible? Do I agree that it was my actions that led to it?

Maybe I recklessly trusted people?

Have I missed important warning signs?

Did I manage to determine exactly what I wanted?

Am I fooling myself, wishing it was true?

What exactly was the decision I made that directly led to the result I did not want?

Did I pick the wrong person or the wrong place?

Did I make my choice for the wrong reasons?

Did I pick the wrong time?

What action I didn't take led to a result I didn't want?

Am I unable to do what I need to do? If so, which one?

I failed to stand up for myself and claim my rights?

I failed to ask for what I want? 11 "" Am I demanding too little for myself?

I failed to send someone to hell?

Am I failing to treat myself with dignity and respect?

What actions do I need to take to change?

Do I need to start behaving differently?

Do I need to stop behaving the same way?

Here we need to stop: it is necessary that you understand what is at stake. If you fail to accept this law as an axiom and you continue to perceive the world and react to it as a victim, clinging to the conviction that you are right, you will not create significant successful changes in your life.

Do not treat my words as book rhetoric. Read as if I were talking directly to you: when you are angry, offended or upset, your feelings belong to you, and you are responsible for their presence in your life.

There are many ways to play the victim. You may insist that someone is mean, unfair, or angry towards you. another way, the most common, is to believe that you are right in your position, and those who disagree with you are wrong, and therefore it is not your fault that you are in a dead end. But even if you are right and they are wrong, you still have to solve the problem. I would like to ask the question: "If you are right and so smart, why can't you get the results you want?"

You will answer: "They simply won't listen to me." But I repeat again: if they don't listen to you, that's your problem. Not being listened to is a direct result of your inability to make them hear.

So let's recap. You are not a victim. You create the situations you find yourself in and generate the emotions that flow from them. This is not theory, this is life. You must be willing to change your position, no matter how difficult and unusual it may seem, and accept that the problem is only with you. But it's not all bad news. Realizing your role in causing problems and recognizing that you are responsible means that you really take it upon yourself. This means that you are aware that both the problem and its solution are in you. While many still blame not themselves, but others who are not at all responsible for their lives, you can reach the goal, like a laser-guided missile, and work on exactly what will really change your life. This will give you free rein to start working on resolving issues. Let a huge alarm clock ring loudly for you today so that you can finally wake up. Stop looking for answers where there aren't any.

Failure to pass this law will terminate our deal. Please don't say, "Okay, Phil, now I am accepting this law and will create my own life experience." Thoughts are moving in the right direction, but they are not quite right yet. You must realize that you have always created your life experience. The importance of this understanding is that as you think about your life story, you will have to rethink reality, and do it carefully, redistributing responsibility for the results. You need to understand what specific decisions and actions led you to specific results. How did you behave when you chose your path to where you are now?

Task number 4.If you are going to re-evaluate your life in terms of responsibility, a good way to practice this is to re-evaluate the part of your life history in which you were a victim, at least in your mind. It would be very helpful to open your diary at this point and, as you go back in your mind to the different stages of your life, identify the five most important moments when you felt you were a victim, that you were treated badly, or that you were treated unfairly in any way. Describe these situations in enough detail to remember what you experienced in each of them. As you do this, leave space below each situation so you can write more later.

I want you now to determine how in each of these situations you were actually responsible for its poor outcome. Maybe it's something you did, or something you failed to do, or the way you set yourself up for the outcome, or an unwillingness to recognize certain warning signs. Whatever it is, practice your new attitude by re-evaluating these five past moments. Don't treat this task as a superficial exercise or too hard work. To live like a responsible person means to think like a responsible person. This exercise is very important for shaping strategies for your future life - ones that will allow you to take a seat at the wheel and not in the passenger compartment.

I see the direct impact of this law in that it forces you to look for the solution to your problems in the one right place, and not in millions of other wrong ones. You need to stop saying: "Why are they doing this to me?" - and start saying instead: "Why am I doing this to myself? What thoughts, actions and decisions should I change to get a different result?" As this series of questions suggests, not only are you creating your life now, but you are already responsible for the results of your entire previous life, both good and bad. Now that you know this and consciously accept it, you can actively and purposefully change your outcomes and life experiences.

As we move through the pages of this book, we will deliberately build your life: we create a life strategy that will lead you to get the results you want. Awareness of your own responsibility is the most important component in this strategy. Make this approach the essence of your soul and start right now. Let this decision be expressed in how you analyze the events of your life. Then, looking to the future, implement that decision through the choices you make. Keep your focus on your own choices and behavior here and now. If you do this, you won't ask why your life is the way it is; you will say:

"That's right. It couldn't be otherwise." One day you will understand the laws of life that control your life and make it what it is. You will say to yourself: "I have no reason to expect that my life could have turned out differently. Based on my knowledge, I can understand Why am I depressed? I can understand why I am an alcoholic; I can understand why I married three times; I can understand Why can't I quit this crappy job. I did not know the principles that determine my destiny, but now I know them and can adapt to them and strategize. I programmed myself for failure, not success, but I won't do that again."

I know that this way of thinking does not correspond to conventional thinking. It definitely contradicts almost every explanation of behavior that society now offers us. After all, it's easier to tell yourself that it's all your parents and teachers' fault, that you're just unlucky, or that there's probably something wrong in the universe. When I say it's easier to put the blame on someone else, I mean it's easier to avoid responsibility. It's easier if someone else answers - then you do not need to learn anything new about yourself, since you are just a victim.

The books talk a lot about dysfunctional families, about the terrible consequences of childhood abuse and abuse, whether it be sexual harassment or assault. They say that your childhood was stolen from you, that your "inner child" was locked in the depths of your soul and wants to free itself and come out. When we read these kinds of books, they tell us THAT we are not responsible, and then (for a while) relief comes. We desperately want to believe these words: it seems to us that they lighten our burden. They do create a superficial sense of relief, because if you say to yourself, "I'm responsible," it's embarrassing and confusing. Of course, you wouldn't intentionally hurt yourself, so there's bound to be someone besides you to blame. When you claim that other people have contributed to your problems, no one will argue with you. You are suffering - it means that someone offended you; they must have done it, not you. Besides, YOU would never offend yourself. It may seem that there is common sense in this, but it is not: if you are an adult and live on your own, do not suffer from dementia, a brain tumor, or other thought disorders beyond your control, then it is you who are responsible.

If you find it difficult to accept this, you are not alone. The vast majority of the patients I have ever treated, the participants in the workshops I have taught, and the friends who have ever cried on my shoulder or otherwise sought my advice, have blamed someone or something for their misfortunes. . But you must not lose sight of the goal. No matter how hard it is, if you really want to take advantage and use this law, then you must be an adamant realist, calling a spade a spade, and not wishful thinking. To act otherwise is to undermine one's own effectiveness and to be on the wrong track in search of answers and solutions.

The fact is that blaming others is the essence of human nature. Trying to avoid responsibility is the basis of self-preservation. You don't want to be responsible for some things, so you resort to extremely logical justifications and excuses to explain why you are not responsible for them. This is especially true when we talk about emotionally charged areas of our lives. Think about it. How many times have you heard from people going through a divorce how they describe their spouse as a vile, dishonest and malicious culprit of all suffering? Should anger or resentment bring confusion to the soul, your objectivity will give way to self-preservation. While you are passionately blaming someone else, your self-diagnosis skills are just crumbling. The best chance to take control of your life is to stop thinking like that right now. Don't try to shift responsibility OR you will destroy all the effort you put in to be a winner.

Imagine that you lost your keys and ransacked the whole house looking for it. You look into every drawer, pocket, nook and cranny, up and down. You stop at nothing to find them and become a true key finder. Now suppose that the keys are not at home at all - they were left in the car in the ignition. No matter how carefully, hard, or how long you search, you will never find clues where there are none. Similarly, when you want to find the causes of your problems in other people, you will never find them because they are not there. They are only within you.

In a world of rivalry and competition, only accepting responsibility can make a difference. Once you decide that no one but yourself will save you from a continuous series of troubles, you will stop kissing all the frogs in a row in search of an enchanted princess and start working on your problems.

You will never solve your problems by blaming someone else. This is an option for losers. Don't cling to him just because it hurts to admit the truth. If anyone can make you do anything, it's you. The sooner you come to terms with this, the sooner your life will change for the better. Recognize it. No matter who you might like to blame:

You married him. You have given up on it.

You invited her to your home. You have chosen these feelings.

You decide you don't deserve it. You quit your job.

You allowed them to return. You betrayed your dreams.

You have chosen this job.

You let them despise you. You wanted to move.

You left it in the refrigerator. You bought this damn thing. You yourself ate it.

You let them convince you. You believed him.

You have made a choice. You said those words.

You paid too little. You have gone berserk.

You wanted to have children.

You treated yourself like nothing.

You let that bore hang around you. You wanted to have that damned dog.

You trusted this goat.

You let him in.

I am not just categorical, repeating the same thing. I do understand that you can be squeezed into a vise by holding such beliefs. To accept and recognize this law means to deprive yourself of what could be the most important "support" strategy for you in life. If having to do this seems cruel and unfair to you, consider this: I didn't say you were at fault, I said you were responsible. There is a huge difference between guilt and responsibility. To merit blame, you must have deliberately carried out your actions or recklessly neglected their consequences. Responsibility means that you were only in control of what happened. It does not imply intent or recklessness. Responsibility means only one thing: whatever led to a given result - you did it or allowed it to happen.

If I mess around with my friends, jump on a chair with both feet and break it, this is the best illustration of a thoughtless neglect of property. I am responsible for the damages for which I can justly be blamed. Now suppose I sit on a chair and it breaks. I am responsible for this damage. I used this chair correctly and did not intend to break it, so I cannot be accused of destroying it maliciously. But I'm still responsible for it.

I am not suggesting that poor behavior and poor choices you have made in life make you worthy of blame. I simply demand that you realize that you yourself made this choice and behaved in a certain way, and therefore you - and only you - are responsible for the results.

Remember Maya Angelou's statement about past behavior: "You acted on your knowledge. When you learned how to do better, you did better." I want you to approach your self-esteem in this way. Whatever you did in the past - you acted as best you could. But you are responsible for this. I hope that as you work with me as you progress through the pages of this book, you will learn more and act better. The main thing is you bear and will bear the responsibility.

But what about the events that happened to me in childhood? I understand that certain events, sometimes extremely painful, happened in our lives when we were still children. I do not suggest that as children we choose all the events and circumstances of our lives. We do not choose our parents and are not responsible for being beaten, insulted and molested. I'm talking about something else. As a child, you may not have had the knowledge or power to make certain choices and were not responsible for events. Now, as an adult, you have the ability to choose how you relate to the events and circumstances of your childhood. You must agree that the only time that exists is the present, now. The past is gone and the future has not yet arrived. Being here at this particular point in time as an adult, you, and only you, can choose how to relate to the events that happened in your life earlier.

If you were tragically abused or mistreated as a child, statistics confirm that it probably came from family members or trusted friends. This means that the abuse was both physical, mental and emotional. If you currently choose to feel disgusted by past events—trusting no one, avoiding intimacy in relationships, and rejecting healthy sexuality—then that is your choice, and you are responsible for those outcomes in your adult life. Is it fair that this happened to you? No. Is it fair that you have to deal with it at all? No. Is it fair that you have to live and deal with this for the rest of your life? No. But are you still responsible for how you live and deal with it? Undoubtedly.

Responsibility has two aspects: on the one hand, the whole burden of this burden lies with you, on the other hand, the choice is still yours.

We have already talked about epidemic behavior. Responsibility for life in general and for epidemic behavior in particular can manifest itself in two ways. Dreams, plans, opportunities and self-esteem can disappear or change in the blink of an eye. I have repeatedly witnessed this kind of responsibility both in the courtroom and in life.

In the courtroom, in the short time it takes to read the verdict, the results of all the wrong decisions and deeds are finally realized. After the hammer of the judge is struck, responsibility becomes a destructive force: freedom is lost or fortune has betrayed you. Often it looks dramatic, even exciting. The front pages of newspapers are full of loud headlines, what happened is reported in the latest news releases - it seems that the whole world is watching the course of events.

Reading the headlines greedily, we shake our heads and turn away, returning to our own lives. But for the heroes of these events, for those who are responsible for their own wrong choice or simply for the lack of a good strategy, everything is different. I have seen it in life, where destinies seemed to change instantly. Triggered by an angry lover or misguided pilot, a young man puts his fiancée into a soon-to-crash car as they leave the party drunk and out of control. Responsibility is immediate, cruel and inevitable.

But there is another kind of responsibility that you will probably easily recognize: responsibility of this kind is not as obvious as in the first case, it creeps up unnoticed, but its consequences are just as disastrous. It weakens life day by day. Television cameras do not buzz, grasping details, journalists do not write reports about ongoing events. There is not a single event in this chain that is so exciting and exciting to wake us up and make us sound the alarm. The only witness is you. Looking back, you realize that you made concessions or were inactive, you see that your dreams have been destroyed or have ceased to attract you. For weeks, months, years, questions gnaw at you: “Why did I do this to myself?”, “How did I get to such a life?”, “What happened to my dreams and plans?”, “Why did I end up in this hole? " Creeping up unnoticed, like a quiet, but sudden and cruel attack, such responsibility is truly destructive.

Because the law of responsibility is so fundamental and so predetermined by the outcome of any undertaking, let's examine the method by which you create your life experience. You build your life through the actions and decisions you make and make every day. It is these daily choices that create your life, because every decision has consequences:

When you choose actions, you choose consequences.

When you choose thoughts, you choose consequences.

When you choose thoughts, you choose physiology.

Simply put, you have to pay for everything. No matter what you do in this world, it has its results, and they, added together, create your life experience. Actually, these results are your experience, they are your life. If you really choose stupid behavior, you will have to face severe negative consequences. If you choose to live recklessly with no regard for your own safety, you are obviously choosing the consequences of pain and injury. By choosing to continue living with a cold and inconsiderate partner, you choose pain and suffering in your personal life. Choosing alcohol and drugs, you choose a dark, illusory and painful world, preferring it to a bright and healthy life.

Thoughts and representation is also behavior. Their choice contributes to your life: by choosing your thoughts and outlook on life, you choose the consequences associated with them. By preferring thoughts that degrade and devalue you, you create the consequences of low self-esteem and self-doubt. By choosing thoughts tainted with anger and bitterness, you create alienation, isolation, and hostility.

We cannot discuss the consequences without mentioning the mind-body connection. By choosing your thoughts, you determine the physiological state associated with them and dependent on them. Imagine biting into a crunchy dill-flavored pickle. Smell the seasoning and brine. Hear it crunch in your mouth. Feel the taste of brine and dill seasoning. What's happening? I suspect that you began to salivate, that is, there were certain physiological changes.

Another example. Think back to the evening when you were walking down a dark street, or perhaps walking to your car, which was in a garage, deserted and dark. Conjure up a sudden noise behind you. Your body reacts immediately. The hair on the back of your head and on your arms move, your heart beats faster, and you are alert, as if your whole body has become a stretched nerve. Nobody touched you, nothing threatens you yet. You just thought, "I'm in danger." Abstract thoughts are powerful enough to create tangible and impressive physiological responses. It would be naive to deny that every thought is accompanied by certain physiological reactions.

There is a very strong connection between the body and the psyche. Physiology determines your energy level and the way you act. If you have an aggressive and self-deprecating internal dialogue, then the accompanying physiology will be just as destructive. Depressive thoughts suppress energy. Your body will adjust to this "central computer" message. In your mind, behavior and physiology, you are programming yourself to go through life in a certain way.

Think about how much your thoughts are programming you. We are constantly engaged in dialogues with other people, but the most active of them is the conversation that we have with ourselves. During the day we can come into contact with ten different people, but we communicate with ourselves constantly, every day. We talk and program ourselves more than all the people in our lives put together. Some of us have "tapes" that we play over and over in our heads. The "cassette" plays from start to finish, then the tape loops and it starts all over again. If the interior monologue - the programming monologue - is negative, then why is it any wonder that we are bad at our tasks? If it contains negative self-talk, then you create unnecessary obstacles for yourself. Here are some typical negative statements:

I'm not smart enough.

These people are more interesting and know much more than I do.

I'm not as good as other people.

I am unable to succeed.

I've never been lucky.

No matter what I do, it won't change anything.

They have already made a decision and I cannot change it.

I do what I have to, but nothing will ever change.

They will understand how stupid I am.

I am a woman, and they will not listen to a woman.

I'm too young to do this.

I'm too old to do this.

Task number 5.On the card, and also in your diary, make a list, the "top ten" of your most popular negative "cassettes" and "tapes" that you play most often. Carry this card with you. Any time you hear YOU spin another "tape" of negative thoughts, mark it on a card. You may find it useful to update it after a few days. Check how often during the day you scroll through the "tape". Be sure to keep notes: writing is one of the key elements of the learning process.

We talked about how when you choose behavior or thoughts, you choose consequences. Now let's check out some of the specific interaction mechanisms that create results in your life. It is not in my plans to simply tell you the theoretical position:

"When you choose behavior, you choose consequences." I want to talk to you about the choices we face in the real world.

You choose where to be.

You choose how to act.

You choose what to say.

You choose what to do.

You choose who to be with.

You choose what to focus on.

You choose what to believe.

You choose when to agree.

You choose when to object.

You choose who to trust.

You choose who to avoid.

You choose how and what to respond to.

You choose what to say to yourself: - about yourself,

About others

About the risk

About your needs

About your rights.

One of the main alternatives you choose from (and choose daily) has to do with how you present and define yourself in the eyes of people. Everyone has a specific idea of ​​their own existence in this world. Everyone has a certain view of things, a certain attitude to everything in the world. Everyone has a certain role and demeanor that they choose when dealing with other people. Some might call it your personality or your style. Particular attention should be paid to this: people tend to respond to you in an appropriate manner, reacting to your presentation. This means that every day, by making these choices and decisions, you contribute to your perception of the world. Actually, this choice determines how the world reacts to you. Let's take a closer look at how this process takes place.