It helps me deal with problems. Practical advice on how to overcome difficulties in life

One day, on a dank gray evening, once again wiping your tears and drinking a brandy glass of valerian, you decide that you can’t go on like this. fix your life. Remembering the old grandmother's recipe for dealing with everyday troubles, you take a piece of paper and write at the top: PROBLEMS, after which you begin to pour out your soul into a mournful column:

Love: no and not expected
Health: once was, now no longer
Work: for now, but it looks like it won't be soon
Appearance: in the trash
Perspectives: none
Nerves: to hell
Relaxation: forgot what it is
Friends: hid in the blue distance

Summing up the disappointing result in this way, you go looking for a coin in order to decide with its help whether to hang yourself or strangle yourself ... Although you need to find a way to fix your life.

There is a "Black streak" in your life. It seems that problems are falling on your head like an avalanche, deafening, blinding and fettering your arms and legs. But, unlike an avalanche that kills its victims quickly and painlessly, trouble seems to have decided to wear you out - slowly but surely. It's time to ask one of the main questions of the Russian intelligentsia: "What to do?" How to save yourself in a continuous, long stream of troubles and failures, and how, having pulled yourself together, nevertheless fix your life?

It is known that the salvation of drowning people is the work of the drowning people themselves. This also applies to those who are drowning in the waves of worldly storms. Therefore, without delay for a minute, start the rescue operation. Ten anti-crisis measures should not only keep you afloat, but also help you safely reach a safe haven. And knowing them you will understand: fix your life- it's simple!

1. Problems - in line!

One of the main signs of the "Black Stripe" is the syndrome of acute lack of time. Usually problems alternate with periods of calm and carelessness, but now they attack you all in a crowd, not letting you breathe. It seems that there are countless of them, and you will never be able to cope with them. It's time to remember the old Russian proverb: the eyes are afraid, but the hands are doing. And so that the eyes are not afraid, do so. Write all the cases in a column in chronological order: what needs to be done for what. Don't forget to include a due date. Then take a sheet of blank paper and secure it on top of the list with two paper clips so that only the very first line is visible from under the white sheet. Hang the list on the wall. Now, having done the deed, you cross it off the list and move the white sheet down. Thus, you will not forget to do anything, the upcoming things will not scare you, and the list of victories will grow before your eyes, giving optimism and confirming that things are going, no matter what. This list alone will surely help. improve life.

2. Sleep is a magic healer

Insomnia is a frequent companion of the "black band". You go to bed, but anxiety does not let you sleep, restless thoughts creep into your head, and now it’s already three in the morning, and you are still tossing and turning awake on hot sheets, and in the morning you get up with a sore head, completely broken. The darkness is gathering around you even thicker than in the evening... Remember: nothing depresses and weakens the body like lack of sleep. Weakness, irritability, depressed mood may not be symptoms of impending depression, but the result of regular sleep deprivation. Do not let insomnia weaken you from the rear! A cool bedroom, a warm blanket, a low pillow, and complete silence is a simple recipe for a good night's sleep. If necessary, take a mild sleeping pill. Remember: the more you sleep, the faster time passes, the sooner the "black streak" will end, the more painlessly you will survive it, and, perhaps, life will get better herself.

3. Don't give up!

Do not give in to panic and defeatism! When things don't go well, there is a great temptation to give up on everything, to say: "Everything is lost! I can't do anything anymore!" - and go with the flow, meekly waiting for the final catastrophe. The most interesting thing is that catastrophic forecasts, as a rule, come true: if you give up and stop doing anything to save yourself, you will, of course, go to the bottom with a pleasant feeling of being right. But why do you need such righteousness?.. Fight to the end, do everything possible and impossible to fix your life persistence will bring you victory. Dying is easy - staying alive is hard.

4. Strengthen your defenses

Feel like a besieged fortress. Be attentive and prudent, forget the usual carelessness, do not be afraid to play it safe. Find out the "hotline" in your city. Even if you never use their services, at least you will know that you have this option in reserve in the most extreme case. Show increased attention to your health: the body in a state of stress is prone to infections, chronic diseases can worsen. Do not overcool, keep a diet, walk more, take vitamins, carefully watch your teeth. Attention weakens from stress, accidents happen from inattention; when leaving the house, check whether electrical appliances are turned off, be careful on the roadway when crossing the street and when driving a car.

5. Take your own

Enjoy the quiet moments to the fullest. When the next trouble is over, and all the painful worries of this day are over, sit down comfortably, or rather lie down, relax, close your eyes and say to yourself: "At this moment I am calm and happy, I am warm, I am full, nothing hurts me, around silence, and now I can not worry about anything. What will happen next - I do not know. But this moment belongs entirely to me. And life will get better. Now everything is in order with me, and nothing can shake my bliss at this moment.

6. Humor is a strong weapon of the weak

Look at the situation with humor, and for this, look at yourself from the outside. Think about it: after all, all humor is based in some way on other people's troubles. Remember the classic examples: what good is it to get a cake in the face - however, everyone laughs ... And drunk Ippolit in a winter coat and a hat under the shower ("Oh! that unforgettable New Year's Eve? .. How much Semyon Semenych Gorbunkov suffered for your laughter ("I stumbled, fell. I woke up - plaster"), and the gallant General Ivolgin uttered his famous "Well, you, damn it, give!" not at all with joy ... Try to look at your life from the outside as a comedy of manners, retell the unpleasant events of the day as if you were composing a feuilleton. Bitter laughter is better than bitter tears.

7. Live in the present

Don't remember the past. Don't think about the future. Live within the narrow horizon of today. Past troubles are powerless, they can only strike you with your own hands. Why pour water on the mills of your enemies? Forget insults and defeats - and you will become invulnerable. Do not irritate wounds, show will, do not remember what cannot be returned. Do not scare yourself with phantoms of future troubles - there is only one future, and you compose a whole hundred misfortunes, most of which will not happen. Solve problems as they come up life got better. Having decided - forget.

8. Walk towards danger

Do unpleasant but necessary things without delay. If the decision is made, long hesitation will only torment your soul. If it's scary - you need to go towards danger, then it's not so scary. Delay will only worsen the situation. An unpleasant conversation, a surgical operation, leaving work or family - all this should be done without hesitation. Consider all options. Choose the one that seems right to you. Take responsibility. And take the plunge.

9. Helping others helps yourself.

The only way to save yourself is to save others. Find those who are even worse than you: believe me, there will always be such! It does not have to be people - all wildlife needs compassion and effective help. By helping those who are weaker, you, firstly, save yourself from a false and demoralizing feeling that you are the most unfortunate creature in the world, and secondly, you are convinced of your strength and ability to do something positive, because you always solve other people's problems easier than yours! Do not shy away from small good deeds, even if they are tiny. Take revenge on the evil of the whole world that has taken up arms against you: help your neighbor, help the distant. Their gratitude will be an unexpected joy, a ray of light in the darkness that has gathered around.

10. Everything will pass

Remember: everything passes. This "black streak" in your life will also pass. This thought should not leave you for a minute. Everything passes, everything passes, the morning will come, the sun will come out. When it comes to the worst, it starts to change for the better. And in order to satisfy the strict theory of probability, life will give you, to balance the "black streak", a wide, full of happiness and good luck, "bright streak". You can do it fix your life. You just need to wait!

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Many millennials grew up with mindsets like “Go to university and you’ll have a great career” or “To be successful, you have to do what you love.” But in reality, this doesn't always work. As a result, a person has complexes, he feels insecure, cannot make decisions and thinks that he will never achieve anything. The Huffington Post collected the opinions of psychologists on the most common problems of this generation and how to deal with them. "Theories and Practices" retell the main thing.

“I can't make a decision.
What if my choice turns out to be wrong?”

Millennials may go to the best universities and hold prestigious positions, but many of them still doubt their ability to make decisions. When the time comes for a major change (for example, it's time to change jobs or take relationships to the next level), it's hard for them to make a decision. As San Francisco psychologist Sarah Griffith explains, young people face the problem of too many options. Studies show that if a person has too many choices, it often leads to a stupor. In such cases, Griffith reminds his clients that there is simply no single formula for success, so you should listen to your desires.

"It's hard for me to refuse,
especially to my parents"

Due in part to overprotective parenting, many millennials try too hard to impress others and feel deep guilt when someone is denied something. To deal with this problem, Empowered Connections Maryland Clinical Program Manager Deborah Duly recommends starting small and gradually getting used to the fact that periodically. “Use gimmicks, such as phrases such as “I don’t know if I can promise something. I will contact you next week,” she recommends.

“Will I ever earn enough to live on my own?”

Millennials worry all the time about whether they will ever feel financially secure. This generation was hit hard by the 2008 crisis. Due to the economic situation, more and more young people are forced to live with their parents. This leads to a whole host of problems. “Many of my clients are concerned about their own financial situation or about the financial situation and debts of a potential partner when entering a relationship,” says Dallas family psychologist Liz Higgins.

She advises talking directly to your loved ones about financial expectations, values, and differences. “Often millennials just want to feel validated by partners and have clear income communication,” she says. “In addition, many of them feel that the financial situation controls them, so my work with clients often focuses on teaching them not to be afraid of difficult conversations and trust their instincts when it comes to monetary restrictions.”

"I feel helpless
because of everything that's going on in the world."

Many millennials are overwhelmed by the daily deluge of terrible news, with questions about inequality and socialism hurting them the most. According to Chicago psychologist Rachel Keyzes, their attempts to influence the situation are quite successful, but not always: “I advise millennials who are demoralized by the situation to pay more attention to change for the better and use their actions, words, influence and financial resources to support the processes they believe in.”

"I feel like an impostor"

“Millennials grew up in a culture where everything is compared, so they constantly wonder if their real life outside of social networks is up to the level of others,” says Jess Hopkins, a certified personal growth instructor. Social media posts by allegedly more successful friends make it very difficult for a person to stay in their own rut and move at their own pace. Instead, many millennials try to be better than their peers and try to constantly prove their worth to the world. Such behavior can provide only temporary self-confidence; in addition, many complexes appear in this way. In cases like this, Hopkins tries to convey to his clients the idea that they are valuable in their own right, without proof of their own importance, like “likes” on Instagram.

We all constantly face challenges in every area of ​​our lives. The truth is that you will deal with difficulties and challenges throughout your life, whether it be in your personal life, career or business. Start now and develop the self-discipline to practice the following tips:

1. Don't overdo it.

Overreacting to problems forces you to make bad decisions. When we are unable to control our emotions, we will make decisions that we will regret later. The next time you're faced with a problem, watch your thoughts and stay calm so you can make better decisions.

2. Accept reality.

Calmly accept the reality. You must understand that not everything will turn out the way you want. At least not right now 🙂 If you cannot accept reality, you will feel disappointed in life. Many people will try to change someone or something they can't control, and when that doesn't work they feel miserable. Once you can accept reality (including the challenges you are facing), you will be able to be more calm and think more clearly about how to take one more step towards your goal.

3. Don't blame others.

Many people have a habit of blaming others for all their problems. They are unable to take full responsibility for the decisions they make in life. The more you blame others for your problems, the less people will want to be around you. What you definitely shouldn't do when you're faced with a personal problem is don't start pointing the finger at others.

4. Practice impartiality.

Make a habit of disabling yourself from any outcome. Equanimity means that you are not attached to any particular outcome in life. When you begin the practice of equanimity, many of your fears and insecurities will disappear.

5. Don't overanalyze.

When you think too much about a situation or an event that has happened, then you will start judging everyone and everything. When you think too much, it will be very difficult for you to accept reality, and you will think that something is wrong with you. It can also lead to inaction in achieving your goals, which is frustrating in the long run.

6. Accept the changes in your life.

You will be dealing with life changes all the time. Many people don't like change, they resist because change is out of their comfort zone. You can be unhappy or happy at certain times, but you must understand that these two states are not permanent. You must train your mind to be in harmony all the time, regardless of your emotional state.

7. Don't compare your lifestyle to others.

I know it's really hard not to compare yourself to other people, but the more we do it, the more frustrated we'll feel. It may be people who have done more than you. The main thing to remember is that you are creating your own unique success story in life.

Each of us faces many setbacks. Someone does not stick to their personal lives, others cannot find their dream job, and still others have serious health problems. Finding a person who would be completely satisfied with the state of his affairs is very difficult, and each of us thinks that his problems are much more serious than others. Many of us, due to our age or character, try to simply run away from failures. But they unanimously say that if you are looking for a way to cope with problems - do not run away from them, but start developing self-discipline. How? We will tell now.

"Calm, baby. Only calm"

"Rule of 10 seconds" - this is the name of this method and psychologists-consultants recommend using it in case you need to cope with psychological problems

accept reality

Only you are to blame for your problems

Try impartiality

Don't reanalyze

Don't be afraid of change

1) Negation.
This is the very moment when we do not want to live with our misfortune, we are afraid of tomorrow and accepting the obvious. Usually at this moment we have to enter into a completely different reality, not like the one that was before. We do not recognize the existence of an unresolvable (or very difficult to resolve) contradiction. This period lasts from a couple of minutes to several years. Realizing that trouble has happened and one day it will noticeably make itself felt (or has already made itself known), we live, oppressed by constant fear and depression. What is important here? First of all, do not hide your head in the sand. In addition, do not confuse real trouble with a bunch of troubles or fears that a rich fantasy throws at us. If trouble happened, it is not small and sits in our soul as a huge splinter. If the trouble happened suddenly, but it is fixable, it is important to start solving the problem not immediately, when you are still in a state of shock, but at least a day later, when you spent the night with trouble.

2) Compensation and recognition of what happened.
During this period, we ask for help and do not understand how to continue to live, do not want to think about the future and try to somehow distract ourselves. When we acknowledge grief, we experience a lot of stress. At this time, everything is seething in us, but we are not capable of any actions, since the processes of excitation and inhibition are simultaneously working in the body. Not every organism can withstand this, and the subconscious mind takes over the work, which is looking for a way out, for example, draws our attention to another area where there are no difficulties. The way out of negativity is in some kind of conversation, chores or just a walk. The subconscious thus displaces all the thoughts and questions that torment us. Here it is important to allow the subconscious to work, that is, to distract from the past: know that neurosis does not arise because of a difficult period in life, but because we wind ourselves up. But do not be distracted by artificial and strong stimuli, that is, alcohol or drugs. In this case, you will again get a vicious circle

3) Aggression.
What happens during this period? The trouble still sits in the soul as a splinter and controls us. And then we notice that everything is bad with us, and everything around is the same as before. This is where aggression comes in. A person can direct it at himself, perceiving trouble as his own fault and convinced of his inferiority. This is how self-confidence is undermined. If self-esteem is high, a person breaks down on others, trying to lower their level of existence and make it worse for those who are all right. The main thing is not to get stuck here. Analyze what happened, change yourself, anything, just don't get stuck in your aggression.

4) Reliving.
We begin to relive our misfortune, retell it and share it with loved ones (or not so much. This is already a recovery, and by reliving and telling, we make grief not so significant. If we talk about our misfortune several times, it no longer seems terrible. We are also in these moments we remove from ourselves the imaginary (or real) guilt for what happened.But do not get stuck and put pressure on pity, otherwise you will turn into an energy vampire.

5) New birth.
We learn to live with our misfortune on our own. Our task is to turn our thorn into a new part of ourselves. Here you can say a lot of clichés about the fact that what does not kill us, and about the fact that we have become stronger after a difficult period. No, it is now for life and you build it without trouble. Just the whole difficult period in life can be perceived as a rebirth.

How to learn to deal with difficulties easily.

The essence of a simple attitude to any problem is as follows:

1)Rest assured this is temporary. Nothing lasts forever, including difficulties. It won't always be like this!

2) Everything that happens in a person's life, he is able to overcome. Cultivate confidence in your abilities. Over time, it will become your unshakable quality;

3) If you feel bad, help someone whose situation is even worse. Then you will understand how happy you are;

4) You can not connect all sorts of emotions when trying to solve a problem. It takes away energy, deprives of strength. Learn to see only the essence of the problem, as well as ways to solve it. Decide on your capabilities and gradually eliminate the consequences of the difficulties that have arisen.

5) Do not worry about future possible troubles. Anticipating possible difficulties, just be prepared to solve them. Do everything possible to prevent an unfavorable development of the scenario. Having done your job, be satisfied with your actions: it is impossible to predict everything. However, to a greater extent, you will already be ready for any troubles, and you can easily cope with them;

6) Focus on the positive things in your life. Even restoring a destroyed house, you can think not about your loss, but about the future new, even better house. Learn to enjoy life in spite of any adversity, be grateful for what you have. The feeling of well-being will not leave you if you learn to appreciate everything that you have;

7) Be prepared for losses. It is an integral part of our life. When we lose something, we still gain something. You need to be able to see the positive, beneficial aspects in any situation;

8) It is useless to be angry because difficulties have arisen. Just try to quickly cope with the situation, without spraying your strength, without complaining about fate. Mentally or aloud repeating your complaints, you attract more and more trouble;

9)Be active, work physically. Even a simple run can remove difficult thoughts, it will become easier to cope with a difficult situation;

10) Stop complaining and make an effort to overcome a difficult situation. Think, look for a way out, direct all the energy of thoughts to finding a solution and just do the necessary work;

11) Having coped with the problem, rejoice from the bottom of your heart! Fix useful experiences in your memory. Whatever doesn't kill us strengthens us. You have become stronger, more confident, wiser.

There are really difficult situations in life, deep grief, when we lose loved ones, our ability to work, our health, property. Then use these tips:

1) Repeat to yourself: “I will overcome this!” Ask God for help. If you do not believe in God, ask the Universe for strength. These forces will come, rest assured! We attract what we think. Asking the world for strength, you will certainly receive it.

2) Ask for help from loved ones if you feel that you are not coping with the situation. Often human participation fills the soul with new strength, relieves tension, negative emotions go away;

3) Choose the right thoughts: those that create, not destroy. After the storm there will always be sunshine.

- 5 tips on how to cope with life's difficulties and pain.

1) Think back to difficult times in your life.
It may seem like a bad idea, but it's not so simple - the thought of failure evokes sadness, but at the same time it helps to understand that any difficulty can be overcome. You were able to move on with your life.

3)Disengage from the situation.
It can be difficult to make rational decisions when you are in the middle of a problem. Of course, you shouldn’t run away from difficulties either, but you don’t need to plunge headlong into a difficult situation - this way you lose the ability to normally weigh all the arguments and assess your situation sensibly. Try to abstract in every difficult situation, think about everything that happens calmly. Take a break.

4)Remind yourself that you are not alone.
It's so easy to withdraw into yourself and feel completely alone, but remembering that someone who absolutely loves you is nearby is much more difficult. Sometimes such a person is not around in real life, but you can find support online. Whoever you are, there are people who care, who are ready to listen and support. Sometimes strangers can understand you better than you can. Just find this person.

5) Accept the situation and become stronger.
No matter how difficult it may be, you should accept the situation and come to terms with what happened - the past cannot be changed anyway. It doesn't matter who is to blame for what happened. Just accept what happened and move on. Now you have a new experience that will help you deal with the same problem next time. You will be stronger and will not repeat your mistake. Life goes on, time never stands still, the main decision you can make is the decision to move on. Don't look back, everything has already happened. A whole new life awaits you ahead of you, not related to this problem.

The material was prepared by Dilyara specifically for the site

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