Why before the wedding to take communion for a whole year. Preparation for the wedding in the church according to all the rules. How is the wedding

On all sites I read about Confession and Communion before the Wedding. But for certain reasons, my husband and I do not want to confess and cannot. To what extent is it possible to perform a Wedding without Confession? Will it be considered valid? Or will we be refused a wedding in general if we honestly answer the priest that we did not confess?

accountant

Dear Maria, you speak out, at least mysteriously: the reasons why two people do not want and cannot confess are incomprehensible. Any person can confess, the most serious sinner can repent before the Cross and the Gospel. But you really don't want to. This reluctance arises from our understanding that, having named sin, we will have to fight against it and not return to it, which we may not want. It is hard to imagine what other reasons there are for refusing confession. Working in the secret service? But you will not be required to disclose professional secrets, to give out state and military secrets.

Rather, I have a question for you: why get married if, as you write, there is neither the desire nor the opportunity to take part in the Sacraments of the Church? For only the one who confesses can proceed to the apex sacrament of the Church - the reception of the Holy Mysteries of Christ. After all, the wedding is a testimony from the bride and groom that they are striving to create a family of two Orthodox people, in the center of which will be Christ with the norms of life and rules that He established. And among them there is, of course, the establishment of the Church Sacraments of Confession and Communion. So it is at least illogical to strive to get married with this kind of attitude towards the Sacraments.

Wedding

The wedding is the sacrament of the Church, in which God gives future spouses, when they promise to be faithful to each other, the grace of pure unanimity for a joint Christian life, the birth and upbringing of children.

Those wishing to get married must be believing baptized Orthodox Christians. They should be deeply aware that the unauthorized dissolution of a marriage approved by God, as well as the violation of the vow of fidelity, is an absolute sin.

Sacrament of the Wedding: how to prepare for it?

Marriage life must begin with spiritual preparation.

The bride and groom before marriage must certainly confess and partake of the Holy Mysteries. It is desirable that they prepare themselves for the Sacraments of confession and communion three or four days before this day.

For marriage, you need to prepare two icons - the Savior and the Mother of God, with which during the Sacrament they bless the bride and groom. Previously, these icons were taken from parental homes, they were passed on as a home shrine from parents to children. Icons are brought by parents, and if they do not participate in the Sacrament of the wedding - by the bride and groom.

The bride and groom get wedding rings. The ring is a sign of eternity and the inseparability of the marriage union. One of the rings should be gold and the other silver. The golden ring symbolizes with its brilliance the sun, the light of which is likened to the husband in marriage; silver - the likeness of the moon, a smaller luminary, shining with reflected sunlight. Now, as a rule, gold rings are bought for both spouses. Rings can also be embellished with precious stones.

But still, the main preparation for the upcoming sacrament is fasting. The Holy Church recommends that those entering into marriage prepare themselves for it by the feat of fasting, prayer, repentance and communion.

How to choose the day for the wedding?

The future spouses should discuss the day and time of the wedding with the priest in advance and personally.
Before the wedding, it is necessary to confess and partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ. It is possible to do this not on the very day of the Wedding.

It is advisable to invite two witnesses.

Icon of the Savior.
Icon of the Mother of God.
Wedding rings.
Wedding candles (sold in the temple).
White towel (towel for spreading under the feet).

What do witnesses need to know?

In pre-revolutionary Russia, when church marriage had legal civil and legal force, Orthodox marriage was necessarily performed with guarantors - among the people they were called friend, friend or best man, and in liturgical books (breviaries) - godparents. The guarantors confirmed with their signatures the act of marriage in the register of births; they, as a rule, knew the bride and groom well, and vouched for them. The guarantors took part in the betrothal and wedding, that is, while the bride and groom walked around the lectern, they held the crowns over their heads.

Now guarantors (witnesses) may or may not be - at the request of the spouses. The guarantors must necessarily be Orthodox, preferably church people, and must treat the Sacrament of the wedding with reverence. The duties of guarantors during marriage are, in their spiritual basis, the same as godparents in Baptism: just as godparents experienced in spiritual life are required to lead godchildren in Christian life, so guarantors must spiritually lead a new family. Therefore, earlier, young people, not married, not familiar with family and married life, were not invited to be guarantors.

About behavior in the temple during the Sacrament of the Wedding

It often seems as if the bride and groom, accompanied by relatives and friends, came to the temple not to pray for those entering into marriage, but to act. Waiting for the end of the Liturgy, they talk, laugh, walk around the church, stand with their backs to the images and the iconostasis. All those invited to the church for a wedding should know that during the wedding, the Church no longer prays for anyone, as soon as for two persons - the bride and groom (unless the prayer “for raising parents” is said only once). The inattention and indifference of the bride and groom to church prayer shows that they came to the temple only because of custom, because of fashion, at the request of their parents. Meanwhile, this hour of prayer in the temple has an impact on all subsequent family life. All those who are at the wedding, and especially the bride and groom, should pray fervently during the performance of the Sacrament.

How does the engagement take place?

The wedding is preceded by the betrothal.

The betrothal is performed in commemoration of the fact that marriage is performed in the face of God, in His presence, according to His all-good Providence and discretion, when the mutual promises of those entering into marriage are sealed before Him.

The betrothal takes place after the Divine Liturgy. By this, the bride and groom are instilled with the importance of the Sacrament of marriage, it is emphasized with what reverence and trembling, with what spiritual purity they should begin to conclude it.

The fact that the betrothal takes place in the temple means that the husband receives his wife from the Lord Himself. In order to more clearly suggest that the betrothal takes place before the face of God, the Church commands the betrothed to appear before the holy doors of the temple, while the priest, who at this time depicts the Lord Jesus Christ Himself, is in the sanctuary, or in the altar.

The priest introduces the bride and groom into the temple in commemoration of the fact that those who are getting married, like the primordial progenitors Adam and Eve, begin from this moment before the face of God Himself, in His Holy Church, their new and holy life in a pure marriage.

The ceremony begins with incense in imitation of the pious Tobiah, who set fire to the liver and heart of the fish in order to drive away the demon hostile to honest marriages with smoke and prayer (see: Tov. 8, 2). The priest blesses the groom three times, then the bride, saying: “In the Name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit” and gives them lighted candles. For each blessing, first the groom, then the bride, make the sign of the cross three times and receive candles from the priest.

The signing of the cross three times and the handing over of lit candles to the bride and groom is the beginning of a spiritual celebration. The lit candles that the bride and groom hold in their hands signify the love that they should now have for each other and which should be fiery and pure. Lighted candles also signify the chastity of the bride and groom and the abiding grace of God.
The cruciform incense signifies the invisible, mysterious presence with us of the grace of the Holy Spirit, who sanctifies us and performs the holy sacraments of the Church.

According to the custom of the Church, any sacred ceremony begins with a glorification of God, and when a marriage is performed, it also has a special meaning: to those who are getting married, their marriage is a great and holy deed, one through which the name of God is glorified and blessed. (Cry: "Blessed is our God.")

Peace from God is necessary for those who are married, and they combine in peace, for peace and unanimity. (The deacon proclaims: “Let us pray to the Lord for peace. Let us pray to the Lord for peace from above and the salvation of our souls.”).

Then the deacon says, between other usual prayers, prayers for the newlyweds on behalf of all those present in the temple. The first prayer of the Holy Church for the bride and groom is a prayer for those who are now engaged and for their salvation. The Holy Church prays to the Lord for the bride and groom entering into marriage. The purpose of marriage is the blessed birth of children for the continuation of the human race. At the same time, the Holy Church pronounces a prayer that the Lord will fulfill any petition of the bride and groom related to their salvation.

The priest, as the performer of the sacrament of marriage, says aloud a prayer to the Lord that He Himself bless the bride and groom for every good deed. Then the priest, having given peace to everyone, commands the bride and groom and all those present in the temple to bow their heads before the Lord, in expectation of a spiritual blessing from him, while he himself secretly reads a prayer.

This prayer goes up to the Lord Jesus Christ, the Bridegroom of the Holy Church, whom He betrothed to Himself.

After that, the priest takes the rings from the holy throne and first puts on the ring to the groom, overshadowing him three times with a cross, saying: “The servant of God (name of the groom) is betrothed to the servant of God (name of the bride) in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”

Then he puts on the ring to the bride, also with her triple overshadowing, and says the words: “The servant of God (name of the bride) is betrothed to the servant of God (name of the groom) in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”

Rings are very important during betrothal: this is not just a gift from the groom to the bride, but a sign of an inseparable, eternal union between them. The rings are placed on the right side of the holy throne, as if before the face of the Lord Jesus Christ Himself. This emphasizes that through touching the holy throne and reclining on it, they can receive the power of sanctification and bring down the blessing of God on the spouses. The rings on the holy throne lie side by side, thereby expressing mutual love and unity in the faith of the bride and groom.

After the blessing of the priest, the bride and groom exchange rings. The groom puts his ring on the bride's hand as a sign of love and readiness to sacrifice everything to his wife and help her all her life; the bride puts her ring on the groom's hand as a sign of her love and devotion, as a sign of her readiness to accept help from him all her life. Such an exchange is made three times in honor and glory of the Most Holy Trinity, Who does and affirms everything (sometimes the priest himself changes the rings).

Then the priest again prays to the Lord that He Himself bless and confirm the Betrothal, Himself overshadow the position of the rings with a heavenly blessing and send them a guardian angel and guide in their new life. This is where the engagement ends.

How is the wedding done?

The bride and groom, holding lit candles in their hands, depicting the spiritual light of the sacrament, solemnly enter the middle of the temple. They are preceded by a priest with a censer, indicating by this that on the path of life they must follow the commandments of the Lord, and their good deeds will, like incense, ascend to God. The choir meets them with the singing of Psalm 127, in which the prophet-psalmist David glorifies God-blessed marriage; before each verse the choir sings: “Glory to Thee, our God, glory to Thee.”

The bride and groom stand on a kerchief (white or pink) spread out on the floor in front of the lectern, on which lie the cross, the Gospel and crowns.

The bride and groom in the face of the whole Church once again confirm the free and unconstrained desire to marry and the absence in the past on the part of each of them of a promise to a third person to marry him.

The priest asks the groom: “Imache (name), a good and unconstrained will, and a strong thought, take this (name) as your wife, you see right here before you.”
(“Do you have a sincere and unconstrained desire and firm intention to be the husband of this (name of the bride) that you see here in front of you?”)

And the bridegroom answers: “Imam, honest father” (“I have, honest father”). And the priest further asks: “Have you promised yourself to another bride” (“Are you bound by a promise to another bride?”). And the groom replies: “I didn’t promise, honest father” (“No, I’m not bound”).

Then the same question is addressed to the bride: “Do you have a good and unconstrained will, and a firm thought, understand this (name) as your husband, you see it before you here” (“Do you have a sincere and unconstrained desire and firm intention to be a wife this (name of the groom) whom you see before you?”) and “Have you promised yourself to another husband” (“Are you bound by a promise to another groom?”) - “No, not bound”.

So, the bride and groom confirmed before God and the Church the voluntariness and inviolability of their intention to enter into marriage. This will in a non-Christian marriage is a decisive principle. In Christian marriage, it is the main condition for a natural (according to the flesh) marriage, a condition after which it should be considered concluded.

Now, only after the conclusion of this natural marriage, does the mysterious consecration of the marriage by Divine grace begin - the rite of the wedding. The wedding ceremony begins with a liturgical exclamation: “Blessed is the Kingdom…”, which proclaims the participation of the newlyweds in the Kingdom of God.

After a short litany on the well-being of the soul and body of the bride and groom, the priest says three lengthy prayers.

The first prayer is addressed to the Lord Jesus Christ. The priest prays: “Bless this marriage: and give to Your servants this peaceful life, long life, love for each other in the union of the world, a long-lived seed, an unfading crown of glory; make them worthy to see the children of their children, keep their bed unholy. And grant them from the dew of heaven above, and from the fatness of the earth; fill their houses with wheat, wine and oil, and every good thing, so that they share the surplus with those in need, grant to those who are now with us everything that is needed for salvation.

In the second prayer, the priest prays to the Triune Lord to bless, preserve and remember those who are married. “Give them the fruit of the womb, goodness, unanimity in souls, exalt them like the cedars of Lebanon” like a vine with beautiful branches, give them spiked seed, so that they, having contentment in everything, abound for every good deed and pleasing to You. And may they see their sons from their sons, like the young offspring of an olive tree, around their trunk and pleasing before You, may they shine like lights in heaven in You, our Lord.

Then, in the third prayer, the priest once again turns to the Triune God and implores Him that He, who created man and then from his rib created a wife to help him, send down His hand from His holy dwelling, and combine those who are married, crown them in one flesh, and gave them the fruit of the womb.

After these prayers, the most important moments of the wedding come. What the priest prayed to the Lord God in front of the whole church and together with the whole church - for the blessing of God - is now apparently being done over the newlyweds, strengthening and sanctifying their marital union.

The priest, taking the crown, marks them with a cruciform groom and gives him to kiss the image of the Savior, attached to the front of the crown. When crowning the bridegroom, the priest says: “The servant of God (the name of the rivers) is getting married to the servant of God (the name of the rivers) in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”

Having blessed the bride in the same way and letting her venerate the image of the Most Holy Theotokos that adorns her crown, the priest crowns her, saying: “The servant of God (name of the rivers) is crowned to the servant of God (name of the rivers) in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”

Decorated with crowns, the bride and groom stand before the face of God Himself, the face of the entire Church, heavenly and earthly, and await the blessing of God. The most solemn, most holy minute of the wedding is coming!

The priest says: “Lord, our God, crown them with glory and honor!” At these words, he, on behalf of God, blesses them. The priest pronounces this prayer proclamation three times and blesses the bride and groom three times.

All those present in the temple should intensify the prayer of the priest, in the depths of their souls they should repeat after him: “Lord, our God! Crown them with glory and honor!”

The laying on of crowns and the words of the priest:

“Our Lord, crown them with glory and honor” - they imprint the Sacrament of marriage. The Church, blessing the marriage, proclaims those who are married as the founders of a new Christian family - a small, home church, showing them the way to the Kingdom of God and signifying the eternity of their union, its indissolubility, as the Lord said: What God has joined together, let no man separate (Mt. 19, 6).

Then the Epistle to the Ephesians of the holy Apostle Paul (5, 20-33) is read, where the marriage union is likened to the union of Christ and the Church, for which the Savior who loved her gave Himself. A husband's love for his wife is a likeness of Christ's love for the Church, and a wife's lovingly humble obedience to her husband is a likeness of the Church's attitude towards Christ. true followers of Him, who through suffering and martyrdom confirmed their fidelity and love for the Lord.

The last saying of the apostle: and let the wife be afraid of her husband - calls not for the fear of the weak before the strong, not for the fear of the slave in relation to the master, but for the fear of saddening the loving person, breaking the unity of souls and bodies. The same fear of losing love, and therefore the presence of God in family life, should also be experienced by a husband, whose head is Christ. In another epistle, the apostle Paul says: The wife has no power over her own body, but the husband does; likewise, the husband has no power over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deviate from each other, except by agreement, for a while, for exercise in fasting and prayer, and then be together again, so that Satan does not tempt you with your intemperance (1 Cor. 7, 4-5).

Husband and wife are members of the Church and, being particles of the fullness of the Church, they are equal among themselves, obeying the Lord Jesus Christ.

After the Apostle, the Gospel of John is read (2:1-11). It proclaims God's blessing of the marital union and its sanctification. The miracle of the transformation of water into wine by the Savior foreshadowed the action of the grace of the sacrament, by which earthly conjugal love rises to heavenly love, uniting souls in the Lord. St. Andrew of Crete speaks of the moral change necessary for this, “Marriage is honorable and the bed is immaculate, for Christ blessed them in Cana at marriage, eating the food of the flesh and turning water into wine, having manifested this first miracle, so that you, soul, would change” (Great Canon, in Russian translation, troparion 4, song 9).

After reading the Gospel, a brief petition for the newlyweds and a prayer of the priest are pronounced on behalf of the Church, in which we pray to the Lord that He will keep those who are united in peace and like-mindedness, that their marriage is honest, their bed is not filthy, their cohabitation is blameless, so that they will be able to live to old age, while fulfilling His commandments from a pure heart.

The priest proclaims: “And vouchsafe us, Vladyka, with boldness, without condemnation, dare to call on You, Heavenly God the Father, and speak…”. And the newlyweds, together with all those present, sing the prayer “Our Father”, the foundation and crown of all prayers, commanded to us by the Savior Himself.

In the mouths of those who are married, she expresses her determination to serve the Lord with her little church, so that through them on earth His will be fulfilled and reign in their family life. As a sign of humility and devotion to the Lord, they bow their heads under the crowns.

After the Lord's Prayer, the priest glorifies the Kingdom, the power and glory of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and, having taught peace, commands to bow our heads before God, as before the King and Master, and at the same time before our Father. Then a cup of red wine is brought, or rather a cup of communion, and the priest blesses it for the mutual communion of husband and wife. Wine at the wedding is served as a sign of joy and fun, recalling the miraculous transformation of water into wine, performed by Jesus Christ in Cana of Galilee.

The priest gives the young couple three times to drink wine from a common cup - first to the husband, as the head of the family, then to the wife. Usually they drink wine in three small sips: first the husband, then the wife.

Having presented the common cup, the priest connects the right hand of the husband with the right hand of the wife, covers their hands with epitrachelion and puts his hand on top of it. This means that through the hand of the priest the husband receives a wife from the Church itself, uniting them in Christ forever. The priest circles the newlyweds three times around the lectern.

During the first circumambulation, the troparion “Isaiah, rejoice…” is sung, in which the sacrament of the incarnation of the Son of God Emmanuel from the Unsophisticated Mary is glorified.

During the second circumambulation, the troparion “Holy Martyr” is sung. Crowned with crowns, as conquerors of earthly passions, they are an image of the spiritual marriage of the believing soul with the Lord.

Finally, in the third troparion, which is sung during the last circumambulation of the lectern, Christ is glorified as the joy and glory of the newlyweds, their hope in all circumstances of life: “Glory to Thee, Christ God, the praise of the apostles, the joy of the martyrs, their preaching. Trinity consubstantial."

This circular walk means the eternal procession that began on this day for this couple. Their marriage will be an eternal procession hand in hand, a continuation and manifestation of the sacrament that has been accomplished today. Remembering the common cross laid on them today, “carrying each other's burdens,” they will always be filled with the grace-filled joy of this day. At the end of the solemn procession, the priest removes the crowns from the spouses, greeting them with words filled with patriarchal simplicity and therefore especially solemn:

“Be magnified, bridegroom, like Abraham, and be blessed like Isaac, and multiply like Jacob, walk in the world and do the commandments of God in righteousness.”

“And you, bride, be exalted like Sarah, and rejoice like Rebekah, and multiply like Rachel, rejoicing over your husband, keeping the limits of the law, for God is so pleased.”

Then, in the next two prayers, the priest asks the Lord, who blessed the marriage in Cana of Galilee, to accept the crowns of the newlyweds undefiled and blameless in His Kingdom. In the second prayer, read by the priest, with the bowing of the heads of the newlyweds, these petitions are sealed in the name of the Most Holy Trinity and the priestly blessing. At the end of it, the newlyweds with a chaste kiss testify to the holy and pure love for each other.

Further, according to custom, the newlyweds are brought to the royal doors, where the groom kisses the icon of the Savior, and the bride - the image of the Mother of God; then they change places and are applied accordingly: the groom - to the icon of the Mother of God, and the bride - to the icon of the Savior. Here the priest gives them a cross for kissing and hands them two icons: the groom - the image of the Savior, the bride - the image of the Most Holy Theotokos.

Good afternoon!
I have questions regarding the sacrament of the wedding: is it necessary to take communion before the wedding (I ask because my husband is baptized, but not churched), can parents hold crowns over those who are getting married, and does it matter which icons of the Savior and the Mother of God should be at the wedding (is it possible to bring the icon of the Mother of God “Guarantee of sinners” and the icon of the Savior Not Made by Hands). I would be grateful if you answer my questions. Save me, God.

Asked by: Julia

Answers:

Christ is Risen!

Dear Julia!

Before the wedding, both the bride and groom need to confess and take communion, observing fasting before this, both in relation to food and entertainment. The preparation time is determined by the blessing of the priest. It is best to take communion directly on the day of the wedding, in this case, you will have to come to the church the night before for the service and confess there, and on the morning of the wedding day, come to the liturgy for communion in the morning. Confession and Communion are necessary in order to proceed to the wedding with a clear conscience before God.

Actually, for the wedding, you need to prepare a new white towel, rings, wedding candles and paired icons of the Savior and the Blessed Virgin Mary (candles and icons are usually purchased in the church itself).

In preparation for the wedding, the towel is spread out in front of the lectern in the middle of the temple, where the wedding will take place; rings (to place them on the Throne) and candles are given to the priest, and icons are placed in the temple (usually near the Royal Doors).

A wedding is not just a beautiful ceremony, it is a special blessing of the Church to those entering family life. And it is very important to approach it prepared, clean, without deceit, so that it does not come to condemnation, but to the salvation of the soul. Then family life will have a solid, unshakable foundation. And all the prayers uttered on this day in the temple will bear their good fruit.

By laying on crowns, the Church gives the bride and groom a special honor for chastity and virginity preserved before marriage. The wedding dress of the bride and the snow-white fabric that is placed under the feet of the newlyweds have the same meaning. From those who have sinned before marriage, the Church, of course, requires repentance and confession before a priest, followed by Communion.

The basic rules are these. Those who are getting married must be baptized in Orthodoxy and, of course, the newlyweds must be registered in the registry office.

During the civil registration of marriage, it is appropriate to skip the engagement rings, borrowed from the church in Soviet times. The first to betroth the newlyweds with rings should be a priest, and not an employee of the registry office. At a minimum, this is a sign of culture in relation to the Church.

At the same time, the Church does not bless the marriage if one of the newlyweds (or both) declares himself a convinced atheist who came to the temple only at the insistence of his spouse or parents.

Parents of the young before their wedding bless their children with holy icons. The future husband - the icon of Christ the Savior, the wife - the icon of the Virgin. Parents baptize their children with these icons and give them the holy images to kiss, thus teaching their parental blessing for marriage.

The day and time of the wedding must be agreed in advance (at least a week in advance) in the temple. And on the day of a happy event, you need to come to the temple at the appointed time in clothes that meet the standards of church decency. For both spouses, pectoral crosses are required.

It is desirable to have witnesses - men and women baptized in Orthodoxy, they will hold crowns over the heads of the newlyweds. But the parents of the bride and groom, of course, can hold crowns.

Wedding rings, wedding candles, icons of the Savior and the Mother of God, as well as a piece of white linen or a towel, which is placed under the feet of those who are getting married, are also needed for the wedding.

At the same time, the bride should keep in mind that she may have obstacles to participating in the Sacrament of the wedding, so she must calculate her women's calendar in advance and choose a day for the wedding so that there are no such obstacles. The same applies to all other church sacraments.

The Orthodox Church makes some requirements for the appearance of the bride:

1. Make-up should be minimal, almost imperceptible, manicure is inconspicuous, perfume is not strong (and it will be better if you find the strength to do without all this at all); lipstick on the lips is unacceptable, as you will be applied to the icons;

2. Headwear for the bride (veil, headscarf) is required. Please note that a long and lush veil can be ruined if it touches burning candles.

3. Women's pantsuit is not allowed;

4. Shoulders, back and chest should be covered. If your dress is too revealing, take care of the cape;

It is necessary to say about the superstitions associated with the wedding. So, there is a belief that an accidentally fallen ring or an extinguished wedding candle portends all sorts of misfortunes, a difficult life in marriage, or the early death of one of the spouses. There is also a widespread superstition that the one of the newlyweds, who is the first to step on the spread towel, will dominate the family all his life. Some people think that it is impossible to get married in May - "then you will toil all your life." All these fictions should not excite your heart.

God help you! May the Lord grant you family peace and prosperity!

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Submit an application... Buy rings... Choose a dress... Set a date... Send out invitations... Costume... Hairstyle... Sign... Arrange in the church... Organize a festive dinner... At least calm down a little... Hairstyle, hairstyle! Forget about signs... But how??? And then - "once and for life!" ...

The section “Questions to the Rector” very often receives questions about how to choose wedding rings, candles and icons, whether it is necessary to confess before the Wedding, in what cases it is possible (if at all) to get married before registering with the registry office. It is not surprising that Orthodox Christians try to carefully prepare for the Sacrament in order to understand and prayerfully feel every word. All the external details accompanying this divine service are also symbolic... The questions related to this eternal theme are answered by Fr. Maxim Kozlov, rector of our church.

- How to choose the right wedding date?

It is most prudent to marry not on a certain day, but when two people have decided in the firm intention to go hand in hand all their lives, have passed a sufficient period of preliminary communication in order to get to know each other better in order to understand that their intention is firm and final. , took care of the civil registration of marriage, did not forget about the desirability of receiving a parental blessing for marriage and, having spoken, prayed, confessed, partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ, they approach the Sacrament of the Wedding.

You can find out on what days the Wedding takes place in any church calendar, as well as on the Internet (they do not crown during all four multi-day fasts; during the Cheese Week (Shrovetide); on the Bright (Easter) Week; during Christmas time; on the eve twelve and great feasts; on the eve of fasting days - Wednesday and Friday, as well as on Saturdays throughout the year; on the eve and on the day of the feast of the Beheading of John the Baptist; on the eve and on the day of the feast of the Exaltation of the Cross of the Lord; on the eve of the patronal feasts of the church in which they plan perform the Mystery). The Orthodox Church does not regulate the days of civil registration in any way: you can also sign for Great Lent, if you realize this only as a preparatory stage for the creation of a legal church marriage. The Church also does not distinguish between happy and unlucky days for marriage, and restrictions on the performance of the Sacrament of the Wedding are associated with the Lenten Charter. The dependence of the wedding date on birthdays is also a superstitious notion that Orthodox Christians should not adhere to.

- Is it possible to get married without registering marriage in the registry office? After all, the Bible does not say anything about the registry offices.

Of course, in the Holy Scriptures of the Old and New Testaments, the registry office cannot be mentioned for obvious reasons. This institution arose in the Soviet Union many centuries after the formation of the books of the Old and New Testaments. Nevertheless, another very important principle follows from the Holy Scriptures: a believer in God strives to be obedient to those commandments and rules that are established in the God-established Church. And this principle has been invariably preserved in the Orthodox Church for about two millennia among those who aspire to be her faithful children. If today the hierarchy determines that, as a preliminary act before the wedding, one should undergo civil registration of marriage on the territory of the Russian Federation, then this should be done without considering oneself smarter than the Patriarch, the Synod, the bishops and bishops who established this rule in the Church.

- Can there be exceptions to the rule on pre-registration of marriage?

In the Orthodox Church, weddings without registration are allowed as an absolute exception, in extreme cases: before a life-threatening operation, when sent to the North Pole, etc. In all other cases, the spouses must register their marriage in the registry office and only after that proceed with Mystery of the Wedding. Here is what we read about this issue in the Fundamentals of the Social Concept of the Russian Orthodox Church, section X - “Issues of Personal, Family and Public Morality”: “According to Roman law, which formed the basis of the civil codes of most states, marriage is an agreement between two free in its choice by the parties. The Church accepted this definition of marriage, comprehending it on the basis of the evidence of Holy Scripture... Thus, Athenagoras in his Apology to the Emperor Marcus Aurelius (II century) writes: ". The Apostolic Ordinances, a 4th-century monument, exhort Christians to marry in accordance with the law.

The Church does not consider a secular marriage, registered by the state, as something that does not mean anything at all, but considers it to be some necessary preliminary to the Wedding. One of the indications that people approach the wedding responsibly is that they have already gone through all the necessary formalities associated with the civil registration of their union.

Nevertheless, the Church is separated from the state, and it is not clear why the church requires a certificate of marriage registration.

The church is, of course, separated from the state. The meaning here is rather pedagogical: now people with varying degrees of responsibility and seriousness approach them for the sacraments of the church. We all know this from the example of the sacrament of Baptism, when out of the millions of people who have been baptized over the past 15-20 years, only a relatively small percentage have become those people who can be said to be church-going, consciously believing Orthodox Christians. The same thing is observed to a certain extent today with regard to the sacrament of the Wedding. Often people who want to get married are guided not by the desire to build a family as a small Church, but by considerations of aesthetic, traditionalist or some other kind. And in this sense, the presence of civil registration of marriage before the sacrament of the Wedding is at least some evidence of the seriousness of their intentions in building family life. And for an ecclesiastical person, to whom the primary significance of the Wedding over civil registration is obvious, it cannot be difficult to go through the latter, so that what is done before God would have a legal character before people and society.

- How to relate to the marriage contract?

As for a contract that is understandable for people who do not believe and are not sure that their current cohabitation (I use this word in terms of Roman law) is final and that you can trust your current life partner in everything. And indeed, if you have a lot of money and you assume that, perhaps, those material benefits that a person entering into marriage with you acquires through you attract him more than you yourself, then why not insure yourself ?! But it is clear that this kind of relationship cannot take place in the structure of an Orthodox family. If we proceed from the fact that monogamy is the only norm for a Christian and that the wedding unites husband and wife forever, then what kind of reservations in their property status can we talk about?

- Is it necessary to confess and take communion before the wedding?

It cannot be said that this is absolutely necessary, but there can be no better preparation for the Wedding than prayerful, repentant. Coming together to the Chalice, young people can already begin to understand what it means to build a Small Church.

- Often a wedding for unbelieving young people becomes just a part of the wedding ceremony.

Even in such a situation, getting married is still better than not getting married, because the grace of God makes people wiser. But of course, the seeds are sown, and the person himself must cultivate them. It is important that young people realize that vows are pronounced in the Sacrament of the Wedding, which cannot be broken.

- What is the role of the witnesses at the wedding?

From the point of view of the meaning of the Sacrament of the Wedding and its ceremonial side, the so-called witnesses - more precisely, to call them "friends of the groom" - do not play any sacramental, that is, significant from the point of view of content, role in the ceremony. They are not at all like the recipients at the sacrament of Baptism. By the way, it should be pointed out that the practice that has now spread, that a man holds a crown over the groom, and a girl over the bride, is a direct borrowing from the practice of the registry office. Before the revolution, crowns were always held by men, which is understandable, because it is not physically easy either - it is not the easiest crown to hold on an outstretched hand for quite a long time. The question is often asked as to whether a spiritual relationship is created between the witnesses, which can become an obstacle to their subsequent marriage. However, it is clear: if in the tradition both witnesses are men, then there can be no ban on their subsequent joint marriage. Thus, nothing prevents a young man and a girl or a man and a woman, who were witnesses at the Wedding, from starting a family in the future.

It is prudent to invite only Orthodox Christians as witnesses, and consider the rest from a practical point of view: the growth and physical endurance of the "friends of the groom."

- How to choose the church where the wedding will take place?

Question about specific location holding a wedding for people who are permanent parishioners of a particular church is usually not worth it. Of course, the Sacrament is performed in "one's own" temple; if the confessor for any reason serves in another church, then the wedding can be performed there. Those who do not belong to this or that parish must decide where the Wedding will take place. After the choice is made, some organizational issues need to be resolved.

In many temples there is a pre-registration, and the problem with it must be resolved in advance. Any relative can do this, the presence of the bride and groom is not necessary. If there is a desire for a specific priest to crown, it is necessary to discuss this issue with him, otherwise the Sacrament will be performed by the priest whose “turn” falls on that day.

- What do you need to get married?

To perform the wedding, rings are needed, the so-called wedding pair of icons - with the image of the Savior and the Mother of God, wedding candles and a towel. Undoubtedly, those bride and groom who, before the Wedding, come to confession and partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ some time before the Wedding, will act prudently and correctly.

- What should be the wedding rings?

Traditional for the Orthodox Church is the use of wedding rings without stones and jewelry. In principle, the color of the rings, that is, the metal from which the rings are made, has absolutely nothing to do with the essence of the Sacrament of the Wedding. However, if the newlyweds certainly want to use rings with stones or with a prayer, which is now becoming fashionable among those entering into marriage, they should consult in the parish where they intend to perform the Sacrament of the Wedding, about the possibility of using specific selected rings.

- Is it important which icon of the Mother of God will be used as a wedding icon?

Any canonical image of the Mother of God can be used. Most often these are Vladimir, Kazan, Feodorovskaya, Donskaya icons. Previously, these icons were taken from parental homes, they were passed on as a home shrine from parents to children. Icons are brought by parents, and if they do not participate in the Sacrament of the Wedding - by the bride and groom.

- By tradition, after the wedding, everyone gathers at the festive table. How to make sure that, on the one hand, you don’t have to blush, as often happens, for unrestrained fun, and on the other hand, so that it doesn’t turn into boring gatherings?

To do this, you need to prepare for the festive meal. And not so much by the young themselves, who naturally focus on something else, but by their loved ones and friends who love them. Relatives should take care that the amount of alcohol per capita at the wedding feast does not exceed the measure that the Holy Scripture speaks of when "wine gladdens the soul of a man." It amuses, and does not introduce into a state of stupefaction or senseless euphoria, or, moreover, moves to a horizontal position.

Perhaps you even need to take care of some scenario of the wedding day, in which wishes from relatives and friends should be combined with non-sinful entertainment. It can also be mutual testing of the bride and groom for knowledge of each other, which, of course, for the most part will turn into ignorance and thus a lesson for themselves. These can be kind songs that sound so natural at a wedding. It can be some kind of general game. The main thing is not to create an atmosphere that usually happens at concerts of popular music, an atmosphere of a triumphant collective unconscious, when those who were just normal individuals merge into a single, creative, multifaceted, multilingual, but stupid mass. Avoiding this at the wedding feast is extremely important.

In the good traditions of a number of past centuries, it was accepted that the bride and groom are present only at the first part of the wedding meal, and then leave it. In the XVI-XVII centuries it was very beautiful and solemn. In subsequent centuries, this already came out of both the ritual and everyday areas of life. Although, as a rule, the bride and groom did not have to sit at the table until the last guests left.

In my opinion, today it is becoming a good practice, of course, if there is such an opportunity, for the newlyweds to go directly from the wedding ball to the ship, or to the plane, or to the train, leave the usual worldly cares, triumphant loved ones and relatives and be alone for a while. If there is no money to go somewhere far away, then you can go to live with friends in the country or to someone in an empty apartment, so long as no one disturbs the newlyweds for some time.