What are they getting married for? We've all heard the expression, "Marriages are made in heaven." But we have no time to think about the secret and important message of our day hidden in these words. The wedding is not taking place

Question: Who faced a similar situation, help, please, to understand. The husband's parents insist on getting married in the church, but they don't explain why this should be done, stubbornly saying that "it will be better this way." What does marriage give?

The wedding ceremony from the point of view of culture

The Slavic chronicles conveyed to us in detail the life of the Russian people, their habits, beliefs, focusing on significant milestones in life. Birth, marriage, death were outlined by religious ideas, which changed over time, but their essence remained unchanged.

The wedding ceremony among the Slavs was endowed with a magical meaning- protect the newlyweds from damage, the evil eye and evil spirits. The wedding was being prepared for a long time, clothes were specially sewn for it, hats, rings, protective dishes were chosen - all actions were aimed at ensuring that the young lived in abundance, had healthy children.

With the introduction of Christianity in Russia, the wedding did not cease to be a sacrament, on the contrary, it was believed that couples married by God would be happy and bring many offspring. The wedding has become a milestone when two people take care of not only each other, but also participate in the birth and upbringing of children, according to Christian canons. The dissolution of a marriage entered into in a church was unacceptable and was regarded as a sin.

What gives a wedding in a church?

In Soviet times, little was known about weddings, but despite the oppression of religion, such concepts as baptism, liturgy, weddings remained and revived with renewed vigor at the end of the last century.

The sacrament of the wedding began to take place more often, and even people who were married decided to conduct a church ceremony in order to become closer to God. Why do young people choose a wedding along with a secular marriage?

• The young are blessed by God.
• The family, held together by the rite, is protected from troubles, it is bypassed by troubles.
• Spouses receive a protector - God, who does not leave the family in joy and sorrow.

divine blessing- these are not just words spoken to the young by the priest conducting the ceremony. These are the wishes of goodness and happiness, health and longevity, pronounced by an intermediary - the father, reinforced by a religious rite. Marriage in the church is considered a sacrament, marriage becomes sacred and is not subject to divorce.

It must be understood that the wedding ceremony does not make people absolutely happy a priori. Despite the fact that such a marriage is made "in heaven", it requires daily work in ordinary life.

Church wedding- enhances assistance to newlyweds on a spiritual level, gives inner strength to create a friendly family, helps to realize responsibility for offspring. Young people understand that they have taken a responsible step by entering into marriage. They ask for and accept Divine help through a wedding and try to live in accordance with spiritual canons.

"Pitfalls" of the wedding

Real life is always different from theory, so the ideal wedding, as a conscious step taken by young people on a spiritual level, is not common. Many are attracted by the entourage of the ritual, its solemnity, unusualness, attention, gifts.

Young people do not give an account of the main thing - a wedding is not a "fashion trend". This is a serious decision that is made on earth, blessed by God. A wedding connects the young, helping them live happily, raise children, meet after death and stay together forever.

Many ask the question Is getting married in a church the key to a happy life? No, the responsibility for actions lies with each person, God only helps to realize how bad or good the action is. The choice remains with the person, this is the complexity of being. It is difficult not to swear, to forgive, to find a compromise, to give in, to understand another person. But you can always ask God for help, hear him, make the right decision.

Married young people receive the patronage and support of divine forces. But it happens that discord comes to the house, the spouses begin to swear, humiliate each other, change. They forget the vows that they said at the wedding, do not hear the prompts of the Almighty, and as a result, their spiritual channels close, people become “deaf”.

Anyone who has ever thought about life will be struck by the thought of how far from perfect it is. Decency, morality, behavior in society and in private life - everything has changed dramatically. People stopped taking responsibility for themselves, stopped working spiritually, trying to shift the decision to God, covering up any actions with them.

Many are sure that the wedding guarantees them grace. Not at all. Happy are those families where love is mature, unselfish, responsible. Love is work, and God is a helper, guide, protector, teacher. When you get married in a church at the behest of your soul, you accept the help of the Almighty and at the same time make efforts for a happy union.

No one will do anything for people: the husband and wife will have to independently learn to live on the same wavelength, improve themselves, put up with weaknesses, try to minimize them. God is always on the side of people, he guides and takes care of everyone, for him there are no "bad" and "good"!

Does this mean that only people married in the church can lead a decent life? Of course not. If young people decide to get married in the registry office, their thoughts are pure, they are faithful to each other, and their relationship is built on love and trust, then they can turn to God at the behest of the soul.

Gratitude does not need a specific place and time, any bright, sincere impulse of thoughts will reach the Almighty and return with grace.

Church wedding- this is an external ritual, and without real feelings, love and understanding of what is happening, it will not have true meaning.

Before agreeing to a wedding, it is necessary to stop and answer simple questions: do I love, am I ready to share joy, grief, material difficulties, domestic inconveniences with a person. A wedding in a church is a responsible step, it will provide an opportunity to open your soul to God, fill it with kindness, give it to your spouse and future children.

In order for this church sacrament to bring you maximum benefit, you need to work on yourself: reconsider your values ​​and beliefs,

Get married or not? Now or twenty years later? In the city or in the countryside? Can pregnant women get married? Should I invite parents, children, godparents to the wedding? These and other - numerous and diverse - questions stably, from year to year, roam the site, without losing their sharpness and relevance. Let's try to answer at least some of them.

Why do you need to get married?

A wedding is a divine service during which one of the seven church sacraments is performed - the Sacrament of Marriage. In the "Orthodox Catechism" of St. Philaret of Moscow (a church textbook that has had no competitors for a simple and accurate presentation of the foundations of the Orthodox faith for almost a hundred years), the following definition of the Wedding is given:

“Marriage is a Sacrament in which, with a free promise before the priest and the Church, the bride and groom of mutual fidelity, their marital union is blessed in the image of the spiritual union of Christ with the Church and the grace of pure unanimity is asked for the blessed birth and Christian upbringing of children.

That marriage is a Sacrament is evident from the following words of the Apostle Paul: “A man shall leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife, and the two shall be one flesh. This mystery is great; I speak in relation to Christ and to the Church" (Eph. 5:31-32)"

Hence, it is obvious that during the wedding, the bride and groom receive special grace for their married life in all its aspects, including the birth and upbringing of children. Accordingly, people come to get married when they feel the need to bless their family union and readiness to accept these gifts.

Sometimes the question arises: what changes in the life of the spouses after the wedding? Everyone answers it differently. Someone's life is tangibly changing for the better, someone does not see any changes, and some regret that they have taken on additional responsibility and extra obligations. Why does this happen if grace is poured out on everyone equally during the Sacrament?

There are two main reasons for this: the initial motivation (and the inner state of the newlyweds) in preparation for the Wedding and their subsequent attitude towards the gifts received in the Sacrament. You can use any gift or not use it, throwing it into the far corner of your life - maybe when you need it later. And if the gift received was carelessly lost, then it is not surprising that the life of those who have lost what they received is no different from the life of those who have not yet received the gift.

Myths about marriage

There are many myths about the wedding, they are tenacious and diverse. Here are some of the top ones to date.

Myth number 1. Wedding is fashionable.

The myth is not true. In fact, it is now very fashionable to talk smartly about the fact that the Wedding is fashionable. There are so many people who sin in this occupation, and sometimes they behave so aggressively in their "enlightenment" activities, that one can only be surprised - is this one of the ways to assert themselves?

Myth number 2. Only people who are very deeply religious can get married .

The continuation of the previous myth is expressed in the context of “well, you certainly don’t have the right to get married, because you rarely pray, fast a little, and in general - you don’t believe deeply enough!”. To measure the depth, breadth and height of one's faith is a thankless and dangerous business, especially since in the end everyone will have to answer first of all for himself. The list of obstacles to the wedding does not contain such an item as “insufficient depth of faith”.

Myth number 3. Getting married at the beginning of family life is too early. It is necessary to live together for 10-15 years, to be convinced of the seriousness of their intentions.

It is certainly necessary to make sure of the authenticity of feelings and the seriousness of intentions. And it is more logical to do this not only before the wedding, but also before going to the registry office, the birth of common children and joint entry into a mortgage. And if you want to arrange a trial period for each other for five years (and why exactly five? Not three, not ten, not fifteen? And even after a silver wedding, some get divorced!) Under the weight of doubts and because of mutual distrust - maybe it’s not worth starting?

Myth number 4. Getting married not at the beginning of family life is too late.

It's never too late to get married!

Myth No. 5. A real marriage is only a married one. Families that are limited only to registering with the registry office live in sin.

The myth does not correspond to the teachings of the Church, but is still supported by some clergy. The problem was especially acute in the 90s - so much so that it was submitted for discussion by the Synod. On December 28, 1998, the Holy Synod of the Russian Orthodox Church noted with regret that “some confessors declare civil marriage illegal or demand the dissolution of a marriage between spouses who have lived together for many years, but due to certain circumstances did not perform a wedding in a church ... Some pastors -confessors do not allow persons living in an “unmarried” marriage to receive communion, identifying such a marriage with fornication.” The definition adopted by the Synod states: “Insisting on the need for church marriage, remind pastors that the Orthodox Church respects civil marriage.” (The words “civil marriage” mean a marriage registered in the registry office between citizens).

Archpriest Vladimir Vorobyov in his "Lectures on the Sacrament of Marriage" also debunks this myth: "It is unacceptable and absurd to say that an unmarried marriage is fornication. If someone tells you this out of foolishness, then remember that this is not a church teaching. What the Lord said about marriage, what St. Paul, is in direct conflict with this teaching. The Church has always accepted marriage as a kind of legitimate family dispensation of life. The Church has always paid tribute to this marriage and considered this marriage a completely worthy and unreproachable way of life. And the Church has never seen a sin in this. Just a marriage can be church and not church, but it is a marriage, not fornication. Fornication is cohabitation outside of marriage, illegal cohabitation, that is, cohabitation of people who do not want to have a family, do not want society to perceive them as a family, do not want to legalize their relationship.

How to prepare for the wedding?

First of all, one must fully realize what a wedding is, what it gives a person and what it obliges. Here and literature to help (I especially like the books on this subject "The Sacrament of Love" by Metropolitan Anthony of Surozh and "Love is Longsuffering" by Archbishop John of Belgorod and Stary Oskol), and preliminary conversations in churches (in some city churches, the bride and groom are advised to resemble catechumens ), and everyone's own life and prayer experience.

For any serious event in their lives, Christians prepare with confession and Communion - this is usually done before the Wedding. Sometimes the question arises: should I take communion on the day of the Wedding, or the day before, in advance? Here both options are correct, each has its own advantages.

The tradition of the joint Communion of the bride and groom on the wedding day is rooted in those distant times, when the Wedding as a separate church sacrament did not yet exist. The wedding rite began to take shape quite late - only in the 9th century, when the next Byzantine emperor issued a decree that only church marriage was considered legal. Prior to this, for several hundred years, Christians got married quite simply: during the main service - the Liturgy - they were declared husband and wife in front of the Church and communed together. Now, however, the Church was forced to take over the functions of the registry office, the Sacrament of Marriage was separated from the Liturgy.

Today, those distant times are reminiscent of the “common cup” ceremony during the Wedding and the commendable desire of some newlyweds to take communion on the wedding day. However, the more hassle of organizing the wedding left for the bride and groom, the less they have the opportunity to fully prepare for such Communion (fast for several days, read the "Following the Communion" and confess) - it is better under such circumstances to take communion in advance.

There is no strict requirement to confess and take communion exactly in the church where the Wedding will take place, but it is usually more convenient to do just that.

As for the functions of the registry office, now in our country the Church does not perform them - ever since it was separated from the state under Soviet rule. Therefore, marriages are registered - and receive legal status - in the registry office before the wedding. Not that it was categorically impossible to get married without a stamp in your passport - as an exception, they sometimes get married, but priests are extremely reluctant to do this. It is better not to create such an ambiguous situation, and plan the Wedding either on the day of registration at the registry office or after it, and take the documents confirming the registered marriage - passports and marriage certificates - with you to the Wedding.

In addition, for the wedding you will need to purchase in advance:

· wedding icons - traditionally, these are icons of Jesus Christ and the Virgin, made in the same style, they can be completely new - bought or custom-made, or family icons passed down from generation to generation;

two large wedding candles (just large church ones are also suitable - to last for forty minutes, or you can buy special ones for the Wedding - they are decorated in every possible way and are sold as a pair at once);

· white towel (it’s also a board, it’s also a footstool), on which the bride and groom stand during the Wedding - they can be sewn and embroidered by yourself (embroidery and lace along the edges are not forbidden), you can order, or get them from grandmother’s chests, who have them, or just buy ready-made (they are sold in church shops).

I will not remind you that those who are getting married should wear pectoral crosses - Orthodox Christians usually don't take them off at all. Wedding rings to buy for the wedding, too, everyone guesses themselves. Rings can be anything - even gold, even silver, even pewter. The quantity and quality of stones and other decorations is also regulated only by the taste of the spouses. However, if you want to keep the tradition in this matter, then one ring is purchased in gold and the other in silver.

It will not be superfluous before the Wedding to read again those fragments from the Bible that are read during this Sacrament: the Gospel of John (chapter 2) and the Epistle of the Apostle Paul to the Ephesians (chapter 5). Although it is even more useful to get acquainted with all the plots of the Bible (even in retelling) - during the wedding service, Old Testament families are also repeatedly mentioned: Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel. To a prepared person, the meaning of what is happening will be clearer.

Choose time and place

You can be baptized on any day, but there are some restrictions on the wedding. The Sacrament of the Wedding is not performed:

during multi-day posts(there are four of them in a year: Christmas fast is always from November 28 to January 6, Assumption fast from August 14 to August 27, Great and Petrov fast depend on the date on which the Easter holiday falls in the current year, tentatively Great is March-April, Petrov - from June to July 11);

· in time Shrovetide(it is also called cheese week);

· in time bright week (first week after Easter) and Christmas time(from 7 to 19 January);

On the eve of fast days - Wednesday and Friday, and on the eve of Sunday, that is on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays during the whole year;

On the eve of the twelfth and great holidays;

On the eve of the patronal feasts of the temple in which they plan to perform the Sacrament.

An exception to these rules can only be made with the blessing of the ruling bishop, and then only under extraordinary circumstances. Therefore, the date must be chosen carefully, sign up for the temple in advance (especially if it is not entirely clear when the patronal holidays are there) - in order to book a more convenient time for the Wedding - now in the temples of Yekaterinburg Weddings are performed individually (the bad practice of simultaneously marrying several couples is a thing of the past along with severe shortage of temples and priests).

Choosing a church for a wedding is easiest for those who are already a permanent parishioner of a particular church - in this case, they get married there. The rest have something to think about: they usually don’t get married (with rare exceptions) only in monastic churches, while the rest - large and small, in the center and on the outskirts - are at your service. Each has its own advantages: it is more solemn in a large cathedral, more guests can fit in and you can order bell ringing to complete the picture; in a small temple it is more comfortable and there are fewer non-wedding people. Let me just say that the slogan “not in the cemetery church!” - a petty superstition that has nothing to do with either the festivity of the wedding itself, or the prosperity of further family life.

In some churches, they separately ask if a choir is needed at the Wedding. Needed! Of course, the holiness of the Sacrament will not diminish from the absence of choristers, but the loss in beauty will be significant.

The question of photo and video filming during the Wedding also needs to be clarified in advance - it is not allowed everywhere, although there is nothing seditious in it. But we remember where they go with their charter, and where they don’t go, so it’s easier to sign up for the Wedding right away where they allow the photographer to flicker if you need wedding photos.

The Order of the Sacrament of Marriage: Step by Step Detailing

The church rite of marriage consists of two separate parts: betrothal (that is, the exchange of wedding rings) and wedding. The first part - the betrothal - is preparatory, and the second - the actual wedding - the main, sacramental. A wedding is a very beautiful and spectacular service, also because the bride and groom do not just passively listen to prayers, but are themselves active participants: they exchange rings, answer the questions of the priest, make a procession in crowns, try in the most direct sense to drink to the bottom of the common bowl.

betrothal

This stage of marriage is familiar even to those who have never been to the Wedding, since it was the exchange of wedding rings between the bride and groom that took root in Soviet registry offices as the central event of the marriage ceremony between two citizens of the USSR. In the same form, the ceremony migrated to the registry offices of the Russian Federation.

Betrothal is actually a separate ceremony, in ancient times it was performed in advance, sometimes long before the wedding itself. In the West, it has remained on its own, transforming into a modern engagement. Since the 18th century, betrothal and wedding have been performed simultaneously.

Church betrothal - and, in fact, the entire ceremony of the Wedding - begins with the fact that the priest blesses the bride and groom with lit candles. These candles - wedding - future spouses should keep in their hands almost until the end of the service, only sometimes parting with them for a short time (in such cases they can temporarily be entrusted to best men).

Then the priest takes out the consecrated wedding rings (they are also called rings) from the altar. According to tradition, the groom's ring (which he gives to the bride in the process of exchanging rings, so that in the end - after the betrothal - it will be the wife's ring) was gold, the bride's ring - silver.

Why exactly? There are several versions, one of them, for example, is that the golden ring emphasizes the primacy of the husband. According to another, the gold ring symbolizes the sun with its brilliance, the silver ring symbolizes the likeness of the moon, shining with reflected sunlight.

Taking the golden ring, the priest says three times : "The servant of God is betrothed ( name) servant of God ( name)" . With each utterance of these words, he makes the sign of the cross over the groom and puts the ring on the ring finger of his right hand. Then he takes a silver ring and baptizes the bride with it three times, saying: " The servant of God is betrothed ( name) servant of God ( name) "and she also puts a ring on the ring finger of her right hand.

So, first the groom has a gold ring, and the bride has a silver one. Then they exchange rings three times - that is, each time they give rings to each other as a sign of love and far-reaching intentions, and the priest returns the rings twice - to each his own - as if saying: “think carefully, this is a serious matter!” For the third time already, the rings remain with the new owners - the groom has silver, the bride has gold. The exchange of rings symbolizes giving oneself to each other for life, the highest degree of mutual trust.

Everyone knows that "a wedding ring is not a simple decoration." This is a sign of eternity, infinity and the continuity of the marriage union - this is how we now perceive the symbolism of the rings. Although there is a more practical and mundane interpretation - Metropolitan Anthony of Surozh gives it in the book "The Sacrament of Love":

“In ancient times, people often did not know how to write, but could only certify a letter or document with a seal; and the decisive role was played by the ring on which there was a personal seal. The document sealed by this ring was undeniable. This ring is mentioned in the betrothal service. When a person gave a ring to another, it meant that he trusted him unconditionally, that he trusted him with his life, his honor, his property - everything. And that's when the wedding couples exchange rings (I'm talking about exchange, because each of them first puts on the ring and then passes it on to his spouse three times) - when the spouses exchange rings, they seem to say to each other: “I trust you unconditionally, I trust you in everything, I trust myself to you ...” And , of course, there cannot be such an exchange of rings between people who make only a conditional marriage or a marriage without the intention of building common life from beginning to end." (with this interpretation, it would now be logical to replace the exchange of rings with the exchange of SIM cards and e-mail passwords).

After the exchange of rings, the priest says a prayer asking for blessings on the betrothed. In general, a wedding is a divine service that is completely devoted to prayers for two people: the bride and groom. From time to time, the “parents who raised them” are also mentioned, but in general, everything is about the young and for the young.

Wedding

The betrothed bride and groom go to the middle of the temple and stand on a spread white towel. Before proceeding to the Wedding, which, like any Sacrament, cannot be performed by force and requires voluntary participation, the priest asks the bride and groom (in turn) whether they really want and can marry each other.

First, the question is asked to the groom: "Imashi Li ( name ), a good and unconstrained will, and a strong thought, get yourself this wife ( name ), do you see here before you?”(which, translated from Church Slavonic, means “Do you have a sincere and unconstrained desire and firm intention to be the husband (name of the bride) that you see here in front of you?”), To which the groom must answer “Imam, honest father.”

The next question is: Have you promised yourself to another bride?(here, I think, it is not necessary to translate - and so everything is clear). If the groom replies: I did not promise, honest father”, then the same two questions are asked to the bride. After making sure that the bride does not object to marriage, the priest begins the Wedding.

After the prayer for the groom and the bride, the main moment of the Sacrament comes: the crowns are brought out, and the priest places the crown on the head of the groom, saying: “ The servant of God (name) is married to the servant of God (name) in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, amen". Then he places a crown on the bride with the same words.

Crowns are “laid” or literally - they are put on the head of both the groom and the bride, or the best men have to keep them over the heads of the newlyweds all the time that the crowns should be “laid” - and this is not so little! Therefore, the height and athletic training of the groomsmen must be appropriate, especially if it is clear in advance that the hairstyle (or hat, or veil) of the bride will not allow her to put a crown on her head.

The crowned bride and groom are blessed three times with the words " Lord our God, crown me with glory and honor"(in the Church Slavonic language, the word "I" means "them"). This is the culmination of the wedding ceremony.

Here I want to make a lyrical digression and talk about crowns. Christianity came to us from a Mediterranean country, where there was a tradition of dressing up in flower wreaths on holidays. The bride and groom also put on such wreaths on their holiday - marriage. And the Wedding took place there (some argue that this is still the case - I can’t confirm or deny) by laying flower wreaths-crowns on the groom not the bride, which in our snowy lands were transformed into special crowns, more like royal crowns than on wreaths of flowers.

The crowns worn on the heads of the bride and groom in the Sacrament of the Wedding have several symbolic meanings. First of all, these are the Royal crowns: the bride and groom become for each other (and for their future children) king and queen, leading a new unit of society.

Another symbolic meaning of the crowns is not so joyful, but no less important: it is student crowns, symbolizing the cloudless family life, where each of the spouses will have to show considerable patience, humility and love. "The one who endures to the end will be saved."

As at any other divine service, the Gospel and the Apostle are read at the Wedding in Church Slavonic. These are two passages from the Bible devoted to marriage and family life: from the letter of the Apostle Paul to the Ephesians (chapter 5, verses 20 to 33) and from the Gospel of John (chapter 2, verses 1 to 11). The Gospel tells about the very first miracle performed by Jesus Christ - turning water into wine at a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and in the letter of the Apostle Paul - about the relationship between husband and wife.

After a prayer for the newlyweds, where they ask for peace and unanimity up to “venerable old age”, and singing “Our Father”, the priest takes out a cup of wine (usually this is a church crust - a small special ladle). The bride and groom take turns drinking from this cup three times. Starting - again - the groom, so everything that remains after the third time will have to be drunk by the bride - the cup must be drunk to the bottom.

The symbolism of the common bowl is as rich and beautiful as the symbolism of crowns and wedding rings. In the broadest sense, this is a cup of common life and destiny, now one for two, which should be drunk by the spouses to the bottom, with all its joys and troubles (and everything that for some reason one of them did not drink will have to be disentangled by another) . In the context of the Gospel just read, the cup of wine is a reminder of how the Lord blessed the wine at the marriage in Cana of Galilee. In historical retrospect, it symbolizes the Eucharistic chalice - that is, the one from which Christians take communion during the Liturgy. This is not surprising - the Wedding as a separate Sacrament developed quite late - in the ninth century. Prior to this, the bride and groom began their life together with a blessing and joint Communion - the marriage took place during the Liturgy.

After the bride copes with the remnants of wine and drains the common cup, the priest joins the right hands of the newlyweds and covers them with stole, as if binding before God. This begins the solemn procession around the lectern, on which lie the cross and the Gospel, symbolizing the life path of the new family, in the center of which should be the Word of God.

During the three rounds of the lectern, three troparions are sung. The first of them: "Isaiah, rejoice ..." - joyful, it reminds of the Divine blessing of childbirth and that the Mother of God is the patroness of marriage.

The second - “Holy Martyrs ...” - is more minor, it seems to refer us to one of the interpretations of crowns and weddings - they are married not only to the kingdom, but also to martyrdom, to a feat. The feat of family life will be difficult - there are no simple and easy marriages, but it can be victorious, just as the victorious feat of the martyrs was.

In the third troparion: “Glory to Thee, Christ God,” Christ is glorified as the hope and help to the husband and wife in all the circumstances of their lives.

After this small procession (I note in brackets that only the priest and the newlyweds participate in the procession, if the crowns are worn on them; if the crowns are held by the best men all this time, then they will also have to go around the lectern three times along with the newlyweds) the crowns are removed.

According to the practice adopted today, immediately after the closing prayers of the wedding, a prayer is read for the permission of the crowns "on the eighth day." The name of this permissive prayer captures an old tradition: once the Sacrament of Marriage was performed, as it were, in time: after the wedding, the young people went to church for a whole week in wedding dresses and wore those very flower wreaths-crowns (in fact, the wedding was celebrated for seven days - like Easter! ). This tradition died out over time, but the name still remains.

The priest leads the newlyweds to the royal doors, where he blesses them with wedding icons (during the service, the icons are in the altar). The final chord of the holiday is a mass congratulation of the newlyweds on the presentation of flowers and gifts and the invariable fulfillment of "many years".

Dress code and face control

Who can be invited to the Wedding as guests? Everyone who wants the bride and groom! Rumors that one of the relatives of the newlyweds (parents, godparents, children-grandchildren) cannot attend the Wedding have no basis. There are benches for grandmothers in temples, although usually everyone forgets about them.

Sometimes the question arises of what to wear to the bride, especially if the wedding takes place much later than the registration of marriage and all wedding celebrations. In this case, a white wedding dress is not at all necessary, although the bride (like all the other ladies who come) should definitely NOT wear trousers and have her head covered (veil, hat, scarf, and so on - the choice is huge). It is also not customary to go to the temple in mini and with bare shoulders. Well, we choose shoes so that we can stand in it for a long time without harming our health.

Church-canonical obstacles to the wedding

1. An obstacle to the wedding is a close degree of kinship between the bride and groom, both consanguineous (up to the fourth degree) and non-consanguineous (for example, two brothers cannot marry two sisters).

2. A wedding is impossible if one of the future spouses is not baptized or declares himself an atheist. In some cases, it is possible to marry Christians of other denominations. Here is what is written on this topic in the "Fundamentals of the Social Concept of the Russian Orthodox Church":

“In accordance with ancient canonical prescriptions, even today the Church does not consecrate marriages between Orthodox and non-Christians, while simultaneously recognizing them as legal and not considering those who stay in them as being in fornication. The Russian Orthodox Church, both in the past and today, finds it possible for Orthodox Christians to marry Catholics, members of the Ancient Eastern Churches, and Protestants who profess faith in the Triune God, subject to the blessing of marriage in the Orthodox Church and the upbringing of children in the Orthodox faith. The same practice has been followed in most Orthodox Churches over the past centuries. An example of mixed marriages were many dynastic marriages, during which the transition of the non-Orthodox party to Orthodoxy was not mandatory (with the exception of the marriage of the heir to the Russian throne). Thus, the Monk Martyr Grand Duchess Elizabeth entered into marriage with Grand Duke Sergius Alexandrovich, remaining a member of the Evangelical Lutheran Church, and only later, by her own will, did she accept Orthodoxy.

3. It is not allowed to marry a person who is actually married to another person (for this reason, before the wedding, they are asked to present passports or a marriage certificate).

4. Spiritual kinship between godfathers who baptized one child and between godparents and godchildren is also an obstacle. On this occasion, we can recall an instructive episode from the life of the Holy Equal-to-the-Apostles Princess Olga, who came to Constantinople to be baptized and unexpectedly received a marriage proposal from the Greek Tsar-Emperor. Remarriage was not part of her plans, but it was dangerous to quarrel with the emperor, offending him with a refusal. Then Olga said: “I came here for the sake of holy baptism, and not for the sake of marriage; when I am baptized, then we can also talk about marriage, for it is not commanded for an unbaptized wife to marry a Christian husband. And just before Epiphany, Olga asked the tsar himself to become her godfather. The flattered tsar agreed, and when, after some time, he again started talking about the wedding, Olga was indignant: “How can you take me, your goddaughter, as your wife? After all, not only according to Christian law, but also according to pagan law, it is considered vile and unacceptable for a father to have a daughter as his wife! They parted on good terms, but not married.

5. It is impossible to marry those who have taken monastic vows, as well as priests and deacons after their ordination. As they say, the last wife of the priest, and that priest.

6. It is not allowed to enter into Marriage more than three times.

7. A temporary obstacle to the participation of women in any Church Sacraments - including the Wedding - are "critical days" and the first forty days after childbirth.

But pregnancy does not impose any restrictions on participation in church sacraments - including the Sacrament of the Wedding. Unless it will be difficult for a pregnant bride to stand during the Wedding (guests can sit down in this case, but the bride and the witness need to realistically assess their strengths).

Instead of a conclusion

The Wedding Gospel Reading tells about the miracle in Cana of Galilee - the very first miracle of Christ, who went out to preach, performed precisely at the wedding. This story is filled with amazing and beautiful symbolism. Wine here is a symbol of love. Ordinary wine, like ordinary human love, can become scarce. Sometimes it is not enough for marriage, and this becomes a real tragedy. But in life there is always a place for a miracle: the Lord can create new wine, new love, of which there will be so much that there will never be a shortage in it, and which will be the same as the Apostle Paul described:

“Love is long-suffering, merciful, love does not envy, love does not exalt itself, does not pride itself, does not behave violently, does not seek its own, is not irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; covers everything, believes everything, hopes everything, endures everything. Love never ceases, although prophecy will cease, and tongues will be silent, and knowledge will be abolished.(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

What gives a person a wedding? The question is difficult. One is a lot. A sense of spiritual unity, an understanding of the importance of marriage, the strength to overcome life's troubles. It’s as if it doesn’t give anything to others: as the spouses lived in eternal quarrels and squabbles, they continue to gnaw at each other. Still others scatter altogether, “dropping” their crowns… So what is the meaning of the sacrament of the Church and why is it that a married family in Orthodoxy is considered the pinnacle of matrimony, although the Church recognizes the legality of a marriage officially registered by the state?

The meaning of marriage in the temple

What does a wedding bring to a family? Alas, when today's newlyweds rush to the temple, they rarely ask themselves this question. Someone is pushed to the altar by the example of friends; someone is persuaded by believing parents; someone follows a random spiritual impulse ... Meanwhile, the sacrament of a wedding is a serious and deeply spiritual act, which must be approached with a full understanding of what you are doing. Its meaning is:

• In the receipt of God's blessing by two loving people for the construction of a new family, the birth and upbringing of children.
• In the spiritual and bodily union of previously alien men and women into “one flesh”, in order to go through earthly life together with all its difficulties and trials and unite in Eternity.
• In creating a union similar to the union of Christ and the Church, where the husband loves and protects his wife more than life, as Christ loves the Church. And the wife, in turn, obeys her husband, just as the Church obeys Christ, respects and trusts him.

It is still not clear what wedding gives spouses, because the desire to live up to gray hair in love and understanding, take care of each other, equally share joys and sorrows is common to all lovers? .. But falling in love is a passing feeling. As soon as he cools down a bit, many are ready to destroy the marriage, confident that they have met the wrong person. In our time, it is considered the norm not to “rape” oneself, but to run away as soon as possible and look for the next life partner, with whom everything will definitely work out ... Thanks to this approach, other newlyweds do not even try to solve the everyday problems that have arisen, preferring to get rid of them in one fell swoop. As the saying goes, "to break is not to build."

Marriage helps spouses realize the importance of a marriage for life. Truly believing husband and wife always remember the mission that they have entrusted to themselves. After all, they gave the word to God himself to stay together, which means they will do everything possible to keep the promise!

However, one should not think that married families are based solely on fear of punishment for breaking vows. The meaning of the invisible bonds that bind spouses is much more subtle.

What holds together a married union?

There are young people who are sincerely sure that a wedding guarantees a happy marriage. Say, they stood in front of the icons, exchanged rings and that's it. Get a certificate with a seal and a firm promise to live happily ever after! Of course it isn't. Married couples have the same difficulties, quarrels, the desire to quit everything, heading along different paths, as in any family. However, believing spouses cope with problems, remembering that God's grace is always invisibly present between them, with which everything is possible to do. Just put in the effort! This is a kind of support, and an endless source of spiritual strength and patience, and an eternal reminder of the love that brought you to the altar. With such support, you can overcome any worldly troubles.

Marriage and eternal life

With earthly existence is more or less clear. And what gives the wedding after death? For example, Christ himself in one of the parables said that for the resurrected there would no longer be the concept of “husband” and “wife”, and the existence of people would become like an angelic one. Does this mean that the sacred bonds of marriage will be broken, and the former spouses will become strangers to each other? Naturally, no. Love, warmth and a sense of spiritual unity will remain with you in eternal life, no matter how your existence is transformed. No wonder that the main symbol of marriage is the wedding ring, which has no end! What unites once on earth, under the singing of psalms and the prayers of a priest, goes indestructibly into Eternity.

Believers say that getting married in a church gives strength to keep love on earth and the hope of reuniting with a loved one after death. However, God gives real family happiness, love and true intimacy only to those spouses whose efforts he sees. Keep this in mind and do not give up if your family boat inadvertently scrapes the bottom against the rocks of domestic problems. Together, and with God's grace, you will overcome them.

After the newlyweds put their signatures at the registry office, many of them go to church to bless their union before God. But what does this sacrament mean, why do people get married and how does it help them in family matters?

Why do people get married in church?

Wedding in the Orthodox religion is a rite of church blessing of marriage. He came to us from pre-Christian Greece, where it was customary to decorate the heads of those who were married with wreaths of flowers as a sign of blessing. The Orthodox Church took this action as a basis and introduced Christian elements into it.

But not immediately the wedding became part of the marriage for everyone. At first, only emperors and their relatives received such an honor. Today, this rite can be passed by any couple.

During the ritual, the Priest reads prayers over the newlyweds, calling on God to help the new family and become part of it. Besides:

• The Trinity is called to help the family, she will protect the couple and help her;
• Children born to married people receive a blessing at birth;
• It is believed that the spouses who have passed the ceremony are under the protection of God, he himself leads them through life.

Therefore, many couples come to the Priest, they want strengthen your union, sanctify it and get support.

But divorce in this case, although acceptable, is considered a great sin. We recommend that you consider this step, decide whether to ask the Lord for blessings or wait and check your feelings.

How to prepare for the ritual?

Need to do some terms, before going to the Priest for a blessing:

1. It is advisable to start fasting 3 days before the event, more is possible, but three days are required. You should give up food of animal origin, alcohol, intimacy is also undesirable these days;
2. From clothes, a man can choose a regular suit - trousers and a shirt. But the girl will have to choose the right dress. It should not expose the knees, chest, light colors are preferred. Many girls wear wedding dresses, but this is not necessary, it is possible to choose others, but modest ones;
3. A woman's face should not be hidden behind a veil. This symbolizes her openness to God.

This ordinance takes place not any day. The church will set a specific date for you. But this will definitely not happen on the eve of great holidays, during fasts, Baptism and Exaltation, Easter or Bright Week.

In addition, the day of the week is also important. Not suitable for wedding

• Tuesday;
• Thursday;
• Saturday.

However, if the situation so requires, the Priest has the right to perform the ceremony on forbidden days, and it will be recognized as legal.

How is the wedding going?

Young at first need to get engaged. The betrothal begins after the Liturgy, at which the couple is instilled with the importance of what is happening. After the Priest blesses the bride and groom three times, the young are baptized three times and receive candles from the minister.

Then the beloved stand in front of the lectern on a pink or white board and confirm to the Holy Father their consent to what is happening. As a sign of acceptance of their consent, three prayers are said to Jesus Christ and the Trinity.

The right hands of the newlyweds are connected by the hand of the minister, and he says prayers for the glory of the newlyweds, for their happiness and health. At this time, the entire procession goes around the lectern three times, which means the eternal joint journey that began today for the couple.

At the end, young people lightly kiss on the lips, approach the gates of God and venerate the icons. Everything, the sacrament is completed. Then the wedding couple can go with the guests to the festive table.

In what cases can a divorce be issued?

Orthodoxy is extremely negative attitude towards divorce. But there are times when this is indispensable, and in 1918 a list of possible causes was created. Later it was somewhat expanded and today it looks like this:

• treason;
• Entering into a new marriage;
• Rejection of the Orthodox faith;
• Disappearance of one of the spouses for a period of 3 years or more;
• assault;
• Incurable mental or sexually transmitted diseases;
• Alcohol or drug addiction;
• Imprisonment;
• Performing an abortion without the consent of the husband.

Anyone can apply for debunking from a couple. You need to come to the temple with the following documents:

• The passport;
• wedding certificate;
• Divorce certificate;
• All kinds of certificates confirming illness or other reasons for debunking.

No rituals are performed on this occasion, the Bishop considers the petition and, if he considers it justified, bless the termination.

We answered the question why people get married, told how the process goes and how to prepare for it. But I would like to note that, first of all, mutual respect and understanding should live in the family. If a couple lacks these two important qualities, no blessing will help them.

Video: why do you need a wedding?

In this video, Archpriest Yevgeny Larionov will tell you why to seal the marriage union before God, how important the sacrament of the Wedding is for the couple and for the church:

A church wedding is a sacred rite that gives the husband and wife a church blessing for a happy family life, the birth of children. Many couples decide to hold this beautiful and touching event. But in order for the rite to be not just a tribute to fashion, but to become a serious deliberate step, it is worth knowing its features.

Important conditions for a wedding

It is allowed to get married on the wedding day or after a time: a week, a month, years. The main thing is that all conditions stipulated by the church are observed.

Who can get married

An important condition for the ceremony is the presence of a marriage certificate. In addition, spouses must be baptized Orthodox Christians. However, in some cases, a wedding may be allowed if the spouse is a non-Orthodox Christian, provided that the children born in marriage will be baptized in Orthodoxy. It is also important to match the age of marriage: the bride must be 16 years old, the groom - 18. Do not be afraid of rejection if the wife is pregnant, because, according to the church, children should be born in a married marriage. The wedding can be held even if the spouses have not received a parental blessing, since it can be replaced by the blessing of the confessor.

There are not so many restrictions for the sacrament of the wedding. The Church will not approve of the ceremony between unbaptized, atheists, blood, and also spiritual relatives, for example, between the godparents of a child, between the godfather and the godson. This ceremony is allowed to be held no more than three times. It is also forbidden to get married if this will already be your fourth officially registered marriage.

When is the ceremony allowed?

Often, newlyweds decide to get married on the day with the official registration of marriage. But, given that such a sacrament of Orthodoxy is a rather serious step, you should not rush into the ceremony: it can be postponed until the birth of a child or carried out after several years of official marriage.

This ceremony is not performed every day. Newlyweds are crowned 4 days a week on Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays. However, it should be borne in mind that there are 4 fasts throughout the year, during which church marriages are not concluded:
- Christmas - lasts November 28 - January 6;
- Great - seven weeks before Orthodox Easter;
- Petrov - depends on the date of Easter, lasts from 8 to 42 days;
- Assumption - lasts August 14 - 27.

Also, the church will refuse to hold a wedding on significant days:
- September 11 - Beheading of John the Baptist;
- September 27 - Exaltation of the Holy Cross;
- from January 7 to January 19 - Christmas time;
- on Maslenitsa;
- for Bright Week (the week after Easter).

Even if the day you have chosen does not fall on the dates listed, it is still better to go to church to clarify everything with the priest. In addition, the bride must calculate that there are no “critical days” on the chosen date, since it is impossible to appear in the church at this time.

What should precede the wedding ceremony

It is necessary to prepare spiritually for this rite. This means that before the wedding, the bride and groom need to pray, confess, take communion, endure a three-day fast (it is necessary to refrain from food of animal origin). Newlyweds should not enter into carnal relations before marriage, and this condition also applies to a couple who decided to get married after several years of marriage. They need to refrain from close relationships for several days before the ceremony.

Preparing for the sacrament of the wedding

Choosing a church, communicating with a priest

To decide where to get married, you can walk through different churches and choose the church where you feel most comfortable. For a magnificent, solemn ceremony, a large cathedral is suitable, for a quiet, solitary ceremony - a small church. Since the priest is an important character in the rite, it is worth taking a responsible approach to his choice.

The wedding ceremony must be booked in advance (a few weeks in advance). It is also worth discussing all the questions with the priest in advance: the duration of the wedding, what you need to bring with you, whether it is possible to take photographs, etc. It is worth considering that this is a paid ceremony, but in some churches its exact cost is set, in others voluntary donations are provided. This issue should also be discussed with the priest. Moreover, "additional services" are often provided, for example, bell ringing, church choir.

Choice of guarantors

Two guarantors (witnesses) are chosen, as a rule, from relatives. It is worth considering that they must be baptized. It is not allowed to take divorced spouses as guarantors, a couple living in an illegal, "civil" marriage. Their spiritual duties are similar to the duties of godparents: they must spiritually lead the family they are creating. Therefore, it is not customary to invite young people who are not familiar with married life as guarantors. If there are difficulties in finding witnesses, it is allowed to conduct the sacrament of the wedding without them.

Choice of outfit

• Bride
  
  The wedding dress of the bride should be no higher than the knees, should cover the shoulders and preferably the arms, should not have a deep neckline (you can use long gloves, a cape, a bolero, an openwork shawl, a stole, etc.). It is advisable to give preference to light colors along with dark and bright colors (purple, blue, black) should be abandoned. Sundresses and trouser suits are not suitable for the ceremony. The bride's head must be covered. Considering that church crowns (crowns) are worn on the young during the ceremony, you should not cover the bride's head with a big hat, as it will look out of place.

  You can wear any shoes, but when choosing it, you should take into account that you will have to stand in it for quite some time, so it is better to refuse uncomfortable shoes with heels. To decide on a hairstyle, it is advisable to check with the priest in advance whether crowns will be worn on the head or guarantors will hold them. The bride's makeup should not be too noticeable, it is also worth remembering that it is forbidden to kiss a crown, cross, icon with painted lips.

  It is believed that a wedding dress cannot be given or sold. It must be stored together with baptismal shirts, wedding candles, icons.

• Groom

  For the wedding, the groom will suit a formal suit. There are no special prohibitions regarding the color of the suit. You should not come to church in casual, denim, sportswear. The groom should not have a headdress.

• Guests

  Guests entering the temple must comply with the requirements for all parishioners: for women - closed-type clothing, hats, trouser suits are undesirable, for men - strict clothing, without a headdress.

  In addition, all participants and those present at the wedding ceremony: the bride, groom, guarantors and guests must wear pectoral crosses.

What to prepare for the ceremony

For the wedding you will need:
- rings that must be given to the priest before the ceremony for consecration;
- wedding candles;
- wedding icons (images of Christ and the Virgin);
- a white towel-towel (young people will stand on it during the ceremony);
- two handkerchiefs (to hold candles).

The towel, on which the bride and groom stood during the wedding in the temple, symbolizes the path of life, so it must be kept and not given to anyone. You should also store wedding candles that can be lit during difficult births, illnesses of children.

Photographer's Choice

It is important to note that not all churches allow video or photography of the wedding ceremony. Therefore, it is worth discussing this issue with the priest in advance. Considering that the lighting in temples is specific, it is advisable to choose a professional photographer who will take into account the nuances of shooting, be able to choose the right angles, take high-quality pictures that convey the atmosphere of the temple and the grandeur of the wedding ceremony.

wedding ceremony

This ritual includes betrothal and wedding. It is worth considering that during the ceremony, the priest must call the newlyweds the names that were given to them at baptism (sometimes they differ from the names "in the world"). betrothal passes at the entrance to the church. The bride should stand to the left of the groom. The priest blesses the newlyweds and hands them lit wedding candles, which must be kept until the end of the service. After the prayer, he changes the wedding rings from the man's hand to the woman's hand three times. After that, they become a bride and groom.

Wedding is held in the center of the temple, where the bride and groom will stand on a white towel. During the ceremony, the priest reads prayers, the guarantors hold crowns over the heads of the newlyweds. After answering the priest’s questions, “Is the wedding performed out of good will?” "Are there any obstacles?" and reading prayers, the newlyweds become spouses before God. Now they can kiss the crowns and drink wine in three steps from the cup, which symbolizes family life with joys and sorrows. After the priest leads them around the lectern, brings them to the Royal Doors, the husband kisses the icon of Christ, and the wife kisses the Mother of God. Now the guests can congratulate the newlyweds.

Remember that the wedding is not just a memorable, bright holiday, but also a very responsible step, which is worth taking once in a lifetime. Church divorce (dethronement) of spouses is possible only under serious circumstances, with the permission of the diocese. Therefore, the union of one's life before God and the sacrament of the wedding itself should be taken seriously, with understanding and taking into account all traditions and rules.