Lebanese husband, Russian wife. Lebanese girls prey on men. - What is considered the most important in your family in relationships with children

“When we first moved here, there was a war. There were barricades on the streets of Beirut, snipers sometimes shot at passers-by. It was generally quiet, but sometimes shootings broke out here and there quite unexpectedly. The last year of the war was especially cruel, there were many terrorist attacks. Not a single garbage container was left on the streets - they were constantly mined, and eventually liquidated as a class. If a parked car stood without a driver for more than 2-3 minutes, it automatically aroused suspicion and could be evacuated."

Olga Dager came to Lebanon in 1986, following her husband, who studied with her on the same course at the Leningrad Medical Institute. Four of his brothers also studied in Leningrad, all became candidates of science, all returned home - and not alone. Olga's large Lebanese family also has two daughters-in-law from Russia. Today she heads the women's Russian club and the coordinating council of compatriots in Lebanon.

“After my arrival, I confirmed my diploma and got a job as an anesthetist in a hospital, sometimes I didn’t see my husband for several days. Once, on my duty, not far from the hospital, the car of President Rene Mouawad, who ruled the country for only 17 days, exploded. A huge number of people suffered in the emergency room the floor was slippery with blood."

Nobody counted exactly, but in a tiny country with a population of 3 million, several thousand Russian-Lebanese families live. In the overwhelming majority of cases, we are talking about Russian wives of Lebanese husbands. It is almost impossible for a foreigner who marries a Lebanese to legalize. On the other hand, it is easy for foreign women who marry Lebanese to obtain citizenship, get a job, and receive benefits.

A hundred kilometers from the war: how Russian cinema was watched in LebanonThe first Russian film festival Five Years in Five Days has ended in Beirut. Pavel Gaykov talked to local residents, traveled around the country and saw a completely different, unusual Middle East for us.

In comparison with local women, Russians stand out not only for their fair skin, but also for their modesty, thriftiness, unpretentiousness and the universal presence of higher education, which is very important in Lebanon.

Recalling the first six months spent in a Lebanese village with her husband's parents and brothers, Olga says that she has never been so cold anywhere. It was winter, and only a few rooms in the big house were heated by potbelly stoves. We slept at a temperature of +8 degrees.

The lack of external warmth was compensated by internal: according to Olga, Lebanese husbands are generally gallant, pay much attention to the family, practically do not drink alcohol and are often brought up in secular traditions.

Olga's husband is a Shiite Muslim, in his family many do not eat pork and do not drink alcohol, someone made the Hajj. But the women in this family do not cover their heads with a scarf and wear European clothes. Religion is perceived more as a tribute to traditions. At the same time, in Lebanon, it is not uncommon for Russian women to convert to Islam, observe all the norms and prohibitions, study the Koran - as they say, absolutely voluntarily.

Director Maria Ivanova: making movies in Syria was scaryOn October 24, the Russian film festival Five Years in Five Days opens in Beirut, the Lebanese capital, the first in the modern history of the two countries. Pavel Gaykov talked to the organizer, producer and documentary filmmaker Maria Ivanova and asked her about Lebanon and neighboring Syria.

There are 18 officially recognized spiritual faiths in Lebanon. Olga says that a marriage concluded according to a religious rite has more weight than a civil one - that is, confirmed by the state. All Islamic denominations freely allow divorce, and local Catholicism is considered one of the most conservative. So sometimes Catholics, in order to get a divorce, convert to Islam. At the same time, many "unchurched" Lebanese prefer to register marriages in neighboring Cyprus, with its absolutely secular and familiar family code.

Children in Russian-Lebanese families often speak 4 languages - Arabic, English, French and Russian, which they communicate at home and which can always be studied at the Russian Cultural Center in Beirut.

Today, according to Olga, no less Russian wives go to Lebanon than before, and maybe even more. Now they meet mostly on the Internet. In such families, they mainly speak English among themselves, the children know the language of their ancestors less well. But satellite channels and the Internet make you feel not too far from Russia: young people here also watch TNT and love Danila Kozlovsky.

On March 8, husbands bring flowers home, although it is not customary to celebrate this holiday in Lebanon, Mother's Day, March 21, is much more popular here. On May holidays, Russian-Lebanese families go to barbecues, on May 9 veterans are remembered: the Lebanese action "Immortal Regiment" was the first in the Middle East. On the Old New Year, amateur performances are arranged. The "Immortal Regiment" passed through the Lebanese capitalSince April 23, the St. George Ribbon campaign has been held in Lebanon. Members of the youth organization CARIL distributed ribbons at the Islamic University and the Lebanese State University. On May 9, it is planned to hold lectures in a number of educational institutions.

Stories with a less happy ending also happen, then, in addition to the women's Russian club, the situation can be resolved with the help of the police or human rights non-profit organizations: one call - and the woman, regardless of her nationality and religion, will be taken to a safe place that neither her husband will know about, no relatives - only one confidant. The Russian diplomatic mission also helps through its channels. But these are the most extreme cases, of which there are few.

Every year at conferences, Olga Dager meets with her colleagues from the countries of the former Soviet Union living in the Middle East and Africa. She says that there are Russian women even in Botswana, and in Lebanon there is at least one in every village. There are many of them in Tunisia and Egypt, until recently there were many in neighboring Syria. “There are no Russian wives except in Antarctica,” she smiles. “But this is the territory of husbands!”

Pavel Gaikov, especially for MIA "Russia Today"

Girls at a hookah on the seaside promenade Corniche in Beirut

There are 18 officially recognized spiritual faiths in Lebanon. Olga says that a marriage concluded according to a religious rite has more weight than a civil one - that is, confirmed by the state. All Islamic denominations freely allow divorce, and local Catholicism is considered one of the most conservative. So sometimes Catholics, in order to get a divorce, convert to Islam. At the same time, many “unchurched” Lebanese prefer to register marriages in neighboring Cyprus, with its absolutely secular and familiar family code.

Participants of the Five Years in Five Days festival in Lebanon Olga Dager surrounded by Lebanese men

Traders on the street of the Lebanese city of Baalbek

Almost everyone communicates with each other and supports each other. Six months ago, they collected money for one of the representatives of the Russian community, so that she would have the opportunity to return to her homeland with her children - but while collecting money, she reconciled with her husband.

About love and polygamy, hijabs and freedom of choice, old traditions and new times, "My Planet" talked to Lebanon men of both sexes.

Lebanon is a small state in the Middle East with a complicated history, beautiful nature and friendly people. Being in the heart of the Arab world, it is distinguished by a huge variety of confessions (their number reaches 18, the most common are Islam and Christianity) and a traditional worldview.

Education. Do atheists, Christians and Muslims have equal rights?

Diana: In most schools, girls from different faiths study together. Non-Muslim women like me just don't pass the Qur'anic exam. Nothing was forced on me.

There is a whole industry - to marry Lebanese. People go to Cyprus and enter into a secular marriage according to its laws

There are no restrictions for girls in universities. If a girl wants to become an engineer, builder or electrician, the flag is in her hands. Many of my acquaintances, including Muslim women, studied engineering, some work in their specialty.

Marriage. Who and how chooses the one for whom the girl will marry?

Diana: Getting married in Lebanon is difficult. It is easier for a woman to learn a specialty, find a job and even engage in political activities than to choose a life partner. According to Lebanese laws, you can only marry a representative of your confession. Theoretically, you can change your religion, but in practice, no one does it.

There is a whole industry - to marry Lebanese. People go to Cyprus and enter into a secular marriage according to its laws. For Christian women, everything is a little simpler, it seems to me - they meet young people at work or at the university, enter into relationships, get married. Although sex before marriage is not welcome among Christians.

According to my Sunni friend, preparing for a wedding is like buying a cow. The groom comes: “Yes, I saw you at a friend’s wedding, I really liked you. I work there, I can provide for you, I save up for an apartment. Tell about yourself"

For Muslim women and Druses * preparation for the wedding goes something like this. At other people's weddings, on the street, at the university or at work, a guy meets a girl. If a guy likes a girl, he finds out who her parents are and sends his mother to them as a matchmaker. She finds out what and how, and if the girl does not mind getting married, they all come to her together: the groom and his parents - to get acquainted. (* An esoteric religion that arose on the basis of Islam, but under the strong influence of ancient Greek philosophy, Neoplatonism and Hinduism, and Diana's father is just a friend. - Approx. ed.).

According to my Sunni friend, it is like buying a cow. The groom comes: “Yes, I saw you at a friend’s wedding, I really liked you. I work there, I can provide for you, I save up for an apartment. Tell about yourself!" And the groom's mother is trying to find out how economic you are. Since this is almost the only way to get married, girls often agree. I do not know how happy they are then married.

A couple of my cousins dated guys and hid it and then for the sake of appearance they arranged a similar ceremony. It looked something like this: “Yes, we knew each other, but I realized that I like you more than just as if you were my friend or friend,” etc. In short, you can choose a life partner yourself, but carefully, terribly encrypted.

Ali Kay

When I was 16, my father wouldn't let me go to visit a guy I liked. Like, "it is not customary for a girl to go home alone to a guy." It was very unpleasant for me - I just wanted to give him a gift from Moscow, even though I liked him. And this is not yet a fanatical father. Over time, he began to "keep my honor" less, as I became more independent. Over 16-year-olds are shaking more.

There are families beyond bigotry- a girl I know who wears a hijab was punished for shaving her legs. The motive was as follows: “Who can see your legs?! You undress in front of someone, you sleep with someone! This, however, is rather an anomaly, but almost every Lebanese woman has to hide in her personal life. This is a complex topic.

Hussain: Now girls are more independent in choosing suitors than before. But parental opinion is decisive. If the parents are against it, there will be no marriage. Sometimes the young go against the will of the elders and run away together. But we have a bad attitude towards this in Lebanon.

Polygamy: pros and cons

Hussain: Polygamy is now rare. Personally, I'm very bad at this.

Work by unmarried women (who most often live with their parents, otherwise “Shame-ah! It is not known what she does there alone!”) Is considered as income that can be spent entirely on themselves

Diana: It seems that polygamy is a thing of the past. Among Muslim girls, one can hear condemningly: “Yes, he is a bigamist!” - always with the implication that this is disrespect for the first wife.

But such marriages still occur: we had a geography teacher, a Sunni Muslim, who, in addition to his first wife, an older woman, married a young one. The Koran says that you can take a second (third, fourth) wife only if you treat them exactly the same. Naturally, this includes the financial aspect. What is especially interesting is that after this phrase, the Quran says the following: “And you will not treat them equally.” That is, the Koran seems to allow and says: "But you will all do it wrong." My friend argues that this can be interpreted as a de facto ban on polygamy. (How such issues are resolved in neighboring Egypt, "My Planet" wrote in the material.)

Work and career

Hussain: Many people work in cities, more often in shops, schools, hospitals. In the villages - much less often. My mother does not work, she takes care of children and cooks delicious meals.

Diana: Most young women work. Work by unmarried women (who most often live with their parents, otherwise “Shame-ah! It is not known what she does there alone!”) Is considered as income that can be spent entirely on yourself.

My unmarried friends most often save money and travel. Unmarried women from poor families help support the family. I have a friend who helps a widowed mother, and another who helps a divorced writer mother. Poorer married women also help support the family.

Rich women work to keep from being bored. They often have housekeepers from poor countries (Bangladesh, Nepal, Ethiopia), virtually disenfranchised slaves who do all the housework. Thus, wealthy or middle-class women have enough time to work. Building a career / earning more than a husband is categorically not welcome.

Yemen, Iran, Saudi Arabia vs Lebanon: gender inequality

Hussein: Lebanon is not that conservative. Many women make careers - for example, there are women deputies in parliament. And by law, no one forces you to wear a hijab, this is the choice of parents.

There is a rule in the law: the rapist can get away with it if he marries the victim. In this case, the victim must agree, but they are often forced by families, because an unmarried non-virgin is a family shame.

Diana: If you ask Lebanese on the street about the role of men and the role of women, then the answers are likely to be very specific, clearly separated roles.

It is also legitimized in the religious rules of succession.(women inherit less) and marriage (you can marry girls at 14, just like boys, but no one does this with the latter).

There is also a rule in the law: the rapist can escape punishment if he marries the victim. The latter, for obvious reasons, would have refused the proposal, but relatives in such a situation force marriage: an unmarried non-virgin is a shame for the family.

Beirut women protest anti-violence law

Diana: It is possible for a woman to build a career, but this is not welcome. Business is allowed, but male partners will be looked down upon. Disgusting sexism, of course, but, alas, it lives on in many places.

It's hard to talk about the hijab. A woman will almost always say that it was her choice, but I think some people wear the hijab because of family pressure. I have a couple of Sunni friends who wear the hijab - they say they wear it of their own accord, and I believe them. (Thus, in a conversation with My Planet, an interviewee from Karachay-Cherkessia said that “hijab is something more than just clothes, it is a life position.”)

Another familiar Shiite was forced, she was the victim of domestic abuse by a bigoted father, so I can't tell from her how symptomatic it is. We did not talk about this with the rest of my acquaintances in hijabs. I'm always afraid that suddenly it turns out that they were forced and I will only put them and myself in an awkward position.

stop wearing the hijab is like admitting that you are not a very good Muslim woman, and almost no one does this.

Army: Israelis vs Lebanese

Diana: There is no compulsory military training in Lebanon in general, they go to the army under a contract. Women do not serve in the army, they work at customs, in the police, at the border.

About Lebanese women in a nutshell. Is happiness possible?

Hussein: In a nutshell, they are good and cunning. As for happiness, it all depends on the parents: if they are not fools, we can say that the Lebanese are lucky.

Diana: In a nutshell, it won't work. There is a stereotype that Lebanese women are beautiful, well-groomed, with a good figure, they love plastic surgery and do not strive to develop culturally. A kind of Barbie, only darker and with sharper features. This is true, but full of exceptions. I know women - philosophers, talented architects and directors, writers and translators, intelligent, beautiful feminists and humanists.

Things are changing in Lebanon right now. and women change a lot - they raise issues of equality, gender, sexual orientation in many ways, and more women enter politics. In Lebanon, this is really necessary, women have a lot to fight for. For example, there was no law on domestic violence - if a woman was beaten very seriously, in some cases, even if she dies from this, her husband can escape punishment. A movement formed around this problem, and in 2014 the law was adopted. In general, the Lebanese are moving forward, and this is good.

Probably every second girl who has visited hot countries once had an affair with an Arab.
Whether this is good or bad, I do not presume to judge, but those who swam will understand me.
Some girls from this voyage returned with a broken heart, while others caught their firebird, adapted to a foreign culture, found compromises and began to live and live with their beloved in the thirtieth Arab kingdom.
I apologize in advance for my non-normative and somewhat rude approach to this subject. I would divide all Arabs into two categories.
Firstly, to the category of cheap resort limiters from charmal sheikhs, hurghadas and Kemers (sorry, the Turks also fell under the distribution): animators, restaurateurs, hoteliers, sellers of smelly Arab perfumes. Let's not disregard Libanashki from Beirut and the surrounding zhnoubs (villages), blue-eyed Syrians, impoverished Jordanians and Palestinians with travel permits instead of passports, and, of course, Egyptians - Kulu Tamaam!
After studying at local colleges, they left their Cairo and Tripoli to conquer the more developed Arab countries, where they successfully found work as salespeople in shopping centers, or middle managers in Arab companies. They have made numerous friends, exclusively from their own countries, and regularly go on safari with a large Egyptian shobl, taking with them a hookah and a pickled kafta.
Libanashki, who represent high fashion, settled down in a similar way. , as salespeople from Zara and department heads in Massimo Duchi. These people regularly go into debt buying cars and fashionable rags, because for a Lebanese there is nothing more important than a gel-haired hairstyle and awareness of one's own coolness. They know how to present themselves, which, with the accuracy of a geometric progression, raises their rating in the eyes of blond foreigners. After acquiring all of the above, there is no more money left for life, so they basically rent an apartment in a pool, having formed with their neighbors in zhnubu. They rarely go to the mosque and mostly hang out in trendy clubs like Cavalli, all night with one drink in their hands (they get drunk even before going out, mixing vodka with red bull in their apartment), then, pretty much perfumed with cologne, and wrapped up their sleeves on a shirt up to the level of three-quarters they go out into the world in twos or the whole noisy company.
All of them: Egyptians, Lebanese, Syrians, etc. of the first category are united by the lack of money, the desire to have a beautiful rest and a stormy sexual temperament.
They earn little, but spend a lot and mostly on themselves. , money is often not enough, so they do not disdain to borrow from their faithful girlfriends, and often forget to repay debts. Despite everything, they manage to keep warm girls near them for a long time, and the whole secret is that they perfectly know how to hang noodles, look after them beautifully, shower with compliments, and last but not least, oh, how fucking good they are in bed. They are not at all spoiled by intellect, because most of them, except for paragraphs of the Koran and the magazine Ahlan, have not read anything in their lives.
They spend another year abroad and one day my mother will call from Syria with the words: “Khamudi, ya amar, habibi” and say that it’s time to get married. And he will rush off to Damascus for the first date with the bride, after which there will be a matchmaking and a magnificent Arab wedding.
He will return all in tears, hug Natasha, repent of his deed, they say he is not guilty - the will of the mother. Meanwhile, the wife is not bad-looking, prepares an excellent mlukhia and will be able to raise future offspring according to the laws of Islam.

And we will return to the second category of arabesques to those from wealthy families. As a rule, they graduated from prestigious universities, most even in America and Canada, sometimes they received a new citizenship. They hold good positions in large foreign companies, they are fun and have a lot to talk about. Arabs from different countries rarely make friends with each other and replenish their circle at the expense of university friends or distant relatives. They, the Egyptians, the Lebanese, the Syrians, the Emirates... frankly dislike each other and rarely become friends. They have money, so they are more often in society and they are more selective than the first category. For you to know, these also mostly marry their own, but there are more exceptions here, as their families are usually more open and more likely to approve of their children's choice to connect their lives with a foreigner.
Being with an Arab is not easy and one must always take into account the existing differences in cultures, especially if you come across a Muslim arabesque.
Important points - attachment to mother, mother - will always be the first woman in his life, the unequal position of a man and a woman, what is allowed for a man, a woman can only dream of. Personally, I am touched by the fact that even their own women (the same arabesques) are often unable to cope with Arabian horses, and they continue to wander in the flesh until old age comes or the Hajj happens (preferably in old age), otherwise and it won't change anything.
I had lunch yesterday with a client of mine who has become a good friend. I remember when he returned from Mecca last year, he swore that everything had changed and that he was not to the left of his wife, but the period of asceticism did not last long for him. Yesterday he spoke again about his past and present loves. I could not stand it and asked him, they say, why are you Dr. Ayash, Arabs, hanging around like that and your marriages are somehow defective. His point of view was that they mostly get married without falling in love and not having time to get to know their soul mate well. Women, in turn, before marriage do everything to please a man, but after the wedding they lose interest in their husband and perceive him solely as a source of security and well-being, and in fact the broad Arab soul wants love.
But another incident prompted me to write this post. An example of the promiscuity and lustfulness of the Arabs of the first category, when they do not care who they look after , and they bombard you with messages and harassment, not because of special sympathy, but rather because your number was saved in their address book.
So on Saturday a similar instance attached itself to me, got me out of the ground, as they say. We met at work over a year ago, met twice on business matters, he kept holding out his sweaty palms for a handshake, as I remember with a wedding ring on his ring finger. And then, as they say, less than two years have passed, he began to play up to me: how long you work as a business, a bunch of other things, and in the end - let's meet - get to know each other better, I want us to become friends. Well, don't fuck your mother, what a meeting! At first, I explained to him culturally, as best I could, that I was not interested in friendship, and that all my evenings are busy, if something is at work, come, dear, to the office. If I hadn't been a customer, I would have sent it a long time ago. He still did not recognize my signals, he thought that I was breaking down, and the next day, let's do it again. Here, of course, I was carried away in earnest and I expressed my opinion. Got rid.
This is the most striking example of a cheap Arab who does not care who rides on the ears, while not wondering if I am free and if I need it at all! At the same time, he is so stupid that he does not doubt for a moment the attractiveness of his proposal.
As for the Arabs of the second category, I also have something to say. In total, I had three of them, the first novel, as expected, happened at a resort in the well-known Sharm El Sheikh. I met, therefore, with the Egyptians, however, he was not an animator, but the owner of 5 local hotels. Oh, girls, how he went over the ears, of all the Arabs, only the Egyptians are capable of this, he said that he was divorced (resort Egypt is generally a valley of free men, where you don’t throw yourself, everyone is not married). As a result, I conquered, and monthly flights to Sharm el-Sheikh and back began, I took my girlfriends with me to make it more fun. How did we hang out there (naturally, it was all inclusive on his part), then he met a new love and the monthly vacation on the Red Sea stopped.
The second was a local, from the Emirates, the romance lasted a week without a year, and happened solely from nothing to do. Everything stopped at the moment when I saw him in a kandura (white dress), before that he appeared on dates only in European clothes. I felt completely uneasy “what people will say”, and in general how is it me and HE? The question always rested on the condura, I remembered this white robe, and my hands dropped and I didn’t want anything anymore. I still don’t understand what caused such an unhealthy subconscious reaction. I left him, and he probably has the same opinion about me as I have about the Arabs)).
And finally, the third final episode, the libanis-canadians. He conquered me by the fact that he never lied, did not know how to flirt at all, did not use hair gel and wore converse sneakers. Oh, I forgot, after a week of meeting, he brought me to meet my mother, which caused a shock for both of us, since it was a complete surprise for us.
This concludes my scientific work. I hasten to note that all of the above is my subjective opinion, and may not coincide with the opinions of others, and please do not forget about happy exceptions (I am an optimist).