How not to fall into despair. The state of despair and spiritual practice. What do all these situations have in common?

For each person, an unjustified dismissal or downsizing can become a tragedy. Older people are especially sensitive to such shocks, however, the younger generation reacts quite sensitively to injustice.

The emotions felt when receiving a notice of dismissal can be very different - from hysteria to depression, everyone experiences them due to their nature. Someone withdraws into himself and digests the event. Someone angrily rushes to the former bosses to sort things out, and someone calmly turns the past page and starts a new life from scratch.

Different in their emotions and psychological state, these people are united by one thing - they all turned out to be “overboard”, and they face the problem of finding a job.

From the fact that emotions go off scale, the problem will not be resolved, so the first thing to do is to “pull yourself together”, calm down and sort everything out.

Pull yourself together. Naturally, the reader, finding himself in such a situation, may attack the author of these lines with sharp criticism - they say, it is good for him to argue when this problem concerns strangers. But if something similar happened to him, then where would his advice and recommendations be. Yes, this is a reasonable remark, and it should be taken into account, however, the author also had to experience bitter moments of disappointment, and experience outright injustice. But what allowed me to always stay afloat was the ability to concentrate not on the problem, but on the prospect that opened up:

no need to get up early and go to work;
there is a prospect of doing what you love;
there is an opportunity to do self-analysis, and study the problem from the inside.

- And for what to live? - a natural question arises, which is sometimes difficult to answer. For some people, an unfair dismissal is a disaster, both morally and financially, so people like no other should mobilize and purposefully go in search of a new job. It is impossible to live without an economic source of existence, so you have to immediately reorganize and select a profitable financial offer. But even if a profitable job turns up that will allow you to restore solvency, it will still be necessary to rethink the passed life stage.

Calm down and plan your next steps. In each specific case, the time for this stage is different. For someone, a couple of hours is enough to take a breath, someone does not even fit into a month, trying to find an explanation for what happened. But be that as it may, the stage of calming down and building a further algorithm of actions is inherent in each category of people. The main questions that arise before the dismissed are almost the same:

What to do next?
Where to look for a job?
How to join a new team?
What lessons can you learn from your previous job?

If the answer to the first question is quite simple and understandable, then each character has difficulties with the second point. A person is a specialist in a particular industry, spent time and money on training, had a goal, and was out of work. Should I continue further in this profession, or switch to a new one? There are no ready-made tips, everyone decides on their own, but if there is experience and high qualifications, then it is unlikely that another profession will bring complete satisfaction. The only exceptions are those cases when work was a prerequisite for physiological existence, and now, after certain events, it became possible to do what you love.

If the profession is rare and requires long-term training, and there are no vacancies, then the World Wide Web, or your own business, can become a lifesaver. As in the first case, so in the second, there are all conditions to realize their hidden opportunities and inherent potential. Previous work experience will also be useful and will help in solving organizational issues.

Don't be afraid of change. The author of these lines, a lawyer by education and a lawyer by profession, decided to leave his professional activity and take up a more attractive, in his opinion, type of activity on the Internet. I had to go through a serious school of self-training, and create an online business, which today brings income similar to advocacy. From time to time, the author of the lines has to participate in court hearings and represent the interests of the parties to the process, but there is no oral satisfaction from the cases won, since an organized business on the Internet is much closer to the soul. Hence the conclusion - you should not be afraid of change, but you must resolutely move forward, overcoming obstacles, and improving yourself.

Conclusions from all of the above. Naturally, skeptics can drive them into a dead end with their pessimistic forecasts and arguments on the topic, they say, it’s good when there is a main job and you can do experiments, but you can object to them. Cases of dismissal (legal or illegal) encourage a person to take drastic actions, up to a change in profession and qualifications. In such conditions, fighting for survival, a person becomes more resolute and pragmatic, hence the purposefulness and focus. He is able to set a goal and achieve a positive result, no matter what field of activity or industry the question concerns. Hidden levers and internal springs are released in extreme situations, and a person overcomes conceivable and unimaginable obstacles. And this means that the goal will be achieved, and he will certainly achieve his goal. Well, what happened at the place of the old work is just a turned page, an unexpected impetus to the realization of hidden opportunities.

Therefore, do not despair when dismissed for redundancy or other reasons, since this is a clear opportunity to realize oneself to the fullest. The most important:

calm down;
get together;
decide.

And everything will work out - a new specialty will get used to it, and insults will be forgotten and forgiven.

Question to the psychologist:

Good day!

My name is Anastasia, I am 20 years old.

I will try to state the essence of the problem.

I graduated from college a month ago. My specialty, a librarian, was chosen out of desperation, as I now understand: I had to leave after the 9th grade, and the only thing that suited me then was library science - work in silence, few people and books. But over time, I changed a lot and realized that this is not mine. The salary is very low - not even enough for food; there was a desire to live and there was a strong attraction to go to another sphere.

In my second year, life led me to a face-to-face meeting with a psychologist. Thanks to her, I had a strong desire to become a psychologist myself. She was, one might say, the only person I could tell everything to. In all my life, I have never had anyone truly close to me except for her. There were people with whom I talked, there are now, but it's not the same. There is a young man, but with him there is not what I need. I want my problems to be heard, understood and supported. That at least someone would walk with me through life on the same road. But, apparently, I'm a lone wolf for life, which is partly good, but sometimes bad.

I like to communicate with people, “dig into” their problems, help them solve them. Maybe it all sounds too loud, but I haven’t even enrolled to study psychology yet, but I already love my future profession! I can’t imagine myself without studying other people’s destinies, lives, empathizing with them. I "breathe" other people's emotions, experiences, problems, I am inspired by them. Sometimes, after someone shares something with me, I write poems about it. And it gives me even more euphoria.

I understand that the work of a psychologist is very difficult morally and requires frequent financial investments: for constant study, personal therapy, and much more. However, in order to get a good salary, you just need to study and work a lot. But it's worth it.

I wanted to enter a university this year, on a budget, but it didn’t work out, I didn’t pass the entrance exam. Now just wait until I save up money for distance learning and try to do it again.

I'm currently looking for a job but can't find one. I've been going to interviews for a month now. In half of the cases, the job does not suit me (it takes a long time to undergo training, you need to literally “push” people into something, I feel that I will not succeed). In the other half, I don’t fit: there is no medical book and the opportunity to do it at my own expense, there is no work experience (which can’t be taken from anywhere, because there was no opportunity to work), sometimes they even promise to call back and as a result they don’t call back .

Today, after another refusal, where they almost took me, I became desperate, it became insulting. I no longer have the strength to look for something else, even the belief has disappeared that I will get settled somewhere.

Most of all, I feel uncomfortable in front of my mother. She and I now live only on her small pension, which is also not enough, she is disabled, she cannot work. Previously, I had at least a pension for the loss of a breadwinner while I was studying, but now it has been removed and it has become very difficult to live.

I want to find a job already, so that it would be easier, so that these eternal material problems would disappear. But, nothing works. Despair and depression set in. I don’t know where to get the strength to get out of all this. Please tell me how not to fall into this abyss at all?

The psychologist answers the question.

Good day, Anastasia. You are only 20 years old and all roads are open to you. KNOW ABOUT IT!

Yes, not everything is so simple in this life, no one will solve your problems for you, and the world is sometimes very cruel. Yes.

Therefore, you should be the fighter of your life yourself: "Get up and go to the goal!" What is yours? Become a psychologist? Believe in your dream! Be true to her. You will definitely get a higher psychological education, if you yourself want it. Try to budget for next year. Take a break in admission for a year. And at this time, if possible, attend trainings, read psychological literature, in a word - delve into it.

But, this year you, Anastasia, need to live on something. Believe me, there is a lot of work in the world. The question is what are you looking for. I don't know what city you live in, what job opportunities it has. And what is your request (work schedule, salary, working conditions). Expand your horizons: you can do needlework and live from it, you can work on the Internet and make good money on articles, but this requires strength and patience. Nothing is given just like that. Be prepared to work 12 hours a day. And who achieves success, he works more, not paying attention to the weekend!

What should you do?

1. Calm down and clearly state your goal. And then - write down on paper "What job do I want?" (everything to the smallest detail: work schedule, salary, working conditions).

2. Compose your resume (there are special job search sites, there are samples, examples, and forms) and post it on job sites, employers who are looking for young professionals. Consider options for remote work (this could be documentation analysis or copyright).

3. Perhaps register at the labor exchange, where they will help you with employment. Rating 5.00 (1 Vote)

Any person has fallen into a difficult situation of grief, failure or loss in his life. Everyone knows the feeling of confusion, despair and hopelessness, the feeling of one's own inferiority. Someone knows how to quickly cope with such a state and rebuild, someone succeeds with time, and some are “knocked out of the saddle” for a very long time, if not forever, consider themselves losers, broken by fate or circumstances, stop acting, live a full life , go into illness or hard drinking, and maybe into depression. What to do?

Despondency is one of the deadly sins. This means that one should not give in to panic, indulge in decadent moods, despair, lose hope and fall into the blues. This is very easy to say, but very hard to do. Let's try to figure out how not to indulge in despair and how to overcome despondency. Perhaps, after all, there are some ways to fight and overcome this difficult state of mind.

1. Believe in yourself and your strengths

It means knowing that you will endure and be able to overcome a lot. To know that a lot depends on you and that you are not just a “cog”. If it doesn't work the first time, it will work on the next try.

2. Soberly, honestly (to yourself) and realistically assess your capabilities and abilities

This means being aware of the level of your knowledge and skills, understanding that someone can be better than you. A balanced assessment will avoid disappointment and trouble, unnecessary and wasted energy. But does anyone prevent us from becoming better, stronger, wiser, more professional? Nobody but ourselves.

3. Calm analysis of the situation

It is necessary to calmly, without emotions, evaluate the unsuccessful experience and understand what was done wrong: perhaps the efforts were not enough, or maybe, on the contrary, too much. An analysis of the situation will give peace of mind, only in a balanced state can a constructive solution be found. And a calm, even state is no longer a blues.

4. Learn a lesson

It means understanding that failures are the harbinger of victory, and everyone has failures, but not everyone treats failure as a failure. It's just EXPERIENCE. Tolerating failure unleashes success. It is necessary to develop the habit of benefiting from failure, this is one of the most important techniques for achieving success.

5. Get support - moral and professional

This means asking for help from close people - family, friends. And / or contact specialists - doctors, teachers, psychologists, spiritual teachers. Everyone needs support and help from loved ones in difficult situations. But, if you very often asked for help and exhausted the credit of trust of relatives and friends, then a difficult situation is just the case when you can take control of your destiny in your own hands.

6. Look for the positive in what happened

It is a well-known fact that as a result of the crisis, one very wealthy businessman lost $100 million. He had ONLY $100,000 left. He committed suicide. The loss of money was for him the loss of everything, even worse than the loss of life.

And now let's imagine an average citizen who did not have a ruble and suddenly 100 thousand dollars! A lot of money! It turns out that this is from what point of view. They remained alive and well, everything is fine in the family - the rest can be experienced and overcome.

7. Do not break the laws - state and moral

This will make it possible to live in harmony with oneself and with others, and will not lead to difficult and dangerous (and perhaps irreparable) situations.

8. Distraction

Remember what Scarlett O'Hara said? “I'll think about it tomorrow…” An intractable, and maybe completely insoluble situation is not the whole of life, it is only a part, although it is very painful. There should be a lot in life that "keeps afloat". These are love, friendship, religion, nature, art (literature, painting, music, etc.), sports, hobbies. Find an activity that will distract you from heavy thoughts, or just do something else. It can be a general cleaning, repair, something that will take all your time and energy. After all, it is not in vain that people say that the morning is wiser than the evening.

Just do not "go away" in alcohol and other similar pleasures. This will only drive the problem deep, where it will be difficult to get it from, and even add a moral and physical hangover.

9. Avoid Negative Emotions, Especially Guilt and Shame

These emotions are not helpers in solving complex life problems. Negative emotions interfere with the full functioning of the brain, it is impossible to make the right decision at the moment with them. And the saddest thing is that negative emotions are the basis for the emergence of various addictions, alcohol, nicotine, drugs, etc.

10. Take responsibility

Taking responsibility for yourself means understanding that only you yourself are responsible for your life, its quality, personal achievements, and not shifting the blame onto colleagues, parents, teachers, bosses, etc. If you did something wrong, then try to correct the situation in word and deed - apologize, talk and explain your position, help fix what you spoiled.

11. Smile!

If you feel very bad at heart, try to smile and even forcefully stretch your lips into a smile. The body remembers that such a position of the lips corresponds to a good mood, and, surprisingly, the mood will begin to even out and even (!) Improve. Tension, emotional and physical, will begin to subside, the situation will no longer seem so intractable or tragic.

Failures that haunt us can develop a fear of failure and a strategy for avoiding failure. This means that a person will not strive to achieve success, but will refuse to take active steps and try with all his might to avoid failure. The worst news is that no one can help overcome this fear. But the best news is that everything is in our hands. We have a choice: either we grow huge weeds of fear, or we can sow the seeds of faith in ourselves and our strengths. Good luck!

Despair... A feeling that is familiar to everyone. A feeling that no one likes. Is it possible to fight him? How not to fall into despair?

When do we fall into despair?

I do not envy people of creative professions. Having received the education of an actor, I realized how difficult it is for the psyche to work in such a field. Today, many people sing about creative professions, not realizing that they include not only creative joys, but also intolerable creative crises. And each such crisis can be accompanied by an attack of despair. Why does it occur? Because in creativity there is no ready-made scheme. We do not know what to do if the role "does not go." It doesn't work - that's all! Do whatever! You go on stage and you feel how you miss, you miss... Nothing arises, everything is flat, tense, mediocre, unbearable... Although yesterday everything was going well! And we know that we cannot say to the audience, the director, the partners - “Sorry, I’ll probably take a short vacation and won’t appear on the set in the next couple of weeks.” More precisely, so to speak, of course, you can ... But then you have to look for another theater. Moreover, almost all performances are rehearsed in two or three casts ... Therefore, if you right today you can not cope with this uninvited crisis, it is likely that tomorrow you will again find yourself in the crowd. How not to fall into despair in such a situation?

Another example. Young mom. Tired. Exhausted. Didn't sleep half the night. The house is a mess. There is no food. She herself is scary, like a zombie, and dissatisfied with herself. And the child keeps yelling and yelling ... Who has not encountered such a situation? How do you deal with overwhelming despair?

And the third situation. Nothing seems to have happened. Everything is as always, everything is fine. But inside there is some anxiety. You try to cope with it somehow, you start meditating, working with awareness... But it doesn't work, that's all... There is no awareness. No, whatever you do. Awareness slips between your fingers, leaving you with this aching anxiety.... At some point, despair also appears.

What do all these situations have in common?

1) Lack of vitality. Fatigue. There is no strength to move forward. As long as we have the strength, we are ready to fight, to decide something. As long as we have energy, we do not give up and do not fall into despair.

3)Inability to get out of the situation and rest. We need to fix the problem right now. We cannot relax, put our thoughts in order, and look at the problem from the other side. Time is running out. More precisely, we feel like time is running out. In most cases, we can find at least 10 minutes to stop... But pressure illusion does not allow us to do so.

4) Misunderstanding that the main problem is inside, not outside. We concentrate so much on external difficulties that we forget the main thing... Despair is the result of internal disharmony, internal tension. And before we can deal with the outside world, we need to resolve the problem that is inside. It is necessary to neutralize this despair, which binds us hand and foot.

How to deal with feelings of despair?

1) We stop. First, we just stop. We stop this hysterical internal dialogue (“I can’t do anything! Everything is falling apart for me! I can’t do anything! Etc.”). Be quiet for about a minute. Look around... Feel your arms... Shoulders... Head... Feel your whole body... It will be enough to just stop.

2) As always, we start with accepting the situation and yourself. We repeat the mantra “I love myself, approve myself and accept myself!”, say affectionate compliments to ourselves ... If you wish, you can spend 10-15 minutes on self-care: face mask, makeup or bath. This will help you get distracted, calm down and look at the problem from a different angle.

3) After you have calmed down a bit, start study your emotions. Be aware of your feelings, consider them from all sides, observe your inner state... Observe the whole situation as if from a distance. Try to see something funny, ridiculous in the situation ... Looking at your problem more consciously, you will understand that your despair is not worth it.

4) The most difficult. Let go of the situation. Tell yourself - come what may! Keep doing what you have to, but don't worry about the result. Your worries will not make the problem worse. Rather, on the contrary. Appreciate yourself. Take care of your health. There is nothing more important than your mental health, your well-being, your peace of mind. So let go and relax.

How do you deal with bouts of despair? How often do you fall into despair?

Love yourself! Take care of your health!

More and more people are wondering how not to fall into despair. The search for an answer does not lead to anything, because the answer to it lies deep in the subconscious. And on your own, that is, focusing on yourself and your problem, despair cannot be defeated. Fighting despair alone is much more difficult, especially if there is no clear understanding of the causes of despair or despondency.

There seems to be no way out. Around one despair, and you are on the verge. It remains only to hold your breath and doomedly step down into the vacuum, into complete despair. And stay there, maybe forever...

Psychology of despair

The state of despair is a very difficult feeling, it is not easy to live with it. In the modern world with its frantic pace, many people are on the verge of despair. They ask themselves or psychology professionals - how not to fall into despair, continue to live, fight, look for solutions to problems?

In order to understand the reasons why a person despairs, and to find the answer to the question of how not to fall into despair, being on the verge, you first need to determine what despair is.

1. Despair is primarily an emotional state. It can also be a deep emotion of bitter disappointment in life and everything connected with it. For example, a person repeatedly made efforts and did not achieve results.

2. Despair is based on deep discomfort and strong dissatisfaction with any life situation or the whole world in general.

3. Despair implies the absence of a motivational factor: a state of apathy, inability to overcome life's difficulties and not knowing how to do it.

Thus, despair as an emotion is the result of feeling dissatisfied with life from its misunderstanding, it is deeply connected with all the functions of human life. Prolonged exposure may lead to depression.

A person falls into a state of extreme despair or is in a state of melancholy, deep despondency - as a result of dissatisfaction with life. In despair, a person needs urgent psychological help.

The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan determines exactly where despair comes from in a person. In addition, it explains which people tend to be in a state of despair for a long time, and who can experience every minute despair due to any events. And most importantly, it gives an answer to the question of how not to fall into despair or how to overcome it.

Where does a person get a state of despair

The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan shows that any person has individual innate properties that determine the role of this person in society and the way to enjoy life.

Thus, a person born and striving for material and social success may experience despair in the event of the loss of his property or social status. System-vector psychology defines such people as owners of the skin vector. They are aimed at conquering the peaks, and if some kind of trouble happens, in most cases this will be the motivation to overcome the problem and find a way out of it in any way.

People with a skin vector have a very quick response and mental flexibility, which makes them adaptable in any life situations. If despair sets in, it is unlikely that a person with a skin vector will remain in this state for a long time. Most likely, they will try to solve the problem as soon as possible. “There was despair - what to do? Understandable - look for a way out!

Another category of people who may experience despair are people with an anal vector. Quite stable on their own - keepers of tradition, friendship and respect - they don't like change. They can be driven to despair if they are constantly interrupted, pulled, not allowed to calmly finish the job. They also value their family and everything connected with it very much, so the loss of a family can lead them to despair.

When despair is greater than man

In addition, the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan shows two more types of despair, which can be insurmountable and lead to disastrous consequences.

The first type of despair arises on the basis of the loss or rupture of an emotional connection with a loved one, an animal, or even an inanimate object. It depends on the level of development of properties. This is how people with a visual vector feel the world. By nature, the most sensual, emotional and sensitive. They are able to love "to madness" and even sacrifice their lives for the sake of love.

When a person with a visual vector loses the object of his love, he can fall into a state of deep despondency and longing. In order to attract attention, he may even try to fake suicide, without intending to complete this action.

For people with a visual vector, the experience of diverse and vivid emotions is very important. They, like no one else, are able to feel and convey any emotion in all its beauty and intensity. People with a visual vector usually do not wonder how not to fall into despair, as such. They fall into despair only when their emotional ties are broken and cannot be restored.

When such a person loses a loved one, becomes desperate and believes that it no longer makes sense to live without him or her - usually there is a long period of despondency and longing, tears and consolation, after which you can try to put your emotions in order again, creating a new emotional connection with another person. At the same time, the pain of loss can remain forever, dulled and lost its original sharpness.

The most difficult case of despair is despair in the sound vector. Here, as Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology explains, despair borders on hopelessness. Despondency, darkness, not knowing where to go, do not want to live. And deep depression. This is a constant state on the verge - "now I'm going to break." There is no more strength to fight the feeling of despair, to look for a way out of the situation. “How tired of this vain world and senseless living in it!”. This is the state of true despair.

Real, crushing, unbearable despair and a feeling of complete dissatisfaction with life, no matter what you do - this is despair in the sound vector. Some seek relief in alcohol, drugs. Does not help. Or it helps, but only for a short time. Then the emptiness of loneliness and the feeling of despair return with even more itchy force.

In fact, only people with a sound vector really think about the meaning of despair - about how not to fall into this state and how to get out of it.

Desperation: what to do if there is a problem

We examined four types of despair or states similar to this emotion, from the point of view of Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology:

Despair in the skin vector - from large financial losses or deprivation of social status;

Despair in the anal vector - from the loss of the family as the main value and life priority;

Despair in the visual vector - from the loss of a deep emotional connection;

Despair in the sound vector - from a misunderstanding of oneself and the inability to realize one's innate desires and properties.

In the case of the first three vectors, anxiety - how not to fall into despair - is not their internal issue, nor a life priority, since the feeling of despair for them is a consequence of external factors that they do not control.

As for people with a sound vector, looking from the outside, it is not clear why they experience a feeling of despair and hopelessness “from scratch”, that is, without obvious reasons. So, the main thing - how to overcome or not fall into despair - what to do?

The fact is that nature has endowed people with a sound vector with great abstract intelligence and a great ability to concentrate thoughts. That is, the ability to create thought forms, to think. By virtue of these given properties, it is inherent in them to be in thought and receive great pleasure from this.

But sometimes, for various reasons, a person with a sound vector does not use the entire volume of his psyche or cannot concentrate at a given moment of his life, and therefore cannot find and formulate a thought.

And then frustration arises at this place, that is, the lack of fulfillment of desire and, as a result, the enjoyment of life. A person in this state loses the ability to concentrate on the world around him, people and noise from outside begin to irritate him. Then a person with a sound vector goes deep into himself, into his thoughts, where he seeks and does not find the answer to his disturbing questions.

And again the wall, there is no way out. Again, life is meaningless. Despair and disappointment - one after another. A senseless search for oneself. Again, the whole world is against it, and no one understands it.

Therefore, people with a sound vector in a state of despair or close to it are wondering about the meaning of their existence. They are looking for an answer, how not to fall into despair or how to deal with despair and its cause, and they do not find it. Then despair in the sound vector rolls up imperceptibly, and silence sets in...

How not to fall into despair

Despondency, an attempt to find answers in oneself - all this is the other side of the coin of the unlimited possibilities of the sound mind. As Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology explains, any person is able to feel joy in life and realize their potential, as well as overcome despair, if they know and understand their own psyche.

So, we have already seen that only people with a sound vector really and, as it were, fall into despair for no reason. Now let's see how to deal with despair, knowing the causes of its occurrence.

Only the realization of innate properties can make any person happy. In fact, a feeling of despair in any vector can be provoked by negative events that deprive a person of his values. Knowing and understanding what these values are and what caused certain events can help a person with any vector to get out of a state of despair. Because the understanding of your life priorities and the priorities of other people, their psyche and desires, which system-vector psychology gives, helps to fight the feeling of despair.

As for the sound vector, these people, in order not to fall into despair, need to understand themselves, their psyche, as well as the psyche of other people. For them, this is one of the basic desires - to understand and understand the essence of a person, to find out the root cause of everything. It was people with a sound vector who came up with science, philosophy, literature, poetry, and music. It is all the result of their mind searching, thinking about the question “Who am I? Why do I live?

The article was written using materials from online trainings on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan