Infantilism or immaturity of the personality: errors of education. What does an infantile person mean - the concept, signs, types of infantilism, how to get rid of infantilism

There are medical concepts that have become so colloquial that they have acquired, in fact, a second, or even a third meaning. The term "infantility" also belongs to such polysemantic words.

Physiological infantilism

To describe the lag in physical development, doctors use the term "infantility."

This in psychology, it means the inability to make responsible decisions, naivety and excessive spontaneity. An endocrinologist uses this term to describe, for example, malfunctions of the endocrine glands caused by a delay in the patient's physical development.

That is, for physicians, infantilism is primarily a physiological defect of the body. It can be caused by problematic pregnancy and developmental features of the fetus, diseases suffered in early childhood, disorders in the work of the endocrine glands. People suffering from infantilism do not grow well, their bodies retain “childish” proportions for a long time, and puberty slows down.

Psychological infantilism

In psychology, infantilism is the immaturity of the personality, a delay in the development of the volitional and emotional sphere. It can exist as a purely psychological problem or be one of the symptoms of a general developmental delay.

The common people use the term in this sense. They do not mean that a person really looks like a child, but only emphasize some features of his behavior.

Irresponsibility, excessive emotionality, frivolity, inability to focus on the goal - all this is often characterized by the word "infantile". The signs of such behavior are determined on an intuitive level; moreover, everyone puts their own meaning into this definition. To one, a person who is fond of online games seems infantile, to another - an often capricious girl, to a third - an artist who does not want to look for a regular income.

Infantilism and ideas about it

Often, in the view of others, infantilism is not a deviation of behavior, but simply a mismatch with the expectations of critics. Evaluation criteria are completely subjective. Responsible and serious people may consider representatives of creative professions infantile only on the grounds that their lifestyle looks chaotic and unorganized. Old people often believe that young people who are not in a hurry to start a family are infantile and do not want to burden themselves with responsibility.

But such claims are just confirmation of unfulfilled expectations. Each person has their own idea of ​​what an adult should be like. But such stereotyped images are far from objectivity. They are based solely on common experience and stereotypes existing in society.

What is infantilism

In order to determine whether a person is characterized by infantilism, a specialist psychologist is required.

Because what distinguishes an adult from a child is not at all external attributes, such as a good job, an expensive car or a large family. Infantilism is, first of all, the inability, the inability to take responsibility. An adult person clearly understands that it is he who controls his life. There is no one who can be blamed for failures, he is responsible for himself. Moreover, he is responsible for others. The child, explaining his failure, may say that he was unlucky or that others behaved incorrectly, deprived him of the chance of success. An adult knows for sure that there is no bad luck, there are mistakes. I didn’t understand, I didn’t foresee, I didn’t prepare, I didn’t think. There are very few situations in life that can't really be prevented. Everything else is the result of negligence and thoughtlessness.

Infantile or just different?

An adult differs from an adult child in the ability to recognize himself as the main culprit of both success and failure. But this quality is usually not outwardly manifested in any way, so it is difficult to draw a conclusion about someone's infantilism, relying only on criticism of his behavior.

Actually, if we evaluate the external side of actions, then Prince Gautama, who left the throne and the palace in order to sit under a tree, waiting for enlightenment, is also not a very responsible person. He quit his job - the responsible post of head of the country entrusted to him, left his family. And for what? For spiritual growth? Is this the act of an adult serious man?

In order to avoid such errors in assessments, psychologists use a test for infantilism. More precisely, tests, because there are a lot of them. The psychologist can offer the visitor to answer questions, draw a picture on a given topic, examine shapeless blots, talking about his associations.

Situation Assessment Method

A fairly popular method is to invite a person to imagine various life situations and find someone responsible for their outcome. For example, the visitor must imagine that he is walking with a child in rainy weather. The kid did not obey and climbed into a puddle, caught a cold and fell ill. Who is to blame: an adult or a child?

Or the client is offered to imagine that he is taking an exam for which he did not prepare very well - he only learned the 18th ticket out of 20. If, contrary to probability theory, he got an unfamiliar question, is this a failure or the result of negligence? Answers to such questions quite clearly show how exactly a person evaluates his behavior, whether he considers himself responsible for what is happening in his life or not.

Funny nuance. The same situations, but in an abstract form, not tied to the personality of the respondent, will be assessed in a completely different way. For example, in a scene with a wet baby, an infantile person is likely to declare that he is not to blame for anything. He did everything that was needed - he forbade the child to climb into a puddle. The kid didn't listen, it's his fault! But if you rephrase the question, offer to evaluate the situation in which it is not the respondent himself who walks with the child, but, for example, the mother or grandmother ... It will surely turn out that the negligent nanny is to blame, who could not look after the foolish child. Such thinking is a clear symptom of neglected infantilism.

How to get rid of the disadvantage?

Where does infantilism come from? The reasons for this phenomenon usually lie in upbringing (of course, except when it is the result of a disease).

Strict parents, raising a good boy or an obedient girl, do not even think that in this way they do not solve problems, but create them. A child who is not used to making decisions, who has agreed that other people are fully responsible for his life, simply will not be able to cope with the burden of responsibility later.

And the fruits of such upbringing are difficult to correct. Perhaps even more difficult than curing a person from alcoholism. A drinker, albeit with difficulty, but it can be proved that such behavior is harmful to him and others. Not all, not always, but it is possible. And how to get rid of infantilism, if its main postulate is the denial of responsibility? But if such a question has arisen, then the first step has been taken. Because the main thing is to admit that there is a problem. An infantile person who has realized his shortcoming has already taken a step towards self-improvement. All that is needed then is to learn to make decisions on your own and, in case of failure, not allow yourself to shift the blame to others. If there is a loving person nearby who can support you in difficult times, the process of belated maturation will be much easier and painless.

- a psychopathological condition based on a delay in the pace of emotional and personal development. It is manifested by childishness, immaturity of behavior, inability to make decisions, to make a choice independently. Among schoolchildren, gaming interests predominate, learning motivation is weak, it is difficult to adopt rules of conduct and disciplinary requirements. Diagnostics includes clinical and psychological methods, is aimed at studying the characteristics of the emotional-volitional and personal spheres, social relationships, and the level of adaptation. Treatment is symptomatic, involves medication, psychotherapy and counseling.

The term "infantilism" comes from the Latin language, meaning "infantile, childish." Mental infantilism is understood as a discrepancy between behavior, emotional reactions, volitional functions and age requirements. In everyday life, infantile people are called people who are distinguished by naivety, dependence, insufficient possession of general household skills. The International Classification of Diseases (ICD-10) singles out a separate nosological unit - infantile personality disorder. In addition, mental infantilism is a symptom of neuroses, psychopathy, reactions to stress. The prevalence among children reaches 1.6%, the ratio of boys and girls is approximately equal.

Causes of mental infantilism

The prerequisites for mental infantilism are pathologies of the nervous and endocrine systems, hereditary predisposition, and improper upbringing. Risk factors include:

• Mild brain damage. Mental infantilism often develops after exposure to adverse prenatal, natal and postnatal factors. These include infections, intoxication, trauma, hypoxia, asphyxia.
• Mental disorders . In children with mental retardation, autism, schizophrenia, mental retardation, the risk of mental infantilism is higher. The syndrome is formed on the basis of social maladaptation.
• Hereditary burden. There are genetic and constitutional features that are passed on to the child from the parents. The rate of maturation of cortical structures, metabolic processes, inertia of the nervous system are the factors influencing the formation of infantilism.
• Parenting style. The development of infantilism is facilitated by the restriction of the freedom of the child, increased parental control. Mental immaturity is the result of overprotection or despotic upbringing.

Pathogenesis

There are three variants of the pathogenesis of mental infantilism. The first is based on the delayed development of the frontal lobes of the brain responsible for the formation of motives, purposeful behavior, programming, regulation and control of mental activity. The reasons are objective factors - trauma, intoxication, infection. The second variant of pathogenesis is general psychophysical immaturity. Developmental delay is determined in the frontal and other parts of the brain. Immaturity is total: the child is miniature, looks younger than his age, the behavior corresponds to the appearance. The third option is an artificial delay in socialization by a disharmonious style of upbringing. The development of frontal functions is hampered by hyperprotection, excessive care, and total control.

Classification

Etiologically, the disorder is divided into congenital and acquired. A more detailed classification distinguishes 4 types of mental infantilism:

1. Organic. Occurs when the CNS is damaged. It is the result of traumatic brain injury, asphyxia, infectious disease, intoxication. Mental immaturity is accompanied by mild psychoorganic syndrome.
2. Somatogenically conditioned. It is observed in endocrine diseases, chronic debilitating diseases, lesions of internal organs. Mental immaturity is formed against the background of symptoms of the underlying pathology, asthenic manifestations.
3. Psychogenic conditioned. It develops as a result of pampering upbringing, hyperprotection or despotic attitude. Another name is psychological infantilism.

Another classification is based on the features of the clinical picture. There are two types of mental infantilism:

• Total. The child lags behind in height, weight, physical and mental development. Appearance, behavior, emotions correspond to an earlier age.
• Partial. The immaturity of the psyche is combined with normal, advanced physical development. The child is unbalanced, irritable, dependent on adults.

Symptoms of mental infantilism

Mental immaturity is manifested by the lack of stability of attention, hasty unreasonable judgments, inability to analyze, build a plan, control activities. Behavior carefree, frivolous, self-centered. There is a tendency to fantasize. Understanding, accepting norms and rules is difficult, children often do not know the concepts of “should”, “should not”, do not keep a social distance when communicating with strangers, adults. The inability to assess the situation, change behavior according to external conditions reduces adaptive capacity.

Children are hard to adapt to the educational institution, duplicate classes. Often a child of preschool age remains in the nursery group, the younger student - in the preparatory group of the kindergarten. There is no mental retardation: patients start talking in time, ask questions, draw, sculpt from plasticine, assemble construction sets in accordance with age norms. Intellectual delay is formed a second time, on the basis of maladjustment in society, manifests itself during the period of schooling. The emotional sphere is characterized by instability: the prevailing cheerfulness is abruptly replaced by crying, anger in case of failures. Negative states pass quickly. Purposeful desire to cause harm, revenge does not arise. Emotions are unrestrained, superficial, pantomime is lively, expressive. True deep feelings are not formed.

The egocentric orientation of the personality is manifested by the desire to be in the center of attention, to receive praise, admiration from others. With disharmonious mental infantilism, children are perceived by their peers as equals, but communication does not add up. Gradually, isolation arises, exacerbating the hysterical features of the infantile. Children with total infantilism make friends a year or two younger. Peers show a desire to care, protect. Socialization is more successful than with partial infantilism.

Complications

The main complication of mental infantilism is social maladaptation. It occurs due to the inability to accept social norms, control behavior, assess the situation. Neurotic and personality disorders are formed: depression, anxiety, hysteroid psychopathy. The lag in emotional development leads to a secondary intellectual delay. Concrete-effective and visual-figurative thinking prevails, a tendency to an imitative type of activity when performing intellectual tasks, insufficient purposefulness of mental activity, weakness of logical memory. By the middle classes, educational failure is manifested.

Diagnostics

Diagnosis of mental infantilism is performed at preschool and senior school age. The reason for going to doctors is the difficulty of adapting the child to the conditions, regimen, workload of educational institutions. The survey includes:

• An interview with a psychiatrist. The specialist conducts a survey: clarifies the symptoms, their duration, severity, features of adaptation to school, kindergarten. Notes the behavioral and emotional reactions of the child: adequacy, the ability to keep a distance, maintain a productive conversation.
• Drawing tests. The techniques "Drawing of a man", "House, tree, man", "Non-existent animal" are used. Infantilism is manifested by the inability to keep the instruction, the humanization of the animal, the simplification of elements (straight trunk, hands) and other signs. The results are informative when examining preschoolers, younger schoolchildren.
• Situation interpretation tests. The methods "PAT", "CAT", the Rosenzweig frustration test are used. The perception of situations as playful, comic, funny is characteristic. It is difficult to explain the thoughts and feelings of people in the pictures. Methods are used to examine schoolchildren of various ages.
• Questionnaires. The use of the Leonhard-Shmishek Character Accentuation Questionnaire, a pathocharacterological diagnostic questionnaire, is widespread. According to the results, emotional instability, features of hysteroid, hyperthymic types are determined. The tests are suitable for diagnosing mental infantilism in patients older than 10-12 years.

The differential diagnosis of mental infantilism is carried out with oligophrenia, autism, behavioral disorders. The difference from mental retardation is the ability to think abstractly and logically, the ability to use help, to transfer acquired knowledge to new situations. Discrimination with autism is based on an assessment of social relationships: the child needs them, but establishes them with difficulty. Behavioral disorders are characterized by a wide variety of manifestations, progressive dynamics. Mental infantilism can be a prerequisite for psychopathy, a symptom of oligophrenia, autism.

Treatment of mental infantilism

Therapeutic measures are determined by the causes, the form of the disorder. With somatogenic and organic mental infantilism, efforts are directed at eliminating the underlying disease, with psychogenic - at psychotherapeutic correction. An integrated approach includes:

Forecast and prevention

Total mental infantilism has the most favorable prognosis: with psychological and pedagogical support, the child gradually becomes independent, active, and shows interest in research and creativity. Symptoms of the disorder disappear by 10-11 years of age. The disharmonious form of the syndrome requires a deeper and longer medical and psychological intervention, is associated with the risk of cognitive deficits, psychopathic personality development. The basis of prevention is proper education, orientation of parents to the actual needs of the child, the zone of his proximal development. It is necessary to encourage the child to be independent, to set an example of an adequate experience of failures, to focus on achieving goals.

Today we will analyze a completely ambiguous topic - infantilism. The term "infantility" comes from the word "infant".

From Wikipedia: Infante, the feminine form of infanta (Spanish: infante, Port: infant) is the title of all princes and princesses of the royal house in Spain and Portugal.

Infantilism (from lat. infantilis - children's)- this is immaturity in development, the preservation in the physical appearance or behavior of the features inherent in the previous age stages.

For a more complete picture, it should be noted that infantilism can be mental and psychological. And their main difference is not the external manifestation, but the causes of occurrence.

The external manifestations of mental and psychological infantilism are similar and they are expressed in the manifestation of childish traits in behavior, in thinking, in emotional reactions.

To understand the difference between mental and psychological infantilism, it is necessary to understand the causes of its occurrence.

Mental infantilism

It should also be noted here that infantile children differ from mentally retarded or autistic children. Their mental sphere can be developed, they can have a high level of abstract-logical thinking, they can apply the acquired knowledge, be intellectually developed and independent.

Mental infantilism cannot be detected in early childhood, it can only be noticed when a child of school or adolescence begins to predominate play interests over learning.

In other words, the child's interest is limited only by games and fantasies, everything that goes beyond this world is not accepted, not explored and is perceived as something unpleasant, complex, alien imposed from the outside.

Behavior becomes primitive and predictable; from any disciplinary requirements, the child goes even more into the world of play and fantasy. Over time, this leads to problems of social adaptation.

As an example, a child can play for hours on a computer, sincerely not understanding why you need to brush your teeth, make your bed, go to school. Everything outside the game is alien, unnecessary, incomprehensible.

It should be noted that the infantilism of a person born normal may be the fault of the parents. A frivolous attitude towards a child in childhood, a ban on making independent decisions for a teenager, a constant restriction of his freedom just leads to the underdevelopment of the emotional-volitional sphere.

Psychological infantilism

In general, the main difference between mental infantilism and psychological infantilism can be expressed as follows:

Mental infantilism: I can't even if I want to.

Psychological infantilism: I don't want to, even if I can.

The general theory is understandable. Now more specifically.

How does infantilism appear?

Again, according to psychologists, infantilism develops in the period from 8 to 12 years. Let's not argue, but just observe how it happens.

Between the ages of 8 and 12, a child can already take responsibility for their actions. But in order for a child to start doing independent things, he needs to be trusted. This is where the main “evil” lies, which leads to infantilism.

Here are some examples of childish upbringing:

• “Are you unable to write an essay? I will help, I used to write essays well, ”says my mother.

• "I know better what's right!"

• "If you listen to your mom, you'll be fine."

• "What opinion can you have!"

• "I said so be it!"

• “Your hands are growing out of the wrong place!”

• “Yes, you always have everything like not people.”

• "Go away, I'll do it myself."

• “Well, of course, whatever he does not undertake, he will break everything!”

• "You're still going to cry to me here!"

• “What are you yelling at? Painfully? You have to be patient."

• "Boys never cry!"

• "What are you yelling like crazy."

By and large, parents unconsciously suppress both will and feelings in the child.

This is one of the options. But there are others. For example, when a mother is raising a son (or daughter) alone. She begins to patronize the child more than he needs. She wants him to grow up to be some very famous, to prove to the whole world what a talent he is, so that his mother can be proud of him.

Key word - mother could be proud. In this case, you don’t even think about the child, the main thing is to satisfy your ambitions. Such a mother will be happy to find for her child an occupation that he will like, put all her strength and money into it, and take on all the difficulties that may arise during such a hobby.

So talented, but not adapted children grow up. Well, if then there is a woman who wants to serve this talent. And if not? And if it still turns out that there is essentially no talent. Guess what awaits such a child in life? And my mother will grieve: “Well, why is he like that! I've done so much for him!" Yes, not for him, but FOR HIM, that's why he is like that.

Another example is when parents do not have a soul in their child. Since childhood, he only hears how wonderful he is, how talented, how smart, and everything like that. The self-conceit of the child becomes so high that he is sure that he deserves more just like that and will not make any effort to achieve this more.

His parents will do everything for him and will watch with admiration how he breaks toys (he is so inquisitive), how he offends children in the yard (he is so strong), etc. And when faced with real difficulties in life, he will deflate like a bubble.

Another very vivid example of the birth of infantilism is the stormy divorce of parents, when the child feels unnecessary. Parents find out the relationship between themselves, and the hostage of these relationships is the child.

All the strength and energy of the parents is directed to “annoying” the other side. The child does not understand what is really happening and often begins to take responsibility for himself - dad left because of me, I was a bad son (daughter).

This burden becomes exorbitant and the emotional sphere is suppressed when the child does not understand what is happening to him, and there is no adult nearby who would help him understand himself and what is happening. The child begins to "withdraw into himself", close up and live in his own world, where he is comfortable and well. The real world is presented as something frightening, evil and unacceptable.

I think that you yourself can give many such examples, and maybe even recognize yourself or your parents in some ways. Any result of upbringing that leads to the suppression of the emotional-volitional sphere leads to infantilism.

Just do not rush to blame your parents for everything. It is very convenient and it is also one of the forms of manifestation of infantilism. Better look what you are doing with your children now.

You see, in order to educate a person, you yourself need to be a person. And in order for a conscious child to grow nearby, the parents must also be conscious. But is it really so?

Are you dumping anger on your children for your unresolved issues (emotional suppression)? Are you trying to impose your vision of life on children (suppression of the volitional sphere)?

We unconsciously make the same mistakes that our parents made, and if we are not aware of them, then our children will make the same mistakes in raising their children. Alas, it is.

Once again for understanding:

Mental infantilism is an undeveloped emotional-volitional sphere;

Psychological infantilism is a suppressed emotional-volitional sphere.

How does infantilism manifest itself?

And with psychological infantilism, a person can change his behavior when a motive appears, but most often he does not change it out of a desire to leave everything as it is.

Let's look at specific examples of the manifestation of infantilism.

A person has achieved success in science or in art, but in everyday life it turns out to be completely unadapted. In his activities, he feels like an adult and competent, but an absolute child in everyday life and in relationships. And he tries to find someone who will take over the area of ​​​​life in which you can remain a child.

Adult sons and daughters continue to live with their parents and do not create families of their own. With parents, everything is familiar and familiar, you can remain an eternal child, for whom all domestic problems will be solved.

To create your own family is to take responsibility for your life and face certain difficulties.

Suppose that it becomes unbearable to live with your parents, they also begin to demand something. If another person appears in a person’s life, to whom responsibility can be shifted, then he will leave his parental home and continue to lead the same lifestyle as with his parents - not to take on anything and not to answer for anything.

Only infantilism can push a man or woman to leave his family, to neglect his obligations in order to try to regain his bygone youth.

Constant change of work due to unwillingness to make efforts or gaining mythical experience.

The search for a "savior" or "magic pill" is also a sign of infantilism.

The main criterion can be called the inability and unwillingness to take responsibility for their lives, not to mention the lives of loved ones. And as they wrote in the comments: “The worst thing is to be with a person and know that you cannot rely on him at a critical moment! Such people create families, give birth to children and shift the responsibility to other shoulders!”

What does infantilism look like?

Infantile people can be compared to eternal children who do not particularly care about anything. Moreover, they are not only not interested in other people, but they do not want to take care of themselves (psychological infantilism) or cannot (mentally) take care of themselves.

If we talk about male infantilism, then this is definitely the behavior of a child who needs not a woman, but a mother who takes care of him. So many women fall for this bait, and then they begin to resent: “Why do I have to do it all the time? And earn money, and maintain a house, and take care of children, and build relationships. Is there a man around at all?

The question immediately arises: “A man? And who did you marry? Who was the initiator of acquaintance, meetings? Who decided how and where to spend a joint evening? Who kept thinking about where to go and what to do?” These questions are endless.

If from the very beginning you took everything upon yourself, invented and did everything yourself, and the man just obediently performed, then did you marry an ADULT MAN? It seems to me that you were married to a CHILD. Only you were so in love that you didn’t notice it right away.

What to do

And the last thing, if you saw in yourself the features of infantilism and decided to change something in yourself, but you don’t know how.

1. What to do if you have an infantile child.

Let's think together - what do you want to get as a result of raising a child, what are you doing and what needs to be done to get the desired result?

The task of each parent is to adapt the child as much as possible to an independent life without parents and teach him to live in interaction with other people so that he can create his own happy family.

There are several mistakes, as a result of which infantilism develops. Here is some of them.

Mistake 1. Sacrifice

Your own life seems to become unimportant compared to the life of a child. Parents can work at several jobs, be malnourished, lack sleep, not take care of themselves and their health, if only the child is doing well, if only he learns and grows up as a person. Most often, single parents do this.

At first glance, it seems that parents put their whole soul into the child, but the result is deplorable, the child grows up unable to appreciate his parents and the care they gave.

What is really happening. A child from an early age gets used to the fact that parents live and work only for the sake of his well-being. He gets used to getting everything ready. The question arises, if a person is used to getting everything ready, will he, then himself, be able to do something for himself or will he wait for someone to do it for him?

And besides, not just wait, but demand with your behavior that you must, because there is no experience to do something on your own, and it was the parents who did not give this experience, because everything has always been for him and only for his sake. He seriously does not understand why it should be different and how it is even possible.

And the child does not understand why and for what he should be grateful to his parents, if it should have been so. Sacrificing yourself is like ruining your life and the life of a child.

What to do. You need to start with yourself, learn to value yourself and your life. If parents do not value their own life, the child will take it for granted and will also not value the life of their parents, and, consequently, the lives of other people. For him, life for his sake will become the rule in relationships, he will use others and consider this absolutely normal behavior, because he was taught that way, he simply does not know how to do otherwise.

Think about it, is it interesting for a child to be with you if you have nothing to give besides caring for him? If nothing happens in your life that could attract a child to share your interests, to feel like a member of a community - a family?

And then why be surprised if the child finds entertainment on the side, such as drinking, drugs, thoughtless festivities, etc., because he is used to only getting what he is given. And how can he be proud of you and respect you if you are nothing of yourself, if all your interests are only around him?

Mistake 2. “I will part the clouds with my hands” or I will solve all the problems for you

What it looks like:

• "You're tired, rest, I'll finish it."

• “You still have time to work out! Let me do it for you."

• “You still have to do your homework, okay, go, I’ll wash the dishes myself.”

• “We need to agree with Marivanna so that she tells whoever needs you to go to study without any problems”

By and large, parents begin to feel sorry for their child, he is tired, he has a big load, he is small, he does not know life. And the fact that the parents themselves do not rest and their workload is no less, and not everyone themselves once knew, for some reason is forgotten about this.

All household work, the arrangement in life, falls on the shoulders of the parents. “This is my child, if I don’t take pity on him, if I don’t do something for him (read: for him), who else will take care of him? And after some time, when the child gets used to the fact that everything will be done for him, the parents are surprised why the child is not adapted to anything and they have to do everything themselves. But for him, this is the norm.

What does it lead to. A child, if it is a boy, will look for the same wife, behind whose back you can warmly settle down and hide from life's hardships. She will feed, wash and earn money, it is warm and reliable with her.

If the child is a girl, then she will look for a man who will play the role of a dad, who will solve all problems for her, support her and not burden her with anything.

What to do. First, pay attention to what your child is doing, what household duties he performs. If not any, then first of all it is necessary that the child has his own responsibilities.

It is not so difficult to teach a child to take out the garbage, wash the dishes, clean up toys and things, keep his room in order. But duties must not just be imputed, but taught how and what to do and explain why. In no case should such a phrase sound: “The main thing is that you study well, this is your duty, and I will do everything around the house myself.”

He must be held accountable for his duties. The child is tired, not tired, it doesn't matter, after all, you can rest and fulfill your duties, this is his responsibility. Don't you do that yourself? Is someone doing something for you? Your task is to learn not to regret and not to do the work for him, if you want him not to grow up infantile. It is pity and distrust that a child can do something well himself and does not make it possible to educate the volitional sphere.

Mistake 3. Excessive love, expressed in constant admiration, tenderness, elevation above the rest and permissiveness

As a result of such upbringing, the child is sure that the whole world should admire and indulge him. And if this does not happen, then everyone around is bad, incapable of love. Although it is he who is incapable of love, he has not been taught this.

As a result, he will choose a protective phrase: “I am who I am and accept me as I am, I don’t like it, I don’t hold it.” He will accept the love of others calmly, for granted, and, having no response inside, will hurt those who love him, including his parents.

Often this is perceived as a manifestation of selfishness, but the problem is much deeper, such a child does not have a developed emotional sphere. He simply has nothing to love. Being in the center of attention all the time, he did not learn to trust his feelings and the child did not develop a sincere interest in other people.

Another option is when parents “protect” their child who has knocked on the threshold in this way: “Oh, what a threshold is not good, offended our boy!”. From childhood, the child is inspired that everyone around is to blame for his troubles.

What to do. Again, it is necessary to start with parents, who also need to grow up and stop seeing their child as a toy, an object of adoration. A child is an independent autonomous person who, for development, needs to be in a real world, not a world invented by his parents.

The child must see and experience the whole gamut of feelings and emotions without running away or suppressing them. And the task of parents is to learn how to adequately respond to the manifestation of emotions, not to prohibit, not to calm unnecessarily, but to sort out all the situations that caused negative emotions.

It is not at all necessary that someone else is “bad” and therefore your child is crying, look at the situation as a whole, what your child did wrong, teach him not to dwell on himself, but to go towards people himself, showing sincere interest in them and find ways out of difficult situations without blaming others and yourself. But for this, as I already wrote, parents themselves need to grow up.

Mistake 4. Clear attitudes and rules

They believe that all education lies in command and subordination. But they don’t think at all that they deprive the child of the ability to think independently and take responsibility for their actions.

As a result, they raise a soulless and thoughtless robot that needs clear instructions. And then they themselves suffer from the fact that if they didn’t say something, then the child didn’t do it. Here, not only the volitional, but also the emotional sphere is suppressed, because the child does not need to notice the emotional states of both his own and other people, and it becomes the norm for him to act only according to instructions. The child lives in constant obsession with actions and complete emotional neglect.

What does this lead to? A person does not learn to think and becomes unable to think on his own, he constantly needs someone who will give him clear instructions on what, how and when to do, he will always be to blame for others, those who did not “correct” his behavior, did not say what to do and how to act.

Such people will never take the initiative, and will always wait for clear and specific instructions. They will not be able to solve any complex problems.

What to do in such cases? Learn to trust the child, let him do something wrong, you just analyze the situation later and find the right solution together, together, and not for him. Talk more with the child, ask him to express his opinion, do not ridicule if you do not like his opinion.

And most importantly, do not criticize, but analyze the situation, what was done wrong and how it could have been done differently, constantly being interested in the opinion of the child. In other words, the child must be taught to think and reflect.

Mistake 5. “I myself know what the child needs”

Whims are fleeting desires, and true desires are what a child dreams of. The purpose of such behavior of parents is the realization by the child of what the parents themselves could not realize (as options - family traditions, fictional images of the unborn child). By and large, they make a “second self” out of a child.

Once, in childhood, such parents dreamed of becoming musicians, famous athletes, great mathematicians, and now they are trying to realize their childhood dreams through a child. As a result, the child cannot find a favorite activity for himself, and if he does, then the parents take it with hostility: “I know better what you need, so you will do what I tell you.”

What does it lead to. To the fact that the child will never have a goal at all, he will never learn to understand his desires, and will always be dependent on the desires of others and is unlikely to achieve any success in realizing the desires of his parents. He will always feel out of place.

What to do. Learn to listen to the desires of the child, be interested in what he dreams of, what attracts him, teach him to express his desires out loud. Observe what attracts your child, what he enjoys doing. Never compare your child to others.

Remember, the desire that your child will become a musician, artist, famous athlete, mathematician - these are your desires, not the child's. Trying to instill your desires in a child, you will make him deeply unhappy or achieve the opposite result.

Mistake 6. "Boys don't cry"

And if you don’t know something, then often the choice is made towards leaving or banning. As a result, by forbidding a child to express his emotions, parents, by and large, forbid the child to feel, and ultimately - to live life to the fullest.

What does it lead to. Growing up, the child cannot understand himself, and he needs a "guide" who will explain to him what he feels. He will trust this person and completely depend on his opinion. Hence conflicts arise between the mother and the wife of a man.

The mother will say one thing, and the wife another, and each will prove that exactly what she says, the man feels. As a result, the man simply steps aside, giving women the opportunity to "deal" with each other.

What is really happening to him, he does not know and will follow the decision of the one that will win this war. As a result, he will always live someone else's life, but not his own, and when he does not get to know himself.

What to do. Let your child cry, laugh, express himself emotionally, do not rush to calm down in this way: “Well, okay, everything will work out”, “boys don’t cry”, etc. When a child is in pain, do not hide from his feelings, make it clear that you would also be hurt in a similar situation, and you understand him.

Show empathy, let the child get acquainted with the whole gamut of feelings without suppression. If he is happy about something, rejoice with him, if he is sad, listen to what worries him. Show interest in the child's inner life.

Mistake 7. Transferring your emotional state to the child

The child becomes a hostage to the parent's dissatisfaction and is unable to resist it. This leads to the fact that the child “turns off”, suppresses his emotional sphere and chooses psychological protection from the parent “withdrawal”.

What does it lead to. Growing up, the child ceases to "hear", closes, and often simply forgets what was said to him, perceiving any words addressed to him as an attack. He has to repeat the same thing ten times in order for him to hear or give some kind of feedback.

From the outside, this looks like indifference or disregard for the words of others. It is difficult to come to an understanding with such a person, because he never expresses his opinion, and more often this opinion simply does not exist.

What to do. Remember: the child is not to blame for the fact that your life does not go the way you want. Not getting what you want is your problem, not his fault. If you need to blow off steam, find more environmentally friendly ways - scrub floors, rearrange furniture, go to the pool, increase physical activity.

Uncleaned toys, not washed dishes - this is not the reason for your breakdown, but only a reason, the reason is inside you. In the end, it is your responsibility to teach your child to clean up toys, wash dishes.

I have shown only the main errors, but there are many more.

The main condition for your child not to grow up infantile is to recognize him as an independent and free person, a manifestation of your trust and sincere love (not to be confused with adoration), support, not violence.

Eternal children, dependent and naive, avoiding responsibility - all these are the characteristics of an infant. Infantilism is the result of the destructive. What kind of actions educate the infantile, who are the infants, how do they and those around them live? Let's figure it out.

Infantilism - personal immaturity, developmental delay, stuck in previous stages of development. An infant is called an adult or teenager with childlike features in behavior or appearance.

The infants lag behind in the development of the emotional-volitional sphere, they are not able to make serious life decisions, avoid responsibility, react childishly to difficulties (whims, tears, screams, insults).

What about the relationship between adults and children exist? First of all, the social difference in positions is recognized, which means that children are pitied, they are forgiven a lot, they are not beaten, they do not wait for constructive permission, they do not demand anything important and they do not expect much - “a child, what to take from him”. So the infant puts on this mask so that they don’t touch him, don’t offend him, don’t sort things out, defend him, give way.

Both men and women are susceptible to infantilism, but it is more common in the former. Is there among your acquaintances a "child" of 30-40 (or 20) years old, living with mom and dad, sitting on their neck? This is a real infant. Older children rarely start families, often tired parents begin to offer their child one or another option, but he is already fine: they will feed him, wash the dishes, wash and buy clothes. If the marriage can be concluded, then the role of mother falls on the shoulders of the wife. The husband plays the computer, eats, sleeps, sometimes works, but in family relationships he plays the role of a child.

Female infantilism is more often manifested in burning life, going to clubs, karaoke, casinos. Adult girls avoid having children, marriage, housekeeping. They are supported either by parents or "sponsors".

Infant or creative person?

Infantilism is often confused with. Non-standard, spontaneous people who love everything bright, unusual, new are called infantile. However, this is far from the case. Creative personalities have infantile traits (otherwise a person would not be able to use and create so actively), but they are not infants if this does not interfere with their life and relationships.

How to distinguish a creative person from an infantile one? The first, no matter how she looks, and no matter what she is fond of, is responsible for herself and other people, independently earns a living, pays her bills on time, does not forget to eat and take care of her appearance, knows how to resolve conflicts and discuss problems. Behind pink hair, a unicorn sweater and a cartoon lover may be the most responsible and diligent person you know. And for those around him, he is the best support.

The Infanta, on the other hand, always needs someone to take care of. He does not know how to keep track of time, his appearance, life. The Infante is not able to speak openly about his needs (let them guess), to provide for himself. He tries to remake people and refuses to work on himself and relationships. By the way, his wardrobe and hairstyle can be the most conservative.

Signs of an infant

Recognizing an infantile person is easy, because everyone knows how children behave. Here the infant seems to be an adult, but himself:

• (there is only his opinion and wrong, only his feelings, needs and interests; the world revolves around his personality);
• playful (the game is the leading type of activity in childhood, it also remains predominant in the infant, this means not only games directly or virtual space, but also clubs, bars, entertainment, shopping);
• dependent (poorly developed in the infant, he follows the path of less resistance and life in pleasure, avoids solving problems);
• irresponsible (categorically denies responsibility for their actions and life, shifts it to others (as a rule, these people are easily found);
• insolvent (lives one day, does not think about the future, health and material well-being);
• unable to evaluate and know himself (the infant does not know how to learn from the events that have happened and accumulate experience);
• prone to dependency (inability or unwillingness to serve themselves).

Causes of infantilism

Infantilism is laid in childhood, when parents:

• forbid the child to show independence, especially during the period;
• do not trust the child, overly control and patronize;
• severely punished for disobedience (manifestation of independence), which discourages the desire to try to do something yourself;
• suppress the will, feelings and personality of the child (convince him of insolvency, criticize, compare with others in a negative way);
• do not want to recognize the growing up of the child, let go of themselves;
• force the child to realize the unfulfilled dreams and ambitions of the parents;
• they cultivate the personality of the child, indulge him, bring him up as an idol of the family (a conviction is formed in superiority over others, permissiveness).

In addition, being stuck in childhood can be a defensive reaction, a way to survive. For example, the divorce of parents or a childhood lost for another reason can provoke infantilism.

In each person, according to, live a child, an adult and a parent. In the infanta, the conflict between the parent and the child reigns, which results in children's reactions of opposition.

How to get rid

To get rid of infantilism, it is not necessary to contact a psychologist. Sometimes his help is required, but we are talking about special cases caused by severe psychological trauma. Otherwise, you can adjust the behavior yourself:

1. Learn rationality. The infantile man lives. Make it a rule not to make decisions right away. Set a time limit (for example, 5 minutes) during which you must analyze the situation.
2. Learn to understand other people's feelings. Every day, force yourself to be interested in the opinions of other people, especially in controversial situations. You do not have to take someone else's point of view, but you must be able to hear and understand it.
3. Get rid of egocentrism. You are not the only person on the planet. You do not need to sacrifice yourself, but you need to develop a sound and. All social relationships are built on mutual respect and concessions.
4. Move away from the position of “want or don’t want”, get acquainted with the terms “should” and “should”. Each person has not only desires and rights, but also duties. Ask your family what responsibilities you have.
5. Before talking about yourself, take an interest in the affairs of another person, ask if he is tired after a working day, how his day went. Infantes talk more than they listen.
6. Learn to make decisions. Not only your own life will help in this, but also the events of films or articles, world current topics. Every day, analyze some case in relation to yourself.
7. Learn to plan your day, week, month, coming years. Make a to-do list right now.
8. Learn to set immediate and distant goals, determine your capabilities and ways to achieve these goals.
9. Prioritize with far-reaching perspectives. What do you want to become? What do you need for this? What do you need to donate? Every time you're torn between want and need, make a list of gains and losses for both. What ultimately outweighs the value, then choose.
10. Provide yourself with a stable source of income, rent a house, think about buying your own house (apartment). If you live with someone, make a daily contribution: clean, cook meals, help financially, etc.
11. Ask family and friends to help you grow up: to trust, not to rush to the rescue without asking, not to make decisions for you. You need to be in order to learn to take responsibility for your life. Close people are needed for support so that the infant does not drink himself or die in another way, but you need to stop living life for him. I have a toothache? The infant must himself make an appointment with the doctor and go to the appointment. Doesn't go? So, the tooth does not hurt so much. Delayed treatment, and the tooth needs to be removed? This is an experience. The main thing is that at such moments, others should not rush with attacks (“You see what you brought yourself to again”), but support (“Yes, it turned out badly, but now you know what you need to do, and you won’t let it happen next time”) .
12. Get rid of romanticism, nihilism and cynicism. Realism is necessary for a productive life, but one can become a realist only through practice, through personal experience.

Forget old grievances, get rid of the fear of failure and criticism. Parents offended you because they themselves were deeply unhappy and. All people make mistakes. Ask people you know about their mistakes and the lessons they learned. Mistakes are very useful things. They help to develop, become smarter and more interesting.

The infantilism of a child is the fruit of the efforts of the parents. To recover, you need to separate from your mother and (or) father, and not so much physically (to move) and financially (find a job), but psychologically. Infantile people always hear the voice of a critical or protective parent in their head, even if the parent himself is not alive. As long as the inner parent persists, tension also persists, which means the desire to go into one's own world or reproduce old childish behavior patterns.

Psychological infantilism of the first type(according to V.V. Kovalev) is based on a delay in the development of the frontal lobes of the brain, due to the described objective factors and improper upbringing. As a result, the child retards the formation of an understanding of the norms of behavior and communication, the development of the concepts of “no” and “should”, a sense of distance in relations with adults. He is not able to correctly assess the situation, change behavior in accordance with its requirements, and also to foresee the development of events and, therefore, possible dangers and threats.

Such children are distinguished from others by their naivety, unsuitability, their behavior does not correspond to their age. Often they act imprudently, carelessly, without imagining that someone can offend them. At the same time, infantile children are capable of original thinking, they feel artistic beauty and music.

Children with a simple form of mental infantilism in behavior are estimated to be 1-2 years younger than their true age. A mentally infantile child is very cheerful, emotional, but “out of age” - a child of 4-5 years old resembles a 2-3-year-old. He is ready to play and have fun endlessly and encourages family members to play and have fun with him.

An infantile child will tease his grandmother, begging him to read to him or play with toys, even if the grandmother is upset or unwell, and this is noticeable. Their childishness captivates adults. The whole family admires “baby” or “our boy” until the need for their adaptation in kindergarten or in the first grade of school sobers up the parents, prompting them to consult a psychiatrist for the child. Their infancy is too long. And infantile children do not want to grow up, for them the future does not seem to exist, they are "lingered" in the present.

Such children are extremely wealthy and do not know how, because everything that requires skills, efforts, has been and is being done for them. They do not want to dress and eat on their own, they ask to be “handled” ... Apparently, the family once encouraged such behavior!

And here is the result: it is time for an infantile child to go to school, but he is not ready for it. But the child turns six, and then seven, and still has to go to school. An infantile child encounters independent children of his own age and at first is surprised, and then upset - hard, to the point of hysterical neurosis. The infantile child is ready to become difficult.
In the language of doctors, it sounds something like this: "Children's infantilism can be replaced by personal disharmony and end with hysteroid-type psychopathy."

Immaturity in the second variant of mental infantilism(harmonic infantilism, according to G.E. Sukhareva) concerns not only mental, but also physical development.

The child not only behaves inappropriately for age, but also looks like a 3-year-old at 5 years old. He is small in stature, weighs little, graceful, miniature, but weak and fragile. It evokes tenderness, a desire to protect him. Not lagging behind in the development of speech and motor skills, he timely masters all the skills and abilities, drawing, counting and reading; often he is musical, emotionally alive, but, as in the first version, the maturation of higher orientational functions is delayed.

Time passes, and the child is not ready to communicate with peers and is extremely dependent. Its fragility, diminutiveness cause alarm in parents. The child has a poor appetite and is often ill, in contrast to children with the first variant of mental infantilism. He can be a little naughty, but more often he is quiet. He is not demanding and not capricious, affectionate and obedient. Such a child does not exhaust the parents, but causes aching pity. Parents are worried, afraid for him, but this is precisely the danger lurking.

The child comes to the kindergarten, and the teachers instinctively begin to protect him. The same is true at school - the teacher leads such a child by the hand, does not let go of herself, involuntarily reduces the requirements for him. Everyone accepts his childishness, and even in games he is given the role of a little one; peers protect him, console him, and the child accepts the role assigned to him. She is comfortable and pleasant. He does not want to grow up in his school years. In adulthood, on this basis, the types of a man-son, a woman-daughter are formed, the guardianship of which is taken over by the spouses.

In such children, when entering school, in response to ordinary educational tasks, neurotic reactions and behavioral disorders may occur: psychologically, they are not ready to accept and fulfill school requirements. In the classroom, they, like preschoolers, turn any school situation into a game. During the lesson, they can come up to the teacher and cuddle, use teaching supplies as toys. The teacher's remarks are either ignored or offended.

The mentally infantile according to the second variant has no feeling of failure. He accepts himself for who he is. Accordingly, he rarely develops a neurosis. An anxious upbringing reinforces his infantilism, and, protected by a special attitude towards himself, he is not anxious. Meanwhile, proper education can lead away from infantilism. In this case, a little later, by the age of 6-8, the child’s higher mental functions mature, he acquires the qualities of masculinity and, after puberty is completed, differs from his peers only in his small stature and diminutiveness with physical strength and normal health.

Mentally infantile according to the second version of the child is not rushed with development. He will follow his peers, lagging behind them for about a year, and by the beginning of his studies at school he will catch up with them. Physical weakness and small stature compensates for the development of dexterity. And again we see - education is everything!

By the age of 10-12, children, as a rule, straighten out. But sometimes the pace of maturation is so slow that, already as teenagers, they are eager to travel, imagine themselves as famous characters, dream of exploits and discoveries. Striving for new experiences, they often run away from home, spend the night with casual acquaintances, get into adventurous stories, sometimes with a tragic outcome (this is another danger associated with infantilism!)

Parents should be wary of the development of the third variant of mental infantilism. A child is born mentally and physically healthy, but by protecting him from life, his socialization is artificially delayed by the egocentric or anxiously suspicious nature of upbringing.

This often happens with parents who have been expecting their first child for a long time. The whole family can't get enough of the baby! The most interesting children's age is from 2 to 3 years. And parents unconsciously want to keep the child in it and succeed in this. Improper upbringing makes a healthy child immature, the development of the frontal functions of the brain is artificially delayed.

The child is forgiven everything, they try to make his life easier. But after all, outside his home, fate will not treat him so carefully! Overprotective parents, think about it: after five and a half years, your child may already be in such a state as if he had been brain damaged!

What are the signs of infantilism developing according to the third option? Physically, the baby is developed absolutely normally, but behaves like a child: he can interrupt the teacher, endlessly ask to go to the toilet or go home; at home, he seeks only to play, does not perform household duties. He does not recognize the refusal of anything, ignores the state of the parents. He is capricious, demanding and hysterical, his childishness no longer pleases anyone.
With the third variant of mental infantilism, a path to hysterical neurosis is possible.

One of the most striking types of attitude towards a child on the part of relatives and one of the grossest pedagogical mistakes is raising him to a pedestal.
From an early age, a child with average data gets used to the fact that he is adored in any case; each of his success is perceived as proof of his giftedness, superiority over others; each of his losses is experienced by the whole family; each of his rivals is considered his worst enemy - this is how inflated self-esteem is formed.

Face to face with reality, the child can experience a real shock. And, having retained the habit of living in a greenhouse that protects him from universal adversity, most likely, he will strive to live in this greenhouse or its imitation.

Tips for parents of infantile children.(Author - psychologist A. Tomilova).

1. The child must know his systematic duties, as well as the measures of reprimand for their failure. But at the same time, he needs to be allowed to play. With preschoolers and younger schoolchildren, you need to play everything that occurs in their lives: in the “kindergarten”, in the “hospital”, in the “school”, where they must play a strong, positive role.

2. An infantile child strives for children younger than himself, so encourage him to communicate with his peers, teach him to cooperate with them, forgive insults, and resolve conflicts.

3. Even in relation to obsessive infantile children, “negative attention” should be avoided - shouting, ridicule, threats of punishment, since the child can be content with these forms of attention (for lack of others) and in the future strive to provoke them.

4. It is harmful for any child to have a discrepancy between the requirements of the school and the family or different family members. Duties and prohibitions recognized by all family members will enable the child to feel responsible first for small, and then for serious decisions.

5. If you have been consulting with your child since childhood, discussing important family matters with him (he can offer any detail, and family members will accept it), then he will feel his importance.

6. If the child is not ready for school by the age of 7, it is better to detain him for a year and at the age of 8 send him to a school with a formed position of a student. The desire to learn, the desire for mental work, responsibility must first be formed on an easy, accessible material. Success awakens self-confidence, relieves tension and creates emotional comfort.

7. Encourage children to be independent and make their own decisions. The child should be allowed to try his hand. If he raves about football or dancing, give him the opportunity to express himself in what attracts him so much. Probably, he himself will later decide that he is still more attracted.

8. It must be remembered that up to a certain age, the opinion of parents and authoritative adults is also the opinion of the child. If a mother screams tragically every time the baby writes a squiggle a little longer or shorter than necessary in a notebook, then the child will be much more nervous! Children tend to exaggerate a lot. Treat unpleasant situations easier, and your child will not inherit increased anxiety, a sense of compromised security, bad luck, and trouble from you. Do not program the fate of your child, give him the opportunity to create it on his own!

Based on the materials of the book by T.B. Anisimova "Your child goes to school."