Is the midlife crisis in women so terrible and how to overcome it. Age crises in women: features, symptoms, solution

The concept of "midlife crisis" is more often associated with males. Does this crisis happen to women? And how does it flow?

What is a midlife crisis?

The term itself was introduced in 1965 by Canadian psychoanalyst Elliot Jacquet. The famous Carl Jung considered this crisis a normal stage of growing up. Eric Erickson, who divided human life into eight stages of development, viewed this crisis as a transitional phase in the period of so-called "middle maturity." He believed that at this time a person can change his life in such a way that in his declining years he feels satisfied.

But do not forget that the key word here is "crisis". According to experts, it begins with the realization that life has probably been lived in vain. People “look back and see unachieved goals and missed opportunities,” hence doubts arise, “confusion, boredom and anger,” psychologist Ekaterina Shumakova comments.

When does the crisis start?

Most often, the aforementioned crisis begins at the age of a little over 40. Perhaps because it is during this period that people show the first signs of aging.

Of course, the fair sex is especially panicking about this. For many of them, the loss of youth and attractiveness is a disaster. Hormonal changes cannot be discounted. The most difficult, according to psychologists, is for those women who do not have a family and children: they begin to feel that they have lived their lives in vain. But even wives and mothers are not immune to a midlife crisis. Sometimes a woman realizes that her children no longer need her, and with her husband they have long been strangers. Sometimes she realizes that, giving herself to the family, she did not realize herself in the professional sphere. Sometimes, on the contrary, while pursuing a career, “launched” a family ...

In part, the crisis is facilitated by the cult of happiness that has taken root in society. Work and marriage are considered the basis of happiness. John Jacobs, MD, in All You Need Is Love and Other Lies About Marriage, writes: “Today we are dominated by the idea that our work and marriage will bring us pleasure or a significant contribution to our happiness.”

midlife crisis symptoms

The arrival of a crisis can be determined by the following symptoms: you experience constant boredom and apathy; you have unmotivated mood swings, self-deprecating thoughts and actions.

It is not so rare when a man after 40 finds himself a young mistress, or even divorces his wife of the same age, changing her to a 20-25-year-old. But what happens to the woman? She, too, sometimes "covers". Realizing that everything in her life is not going the way she wants, she changes her style, wardrobe, makes herself plastic surgery, and again, she leaves her husband and finds a young lover. Can change occupation, move to another country ...

“Now we have much more opportunities to resist dissatisfaction,” says Ekaterina Shumakova. “In the past, people stayed in the same job and didn’t get divorced throughout their lives. Now, even in the current crisis, people leave their jobs, and every second marriage ends in divorce. The opportunity to achieve a higher level of satisfaction becomes a powerful driving force, it is becoming increasingly difficult to resist.”

But the changes that the midlife crisis pushes us to do not always turn out to be positive. Having tried to drastically change our lives, we often find ourselves with a broken trough, we are disappointed.

How to overcome the crisis?

Experts advise, before indulging in all serious, try to stop the crisis.

Review your lifestyle. You should, if possible, give up bad habits and switch to a healthy diet. To feel alert and active, go in for sports. At least exercise daily: this will help tighten the muscles and reduce body fat, which are so often a cause for sad reflections.

Communicate more often with loved ones. Do not withdraw into yourself, share your experiences with friends and family - with those who can sympathize with you and give advice.

Do not get hung up on unfulfilled desires, plans and hopes. Better often remember the achievements and joys that were in your life.

Find meaning in your life. It can be a job, a hobby, some kind of social activity. If you are constantly aware of what the world needs, then, most likely, a midlife crisis can be avoided.

DARIA LUBIMSKAYA

Oddly enough, but for a long time it was believed that the midlife crisis is an exclusively male problem. And for a woman, only menopause is characteristic. But at the same time, no one took into account that changes in the internal state of a woman begin much earlier - already after the 40-year milestone. Based on this, the theory was derived that women also suffer from a midlife crisis.

What is a midlife crisis in a woman?

The midlife crisis of a woman is characterized by the loss of the meaning of her life, which leads to a change in personality, dissatisfaction and a depressive state. The main cause of the crisis is considered to be a revaluation of values, as certain experience has been accumulated over the years. As a result, the outlook on life changes.

Unlike men, it is much more difficult for women to survive this condition, so no one takes this crisis seriously. Usually, by the age of 40, children grow up and begin to live an independent life, parents are no longer interested. And husbands perceive the psychological changes of their wife as an ordinary whim or grouchiness. So women have to cope with this disease on their own.

Features of the course of the crisis

Every woman experiences a midlife crisis differently. Because life priorities affect it. For example, if a woman devoted all her youth to children, then when they grow up, they cease to need care, as a result of which the mother feels her lack of demand and begins to suffer. But grandchildren will help speed up the end of the crisis, because the woman will feel needed again. The crisis is especially difficult for those who did not have time to have children. Thoughts begin to creep into the head of women that life has been lived in vain, no one needs them and will remain in splendid isolation in their old age. Especially if women do not have a husband.

midlife crisis symptoms

Symptoms of women with a midlife crisis may not appear immediately. It is very ambiguous, as it depends on the nature of the person. One representative of the weaker sex can be capricious and cry, and the other, on the contrary, show aggression. For this reason, all signs of a crisis characteristic of women should be considered:

Some women begin an active struggle with aging. They use expensive creams, make masks too often, visit cosmetologists and even decide on plastic surgery. This is due to the fact that a woman develops depression, because against the background of young girls she does not look so beautiful and charming. The fact is that during a midlife crisis (MSV), if it has developed due to aging, a woman is not able to realize that age-related changes are a normal phenomenon.
Behavior is changing. Instead of acting according to her age category, a woman begins to wear sexy and revealing clothes, trying to keep attention on herself.
Some of the fair sex completely change their social circle to a younger contingent.
A woman can speak the slang of youth and even take a lover much younger than her.
Having lived with her husband for many years, a woman may suddenly realize that he is not destined for her and file for divorce.
A woman can radically change her life - find a new job, take training courses, change her place of residence, etc.
They begin to be active - go in for sports, tourism and generally live "to the fullest".
Aggression or tearfulness may appear.
A woman stops thinking about tomorrow and making plans for the future, believing that her time has passed.
Some individuals decide on another child and they do not care what others say.
And other women begin to actively attribute to themselves non-existent problems and diseases.

The main reasons for the development of the crisis

All the reasons for the development of a midlife crisis in women are associated with psychology, physiology and life circumstances. There are several of them:

At one “beautiful” moment, a woman realizes that children no longer need her. Especially if the children get married, get married or leave to study in another city. And this testifies to the coming old age, which cannot but depress. As a result, she is forced to change her usual way of life.
The realization that a woman may not have time to realize all her ideas and plans, because old age is approaching.
Due to age, responsibility to all family members increases, which makes it impossible to engage in their hobbies.
The absence of children or a husband develops a midlife crisis. A woman regrets that she could not give birth to a child, keep her husband, etc., and now this is impossible to do.
Every woman dreams of a young partner. If it appears after 40 years, then others perceive this fact negatively. A woman realizes this and she develops a sense of shame, and then depression.
It also happens that the cause of SWR is satisfaction from all your desires. This leads to the fact that a woman understands: everything in life has been achieved, there is nothing to strive for.
Lack of energy and strength, frequent fatigue. This reason is present mainly among active women who are used to doing several things at the same time, participating in the life of a work team and, in general, solving many problems in a day. Due to age-related changes in the human body, working capacity decreases, which leads to a midlife crisis.
Changes in appearance play the most important role in the development of depression.
Hormonal failure contributes to the fact that the body's metabolism slows down, and this leads to a rapid set of extra pounds. Plus, losing excess weight becomes more problematic.

How to overcome a midlife crisis for a woman

The choice of the method of overcoming the midlife crisis in each individual case is individual. Because it depends on the cause of the problem and the symptoms that appear. For example, if the SWR is accompanied by increased aggressiveness, then the woman is recommended to take sedatives (sedatives). If, on the contrary, tearfulness and despondency are observed, you need to eat foods that contribute to the production of the hormone of joy. In this case, the abundance of fresh vegetables, fruits and berries on the table helps a lot. Other methods of overcoming the crisis:

If the reason is separation from your husband, do not be upset and believe that fate has prepared for you a more reliable person, on whose shoulder you can lean on in old age.
When growing up children, do not give up, because at any age they need maternal care and guardianship. It just seems like they don't need their mother anymore. In fact, it is at a young and slightly older age that children consciously approach motherly love. So just sit down and talk to your matured child. As a last resort, you can take care of neighborhood children or orphans. Many psychologists even recommend rejoicing that now children live separately. Because you will have a lot of time for personal needs. What can we say about the possibility of resuming a romantic relationship with her own husband!
You definitely need to part with the past and understand that every age has its charms. Of course, youth cannot be returned, but you have a lot of experience behind you and gained wisdom. This fact puts you above any young beauty. It is very important to accept your changed body - wrinkles, cellulite and other changes. Understand that this body has served you for more than 40 years, so it deserves respect from you. You can get plastic surgery, but is it necessary? Love yourself for who you are. If you cannot do this on your own, seek help from a psychologist, go to a training, read the relevant literature.
Believe in a wonderful future, because at any age a person can experience moments of happiness. Think about the fact that when you retire, you can afford to manage your time as you see fit. You will have the opportunity to go to distant relatives, visit museums and theaters, go to meetings with friends, go on vacation.
Now you can rightfully consider yourself as a mentor for the younger generation. Whether it's family or work. In any case, they will listen to you and even ask for advice, like a wiser and more experienced person.
In the end, you will be able to behave naturally in any society. This will give you optimism.
Find yourself a new hobby or hobby, thanks to which you will not have time for sad thoughts about your own fate and age.
Rest more, take walks in the fresh air, if necessary, take medication to improve the condition of the body. Thanks to this, irritability and depression in general can be avoided.
You need to keep setting goals for yourself and strive to achieve them. Thus, you will not lose the stimulus to life.
No need to try to radically change your life, continue to live in the usual rhythm and never think about the bad.

How to prevent the development of a midlife crisis

Not a single woman is immune from a midlife crisis, but some of the fair sex, nevertheless, manage to avoid it. Because there are little tricks that you should not forget about:

The most important thing is to maintain a positive mood and attitude towards life at any age. Because this is the only way you can look at the world through rose-colored glasses. Enjoying every moment of life, you will have no time to pay attention to other little things.
From the age of 30, make it a rule to develop healthy habits, because this will make it possible to maintain the necessary energy supply, strength and normal metabolism for many years to come. That is, you will not feel tired ahead of time, depression will not visit you, and you will not acquire extra pounds. To achieve this result, you need to give preference to proper nutrition and a healthy lifestyle. Don't stop exercising even after 40.
Keep mentally young. In other words, stay young at heart.
Communicate more with positive people, relatives and friends. This will help build a relationship of trust so that when a crisis hits, people will help and support you.
If throughout your life you are often visited by a depressive state, be sure to visit a psychologist and sign up for trainings. Because without professional help, it will be difficult for you to avoid a midlife crisis.

Features of the crisis age at 50 years old

It turns out that if a woman did not have a turning point before the age of 50, then it can occur at this age. Only now the crisis manifests itself a little differently, since after 40 years enough years have passed, the woman no longer pays much attention to changes in appearance. Because she had time to get used to age-related changes. Therefore, the main reasons are physiology, that is, the onset of menopause. During this period, a woman may not control her serious actions, to the point that she will be capable of treason. Therefore, at this age, it is very important to contact a psychologist.

If you cannot avoid a midlife crisis, you need to properly prioritize and analyze all the circumstances that contribute to the aggravation of the problem. And remember that turning points can be turned in a different direction - to change life for the better, filling it with new meaning!

Hello, dear guests of my site! Today we will talk about the problem that almost all women face when they reach a certain age.

It turns out that a psychological crisis can occur not only in adolescence or at, but also after crossing the 30-year milestone.

So, let's look at the main symptoms of a midlife crisis in women after 30 years.

First you need to figure out how such a crisis manifests itself. It happens at the age of 30 or starts a little later. Sometimes women are so immersed in problems that they no longer know how to overcome them on their own.

In such a situation, the help of a specialist may be needed. Some suffer greatly, while others can go unnoticed.

Much depends on the characteristics of the character and a certain life situation. As the reviews of doctors confirm, this condition can provoke the occurrence of various diseases.

It can be diseases of the digestive, cardiovascular or nervous system.
Many psychologists believe that the crisis manifests itself at the age of 30-40 years. It is important to pay attention to your inner state and not be afraid to face difficulties.

You can find out what psychology says about this. A crisis often occurs when the meaning of life is lost.

At the same time, there is a reassessment of values, approximately as in adolescence.

Causes of the crisis

To figure out what to do in a crisis situation, you need to understand the causes of its occurrence.

Here's what can cause this problem:

Failures in personal life. Many women who are not married before the age of 30 experience low self-esteem, depression and uncertainty about the future. Married people may also experience disappointment in family life. At the same time, fatigue from constant worries arises. .
The first signs of aging appear. Symptoms such as the appearance of facial wrinkles, sagging skin and cellulite may appear.
Career issues. If a lot was assigned to a career, then if there is no career advancement, a crisis period begins.
Comparison with other people's achievements. If a woman failed, did not buy a good home and did not give birth to a child, in general, did not achieve something in life by the age of 30, then she may experience shame on an unconscious level. At the same time, friends who have achieved a lot can increase feelings of guilt.

Even very successful women can feel the crisis. At the same time, an indifferent attitude to previous successes arises.

How long this condition lasts depends on many factors. Difficulties of a personal nature can become a very serious problem.

The following questions may arise:

Misunderstanding on the part of a beloved man.
The unwillingness of the second half to have children.
Constant quarrels for various reasons.
Doubts about choosing a partner in life.

Signs of a Crisis

When a crisis can occur depends on many factors. In any case, you need to be able to define it.
Here are the characteristic signs of an unpleasant condition:

The mood becomes too changeable.
There is tension in relationships with others.
I want to move to another city or country, or even quit my job.
Reality ceases to meet expectations. There is a feeling of unrealized possibilities.
Everything around seems to have lost its meaning.
Constant discovery of new problems. At the same time, the state accompanies a lot of negative emotions and a pessimistic view of what is happening.
There are thoughts of old age. The thirty-year milestone is perceived as the end of youth.
Birthdays no longer bring joy. And it becomes a sad date.
Desire to change. Thoughts arise about changing appearance, moving to another place, changing jobs, or even divorce.
Disappointment in loved ones is accompanied by frequent scandals and resentment.

Characteristics of the signs will help to understand what torments at one time or another. In this case, the symptoms do not appear all at once.

Usually one appears brightly, and the rest complement the state. Even if at least a couple of signs are present, this is an alarming signal.

How to overcome the crisis

Consider how to survive an unpleasant period. There are different views on the problem. Some experts believe that you need to wait.

In fact, time will only get rid of the symptoms, not the real cause.
Let's see what can be done:

Take some of the responsibility off yourself. Significant workloads and the habit of shouldering everything on your shoulders will not help in the fight against the crisis. Make your life easier for at least a couple of months.
Relive an old hobby or pick up a new one. Doing what you love to do to relieve stress. What do you like to sew, take pictures or run in the stadium? It's time to remember what makes you happy.
Spend more time with your husband, family and friends. Spending time together will help build relationships. You can go to some nice place with your husband. Meet a friend after a long distance. Visit relatives who live far away.
Engage in personal growth. Change yourself. Start going to the pool or gym. Start learning a foreign language. Go to self-development training. You can take an internship or special courses.
Raise your endorphins. They are produced when playing sports in large quantities. In addition, hormones of joy are produced when doing what you love.

At this time, you should not delve into introspection, as well as the list of positive qualities and those that you want to get rid of.

During a crisis, rational reasoning is ineffective. Much healthier is a walk, a candlelit dinner, or a good night's sleep.
Whether there is any universal recipe in such a situation is difficult to say. After all, much depends on the individual characteristics of the woman.

Remember that effective methods lie in taking care of your own body and maintaining wonderful relationships with loved ones.

An optimistic attitude and the right approach will help reduce the difficult time. Do not despair, and soon the long-awaited relief will come, and life will return to a successful track.

By the way, some women did not experience a midlife crisis and all because their life was full of various events. There is just no time to think.

If you want, write in the comments how you deal with a similar problem. The main thing is not to get discouraged. Remember that most women go through this period and you are not alone in this. See you soon, dear friends!

Such a concept as a midlife crisis is familiar to many firsthand: at the age of 35-40, this phenomenon overtakes most people. A midlife crisis can be especially difficult for women because they are more emotional and receptive than men.

Let's figure out what a female midlife crisis is, how it manifests itself, get acquainted with its features and possible causes, and find out how you can deal with it.

Signs of a Crisis

How to understand that you or someone close to you (mother, sister or girlfriend) are experiencing difficulties in connection with overcoming the age threshold of 35-40 years? Consider the main symptoms of a midlife crisis with a focus on the female audience:

amorphous state, unwillingness to do anything;
the desire to change their regular sex life, the search for a new partner;
urge to change the place of work or field of activity;
frequent mood swings;
depression, anxiety;
incessant introspection and self-criticism;
the desire to change the appearance (lose weight, change hair and wardrobe).

"Midlife is a period of profound psychological transformation" M. Stein.

The main developmental dilemma for the middle-aged adult, according to Erik Erikson, is the dilemma of restlessness. Restlessness in Erickson's theory is a very broad concept, covering both parental relationships - the birth of children and their upbringing, and most of what they mean when they talk about "productivity" or "creativity" - competence in one area or another, ability to contribute to it. Restlessness is thus a concept close to self-actualization, which Abraham Maslow defines as a person's striving to become the best possible. In their chosen profession, people strive to do their best and improve themselves so as to reach the highest level of competence that they are capable of. People aspire to be loyal friends, concerned citizens, worthy partners. They work to develop their strengths and, if possible, eliminate their weaknesses in order to become as perfect as possible. Also, the concept of restlessness is closely intertwined with the archetype of "self", which was introduced by Carl Jung. And it is precisely the restlessness of a person as a result of the inability to achieve "selfhood" and self-actualization that is a manifestation of a midlife crisis. According to M. Stein's definition, such fundamental problems of individual development and personal reflection as a feeling of attachment to other people, experiencing their loss, a sense of self-identity, hope and despair make themselves felt most persistently during this period. The fundamental integrity of a person is often tested almost to the point of breaking. The one who survived this difficult journey and went out into the calm sea never remains the same. Some mid-life crisis breaks, others makes complete. Out of the crisis, a deeper form of wholeness is born than could be imagined.

Erickson's theory focuses on childhood stages of development; the discussion of middle age it contains is brief and formulated in very general terms. Theorists who have focused on middle age have tried to work out some of the problems of this age by describing more important issues and defining more stages. It is important to note that these stages were developed almost exclusively from the study of middle-class whites. A classic example of this is the periodization of Levinson's life. Moreover, I would like to note that the vast majority of works devoted to the midlife crisis are devoted to the consideration of this problem in men. Apparently, this is due to the fact that it was men who in the past were engaged in a career, provided for loved ones, spent more time in the company of other people and, accordingly, the manifestations of a midlife crisis were noticed and described precisely on their example. Whereas women, being often limited in communication to a rather narrow circle of people and not showing their mental suffering in front of strangers, did not attract such close attention of researchers of the problem we are considering. But the female mid-life crisis is no less, and sometimes more acute problem that requires long, careful and attentive work, both by the psychologist and the client herself.

However, before turning to the problem of the midlife crisis in women in more detail, let us consider the manifestations of this problem, which are almost the same in people of both sexes. The most important moment of psychic development, concerning the mid-life crisis, is associated with a fundamental change in attitude - from the identity of the Ego to the identity of the Self. If this transformation fails, the second half of life will be permeated with feelings of dissatisfaction and bitterness, a sense of the death of the inner meaning (neurosis). A positive outcome of the mid-life crisis promises good prospects for the growth of creativity, gaining wisdom, correct and holistic understanding of oneself in old age. Psychologists describe the way out of the midlife crisis in different ways, but in general, many agree with the periodization of this crisis proposed by Stein. He identifies three stages in the mid-life transformation process:

The first stage is associated with irretrievable loss and requires parting with the past - past dreams, myths, ideals, illusions. They should be mourned and buried.
After that, there comes a period of "suspension", uncertainty: many questions arise, the main of which is the question of one's former identity and understanding of oneself. This critical stage is called liminality. It is important to note that the liminality period does not end soon. An attempt to prematurely end this period leads to the cessation of the realization of creative potential, endangers its existence and the transition to the next life stage. During this period, a new world is being formed, and this takes time.
And finally, at the third stage, a new personality is born, and it also takes time for it to show its features and gain a stable position in life. I would like to note that it is not possible to accurately distinguish the boundaries of these stages, one smoothly passes into another, and in some cases there is a repeated passage through them with incomplete or ineffective living through the midlife crisis.

In the period between thirty and forty years (it should be noted right away that this gradation by age is rather conditional and inaccurate, and according to domestic psychologists, for residents of Russia, the figures are even more different) many come to reassess their previous choices of spouse, career, life goals. Sometimes it comes to divorce and change of profession. Also, the first years after thirty are usually a time of getting used to new or reaffirmed choices and life goals. The most visible and potentially valuable symptom in middle age is internal conflict. "Absolutely unbearable internal discord Jung writes, is proof of your true life. Life without internal contradictions is either only half of life, or life in the Beyond, which only angels live". Transformation in mid-life is a key moment in the transition from the first half of life to the second. It reflects not only the crisis of the Ego, but also the possibility of the emergence of a selfish personality, the birth of a new personal center in consciousness - the Self. What takes root in this period in personal history will give its psychological fruits throughout the subsequent life of the individual.

There are several fairly typical descriptions of the problems collected by the researchers of the described problem, which are given by people during the midlife crisis:

A person understands that he has already achieved what he wanted, that this is the maximum, there is nothing more to strive for;
Instead of the reached peak, a person finds a plateau, where only part of the plan turned out to be realized. For example, a career, a smart child, and a divorced husband / wife. Or, husband/wife, children, an interesting job where you are valued, but a rented apartment and constantly barely enough money to pay. Or money, a career, an ideal marriage, but no children, and there is no health to give birth;
It happens that a midlife crisis begins when something happens in life. For example, instead of a high position, which he aspired for a long time - the collapse of a career or an irreparable and untimely loss.
It may be that, postponing everything for later, a person notices that others have long overtaken him, and he is unlikely to have time to make up for the lost time of his life.

This period of life is also referred to as the "decade of doom" and "mid-life crisis". Its main characteristic is the awareness of the discrepancy between the dreams and life goals of a person and the reality of his existence. Since human dreams almost always have some unrealistic features, sometimes even fantastic, the assessment of their divergence from reality during this period is usually painted in negative and emotionally painful tones. Time is running out to show the gap between dreams and reality quite brightly, sharply and painfully for a person. Quite often during this period, a person feels a feeling of emptiness and lack of meaning in life. Most scholars note some characteristic features of this period:

prolonged moods of apathy and depression, feelings of disillusionment and disappointment, either in life in general or in certain people that were previously idealized;
the dreams of youth disappear or are rudely destroyed;
anxiety about death creeps into the soul, and people often say that their life will end before they can "really live."

Disillusionment, which is not unusual for 35 or 40 years old, can be threatening to the individual. Dante described his own turmoil at the start of the doomsday decade: "Having passed my earthly life to half, I found myself in a gloomy forest, having lost the right path in the darkness of the valley."

Often these changes relate to the intensity of work: for example, brilliant impulsiveness and creativity gushing out with new ideas give way to a more mature and sometimes quite conservative approach to business. Often this is due to the decrease in the physical strength of a person at this age, the restructuring of the hormonal system and the consequent demand of the body for a more careful attitude towards itself and a correct assessment of its physical and emotional resources. Indeed, one of the reasons for the mid-life crisis is that the "impulsive brilliance" of youth requires great vitality. At least in part, these are physical forces, but no one can keep them indefinitely. At 35 or 40 years old, leading a busy life, a person must change the pace of his life and do not "give all the best." Thus, the problem of decreasing physical forces inevitably arises in the life of a person of any profession.

Main problems

Decreased physical strength and attractiveness- one of the many problems that a person faces during the years of the midlife crisis and after it. For those who relied on their physical qualities when they were younger, middle age can be a period of severe depression. Stories of handsome men and charming women struggling with the ravages of time have become commonplace. The natural disaster of falling physical forces strikes people from an unexpectedly wide range of professions. A lot of people recall with regret their ability to go several days without sleep during their student years if an important matter required it. Many people simply complain that they get tired too often. While a well-thought-out daily exercise program and appropriate diet work, most middle-aged people begin to rely more and more on "brains" rather than "muscles." They find new advantages in knowledge accumulating life experience; they acquire wisdom.

The second main question of middle age is sexuality. The average person shows some deviations in interests, abilities and opportunities, especially as children grow older. Many people are amazed at how much of a role sexuality played in their relationships with people when they were younger. On the other hand, we can see many examples of how a middle-aged man or woman continues to consider each person of the opposite sex as a potential sexual partner, interacting with him only in one dimension - "attraction-repulsion", and people of the same sex are considered as "rivals". In more successful cases of maturity, other people are accepted as individuals, as potential friends. "Socialization" replaces "sexualization" in relationships with people, and these relationships often take on "that depth of mutual understanding that the former, more egocentric sexual attitude blocked to a certain extent"(Pitch).

Consent in middle age requires considerable flexibility. One important kind of flexibility includes "the ability to change emotional input from person to person and from activity to activity". Emotional flexibility is necessary, of course, at any age, but in middle age it becomes especially important as parents die, children grow up and leave the house. The inability to give emotionally to new people and new activities leads to the kind of stagnation that Erickson described. By stagnation, Erickson understood the state when a person ceases to grow and enrich himself, accepts the current reality as a given, which cannot be changed. In its most severe forms, stagnation manifests itself not only in humility before reality, but also in constant self-indulgence in everything. A person perceives himself as a small child who needs to be constantly pampered and comes to a feeling of complete inner emptiness.

Another kind of flexibility, which is also necessary for the successful attainment of maturity, is "spiritual flexibility." There is a well-known tendency among people of mature age to become increasingly rigid in their views and actions, to close their minds to new ideas. This mental rigidity must be overcome or it will grow into intolerance or bigotry. In addition, rigid attitudes lead to errors and an inability to perceive creative solutions to problems.

Stabilization

Successful resolution of a midlife crisis usually involves reframing goals in a more realistic and restrained way, recognizing the limited life span of every human being. Spouse, friends and children are becoming increasingly important, while the self is increasingly deprived of its exclusive position (Gould). There is a growing tendency to be content with what we have and to think less about things that will most likely never be achieved. There is a distinct tendency to feel one's own situation quite satisfactory. All these changes mark the next stage of personality development, the period of "new stability" (Gould). The period of destructuring and parting was left behind: the general disintegration of the Person and identity, consciously supported and approved value priorities, self-images, dreams of the future, ideals. All this is put aside, and the release of the soul that inhabited them opens the gate to the realm of psychological "swimming". Now an unknown, unclear path opens before a person: he can no longer be guided by collective values, ideals of youth, former habits; he is seized by an uneasy sense of uncertainty in which direction he should go. A person in confusion and anxiety stands at some internal crossroads. Psychological functions and attitudes that could guide in the past now seem unconvincing.

For many, the renewal process that begins when they face their illusions and physical decline eventually leads them to a more peaceful and even happier life. Very interesting and at the same time accurately and briefly defined the need for such an update, D. Hollis: "If the development of a person is hindered by the former system of values, which deprives him of his strength, then this value system should suffer, include it in your conscious choice and live."

Now let's turn directly to the issue of the midlife crisis in women (the definition was introduced into psychology by Eliot Jacques). Consider the most common manifestations of this period of life among the fair sex.

midlife crisis in women

It turns out that for men and for women the concept of "middle age" in relation to the crisis familiar to us can be different. For women, the most critical age moment comes at about 30-35 years, and for men - at 40-45. Therefore, sometimes scientists distinguish two midlife crises - thirty and forty - the first can occur in men, but is more common in women, and the second, on the contrary, is more characteristic of men, but can also be found in women.

The reasons for such an age difference between the sexes lie in the biological differences between the male and female bodies, and, accordingly, the social norms formed on this basis.

The reproductive age of a woman is much shorter than that of a man. For this reason, both hormonal changes in the body and the social structure contribute to the treasury of psychological states. You need to get married and give birth to the first child before 30, and plan the second - before 40 years. For a man, this kind of framework is not physiologically determined and is not tied to social norms.
At the age of 30-35, a woman can feel the withering of her youth, attractiveness, beauty. A man, on the contrary, is able to feel the flowering of his masculine strength, masculinity and attractiveness.

There are women who are more family-oriented, and there are those who, like men, have a career as the main thing, and family is important, but in second place after work.

For women who are busy with their husband and children, as a rule, the family is a meaningful element; through children, they find the meaning of their lives. To put it simply, they have no time and no reason to set goals and objectives. Collecting for school, teaching, marrying, raising grandchildren - tasks and goals find them themselves, and they pass unnoticed by the midlife crisis. But if such a woman is taken away from her children and her husband (children grew up and left, divorce from her husband, untimely death of a child or husband), then the crisis passes like a difficult process of mourning, and often without the help of a specialist one cannot go through it. For example, a woman who was originally career-oriented in her character and life aspirations, but was unable to realize herself due to the birth and upbringing of children, begins to experience problems with self-esteem, comparing herself with her friends who were able to make a career and realize themselves in a professional plan. Seeing that by their early 30s, her peers hold important positions, lead an intense life, go on vacation abroad, they have a certain reputation, they see them as someone more than just a woman.

With this version of the crisis, it is necessary to help a woman think about changing her life, deciding to change. Children have already become a little more independent (at least they went to school), which means you can devote time to your personal growth. Find a job, enroll in refresher courses, start learning a foreign language. Setting new goals is the best way out of the crisis.

If both work and family are important for a woman, then such a woman evaluates herself in the middle of her life according to two articles, and of course, she is more critical of herself, because. it is difficult to be equally a good specialist and a good mother and wife. Such a woman has a higher bar that she sets for herself, which is why she experiences a midlife crisis violently and painfully.

The most difficult version of the midlife crisis is usually experienced by women who do not have children. Children, especially for women, are an important confirmation that you have not lived your life in vain. Children can also justify some "flaws", for example, did not graduate from the institute, because. a child appeared, recovered after childbirth, etc. If there are no children, then the question always arises: for what did she live half her life, and for what to live on? So, a business woman who fought all her youth on corporate fronts, built her career, achieved professional victories, pushed the issue of having a child into the background. And for such a woman, the crisis is expressed in the fact that she begins to compare herself with her peers, who have already realized themselves in motherhood. By the age of 33-35, many women have already given birth to one, or even two, or three children. And the awakened maternal instinct, the desire to give birth to a woman who was enthusiastically engaged only in a career, becomes the cause of serious mental discord. She begins to understand that the years go by, but there is no child. And for a woman, this is the most important thing.

In this case, nature itself reminds her of the natural process for her - the birth of a child. By switching her life to solving this issue, becoming a mother, a woman will be able to overcome her personality crisis.

Rarely, but there is another option. There are women in whom the maternal instinct has not been identified, and at the same time they have devoted themselves entirely to work and career. In this case, their midlife crisis differs little from that of men. Unless they embark on dizzying sprees, as men do because they see the main reason for their failures - a loved one, a wife.

Here, the psychologist recommends trying to diversify your life, acquiring new hobbies - yoga, dancing, a macrame circle - anything, the main thing is that they help you get distracted and make it easier to endure the crisis. Also, you should not cool your working ardor, because it is at this age that appointments to important posts and positions most often occur. And don't forget to have a positive attitude.

Let's summarize. Which women are experiencing the most acute midlife crisis?

Women who don't have children.
Women who have lost their children or husband untimely.
Self-critical, self-demanding women.
Single women, because We find meaning in our lives through other people. Not in other people, no, but through other people. Lonely people find themselves without support during times of crisis.
Those of the women who separated from their parents late, survived the teenage crisis late and did not have time to realize their own goals and dreams.

A woman suddenly becomes too irritable, starts doing the opposite, stops listening to relatives and friends, neglects relationships with friends;
A woman who led an active lifestyle suddenly becomes depressed, she manifests apathy, laziness. She ceases to do elementary and familiar things;
There are severe mood swings. Disappointment suddenly comes to replace energy and vivacity;
A woman has a feeling that she has little time left, that she has lived more than she has left to live. A woman begins to evaluate her goals and achievements, life plans;
A woman becomes dissatisfied, she ceases to like her work, she is annoyed by her family and partner;
A woman can leave her partner for a wealthier man in order to feel social and moral stability;
A woman wants to feel younger, so she starts wearing youth clothes, makes a youth haircut, starts having fun like a youth, her habits and tastes can change;
The woman begins to feel that her attractiveness is fading and her sexual activity changes;
During this period, problems with alcohol may arise.

In the first place, according to many psychologists, is the advice not to bring yourself to the syndrome of chronic fatigue and overwork, since in this state you certainly cannot avoid a midlife crisis. After all, often his companions are irritability and fatigue. Therefore, you should try to rest and relax more often. It is better if it is with the help of active recreation. Trips to nature with the whole family or hiking, etc.
The second recommendation is if you still do not have any hobby, find it. Meet new people with whom you have similar interests, spend more time with friends, do what you love. Try changing your lifestyle.
Third - analyze your attitude to work. Do you like what you have to do? Do you get a return on your work, both in material terms and in moral satisfaction. Does your work benefit anyone? How well do you cope with the tasks? If the answers are mostly negative, think about it, maybe it's time to find a more suitable option for yourself?
Another recommendation is to try not to spoil relations with your loved ones, family. After all, only they can always support in a difficult situation. Build trusting relationships with children, devote more time to your spouse, take care of your parents.
Another tip - do not idealize yourself, you need to look at things realistically. It helps a person to understand himself faster. According to psychologists, it is better to admit to yourself some mistakes and mistakes that were made in the process of life, to try to correct them, than to keep silent about these situations and pretend that everything is fine.

Often a midlife crisis is accompanied by a fear of imminent old age, a fear of becoming weak and useless. In this case, it is worth recalling famous people who, at a rather advanced age, continued their active work, wrote books, paintings, etc. So life goes on, don't be afraid!