How to behave when you are insulted. Different strategies of behavior with those who offend you

Helpful Hints

No one wants to just put up with the rudeness and rudeness that you can hear in public transport, at work, online, and just on the street.

No need to play the role of a victim, but learn to respond correctly to aggression towards you.

Obviously, for most people, rudeness towards them can negatively affect well-being, self-esteem and performance.

How to respond to rudeness

To be able to respond to rudeness, you first need to work on increasing self-esteem.

It is worth noting that it is not easy to be rude to a person with a strong spirit.

And yet, if you urgently need to learn how to communicate with a boor, you can use one or more methods of struggle.

responses to rudeness

calmness

When talking with such people, you should never show them that you are confused. Try to express your point of view frankly, firmly and openly.

Try not to get defensive and speak calmly and relaxed.

Most often, rude people are weak, envious people who find it difficult to get used to honesty and calmness, and sometimes they don’t know these words at all. They take energy for their negativity precisely from those people who succumb to rudeness and begin to get nervous. Don't let them feed on your nervousness.

sneezing

This method is more suitable as a reaction to prolonged rudeness.

If the person who is rude to you cannot stop, you may well help him to do this.

To begin with, try to listen to him calmly, until he himself is convinced that he is right. After that, sneeze loudly and defiantly - there will be a short pause in which you calmly say the phrase: "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit" and politely add: "So where did you end up?"

Aikido

Simply put: you to me, I to you. This method transfers the negativity of your interlocutor to him. You just need to agree with his attacks on you, thank you for the time and effort spent to emphasize your shortcomings.

You can even praise the interlocutor for attentiveness and those "advice" that you heard. Do it calmly and try not to show the causticity of your phrases.

It is worth noting that the more witnesses to the conflict will be, the better for you, because. a rude person is unlikely to receive the necessary approval from the outside, and most likely will cause laughter and jokes in his address.

boredom

A similar method can be used by administrators of forums, sites, blogs and groups in social networks. networks.

Despite the fact that most community members are familiar with the general rules, some still deliberately violate them, after which they express dissatisfaction in the administrators' personal messages due to the fact that they were denied access.

After all the arguments are over, these characters move on to outright rudeness and rudeness.

It's easiest to just ban, but if you want to prove you're right, try not to be emotional, describe in detail all the errors of the offender. At first, the interlocutor will resist and continue to "have fun" with rudeness, but when he realizes that they are communicating with him dryly, without emotions, he will simply fall behind.

Ignoring

Perhaps the most famous and simplest method of dealing with rudeness. Sometimes silence is not only effective and safe, but also beautiful.

If you don’t need anything from a rude person, or you are simply not psychologically ready to enter into a debate with him, or if the “interlocutor” is simply out of his mind and can harm your health, just ignore him. Rude people want to win your attention, do not give them this joy.

It is worth noting that it is also necessary to ignore correctly. No need to include an offensive look and sighs- These are signals that you paid attention to him. Do not show any emotions, a boor is an empty place for you.

How beautiful to respond to rudeness

There are several phrases that can be used when "skirmish" with a rude:

"Excuse me, is that all?"

"I had a better opinion of you"

"Rudeness doesn't suit you"

"Do you want a polite answer or the truth?"

"Why are you trying to look worse than you really are?"

"Like everyone else, I also have bad days. Don't be upset, you will succeed"

"Yes, of course, come in. May luck be on your side" (in case someone climbs out of line)

"It doesn't sound like the role is right for you. What do you really want?"

"Thank you for showing interest in my person"

"You want to hurt me? For what?"

How to respond to an insult

If you are accidentally or intentionally scolded, you should not take these words literally and take everything personally.

Understand that if the person who insulted you is in a bad mood or just not well educated, this does not mean that you are to blame.

In order to be able to respond correctly to insults, you must first of all know that the person who offends you in all possible ways is himself a victim, namely the victim of the obstinacy of his character.

Most often, those who "attack" and try to humiliate others are weak personalities who are simply not able to cope with negative emotions, which makes them splash out on others.

What to do in response to an insult

If insulted by a stranger

The best option is to ignore it. Just try not to notice the one who is trying to offend you. Of course, there are times when you need to act differently, but most often you need to act as if the stranger is not there, and his words are empty words.

If offended by a loved one

From the very beginning, try to dot the "I". You should calmly and directly tell him that the words spoken hurt you. The right step would be to discuss the situation.

If offended by a work colleague/boss

Under this set of circumstances, try to carefully avoid the conflict. If a colleague relentlessly insults and silence you does not help, try to answer with a neutral barb.

In the case of the boss, conflicts are not needed, which means that you do not respond to insults. Instead, imagine your manager as a naughty and pugnacious little child.

In your head, pat him on the head, feed him porridge and help him sit on the potty. This is the way psychologists recommend. You will not only endure insults, but also get a good mood, or at least it will cause a smile on your part and increase your efficiency. In addition, the boss may also pay attention to your stamina.

How to respond to an insult

The person who is trying to insult you wants to assert himself, stand out, which means you need to give him a cold answer, "Well, did you assert yourself at my expense?".

Listening to such a person, try to understand what the goal is, why they want to offend you.

* If you do not know how to respond to an insult, then you need to know one important thing - not wellit is necessary to reach mutual insults and rash reactions.

In addition to looking silly, you are also susceptible to manipulation, which can end up being a trap for you. You don't have to play by the rules that are imposed on you.

*Another main rule - respond to rudeness calmly without losing self-respect. But, it is worth noting that the cultural response to the "attack" of the boor most often does not produce any effect, because. The game takes place on someone else's territory and not by your rules.

* When it comes to trolling, or other similar situations, it is best to ignore the offender.

* It happens that you need to answer, but you obviously know that all your arguments simply will not work against a stubborn rude. In this case, the best option would be turn around and leave.

* The person who insulted you or is trying to do so may just have a bad day. Therefore, with you enough to ask: "Bad day?" . If a person is adequate, he will agree and may even ask for forgiveness.

But, when it comes to a troll, then such a question is not only inappropriate, but can also lead to additional insults against you.

* More often than not, responding to an insult is not a good strategy, and you can get away with it by simply asking the person in a neutral way about what they just said to you. Try to pretend that you did not hear his words or did not pay attention to them. In this case, only a frank boor will continue his "attacks".

* If you find yourself in a situation where it is simply necessary to answer the offender, or you are strangled by the desire to do so, do not rush at him. The main thing is to be calm, cold in words and expressions. It is desirable to suppress insults with witty remarks and only after the interlocutor has finished his monologue.

* Sometimes an insult is more like a mockery. In this case, perhaps the best option would be to answer in the form of a joke, which not only does not offend the person, but also maintains a normal relationship.

One of the common mistakes that people make is trying to justify themselves, they say, "no, you're wrong, it's not my fault". Firstly, such a strategy can make you humiliated, and secondly, trying to justify yourself is simply pointless, because. an excuse, as a rule, no one listens.

uncomfortable questions

"How much?", "When will you get married?", "What is your salary?"- these questions are annoying, and despite the fact that asking them is a bad form, some still cannot restrain themselves.

Several situations can be considered, but first we note a few universal answers.

How to original answer

- "I'm amazed at your ability to ask questions that can lead to a dead end!"

- "You are an amazing woman (man). I was always amazed by your ability to ask uncomfortable (correct, difficult, rhetorical) questions!"

- "I'll be happy to try to answer your question, just answer you first, why are you so interested in this?"

- "And for what purpose are you interested in this?"

"Do you really want to talk about it?" If the answer is yes, then simply answer: "And I'm not very" - and end the dialogue with a smile.

If a person is not very pleasant to you, and you have no desire to communicate with him, especially after an incorrect question, you can coldly answer: "That's my fucking business."

- Ask again: "I understand correctly that ..."

Questions about money

When you are faced with an unpleasant question, you have every right not to give the interlocutor any specific answer. For example, to the question "How much do you earn?" you can evade the answer "Like most, the average salary in the industry is (significantly less than Abramovich)."

You can also answer this question with a counter question. For example, to the question "How much is the jacket?" you can ask the interlocutor how much his jacket costs. Another way to answer this question is significantly overestimate or underestimate the figure and then turn the conversation into a joke.

Questions about work

"What do you do?", "What do you do at work?".

When answering questions like this, psychologists advise you to name the profession that can give you more confidence in what you are doing. If your work is different, you are doing a lot of different things, you can sort out all the work for the month on the shelves. This way you will know what takes the most time.

Questions about personal life

"Why is there no girl (boyfriend)?", "When is the wedding?", "Why haven't you got married yet?".

Do not take such matters seriously. In response, you can ask the interlocutor why such an unusual question came to his mind. In this case, the interlocutor will be in an awkward situation.

There is another option - just answer directly as it is. For example, to the question "Why one more (one)?" proudly admit that you are patiently looking for your soul mate, who would not leave you in difficult times.

The third option would be "mirroring". For example, "Do I understand correctly that you don't mind holding a candle over my bed?" , or "... that, today, your main task is to discuss my personal life?" , or "... that interest in other people's troubles is in the order of things for you?"

How to respond to rudeness

Hams can be found everywhere. These are people who often experience pressure on themselves, which leads to rudeness as a defense weapon.

Why are they rude

Reason 1: Despair

A person has a bad day - so he is rude. For example, a saleswoman who is tired for the whole working day, a client, a colleague, brought to stress.

Most often, such people, after throwing out all the anger on someone, feel guilty about themselves and may even apologize.

If you decide in such a situation to respond with the same weapon, then the feeling of guilt will go away and the person will think that being rude is normal.

Reason 2: Self-affirmation

When a boor humiliates another person, he feels superior to him, especially if this person, for one reason or another, cannot fight back the offender.

Usually such boors have, albeit not great, but still power. They believe that they can just take out their anger on those who depend on them and get away with it with impunity.

Reason 3: Wanting to be seen

If rudeness is an integral part of a person, then its roots can be hidden in childhood.

A child always wants attention and love from his parents. If he does not receive this, then he begins to be rude, so that at least somehow they pay attention to him. With age, a person uses the same strategy.

Responses to rudeness

Method 1: You don't have to take everything you say personally.

Often a person who is rude does not do it specifically to you - rather, it is anger at the world in general: ill-mannered youth, men are goats, etc. and only the rude man himself is white and fluffy.

One can only sympathize with such a boor, because. the world he lives in is not easy to live in. Remember, each person sees the world differently. If a boor says that you are an uneducated person, you can try to refute his statement with your knowledge, but this is unlikely to succeed.

Method 2: Ham should not become the master of the situation

Try not to give the boor power over the situation so that they do not feel stronger.

If your boss is rude to you, and it is impossible to get away from this, think about the fact that you are not chained to him for life. You are not a slave, you are only doing your job professionally, i.e. you help him to carry out the work, which means that you can call yourself a partner in a certain business. You can demand more respect for yourself, because. you have every right to do so.

Method 3: Remember your rights

When you are rude in a public place, then you need to fight not with the offenders, but with their superiors.

Find out the name, surname, position and contacts. You can ask for a book of complaints, if there is one. If this does not help, try contacting a consumer protection society or a lawyer.

Use your weapons - human rights and leverage. This method is suitable if the boor is an official, manager, waiter, security guard and other representatives of large organizations

Method 4: turn on your imagination

Try to imagine an offender behind a glass wall: you see him, you notice that he is saying something, but you simply do not hear.

You can also imagine a boor in the form of a big fish in an aquarium: it seems that he moves his lips, moves his fins, but it is not clear why all this is.

If you watched the movie "The Matrix", then remember the moment when Neo stopped the bullets fired at him. Imagine that the rudeness thrown at you is bullets, and you are invulnerable, and all the rudeness does not reach you, falling with a ringing on the floor.

Method 5: Try to contact the boor

Try to find out the reason for the aggression. For example, you can say: "Now you are rude to me, why do you need this?" or "You have a smile on your face and you say mean things, so I haven't figured out how to respond to your words yet."

Perhaps the person who heard you will consider his actions, look at himself from the outside and rethink his behavior. You can use this method when communicating with people with whom you will have to meet and talk more than once - work colleagues, acquaintances, relatives.

There is a chance that a person will look at himself from the outside and rethink something in his behavior.

How beautiful to respond to rudeness

Rudeness can be well treated with politeness, which scares boors, forcing them to be careful when communicating:

- "You see, dear, I do not intend (a) to communicate with you in such a tone"

- "Dear, you may have confused me with someone"

If the boor cannot stop in any way, after all your attempts, then save your nerves, wish him all the best and leave the place of conversation.

Sometimes a boor needs to be put in place, otherwise you will make them stronger with your silence. A good answer can close the mouth of a boor. But remember, to be rude to rudeness does not put you higher.

Try to use humor. If you are being rude, smile and say "Well, you and blockhead (fool, idiot)!" Such an act can anger the boor even more, whose reaction will make you laugh.

Smiling back often irritates a boor, so smile sincerely.

- "You deign to be rude to me ... Why? Is your goal to offend me? Why?"

Answer so that your word is the last and then the rudeness will stop.

Pay no attention to the boor. Imagine a scenario in your head: "You are a leaf by the road ... Everything passes by and nothing hurts you" .

A person who is humiliated must learn to love and respect himself, get rid of fear when communicating with others, form a correct idea of ​​the world, learn to live in harmony with other people and, most importantly, with himself. A victim of a cruel environment should learn to find the right solutions to all problem situations.

The main thing is to understand yourself

To begin with, it is necessary to understand that each person is unique. It is necessary to reveal your individual data, knowing yourself and the world around you. You should learn to respect yourself and never allow anyone to attack you.

To understand why others, it is worth conducting introspection. It is necessary to identify those character traits that provoke others to the manifestation of aggression. As a rule, they are weakness of character, fear of communication, excessive manifestation of kindness.

Good relationships with others are possible with the right attitude towards oneself. You can not engage in self-humiliation in front of superiors, loved ones or because of the benefits. We must strive to achieve internal agreement with ourselves and stop perceiving others as a source of threat.

Who becomes the abuser?

A truly strong nature will not stoop to the humiliation of a person. It is usually an aggressive coward who slanders and mocks. In order for the offender not to become inflamed, he should not feel the presence of fear in front of him. In a collision, you need to remain calm and reasonable. After all, people who have peace of mind transmit positive impulses to others.

What to do so that others do not humiliate?

In order for others to stop humiliating, you need to engage in self-development. And be sure to develop the ability to control your thoughts and emotions. We must learn to win, to grow our self-esteem. Do not always depend on the opinions of others.

Any aggression should be reacted as calmly as possible. A violent reaction to the behavior of the offender shows him that he was able to hurt the living, so he will feel superior. It is better to correctly put it in its place and leave. And in the future, avoid communicating with them or ignore all his attacks, showing him that no one is interested in his opinion.

AT dangerous situation it is necessary to make it clear that there will always be opposition to any force - retaliatory aggression on the part of the offended or the sanctions of the boss or the actions of the police. It is worth calmly expressing your threats to the offender, explaining that this is the last warning. The aggressor must be reminded that everyone has the right to defend their dignity.

Feeling humiliated for a long time, a person loses self-esteem, her level of self-esteem falls. When communicating with other people, she has nervous tension. Any comments are perceived by her painfully.

Real help in an unpleasant situation, when others are humiliated, will be provided by a professional psychologist. He will teach you how to manage emotions, explain how to communicate with people, help get rid of unnecessary fears, dependence on the opinions of others and indecision.

Methods of self-affirmation depend on the nature, capabilities and abilities of a person. Protection from humiliation is a full-fledged internal state of a person: self-respect, endurance, humor. Humiliate those who have low self-esteem.

Self-hate arises for the following reasons:
- because of too strict upbringing;
- due to low socio-economic status;
- with neurotic disorders;
- due to the cultural traditions of the social group to which the person belongs.

The humiliation of others, as a rule, leaves psychological trauma, which negatively affects the character and life of the offended. No need to humiliate yourself in front of people and you should not feel sorry for yourself. You need to work on yourself, love and respect yourself as a person, increase self-confidence, the elements of which can be:
- physical qualities;
- character traits;
- relationships with others.

Much in this world depends not only on the internal state of a person, but also on the appearance. As Anton Pavlovich Chekhov wrote: “Everything in a person should be beautiful: face, clothes, soul, and thoughts.” Therefore, it is worth working on your wardrobe, hair and maybe makeup. But it is worth doing this not in order to please your surroundings, but in order to become an attractive person for yourself.

A healthy psyche, creative actions, the development of abilities and talents, the need for self-knowledge and the pursuit of excellence give a person the strength to resist humiliation and any offensive actions of those around him.

Often in life you have to deal with rudeness, rudeness, insults. Insulting with a word is sometimes more painful than physical impact. And sometimes such a wound can heal for many years.

What to do? Answer the same? Pretend like nothing special happened? Could be so. And you can teach the offender a lesson so that next time he will think a hundred times before deciding on another attack on you. What needs to be done for this? Just go to court and file a complaint. Of course, litigation involves certain time, moral and, possibly, financial costs. And it’s up to you to decide whether you want to punish the boor and the rude person according to the law, or whether you will silently endure his further antics.

The Universal Declaration of Human Rights, adopted on December 10, 1948 by the UN General Assembly, proclaimed in Article 12 the inadmissibility of arbitrary

interference in the privacy of a person and encroachment on his honor. The concept of honor is defined by several criteria.

Honor is a person's adherence to all the rules of moral and professional duty. This is a combination of moral and ethical qualities of a person. The concept of honor usually goes in conjunction with the concept of "dignity". Or another definition of honor:

honor is a complex moral, ethical and social concept associated with the assessment of such qualities of an individual as loyalty, justice, truthfulness, nobility, dignity.

In Russian legislation, the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation contains an article “Insult” (Article 130 Chapter 17). Insult refers to crimes against freedom, honor and dignity of the individual. And by insult is meant the humiliation of the honor and dignity of a person, expressed in an indecent form. This does not take into account whether the assessment made in this way of the identity of the victim corresponds to reality. The only thing that matters is that this assessment was expressed precisely in a form indecent for public morality.

A criminal case on insult is initiated only at the request of the victim (Part 2, Article 20 of the Code of Criminal Procedure of the Russian Federation).

The punishment for the offender will be a fine of forty thousand rubles if the insult was inflicted in a private conversation, or eighty thousand rubles if it was voiced publicly or published in the media or in any publicly displayed work. In addition, Russian legislation provides for correctional labor for up to six months in the first case and for a year in the second. At the discretion of the court, correctional labor may be imposed as a punishment.

You should also be aware that the offender can be compensated for non-pecuniary damage as a result of the dissemination of information that discredits honor, dignity and business reputation. The amount of compensation is determined in court, taking into account the moral suffering endured by the victim, as well as taking into account the degree of guilt of the tortfeasor. Compensation is paid in cash.

This is one of the first desires that arise after an insult. But a retaliatory attack is appropriate only if it:

• witty;
• takes place in the circle of relatives or friends;
• defuse the situation rather than exacerbate the conflict.

In all other cases, even if you consider yourself a wit worse than Oscar Wilde, answering an insult with an insult is not the best way out. So you sink to the level of a boorish opponent and make it clear that his words hurt you, that is, there may be some truth in them.

2. Make a joke

The difference between a witty insult and a joking response is that in the latter case, you are making fun of the situation itself. The advantages of this strategy are obvious: the insult loses its toxicity, tension, and the audience (if any) takes your side.

In this case, you can also take a pseudo-self-deprecating position. This will confuse your opponent and mask the sarcasm.

Example 1: A colleague says you've prepared an ugly presentation.

Answer: You are probably right. Next time, I won't ask my five-year-old son for help."

Example 2: A stranger calls you names.

Answer: “Thank you, this is very valuable information. You opened my eyes to my shortcomings. Something to think about over lunch."

3. Accept

In some cases, it is really worth analyzing words that seem offensive to you. Especially if they come from people close and respected by you. In this case, take their remarks not as an insult, but as criticism that can make you better.

It would be useful to think about the motives of people, to find out what exactly made them use harsh language. Perhaps this is a violent reaction to your far from angelic behavior.

4. Respond to intent, not words

Any insult always has a hidden purpose. Make the secret clear: designate it.

For example, in response to rude words, say: “Wow! Something really serious happened between us, since you decided to hurt me.

So, on the one hand, you can unsettle your opponent, and on the other hand, find out the reason for his negative attitude.

5. Keep calm

If the insult comes not from a loved one, but from a colleague, acquaintance, or even a stranger, never show that the words hurt you. Most likely, behind them lies insecurity, dissatisfaction with their own lives and a desire to simply recoup you. Don't let the trick work, react calmly and with a smile.

If necessary, continue to bend your line: ask what exactly caused such a reaction in a person, not paying attention to his words.

6. Ignore

Often the best answer is its absence. If we are talking about Internet trolls, you can simply not respond to their comments or send boors to . Well, "in offline mode" you can always skip the insult past your ears or leave. You have every right to do so.

An example from ancient Roman history... Once, in the public baths, someone hit the politician Cato. When the offender came to apologize, Cato replied: "I don't remember the blow."

This phrase can be interpreted as follows: "You are so insignificant that not only do I not care about your apology, but I did not even notice the insult itself."

7. Use the law

You can hold the offender accountable, or at least threaten him with it. Punishment for insult is prescribed in the Code of Administrative Offenses, but slander is already in the scope of criminal law. In case of insults from the boss, you can contact the personnel department.

The main thing - remember: no one has the right to encroach on your honor, dignity and reputation. But you must respond to people in the same way. Otherwise, any recommendations are meaningless.

Ecology of life. Psychology: Defending yourself against insults, it's easy to get caught up in a vicious circle of punches and counter-punches. However, there are ways...

Offensive words lie in wait for us daily - often when we are least ready for it:

• on the road during rush hours, when people show their worst qualities;
• in lines when we run out of patience;
• at work and at the festive table, where people consider rudeness almost permissible.

Critical attacks are so varied that they defy classification. Here are “light”, everyday injections (“well, finally!”), And such when it gets dark in the eyes from resentment (“I see that you are busy doing what you do best - you are eating again”).

Sometimes words just betray insensitivity. Gathering his courage, the son told his mother that his wife had left him, and in response he heard: “She was going for a long time.”

It is believed that in the family we can hide from the world. In fact, relatives say things to each other that they would never say to an outsider, often adding in justification: “You know, I say this because I love you.”

One woman recalls how one day, when she was 12 years old, she was standing in front of a mirror and her mother suddenly said: “Don't worry, dear. If the nose still grows, it will be possible to do the operation.” Until that day, the girl had no idea that she did not have a perfect nose.

Particularly "good" are the veiled insults, which are called "constructive criticism", although they have nothing to do with it. They are easily recognizable by their accompanying phrases such as "I hope I can speak frankly with you" or "I'm telling you this for your own good". It turns out that you should almost admire the sincerity of the critic and appreciate his concern, while you are hardly recovering from the blow.

When defending against insults, it's easy to get caught up in a vicious circle of punches and counterstrikes. Fortunately, there are ways to repel the attack of the offender without dropping your own dignity.

The next time you're the target of criticism, try these tips.

1. Try to understand

The one who criticizes others is often filled with resentment himself. If you can't figure out what the person who offended you is really worried about, ask them about it. Remember: resentment is not always meant for you personally. Look at the situation from the outside and look for the cause.

The waitress is rude to you not because she didn’t like you for some reason - just the day before her beloved left her. The driver, "cutting" you, does not want to annoy you - he is in a hurry to the sick child. Pass it forward, support it.

Trying to understand those whose words hurt you, you can more easily endure the offense.

2. Analyze what was said

In her book The Subtle Art of Verbal Self-Defence, Suzette Hayden Elgin suggests decompose the offending remark into parts and respond to the unspoken reproach without making yourself a victim. For example, if you hear “if you loved me, you would lose weight,” you can answer like this: “And how long ago did you decide that I don’t love you?”

3. Turn to face the offender

It is not easy to resist insults. Helps, in particular, directness. Remove the negative charge, for example, with such a question: “Do you need to offend me for some reason?” or “Do you understand how such words can be perceived?”

You can also ask the person to clarify the meaning of the remark: “What do you mean?” or “I want to check if I understood you correctly?” As soon as your critic feels that his game has been figured out, he will leave you alone. After all, when you were caught red-handed, it's very embarrassing.

4. Use humor

My friend somehow had to hear: “Is this your new skirt? In my opinion, chairs are upholstered with such fabric. She was not at a loss and answered: "Well, sit down on my knees."

The mother of my friend all her life zealously monitored the cleanliness of the house. One day she found a cobweb in her daughter and asked: “What is this?” "I'm doing a scientific experiment," retorted the daughter. The best weapon against offensive criticism is laughter. A witty response will help you deal with almost any offender.

5. Come up with a symbol

One woman told me that her husband always criticized her in public. Then she began to carry a small towel with her and whenever her husband said something offensive to her, she covered her head with a towel. He was so ashamed that he got rid of his bad habit.

6. Don't mind

Agree with everything. If your wife says, "I think you've put on ten pounds, dear," answer, "Twelve, to be exact." If she doesn’t back down: “Well, what are you going to do with the extra weight?” - try this: “Nothing, probably. I'll just be fat for a while." A hurtful remark is only as powerful as you empower it. By agreeing with criticism, you disarm the critic.

7. Ignore the injection

Listen to the remark, tell yourself that it is in the wrong place, and forget it. The ability to forgive is one of the most important abilities that help us live and that we can develop in ourselves.

If you are not quite ready to forgive yet, let the speaker know that his remark was heard, but there will be no answer. The next time you get taunted, wipe the imaginary stain off your shirt. When the person who hit you asks what you're doing, say, "I thought something hit me, but I must have been wrong."

When the abuser knows that you know too, he becomes much more careful. Or pretend like you're not interested. Blink, yawn, and look away as if to say, “Who cares?” People can't stand being considered boring.

8. Add 10 percent

You will never be able to completely protect yourself from offensive remarks. Try to perceive some of them as natural manifestations of irritation that happen to everyone.

Most of us try not to offend others, but sometimes we make mistakes. So get defensive when you think it's necessary, but think also of the "10 percent rule":

In 10 percent of cases, it turns out that the item you bought is cheaper elsewhere.
- in 10 percent of cases, the thing that you lent to someone is returned to you damaged.
- In 10 percent of cases, even your best friend can say something without thinking and then regret what was said.

In other words, grow thicker skin. It is usually easiest to assume that people are trying to do the best they can, and many simply do not realize how their behavior affects others.

Constantly defending, proving one's case and controlling the situation is too expensive. Try to forgive and in return you will get much less resentment and trouble than these notorious 10 percent.

Also interesting:

When a man insulted the Buddha, he said, "My son, if anyone refuses to accept a gift, to whom does it then belong?" “To the one who gives,” the man replied. “So,” continued the Buddha, “I refuse to accept your insulting words.

The world is full of people who humiliate others in order to assert themselves. Do not accept insults, even when they are showered upon you, as gifts of love. By ignoring them, you will relieve tension, strengthen your relationships with others, and make your life more joyful. published