How to deal with old fear. How to deal with anxiety and anxiety? Practical recommendations and advice from a psychologist. Count the surroundings

Throughout life, each of us experiences many emotions: joy and admiration, sadness, anger, envy, and many others. One of the strongest, of course, is fear. People are afraid of many things: insects, heights, darkness, closed spaces. They experience fear of the unknown, fear of loneliness, poverty, death, worry about loved ones, etc.

It is impossible to completely get rid of this feeling, but it is possible and necessary to fight it, overcome it. It is necessary to realize your fear and learn how to manage it - this is what psychologists advise. We have combined their recommendations and you can read them on the site "Popular about health".

How to deal with fears within yourself, taking into account human psychology? Our conversation today will focus on this:

What is it - our fears?

Psychology defines fear as a normal emotional process, only with a negative connotation. This is an alarming internal state, due to a possible or actually threatening disaster.

As we have said, each of us has our own fears. There are also phobias, the hallmark of which is stability and irrationality. To make your life easier and avoid a nervous breakdown, you need to learn how to cope with all this.

How to deal with fears within yourself?

There are many techniques that help a person cope with fears and phobias. Some recommend driving negative emotions and thoughts away and not paying attention to them. Then everything will go by itself.

Others, on the contrary, are based on an artificial increase in fear, winding oneself up to the maximum. According to this method, having reached the top point, the wave will definitely decline.

Another technique suggests examining your fear in detail, sorting out all its components. And yet, you can do auto-training and convince yourself that there is no fear at all or that it has already been successfully defeated.

Some of these techniques work, some don't. The result depends on the person himself, how much he can control his own consciousness, as well as on what the fear or phobia itself is actually based on. In some cases, getting rid of them without the help of a specialist is quite difficult. But in most cases, some practical advice can help.

If a wave of fear has come in, to adapt to the situation, slowly take a deep breath, slowly exhale. Yes, at least ten times. This will help to concentrate, turn on the subconscious. A way out can be found only with normal thinking, and not in a frightened state.

If you are afraid of the dark, sounds in an empty apartment, brownies, ghosts and other things, act realistically and naturally. Get over yourself and find the source of rustles and sounds. If you are afraid to stay in the dark, just turn on the nightlight.

If you are afraid of confined spaces, take a (one-time) antidepressant or a beta-blocker. Overcome yourself: ride in elevators on purpose, stay indoors for a few minutes.

If not, contact a psychotherapist. A course of hypnosis and relaxation will help to cope.

If you want to avoid worries about your personal life, the main advice is not to attract or predict trouble. There is a well-known, popular theory that thoughts are material. Everything we think about does not disappear. All the energy of thought is concentrated around us, predicting and modeling further events.

That is why, if you are very afraid of the prospect of loneliness, do not torment yourself by constantly thinking about it. On the contrary, more often imagine yourself in the circle of a close-knit family and true friends. Thus, create an environment of success and happiness and, of course, do not sit idly by yourself, but act.

You can also overcome fear for loved ones. The main thing is not to cheat yourself and not to predict future troubles. If this is not done, you yourself will create the prerequisites for negative events (see paragraph above).

Better keep yourself busy. Focus on an interesting book with a positive storyline, watch a movie, listen to relaxing music, or call someone you like. If nothing comes out, close your eyes and mentally predict a happy outcome.

Another way to overcome fear is to warm up the emotion strongly. Namely, getting angry at yourself, at a frightening situation or a person from whom you expect something bad. Psychologists say that anger will surely drive out fear. Then you will begin to act more calmly and, most likely, change the situation.

In addition to all of the above, it must be noted that fear has not only disadvantages, but also advantages. In particular, it helps to protect yourself from dangerous situations. When we are afraid of something, we become more careful.

The ancient instinct of self-preservation is activated, which saves us from negative and dangerous situations. The main thing here is not to hide, but to overcome oneself in order to find ways to avoid danger. Thus, we go further in life, gain new experience and become more perfect.

Well, if you can’t cope on your own, you can always find help from a psychologist or psychotherapist. Good luck to you!

A small digression, it was a beautiful spring day, the warm and gentle sun was shining, the birds were chirping cheerfully outside the window, and the sounds of drops, the noise of passing cars, laughter from the playground were heard in the office at the same time ...

Almost at the end of the working day, a girl of about 18 came to the reception. A pretty, smart student, only her eyes were shifty and uncertain. At my suggestion to tell about the reason for seeking a consultation with tears in her eyes, she began to say that the last few months afraid to die. The fact is that a number of events (her friend died in a car accident, the cuckoo cuckooed 2 times on a hike to a well-known question), which happened about half a year ago, contributed to the fear of death, which then turned into a real phobia.

Fear is a normal reaction of the body to external stimuli.

Psychologists often say that Fear is a normal reaction of the body to external stimuli.. Fear is an instinct of self-preservation, it is a normal reaction in a life-threatening situation, and in a situation of age-related development of a person, it is even useful. Fear, like any other emotion, appears spontaneously and is difficult to control.

If the fear becomes more intense, everyday feeling, accompanied by various physiological symptoms, turns into a kind of personal problem, it becomes a phobia. He accompanies a person everywhere: at school, at work, on the street and at home, in the company of friends, etc. Increased tearfulness, dizziness, sweating, choking, palpitations, nausea, general psychological and physiological discomfort are frequent companions of phobias.

Fear of death- this is an existential fear, which to one degree or another is always present in the human psyche, it is one of the most common phobias. This fear often occurs in people who are sensitive and impressionable, also in children and the elderly.

Its intensity can be reduced with the help of special techniques. Many people eventually get rid of certain fears on their own, gain new life experience, become calmer and gradually their life is getting better. Although this is a lengthy process. The psychologist will help to cope with fear, phobia quickly and effectively.

We met with my client a month after several consultations. The calm and confident look of the girl - that's what caught my eye in the first place. We talked with her about her successes and new plans for the near and far future, she shared some of her thoughts about life, which she came to after our classes. I was very happy with these new thoughts, because. they were indicators that the phobia was gone, and it was replaced by peace of mind and peace of mind!

Cultivating Myths Generates Even Greater Fear

Unfortunately, today such myths are actively cultivated by the media, various healers-soothsayers, as well as numerous false psychologists. Having nothing to do with reality, they, nevertheless, can greatly influence our lives and our perception of the world. By convincing himself that “something is wrong” with his life, a person thereby programs his own failures.

When a person believes that he was born under an unlucky star or that he was “damaged”, he begins to see around him only that which corresponds to his conviction. He looks and sees his own fears. And indeed, after some time, health and luck leave him.

Law - like attracts like

“Like attracts like” - this psychological law was discovered by the ancient sages. Feeling fear and anxiety, a person actually begins to attract misfortune to himself. He acts and gets into situations provoked by his own fears. So your fears, like a mirror, reflect what is inside you, creating the illusion that the world is evil, unjust and full of enemies.

Fear in the position of the victim

If, following the lead of your fears, you place the cause of your experiences, the cause of your problems outside, and not inside yourself, you thereby become a victim. It's not you, it's someone else - parents, teachers, friends, husband, wife, state - are constantly in charge in your life, and you yourself have nothing to do with these events - this is the position of the victim.

Unfortunately, today many people live comfortably this way. And profitable. After all, the position of the victim always gives a lot of dubious advantages. It gives you the opportunity to do nothing yourself, shifting responsibility for your life to others.

It helps you manipulate the guilt of those you blame for your failures. You gain power over those you make feel guilty for your "suffering." Are you just happier because of it? Have problems and misfortunes gone from your life? Are you flourishing? Very doubtful.

If at the same time you are convinced that only a fortune-teller grandmother who “poureds on wax” and “rolls out an egg” can save you from all misfortunes, things are very bad. We will not talk about whether this method of "psychological assistance" is effective. In the end, a person can always be helped by what he firmly believes in.

Powerful tool of psychological influence. By simply shifting responsibility for your life to another person, you thereby hand over to him the keys to your own soul. Keys that he can dispose of as he pleases. And not necessarily for your good. Much more often - for their own benefit.

When we believe that someone else is able to bring success and prosperity into our lives - God, the devil, another Fuhrer, astrologer-astrologer - anyone, but not ourselves - this is also the position of the victim. We become very easy to manage.

authorities,

of money.

He wants for himself, not for us ...

Hatred and envy of others

In principle, the position of the victim is no worse than other roles that we all play in life. But it has one feature. It always creates within us a feeling of worthlessness, powerlessness and, as a result, hatred and envy towards the people around us. To those who are stronger, more successful, better than us. Powerlessness always gives rise to envy, hatred and cruelty. It is very unpleasant and painful to be aware of these feelings in yourself, but believe me, you have no other choice but to admit to yourself that they exist. Do it right now without delay. And then begin to honestly experience them, gradually letting go of yourself. And then impotence will begin to transform into strength.

Try to understand that even Providence itself will not solve our problems for us. He can only help us in our good endeavors. This is how the world works, these are its laws. If a person has the strength and intelligence to create a problem, then he will always have internal resources to free himself from this burden. The main thing is to learn how to manage these resources. And then you will no longer need external crutches to go through life on your own. You yourself will be able to solve your life problems without resorting to the help of psychic healers or psychologists-consultants. You just need to make the necessary knowledge and efforts, and the world will immediately take a reciprocal step towards you. You will begin to move towards health and perfection.

The key to your own life is to replace fears

By shifting your attention from the external causes of your own failures inward, you get the key to your own life. You replace old fears-limitations with new constructive thoughts, and after a while a completely different reality opens up before you. Those who have tried to work on themselves in this direction are convinced of the effectiveness of this method. The American dream of going from paperboy to millionaire is of the same nature. People who managed to escape from poverty managed to overcome the negative programming that they received along with their fears. They allowed themselves to create new mental images: “My future is in my hands!”, “I am learning to think positively and act constructively!”, and as a result they got what they wanted.

So what do we need to understand about ourselves and the world around us? What to do?

First, you need to understand what are the basic prerequisites for success in life.
Secondly, learn to work with your fears and problems that stand in our way.

Success in life is always associated with the basic purpose of human existence - the need for self-realization. Failure to understand or deny this need makes a person unhappy. After all, you can achieve high material well-being and position in society, but not feel happy at the same time, because the need for self-realization has remained unsatisfied.

A person realizes himself in society only if he has a sufficient level of mental energy. The latter determines its performance, and at the same time sufficient plasticity, harmony of the psyche. This allows you to effectively adapt in society. Psychologists say that only a harmonious, strong and stable personality can achieve success in life. We will conditionally call such a person psychologically healthy. The state of psychological health is characterized by general mental comfort and effective self-control.

Basic characteristics of human psychological health

Adequate self-esteem and a sense of self-respect.
The ability to adapt to the ever-changing conditions of life.
The ability to effectively satisfy one's needs and the ability to compensate for those that cannot be met at the moment.
The confidence of a person that he usually manages his own life. Such a person is aware of the limitations of his freedom, because he understands that there are things that do not depend on him. Therefore, he does not necessarily seek to subordinate the whole world to his will.
The ability to make an independent choice, to make a decision on your own, to stick to your own life plan. The ability not to follow the lead of various soothsayers, political leaders, "great teachers" and other "rulers of thoughts." The ability to resist their influence and not succumb to the magic of their dubious authority.
The ability to courageously overcome difficulties and disappointments without resorting to alcoholism, drug addiction, etc.
The ability to care for other people. The selfish person is usually unhappy because he has many unsatisfied and insatiable needs.
The ability to treat other people kindly and trustingly. Lack of envy of the success of your colleagues, relatives, friends and acquaintances.
The ability to act effectively and enjoy the work done.

The more points that correspond to your actual (and not desirable) attitude towards life, the closer you stand to true psychological health. After all, it is psychological health that largely determines our life achievements, because it:

directly affects the functions of the body and thus the physical aspects of our well-being;
helps to adapt to various living conditions;
contributes to the formation of a sense of self-esteem and dignity, which are necessary to motivate life achievements;
affects relationships with other people and through them - on successful personal and professional growth;
largely determines the performance and material well-being;
gives a feeling of fullness and meaning of life, which makes people happy.

How you can and should work with fears and problems

It is thoughts-fears that very often create problems and illnesses in our life. Remember the psychological law: "Like attracts like" .

Why are the actions of qualified doctors often ineffective?
Why do manipulations of psychics who influence a person with a biofield often turn out to be ineffective?
Why does some time pass, and a person with his past complaints again turns for help, but to another "healer"?
Because we have not changed our attitude towards ourselves and the world around us.

Our fears have not gone away, they have remained with us. Looking at the world, we continue to look only into our soul, which is full of fears - we see not life, but our fears and nothing more. Therefore, the first stage on the path to success is getting rid of fears, psychological harmonization.

It all depends on my desire and taste

There are countless methods that allow you to harmonize both the body and the soul: sports and hardening, massage and manual correction, psychotherapeutic techniques and yoga, martial arts and meditation... All of them are a complex of general healing methods. You can influence the body, getting a secondary psychological effect. Or vice versa. It all depends on your desire and taste.

In our opinion, it is reasonable to dwell on meditation, because of its ease, accessibility and extreme effectiveness for internal harmonization. We suggest that you regularly perform a small meditation exercise that will help achieve beneficial results. We suggest doing it for real, and not just trying to imagine in your thoughts. To really feel and understand any exercise, it is always necessary to test it in practice. Only then will you acquire specific skills, you will be able to change your life for the better. Mindfulness is nothing compared to practice

To calm through relaxation

Generally speaking, meditation is relaxation that promotes calmness. The essence of meditation is simply to sit and look ahead. You just sit, just look, hear, become aware of what is happening in front of you and within you.

You can sit in "lotus", "half lotus" (yogic postures), in Turkish or in a regular chair. If you are sitting on the floor, place a small pillow under you, which should be angled to make it easier to keep your spine upright. Be careful! When you are sitting, your whole body should be relaxed. This will help block fears to rise to the surface of consciousness more easily and go away. The ideal state is when you sit and see what is in front of you, hear every sound, then you are open to the world. If your attention gradually and imperceptibly becomes clouded and floats away, do not reproach yourself, but simply renew the sharpness of perception. Do this and the meditation will take place.

When you meditate, a lot of extraneous thoughts can appear in your brain. Don't fight them, let them come and go. As the feeling of relaxation begins to spread throughout your body, your mind will calm down and thoughts will disappear on their own. Then you will begin to truly discover your own inner world.

If you have thoughts that create fear

If there are problems in your life, and you have a lot of thoughts-fears inside you, do this:

When you enter a state of meditation, you "put" in front of you a specific fear, a problem that worries you, and allow them to "be".
You remove from the problem all sorts of moral assessments such as "good or bad."
You are not looking to improve things. Gradually, your soul, which you have driven into a dark corner with the help of your fears, will begin to awaken. After some time, you will see that the world is unfolding in front of you in the right direction - because the solution to all problems is always within us, you just need to listen to your wisdom and trust the flow of life.
Then you simply look at your problem or fear, experiencing and letting go of those feelings that appear at the same time.
If you see fit, you can ask yourself an unpleasant question: “What will happen if ...” For example, if you are afraid of deception or you have already been deceived, and this has become your problem, you can ask yourself: “What will happen if all life will deceive me by everyone, anyone? By posing the question in this way, you raise your deep feelings of fear. Start experiencing these feelings! Remember! What you experience when you let go is gone from you forever!

In this way, you can work with any negative emotions. Just do not stay in them for too long, otherwise you can get sick.

If you daily, without straining yourself, devote some time to meditation, if you set yourself questions that you would like to understand, then gradually the quality of your life will improve.

Remember! Meditating with fear or a problem will never bring them into your life, because what you pay attention to, what you are aware of and experienced, loses power over you.

Physical activity can help fight fears

While meditating, it is highly desirable to allocate time for physical exercises: physical labor, sports, running, aerobics, martial arts, etc. Physical activity will help balance the transformation process that will gradually begin to take place within you.

Mistakes that reduce the effectiveness of meditation.

Tense body - in whole or in part.
Curved spine - to the side, forward or backward.
Wrong head position. (The line of the neck should be straight)
Irregular or irregular breathing.
Strive internally to get results.
Hurry yourself, don't give yourself time.
Get attached to extraneous thoughts and get distracted.
Arrogance.
Arrogance.
Arrogance.

If you did the meditation correctly, then after it you will have a cheerful state and a crystal clear mind. Your thoughts will become sharp as a blade, and you will be able to calmly "cut through" any problem that arises in front of you.

If fog appears around (or inside) you, and something incomprehensible begins to happen to your head, stop meditation. Take a few days off and get on with your day. If you are attentive and vigilant, if you listen to yourself, you will always find a way out of any situation. Remember, the quieter you go, the further you will be.

If after meditation you feel irritation, this is a sign that either a mental block or unclaimed creative energy is rising inside you. Go in for physical exercises, sweat as it should, until the irritation leaves you.

As you work on yourself, you will have both ups and downs. Highs come from the fact that old fears leave you. You begin to trust yourself and others. A new attitude towards life awakens in your soul.

- Painful fears have the property of obsession. They "lean" on the person. They paralyze his consciousness, his normal life activity.

In addition, painful physiological reactions occur. With neurotic anxiety in a person, most often, the heartbeat quickens, blood pressure may increase, profuse sweating begins, the person feels muscle stiffness, it happens that a person cannot move from fear, his legs are shackled - such a stupor is observed. And sometimes, anxiety of a neurotic nature causes a state of panic, excitement, when a person cannot sit still: he begins to rush about, can cry, and gesticulate involuntarily. A person suddenly feels that tears are flowing down his cheeks, and he himself does not understand why this is happening, and, perhaps, even realizes the inadequacy of these reactions, but cannot do anything with them. Those. neurotic reactions can appear by themselves, in spite of the will, in addition to the intellectual, conscious assessment of the events taking place.

Are Fear and Anxiety the Same Thing?

- Usually, when it comes to anxiety, there is no indication of the subject, the specific object. And fear is always fear of something. Some people are afraid of quite certain things: darkness, heights, someone is afraid of water - they cannot go into the river or the sea, someone is afraid of dogs, someone is afraid of flying in an airplane, someone is afraid of driving a car. As a rule, the provoking factors of such fears are events in the past: either the person himself got into the situation - he drowned, choked, and as a result he was afraid of water, or saw that someone else was drowning and he was barely pumped out; or, unluckily, he witnessed a person fall out of a window—a housemate, for example. This can also be imprinted in the mind - a vision of someone else's death or some kind of difficult experiences that another person may experience, who got into some kind of situation for which he was not ready, and, as a result, it ended with some tragic circumstances . And this may well be a provoking factor.

When a pathological, painful, overwhelming fear arises, it is also called a phobia. Phobias are fears that a person experiences against his will. They cause very disturbing, subjectively unpleasant experiences that have an overwhelming effect on a person. Due to the phobias that have arisen, his life cannot proceed as before.

Are there other types of fears?

Yes there is. We live with certain types of fear all the time, we can’t get away from them. These include the so-called existential fears. Existential fear is inextricably linked with a sense of completeness, the finiteness of human life. Each of us knows that sooner or later death will come. In addition, there is also the fear of the unknown, the fear of unforeseen developments, the fear of loneliness, the experience of one's own helplessness, and others. Man differs from animals precisely in the presence of existential fears. Since we are representatives of the human race, we go through life with these fears and anxieties. A person must learn to move forward, towards his future, not knowing what it will bring: grief or joy.

- Why is one person in a certain life situation afraid more, and the other less? On what qualities of a person does it depend?

It is an undoubted fact that there are individual differences in the experience of anxiety and fear in different people. For some people, these experiences are characterized by a particular acuteness and intensity. These are neurotic people. They have such features of the nervous system and psyche that make them highly impressionable, vulnerable, prone to exaggeration of real danger. Such people are called in psychology people of the “anxious, suspicious, phobic type”. They quite often suffer from a tendency to hypochondria: they are very afraid of pain, they are afraid of contracting any disease, they live and constantly listen to their state of health.

In addition, the acquired psychological trauma influences the heightened experience of anxiety and fear. Circumstances can tragically develop in the lives of some people when, over a short period of time, close people pass away one after another: mother, father, brother, sister ... God forbid, someone loses their only child ... This is one of the most big and heavy losses. When a person arranges events in this way, he especially acutely feels that human life is fleeting, that there is a certain limitation of human strength and capabilities, that a person is prone to illness and dangerous situations - then even small troubles are very painfully experienced. The totality of accumulated traumas in a previous life can lead to a heightened perception of the experience of current fears and anxieties.

What else could play a role? We are all very different in our ability to overcome difficulties. This is directly related to the development of the human will. There are people who understand everything with their minds, but their will is not sufficiently formed, therefore, the ability for purposeful volitional effort is also limited. There are people who, in difficult situations, are able to mobilize, look their fear in the eye and go straight for it, one might say - through. And there are people who are constantly looking for detours, trying to avoid these dangerous life situations, being careful, insuring themselves, or for the time being create illusions for themselves that “this does not concern me”, “this danger will pass by”, “only others die” , “only others get sick”, “for me, this does not exist”.

Depending on the type of nervous system, on temperament and the emerging type of personality, each person has his own specific form of psychological protection from unforeseen and dangerous situations. It can be said that there is a certain set of human behavior strategies by which a person overcomes his fear and anxiety.

There are people who tend to panic in a moment of danger. They do not struggle with their fear in any way, they do not look for any workarounds to solve problems - they immediately capitulate, give up and begin to tremble with their whole being. In biology, there is such a phenomenon - a living organism can fall into suspended animation, in a state of stupor or hibernation. People can behave in exactly the same way: once - and a person closes, psychologically “slams”, enters a kind of capsule. When such a protective mechanism begins to operate, an adult can fall into a childish, infantile state. He becomes a helpless, naive, stupid creature who cannot be responsible for his words and deeds. On the basis of such a state, a person can make a "care for the disease." In the face of a dangerous situation, a person can develop various somatic ailments, because the disease of the body is much easier to bear than the internal state of fear. At this moment, a person’s lower back can be pinched, and the pressure can jump, and the heart can hurt ...

In difficult situations, such a person always has some kind of sore that relieves him of responsibility for making decisions. He lies down in a hospital bed or on a home sofa and says: “That's it, I'm sick.” For him, his own illness becomes a kind of refuge in which he plunges; then it is no longer he himself who decides something, but other people begin to take care of him, begin to think how to help him and how to cure him. In these cases, a person creates for himself a kind of “cocoon” out of his physical suffering, from which he does not want to leave. He is sick and does not want to get better. Why? Because as soon as he recovers, he needs to be responsible for his actions and solve real problems. There are neurotic people who have a whole bunch of diseases. These diseases are a manifestation of psychosomatics: they are part of a psychological reaction to life problems that have arisen. One disease ends, another begins. They get sick, get sick and get sick ... Often doctors treat them and cannot cure them: either one part of the body hurts, then another: either the liver, then the spleen, then the lower back, then pressure, and again in a circle. And these people go to the doctors, get treated, but they can't get cured for a long time, because at the heart of this bouquet of symptoms there is a psychological root - "avoiding problems." This psychological mechanism may be conscious or may be unconscious.

Such people do not want to get well, because they receive some benefit from their position as an "eternally sick person." The logic is simple: "What do you want from a sick person?" Nothing can be taken from him, nothing can be entrusted to him. In our practice, there were such people who really wanted to ask the question: “What will you do when you are cured? Do you have any plan for the future?”

Of course, most often we can see such a bouquet of suffering and such a line of behavior in older people. There are quite a lot of people who have retired and no longer work, and that's when some troubles begin in the family, or there are losses of loved ones (the husband died, the wife died, a close relative), and the person begins to walk in a vicious circle constantly emerging sores: he goes to the doctors, is treated, but he does not get better, because he does not know how to live now.

At the heart of pathological types of fear and anxiety, which are called phobias, as a rule, there is always a reason - the initial experience, when a person encountered some difficulties, was confused, humiliated, depressed or shocked. This experience of experiencing one's weakness is involuntarily deposited in a person's memory. They are postponed and forgotten, because unpleasant, traumatic, painful events are forced out of a person’s consciousness, but do not disappear completely. Z. Freud wrote about this. After a certain amount of time, this can manifest itself in the form of a pathological kind of fear, which suddenly suddenly falls on a person. Out of nowhere, suddenly a person has an obsessive fear, horror from the fact that, say, he finds himself in a crowd of people. And he can't understand why. A person once, perhaps a very long time ago, received a blow to his nervous system, his psyche, his personal structure, something in him trembled, broke, some kind of “crack” arose, and over time it only grows. . And now, after some period of time, new circumstances of life can be superimposed on this experience, and as a result, fear can come to a person a second time, in the form of a state of phobia. A painful state of mind arises, which he can no longer drive away by an effort of will, since now this state already owns him.

Many types of fear are born in childhood, and our experience of practical work shows that often people who are already maybe 40-50 years old turn out to be at the reception, but they say that throughout their lives they have carried some kind of fear associated, for example, with the fact that the father drank, severely flogged the child with a belt. Children who were disliked by their own parents, severely punished, humiliated and threatened to be kicked out of the house grow up neurotic. Some of them even develop mental illness or become suicidal.

— Please tell us more about the fears coming from childhood.

- It happens that children's fears can be provoked not by aggression, but by the indifference of parents - for example, the indifferent, emotionally cold attitude of the mother towards the child. For example, a woman initially wanted to have an abortion, but did not, the child was still born, but he may later cause her irritation and anger. When a child turns out to be unwanted, unnecessary, when he is perceived as a burden, the mother can treat him cruelly. Very often, the reason for the emotional rejection of the child is resentment against the husband, the father of the child, who drank, cheated or left the family during pregnancy. Look, the child is not to blame for anything, but he lives and develops in an atmosphere of maternal dislike, indifference, lack of some kind of warmth and affection.

In order for children to develop well, study well, be reasonable, maternal care, affection and love are very important. Especially in the first six months, when a woman is still feeding a child, bringing it to her breast, when she sings lullabies to him, when she gently kisses him. At this moment, the attachment of the child to the mother, a positive attitude towards her, as well as a positive attitude of the mother towards the child is formed. And when these relationships are symmetrical, the child develops well.

But many children don't get it. After all, now there are such young women who do not want to breastfeed, because they are afraid to spoil the figure. The child does not receive mother's milk, he is fed mixtures, he is rarely picked up; some nanny is raising him, but not his mother. This alienation from the mother, the lack of emotional warmth, manifestations of love, tenderness deprives the child of a very important resource from which his soul, psyche and his personality are fed. As a result, the older the child, the more such unpleasant consequences appear. Just in children who are not loved, unkind to their mother at a very early age, very often unaccountable tension, fear, timidity, and self-doubt appear. Such children are often afraid of both the dark and strangers.

In addition, conflicts between parents are very sensitive for the child. Some parents think that at an early age you should not even worry about this. And they swear in front of the child with dirty words, sometimes they even fight, insult each other, express some kind of aggression, throw various objects at each other. In fact, the younger the child, the more strongly such a conflict situation affects him. Of course, the divorce of parents has the most negative effect on the psyche of children. They can become seriously ill from this. Some have night terrors, enuresis, stuttering, nervous tics, bronchial asthma, and chronic digestive disorders.

Some fears, fortunately, go away on their own with age. If the parents catch on in time, they nevertheless begin to understand that the child has begun psychosomatic reactions of a neurotic plan, they can correct the situation. It is possible to treat the symptoms, but if the situation in the family does not become more favorable, if the parents do not approach this child with attention, with love, if they do not learn to build good relationships with him and with each other, then, naturally, these fears are reinforced, and then cause the development of some mental illness.

- It turns out that fears are closely related to the situation in our family?

- Of course. The causes of fears can be conflicting relationships in the family or with other people that we encounter in society.

For example, there is a type of fear that is associated with the perception of space: claustrophobia is the fear of enclosed spaces, and agoraphobia is the fear of open spaces and large crowds of people. People with agoraphobia are afraid to ride in transport, in particular, they are very afraid to go down the subway; they are afraid to leave the house, to the street, especially when it is broad daylight, when everyone is running somewhere... We, Muscovites, have already adapted and do not notice, but people who come from some Russian outback say: “Oh , you Muscovites are all crazy here; you live in such a frantic rhythm. I often go to lectures on the subway, in the early morning hours, when everyone goes to work. In the passage, no one talks to anyone, there is a tense silence, only the measured clatter of feet is heard: we are changing from one train to another. We see frozen, closed, "deaf" faces of people. Many with headphones, immersed in their phones, smartphones, tablets. No one is interested in anyone, alienation is complete. Moreover, people stand face to face and nose to nose, it happens that they drive for forty minutes in one direction.

We live in a social space that violates all the laws of normal human communication. Because each person has a personal psychological space, the optimal distance that he sets between himself and another person. But in such a metropolis as Moscow, all these spaces are violated. Surely your personal space is invaded by someone whom you do not know, whom you did not invite, who, perhaps, smells bad or behaves provocatively, who is completely indifferent to you, etc. There are people who are terribly afraid of this crowd of people in transport, especially in the subway.

From the experience of consultations, I want to say that when such agoraphobia falls on a person, he cannot work, because. I have to take the subway to work every day. Basically, this phobia affects women, and women who live in the family circle, but feel their loneliness due to some kind of discord in relations with loved ones. When people live nearby, but not together, under the roof of one house, a person experiences a feeling of loneliness. The destruction of the family, which represents the psychological and spiritual unity of people, causes serious injury to the human soul. A person begins to acutely feel his helplessness and defenselessness, the uselessness and uselessness of his existence. He often loses the meaning of his life. We feel good when we have a sense of community, spiritual and psychological unity, belonging to each other. When we have a “feeling We”, then we are strong, self-confident, calm. We can be very different, everyone can do their own thing, but it is important for us to have a “feeling of the elbow”, to feel support and interest in our affairs and success from close people.

When there is no such involvement - and this is now in many families - when the husband has his own life, the wife has her own, the child has her own life, then we become lonely in the circle of close people. We met in the evening, had dinner, kissed, went to bed, ran away again in the morning. parallel life. This alienation gives rise to a deep sense of orphanhood, the meaninglessness of existence. God created man in such a way that he needs someone else. A person needs face-to-face communication, he needs trust, community, closeness, he needs unanimity and support. As soon as this personal connection is lost, the person falls ill. The trigger for this phobia can be a heightened experience of the feeling of loneliness that comes to a person at this moment when people are nearby, but not together. Like a trip to the subway - "we are close, but not together."

- Irina Nikolaevna, you said that different people react differently to stress, to fear. One person goes ahead, the other is looking for workarounds, the third closes in a "house" ... Are these reactions congenital or acquired? Can a person change their reactions? A person who is used to going to the "house" can force himself to go ahead, for example?

- It depends on how far the situation has gone, how painful the symptoms have gripped the person. In order for a person to be able to fight this, he must first analyze the situation, he must be able to reflect. Following his feelings, his physiological state, he must come to a conclusion, and honestly admit to himself what he is afraid of.

I will give my personal example. I myself had experience of dealing with the fear of public speaking - social phobia. During a speech in front of a large audience, fear can literally paralyze us: this disrupts our thinking and speech, at this moment a person can become confused, suddenly sweat, become absent-minded, forgetful. When we graduated from Moscow State University, in our diploma there was an entry about the specialty received: "psychologist, teacher of psychology." I told myself then that I want to do science and I will never work as a teacher. I said that because I had a feeling of self-doubt inside me, fear large audiences. And in the nineties, when the restructuring of the Russian economy began, you just had to survive, earn money in order to feed your family and take care of loved ones. On reflection, I realized at that moment that I had no other choice but to go to teach psychology at the Institute for Advanced Training of Teachers. There were no other jobs then.

And now imagine that the preparation for the first lecture caused me very serious inner feelings, a reaction of fear, almost panic. I remember how I wrote notes until late, read books endlessly ... I ironed all my clothes, put on my best high-heeled shoes, combed my hair carefully. In general, I was terribly worried. The anxiety was such that I could not even sleep at that moment. And, of course, when I came to the lecture, I experienced real horror: there were only men in the hall! I remember that I laid out my papers on the teacher's table. But I couldn't even take my eyes off the audience and look at my notes. It seemed to me that as soon as I looked at the papers, everyone would see that I did not know the material well enough. And it paralyzed me so much ... There was terrible stiffness, my speech was all torn into separate phrases ... When this lecture ended, I felt that I could hardly stand on my feet: everything was stiff ... The blouse literally stuck to my back. And then ... Then the exit from this state began, which also lasted for another two whole days. I endlessly replayed all my phrases in my memory, analyzed them endlessly and experienced a bitter feeling that everything had gone wrong. It was very bad in my soul ... I experienced my failure painfully.

But, probably, studying at the Faculty of Psychology helped - after all, I still had a setting for reflection. I began to analyze myself mercilessly: what am I afraid of? Apparently, the fear was due to the fact that I really was not ready enough for classes. I had to admit to myself that I do not yet know this material enough to do without notes. Most importantly, I admitted to myself then that when I was preparing for the lecture, I cared more about looking perfect, so that my appearance would correspond to some notorious “norm”. I realized that I have a bias towards the pursuit of the external, to the detriment of the internal content of the lecture. I believe that my healing began from that moment, from the realization that I was more worried about the outside than about the inside.

At that moment, I passed a harsh sentence on myself: for a public lecture, for working with an audience, I am not yet ready enough. And you had to come to terms with this, with this realization that even though you have only fives in your diploma, this type of activity is new for you, you need to learn this, gain experience. And above all, you need to learn to overcome yourself, your fear.

This situation really helped me a lot. Once in it, I realized that I had to get used to the idea that I would have to prepare for these lectures day by day and learn to speak, to communicate with the audience. I also realized that if I talk about something new, about something that will be interesting for people, it will attract their attention of listeners, then I can think less about the outside. Thus, the rearrangement of emphasis from form to content liberated me in some way. I can’t say that everything went smoothly on the second try, but at least I realized that I discovered my fear and decided to move forward, towards my fear, overcoming my weakness. I could not imagine then that the work of a psychology teacher would later become my permanent occupation.

One of the ways to fight fear is to move towards it: when a person does not hide, does not avoid responsibility, does not turn aside, does not look for some kind of escape routes, does not capitulate, giving up his goals and objectives. The most dangerous thing, when something didn’t work out, caused an inferiority complex, to say to yourself: “Well, that’s it, I’d rather not do this at all; I can't bear this disgrace." It is very important to be able to fight with your fear, live with it, even use its appearance so that it charges us to work, to search in our souls for new development resources. To do this, you need to activate your will, you need to fight for yourself.

A believer has an important, saving remedy for overcoming difficulties: when we are afraid of something, we don’t want it, or we don’t know how to do it very well, we can pray and do some work that has been entrusted to us, for the sake of Christ. When you start doing “for the sake of Christ”, you understand that the performance of a specific activity is your Christian duty, your direct duty. We Christians must not run away from responsibility, from this vital Cross. We must voluntarily take responsibility for the work entrusted to us, and patiently bear all the labor that is due to this. When a person is proud, he, as a rule, suffers from perfectionism, and argues like this: “If I can’t immediately do this thing with high performance, then I’m not good for this business at all. That's not mine!". No, you can't think like that! One must be able to put up with the state of discipleship: today I can do this, tomorrow I will do a little better, the day after tomorrow a little better. If I practice, if I diligently study a new business that I have never done before, then over time I will definitely master it. Then, imperceptibly, the fear will go away, and some additional personal resources will appear that make a person stronger, stronger.

“Does it mean you have to force yourself?”

- Yes. Persuasion is a very important personal resource. But compulsion must be supported by some motives of a higher order. For the sake of the well-being of loved ones, for the sake of Christ, the feat of overcoming one's weakness is already born here. What is a "feat"? This means that you are moving forward, overcoming your natural weaknesses and limitations, becoming a person guided by the will of God and realizing a certain meaning.

It is natural for a person to be afraid, to be frightened, especially when he realizes that he has been entrusted with some very responsible business. But here we are checking how we act. Remember, there is an episode in the Gospel when the apostles are sailing on the Lake of Gennesaret, and Christ along with them. The Savior sleeps peacefully in the stern, and the apostles see that a storm is beginning. They push Him aside and say: “Lord! We are dying! And He says to them in response: “Why are you so fearful, you of little faith?” Those. timidity is at the same time a lack of our faith. Thus, timidity is considered in Orthodoxy as a sin. And the root of all sin is pride, pride. After all, we rely more on ourselves than on the help of God, and therefore we experience various fears.

And vice versa, when a person has a spiritual experience, the ability to surrender to the will of God, he is given a special inner peace, courage and strength.

- It is quite difficult for a person who is focused on solving some momentary and often quite selfish tasks.

- It is noticeable that people who suffer from various phobic, neurotic disorders are not oriented to the future. It is very important for a person that he develops, improves himself, so that he is constantly striving towards the Kingdom of Heaven. When we come to the church for a service, the first exclamation with which the liturgy begins is: "Blessed is the Kingdom of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit." People are reminded of the purpose for which we live and walk the Earth. Striving for such a future is… like a light at the end of a tunnel. The desire to enter the Kingdom of Heaven fills us and our lives with meaning. For the sake of this, it is worth enduring the darkness and crampedness of this movement, some of our own life hardships, the burden of responsibility that is entrusted to us.

People who suffer from phobic disorders are more likely to be past-oriented. This is one of the characteristic features of their lifestyle. Experiencing states of fear, a person is afraid of the future, he does not want to change anything. At some point, he wants to say: "Stop, a moment!". If he had any losses, the person suffered, then finally there was some kind of calm. And a person wants to remain in this state forever, and does not want to move forward in any way. He clings to some of his "crutches", to some form of psychological defense that he has developed. Any change in the situation for him carries a feeling of something unpleasant, which unsettles him again. Such people stop in development.

By the way, I read in one article that one of the characteristic causes of phobias is rigidity (conservativeness) of thinking. Man aspires to some kind of constant, to an unchanging state of his being. Those. he does not want to grow, learn, change. Somewhere inside himself, he finds a foothold, and holds on to it. For him, predictability is better than unpredictability.

We are all different from each other in this respect. For example, when a person goes on a trip. Some people took and went. They are sure that if something is needed, they will buy, find, orient themselves. But there are people who do not want to go anywhere, and believe that they should not go far from home, because everything is dangerous, and the house is regarded as a bomb shelter - "my house is my fortress."

- If fear gripped a person - there is no psychiatrist nearby, no psychologist nearby. How to deal with it?

If a person is engaged in creative activities, then he can switch to his favorite hobby. Drawing, singing, playing music or simply listening to calm melodies can also have a healing, psychotherapeutic effect. After all, there is a direction of psychotherapeutic work, which is called "art therapy", i.e. art therapy. It is important to interrupt the painful and unpleasant flow of thoughts, you need to make a switch. It is very dangerous to be in a vicious circle of difficult problems from which a person cannot get out. In this case, he programs himself for the development of painful suspiciousness and fear.

- What are the productive methods of overcoming chronic fear? Not leaving him, namely helping yourself!

- The most constructive method is the acquisition of such qualities as courage, courage, courage. What are these qualities based on? In my opinion, this is spiritual strength and devotion to some truly high idea.

Let's remember the Great Patriotic War. What people have experienced is unimaginable! What fierce battles there were: the same blockade of Leningrad, Kursk, Stalingrad ... This is incomprehensible to the mind. On the one hand, it is clear that they were also very scared. But patriotism, love for the Motherland strengthened their strength. At this moment, people showed miracles of courage and heroism. It turns out that there is such a resource of courage and courage in a person that allows him to be the first to go on the attack.

Many films have been made on this topic, and indeed, it often happens that a person initially did not have a fighting character, not such a physically hardened organism ... But if he was driven by some high idea, a big goal, or he wanted to avenge his murdered relatives , such a person gained additional strength. The war showed that when a person burns with spirit, when he wants to carry out a just retribution, his spiritual power can overcome the fear of death, which is common to all people.

Not so long ago I read the diaries of Father John Krestyankin. He was a man who saw very poorly, wore thick lenses. As the NKVD officers seized him on a false denunciation, these glasses broke on his first day. He remained in the state of a nearly blind man. Moreover, he was a man of deep faith, praying, who generally had no idea how to physically stand up for himself. Probably, he was very scared in these conditions of the Stalinist camps, in conditions of complete uncertainty and unpredictability. He describes one incident from his life: they, the repressed, were driven to a place of detention. And on the way there was a moment when it was necessary to overcome the river. It was necessary to walk along a narrow log from one bank to another; otherwise, a person would fall into an abyss and be broken. Father John Krestyankin writes in his memoirs: “I remember that I prayed for a long time that the Lord would help me overcome the obstacle, but I don’t remember at all how I actually walked along a narrow log without glasses. This is a miracle and the grace of God. I came to myself already on the other side. No one could help me, because it was very narrow there. How I got through, God alone knows.”

When a person really trusts in the mercy of God in extreme, critical situations, then there are some amazing forces and opportunities to overcome what is impossible even to imagine.

Of course, everything depends on the spiritual maturity of the individual. Courage is a spiritual quality, it can be characteristic of both women and men. And women have such fates! What only women didn’t go through: they took in other people’s children for education, and they themselves were scouts, and they carried the wounded from the battlefield, and were captured ... In general, it’s impossible to imagine: how can a woman not die of fear in such an environment ?! After all, any person could humiliate, and offend, and destroy physically. But people still survived, somehow overcame these incredible difficulties. There are absolutely inexplicable resources here, very high, holy experiences, thanks to which a person becomes a hero.

On the one hand, we are doomed to live in this world that lies in evil. On the other hand, we can be immune to the evil of this world; and we can even influence this world, illuminate it with our faith, our presence. When a person is filled with an understanding of such a height of his task, he can internally collect himself and stand to the last, endure what seems to be impossible to endure at all.

I once had a difficult period in my life. I remember I came to the priest, I said: “Father, I have no strength either spiritual or physical, I am very discouraged.” And then there was fear, and some kind of depression ... My husband was then very seriously ill. The priest then told me: “Overcoming fear is like walking on water. As long as you see Christ, as long as you walk, trusting Him, you will overcome everything. And as soon as you look at your feet, you begin to feel sorry for yourself, you see that you are walking on water, on some unsteady surface, and you begin to sink!

And looking back, you understand how everything was said correctly and on time. Because when a problem arises with many unknowns, it is very important for a person to “see the forest for the trees”. Viktor Frankl, a well-known psychologist and philosopher, created a whole area of psychotherapeutic work, which he called "logotherapy", meaning therapy. He also visited the camps, found himself in those conditions of life when he was mocked, humiliated, when he had to live with a feeling of constant fear of death ... The only way to cope with all this is to gain an understanding that all trials have their own meaning . In order for a person to overcome something in himself, to survive, so that he realizes his destiny, he must have a real, meaningful, big goal.

Still, man is miraculously arranged. On the one hand, he feels his frailty, fragility, some kind of weakness; and on the other hand, a person is great and strong: with his mind, spirit, and will. There is nothing stronger than this, it turns out. Strength of mind and willpower makes a hero out of a weak person.

It is important to notice the cowardice in oneself in time, which comes from pride, from the desire to protect oneself, to spread straws for oneself, to give up all worries - “I’d rather not do this, I’d rather give it up.” There is a literary character - teacher Belikov, from the story of A.P. Chekhov "The Man in the Case". You can make a "case" from your work, from your family, from your home. While he is in this "case" - it seems to him that he is strong. And if something changes, it can die of fear.

Remember, Christ says: “Whoever wants to save his soul will destroy it, and whoever destroys it for the sake of Me and the Gospel will save it.” This is a place in the gospel that is not easy to grasp. If by our own efforts we try to protect and protect ourselves from all troubles, we try to lay straws for ourselves everywhere, then we destroy our human soul, because in this case we cannot fulfill our destiny. And if a person, with the help of the Savior Christ, humbly accepts all life circumstances and sorrows, perceiving them as trials given by God, the person gains the salvation of the soul, he becomes a Christian and confirms his calling.

Human personality is not limited to nature. Each person must decide on the questions: “Who are you?”, “What do you live for?”, “What goals do you set for yourself?”. Depending on the answers that a person gives to these questions, his personal resource and his entire subsequent life are determined: a person will be strong and courageous, or weak and cowardly. It is for us to choose.

To get rid of anxiety: remote (online) course "Overcoming fears and anxieties"

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Fear is the most ancient and powerful deity of the human subconscious. It is this property, generated by the instinct of self-preservation, that laid the foundation for all religions. Primitive man was afraid of everything that surrounds him - natural phenomena, wild animals, serious illnesses. He lived in ignorance, and the unknown breeds fear. The first beliefs of mankind were associated with the environment - the animal and plant world. The modern inhabitant of the Earth has almost lost touch with the primary sources, but the instincts and laws of nature are dormant in each of us.

Belief in this primeval fearsome god is much stronger than any other belief. To succumb to fear is to believe that something bad and terrible will definitely happen, and a favorable outcome is in no way possible. Fear is a natural and necessary phenomenon. It is designed to help a person survive. If this feeling is moderate, it simply signals danger. But often fears develop into obsessive states and phobias that impede personal development and social growth. How to overcome fear, if it interferes with a full life?

The deity of fear lives within us, it cannot be driven away or killed. Fighting him is also pointless, because he has one feature - the more you fight him, the stronger he becomes. This situation is reminiscent of the Greek myth of the hydra, in which two new ones grew in place of a cut head. Most people who try to overcome their fear make the same mistake, which is to fight it openly.

What to do if this monster follows you everywhere or comes at the most inopportune moments? There is only one way out of this problem - not to fight fear, but to learn how to manage it. Tame it like a tiger trainer, become aware of this being within your soul and thank it. After all, it is fear that makes you pay attention to what threatens your safety and well-being. Do not blame yourself, do not call a coward and a loser. Accept the situation as it is. Just admit that you are afraid.

When you have gone through the process of accepting yourself, move on to the next steps.

Step 1. Figure out what specifically scares you and what real harm it can do to you. Is your fear justified by a real threat, or are you just overworking yourself? For example, a person is terrified of spiders, and of all - large and small, poisonous and safe. At one word "spider" his knees are shaking. He must wonder what harm this animal can do to him? If this is an African hairy spider, then it should be feared, but there is simply no point in being afraid of harmless domestic spiders.

Step 2. Imagine the possible consequences of an unpleasant situation that you are afraid of, and highlight the worst possible scenario. Example. The boss called his subordinate "on the rug." The most that can happen to him is dismissal. This is not the worst thing in life, and perhaps even a chance to look for a new better job. However, the formidable image of the boss and the bitter anticipation of a conversation with him can cause a panic attack or even a nervous breakdown in an employee.

Step 3: Look your fear in the eye. Don't run from him or hide. Of course, the easiest way is to protect yourself from the source of discomfort, but this does not solve the problem, but only exacerbates it. A person with social fears cannot realize his talents and skills, achieve success in his career. As a result, he becomes unhappy and offended by the whole world.

To tame fear, you need to face it as often as possible. Over time, you will get used to and behave more confidently in situations that previously caused you to panic.

Step 4. Act in spite of fear. Writers like to apply the adjective "fearless" to brave, charismatic heroes. But in fact, there are no fearless people, it’s just that some have the courage to do something when they are scared, while others give up. There is nothing shameful in fear. Everyone tends to be afraid. Alexander the Great was also afraid, but conquered Babylon.

Step 5. Distracting maneuver. If you have a panic attack, try to switch to other thoughts. Recall some funny story. Think about the results of your actions. Stop believing that you won't succeed! Think as if what you wished for has already come true, as if there is no other way. Find the motivation why you should tame fear - a lofty goal, self-realization, the well-being of loved ones.

Step 6. Do not think about the opinions of others. Often people are afraid to do something because if they fail, they will be judged or ridiculed. Inspire yourself - this is my goal, my business, and I do it the way I can. You can not be the first everywhere and like everyone without exception. There will always be people who will envy and turn their legs. But there will also be those who will support you, although you are not ideal.

Thus, fear should be made your ally, not your enemy. In no case should you suppress the anxiety state with alcohol, drugs or strong sedatives. All these means only create the appearance of calmness, while fear itself is driven deep into the subconscious, where it receives excellent ground for further growth.

We feed fears with self-hypnosis, self-doubt, low self-esteem. Tell yourself - "I will do it! May not be better than the rest, but I will do it! Even if at first it turns out badly, it doesn’t matter. The archer, before shooting accurately, tries to hit the bullseye many times. Courage also needs training. And it doesn't matter what a person is afraid of - to propose to his girlfriend or to jump with a parachute. The nature of this fear is the same. Having understood its essence, one can learn to control internal emotions, directing them in a useful direction.

It catches the breath, cold or heat in the whole body, rapid heartbeat, everything shrinks inside ... This state is familiar to every person.

Some experience fear rarely enough, others experience these feelings every day. Fears vary in intensity of experience - it can be either just anxiety and physical anxiety, or a state that terrifies a person.

In the generally accepted view, situations associated with violence, shock events, and accidents are considered frightening. However, “usual”, seemingly favorable situations can scare and injure no less. For example, minor traffic accidents, medical or surgical procedures, domestic quarrels and scandals.

In psychology, there are several types of fears:

A phobia is an anxiety condition that occurs in certain situations. A person is afraid of something specific - heights, closed spaces, large crowds of people.
Fear that arises as a result of a traumatic event (accident, situations associated with various kinds of violence, emergencies, surgical interventions).
Anxiety associated with events that may occur in the future (fear of death, fear of illness of loved ones, fear of failure).

Working with fears

In our society, it is generally accepted that fear is bad, and being afraid is shameful. People try to overcome their fears in every way: periodically facing the same fear, they force themselves to get used to it (train themselves not to be afraid), go in for extreme sports (so that the body gets used to the release of adrenaline and in other terrifying situations it would not be so scary) , hold their breath (again, so that the body gets used to the release of adrenaline and hypoxia and is more stress-resistant in anxious situations).

But which of these is really effective? How to deal with fears and is it worth fighting them?

Fear is a state that occurs in a person when he is faced with a real threat to his life. The first and natural reaction in this case is fading. This is the deepest and most important reaction. Freeze in order to stop and orient in the situation, to understand how to escape. Freezing, a person chooses the necessary tactics of behavior further. There are only three of them:

Struggle. This is the most primitive way of protection. If the situation requires a certain aggressiveness and a person feels the strength to fight, then he enters the fight.
Escape. If the threat is so strong that it is pointless to fight, then the person takes to flight.
Further fading (stupor). In the event that fight or flight is impossible, or the situation does not imply such behavior, the organism switches to the only possible alternative behavior - further freezing. The energy that could have been naturally discharged in previous tactics of behavior remains inside a person, disturbing his emotional state. Some people, after some time, can still throw out these experiences, feeling helpless or experiencing outbursts of anger. For the rest, this “frozen” energy remains undischarged.

Having experienced certain traumatic events, a person intuitively begins to help himself. He avoids those places where subsequent injury can be received. This prevents him from being injured again, but creates chronic tension throughout the body. We must constantly be in good shape, try not to get into the same situation. At some point, tension will make itself felt. It may not necessarily be any disease or muscle clamps, often it manifests itself in hypervigilance (a person is constantly “on the alert”), obsessive images, hyperactivity, excessive emotionality and fearfulness, night terrors and nightmares, mood swings, outbursts of anger and irritability.

There is an alternative behavior - a person, on the contrary, as if on purpose, begins to fall into similar stressful situations in order to again and again experience emotions that were not experienced in the past and try to survive them now, to complete this vicious circle of fear. Not all the consequences of the events that frighten us pass quickly and without a trace, a lot develops into psychological traumas with which a person lives for years, and sometimes all his life.

Many people expect from articles like this to be given a series of recommendations on how to cope with their own fears without seeking help from a specialist. Indeed, there are such recommendations, but it all depends on what kind of fear is present and how pronounced it is.

If it's a little anxiety when flying, or moderate anxiety before public speaking, then it is possible to overcome it on your own using various breathing techniques. Another thing is when this fear prevents a person from living a full life. For example, a person has a pathological fear of falling ill with fatal diseases, and because of this he is in constant anxiety. Or a strong fear of enclosed space, and in our time it is impossible to completely avoid them.

It is important for every person to take care of their mental health. If our body is sick, then we go to the doctors to be cured. It is clear that because of a banal cold, no one will run to the laura, and if it is appendicitis, one cannot do without the surgical intervention of specialists. It's the same with mental health. If this fear does not interfere with a full-fledged life of a person and does not introduce him into a state of chronic anxiety, then you can use the following methods to reduce it, but if this fear violates the usual rhythm of a person’s life, interferes with his further development, then you can’t do without the help of specialists.

Whatever fear it is, it is needed for something, it matters for a person. And the first thing they do in working with him is to recognize his right to exist. Fear is a basic, biological, extremely necessary feeling. It is impossible to completely get rid of it. Fear helps us survive, protects us from potentially dangerous situations.

It is important to understand what is behind each specific fear, what is its real reason. If we are talking about a specific injury, it is important for a person to experience the fear that lives in him again, but in a safe environment. The therapist creates conditions in which the client will not be so anxious, he will be able to relive the terrible events that have occurred and throw out the feelings that remain inside him. So without entering the struggle then, the individual may experience a flash of anger, despair or impotence, and instead of fleeing, he is left with a feeling of helplessness. All this is complemented, as a rule, by feelings of shame and guilt. It is important to express this bundle of feelings, while receiving enough support and sympathy. It is necessary to complete the interrupted fight-or-flight defenses and exit from the state of stupor.

In the treatment of such conditions, a lot of attention is paid to corporality. Fear, trauma live in the body, you need to find access to them and help get out. Traumatic symptoms are created not only by an incomplete bodily reaction, but also by an incomplete reaction of the nervous system.

If for some reason it is not possible to go to an appointment with a specialist, it is important not to be alone with your own fear. You can turn to a loved one to whom you can tell about your experiences and get enough support and understanding from him, including bodily support (friendly hugs, the feeling that you are not alone).

In case this is a sudden attack of fear and there are no close people nearby, you can follow a few rules:

"Ground". A person should feel his support. They can be not only external, but also internal. Our main support is our feet, what we stand or sit on. Support is better when standing. You need to focus on your feelings and feel the surface on which a person stands, feel the strength that is in the legs and in the rest of the body.
Focus on breathing. Breathe deeply and slowly, the exhalation should be longer than the inhalation. Concentrate your sensations on the movements of the abdomen, you can even put your hand on it and feel how it breathes.
Specify my bodily sensations: what I really feel, what sensations I have in my body. If these are not unexpected attacks, but some specific fears, you can try to explore your fear on your own:
1. Define clearly what the fear is.
2. Where in the body is fear felt and what are its manifestations. The very detailed description of the physical sensation already reduces some of the fear. What exactly is felt in the body, where there is heat or cold, tingling, tension, some part of the body may not be felt at all. Under what circumstances does this fear increase and what contributes to its reduction.
3. Draw your fear, give it a name.
4. Try to intensify those bodily manifestations that accompany fear. If it is a tremor in the knees, then increase the trembling in the knees.
5. Feel what you want to do because of this trembling (to approach someone, or vice versa to express aggression).
6. You can also imagine yourself as a fearsome character, such as a spider or a bully. Often a person is afraid of what is in himself.

In conclusion, I will give a few examples of working with fears from personal practice:

Irina, 29 years old, came to psychotherapy with a panic fear of dogs. “When I pass by yard dogs, I start shaking all over inside, I shrink, I have a feeling that they will all pounce on me and bite me. I’ve been afraid of dogs for a long time, but I used to bypass them and that’s all, and recently we moved, we have a yard dog in the entrance, everyone says it’s harmless and kind, the neighbors feed it, but I’m still afraid, every time I get out of the elevator with horror and I think she's there. Don't even leave the house."

In working with her, we found out that once in her childhood she was attacked and bitten by a dog, moreover, a friend. The first step was to work with her childhood trauma and the fact that then in childhood she did not receive enough support and comfort. Then we worked out the fear of getting stabbed in the back from familiar people, those whom you know and trust. And at the last stage of the work, I asked Irina to identify herself with her image of fear - to imagine herself as a dog. In the course of this work, such hidden features as anger and aggression were revealed. After working with fear, when she met dogs again, of course, she experienced anxiety, but not panic horror.

Dima, 9 years old, was brought by her mother with a fear of the dark. “Afraid to sleep without light, afraid to enter a room when there is no light, cannot turn on the light himself, asks someone to do it, often has nightmares.”

With Dima, we explored where his fear lives in his room, what it is. And at home, he and his mother in a dark room with a candle checked all the scary and frightening places. In working with children, the technique also helps well when, in fear, there is someone strong next to the child who will protect him from all dangers. In one of the classes, we made up stories with him from pictures, where he made up some scary stories. In one story, a superman appeared who came to the boy's aid and destroyed the spiders. Dima said that he would like to become such a superman himself in order to protect everyone.

In the course of further work, it turned out that the boy would very much like to protect and protect his mother from all experiences. Dima's parents divorced 4 years ago. According to his mother, the boy took this event calmly, but in reality he had strong inner feelings. With Dima, we continued to work on his open experiences, but the image of Superman helped him in the future when he encountered situations that frightened him.

Maxim, 41 years old. He asked: “I get anxious when someone swears or conflicts, when I meet aggressive people on the street, I want to run away, I’m afraid that if a situation arises when I have to protect my family from hooligans, I won’t be able to stand up for my loved ones. An adult man, but I'm afraid like a boy.

The work was carried out with the body, with bodily clamps, because the man was squeezed in his shoulders, hunched over, complained of frequent pains in the abdomen. Once in childhood, when he was still a very young boy, his parents often clashed, it happened that it came to a fight. At that time, he was sitting huddled in a corner, hunched over and holding his stomach. The quarrels ended, and the parents did not consider it necessary to talk with their son, explain to him what was happening and somehow support him. He was alone in this horror.

In the course of a long therapy, when we established trust and Maxim realized that I care about his experiences, he was able to cry and survive with support the difficult reality that he faced as a little boy.

There are a lot of methods of working with fear, all existing methods and techniques cannot even be described. Behind each specific fear, different people can have completely different traumatic situations, which, often, are not always on the surface. One person's fear of heights and another's fear of heights can have completely different roots. It is important for everyone to assess how strong their fear is and how much it affects the quality of a person’s life. If this fear does not interfere with a person’s full life, you can try to deal with it yourself, but if fear greatly affects the quality of a person’s life, you can’t do without the help of a specialist.

There are big differences in how believers perceive various traumatic situations. For them, these are not just annoying troubles, fears that need to be overcome. We understand that God does not give suffering beyond our strength, they are all bearable and have meaning. One has to go through these sufferings in order to experience spiritual transformation.

Psychologist, gestalt therapist Elena Serova