How to deal with an arrogant man. Communication with an arrogant person. Bad people at work

A few months ago I moved to a new job. My manager's secretary is an arrogant woman, coldly disdainful, even surreptitiously sarcastically communicating with female (I emphasize) specialists, regardless of their age and position.

Specialists are at a loss because of this, but at the same time, she is quite on friendly footing with secretaries from other departments (which means that you can find an approach to her). I have never encountered arrogant people before, so I am confused and don’t know what strategy to choose to communicate with her.

On the one hand, I want to maintain a good working relationship with her in order to successfully interact (some of the results of my work depend on such interaction), on the other hand, I’m afraid, having lost the “golden mean”, to switch to a self-deprecating style of communication, fawning.

Please tell me how to behave. Your answer will help not only me, but also my colleagues.

Answers:

In terms of religion:

The attitude of our religion to such a character trait as arrogance is unequivocally negative, because Allah in the Qur'an said (meaning): « ... verily Allah does not love the arrogant» (Sura An-Nakhl, verse 29).

إِنَّهُ لَا يُحِبُّ الْمُسْتَكْبِرِينَ

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: « He will not enter Paradise in whose heart there is at least a grain of pride» (“Shuabul-iman”, No. 8199).

لا يدخل الجنة من في قبله مثقال حبة من خردل من كبر

There are a lot of hadiths that condemn pride. Thus, pride is considered one of the great sins. Of course, if possible, it would be good to somehow delicately tell her about it. Alternatively, you can send an anonymous letter, including e-mail. In order for your instruction to be successful, avoid harsh expressions in it, not to mention insults. Emphasize that this is condemned in Islam and causes a negative attitude of others.

In no case do not do the forbidden for the sake of achieving a good relationship with this woman. For example, flattery, denunciation, etc. can be such an action. In order to establish good relations with her, try to meet the requirements for a person in your position. When a person knows how to do his job well, others, including the boss, willy-nilly begin to show respect for him. The hadeeth of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) states: « Give gifts to each other and you will love each other» (“Kanzul-Ummal”, No. 15055).

تهادوا تحابوا

From the point of view of psychology:

First of all, when confronted with such people, you need to develop the correct methodological position, on which all your further actions will depend. In this we will be helped by the installation formulated at one time by the famous psychotherapist, the founder of psychosynthesis, Roberto Assagioli. He talked about the need to thank all the people who met us on the path of life, regardless of their nature, because thanks to them we can better know ourselves and enrich our life experience.

If you manage to look at what is happening through this installation, then you will feel a significant surge of strength, since the problem will already be presented in a completely different light, and this is quite an important point. In addition, this approach will allow you to remain relatively autonomous and not emotionally involved in what is happening. It is extremely important in such cases to abstract from what is happening and not allow your emotions to influence the situation. Take communication with this woman as a kind of test for the ability to establish contacts, as a game that has its own rules, breaking which would be a serious mistake. These are the rules we need to talk about.

First you need to understand the underlying motives of the behavior of the woman you describe. As a rule, such a style of behavior is characteristic of people with sick pride, who react sharply to how they are perceived in society, and besides, they are characterized by internal, carefully concealed insecurity. It is due to the interaction of these character traits that a person begins to demonstrate his superiority over those who are somehow dependent on him, and behave exactly in front of those who are equal or superior in rank. In such situations, one should ask the question of what a person receives as a result of his actions, and thus discover his basic need.

From this it follows that if you make it clear to a person that you, in principle, respect his claims to your own importance, do not openly attack him, then this person, in turn, will show reciprocal attention. This works, if only because any person with the character you describe needs someone who gives him what he wants. The main thing here is to limit the interaction to the scope of production duties. This is a kind of functional distribution of roles.

Once touched on the term "role", it is appropriate to recall the status. Status and role are closely related and are in constant interaction. In other words, the behavior of this woman is nothing more than role-playing behavior aimed at supporting and emphasizing her own status. This is the main stumbling block - it is extremely important for this woman to feel recognized in society, thereby compensating for her internal flawed feeling.

Be sure that if you maintain an even, professionally limited tone of speech in communicating with her, then the manifestation of arrogance on her part will be significantly reduced. At the same time, do not try to make friends with this woman, as this will not turn out in your favor in the end. Do not forget that other colleagues may treat her somewhat unfriendly, and your rapprochement with her will automatically cause hostility from colleagues - as they say, the friend of my enemy is my enemy.

Muhammad-Amin - Hadji Magomedrasulov
theologian
Aliaskhab Anatolievich Murzaev
psychologist-consultant of the Center for Social Assistance to Families and Children

Your response to an arrogant person is a reflection of your integrity, your ability to stand up for yourself.

You will definitely recognize them when you see them. These arrogant people with an arrogant attitude can easily ruin your day, unless, of course, you are armed with one or more of these 9 answers.

For some reason, an arrogant person is sure that he is somehow superior to you, although, in fact, we are all equal people, and the difference between us is quite insignificant. How you react to these people when you encounter them can affect your mood. Your response to an arrogant person is a reflection of your integrity, your ability to stand up for yourself.

9 phrases that will put an arrogant person in their place

Arrogant people share personality traits with people with narcissistic personality disorder, according to the 4th Edition Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, used to diagnose psychological problems:

- They are considered to be special and unique, so they can only be understood by people with a special or high status, with whom they should only communicate.

They demand excessive admiration for their personality.

- They are in an unreasonable belief that everything should happen exactly as they wish or assume.

– Perform interpersonal exploitation, that is, use others to achieve their own goals.

– They lack empathy: that is, they are unable to recognize or identify the feelings and needs of other people.

– Demonstrate arrogance through their arrogant behavior or attitude.

1. - What makes you think so?

This phrase is meant to help the arrogant person understand that he is in the grip of stereotypes, that he is simply generalizing everything, as a result of which he will stop talking in this way. We hope that such people can realize that they are saying bad things. And after this is pointed out to them, they will stop expressing such thoughts.

2. - Oh-oh-oh!

If they hurt someone's feelings, whether they are yours or someone else's, call it what you see it. We are talking about offensive expressions that are used by an arrogant person. And this exclamation will help them realize the harm they cause.

3. - You know, my mother too ...

An arrogant person is more likely to single out groups of people based on race, sexual orientation, education received, etc., which allows him to express his negative stereotypes. The thing is that by humiliating others, an arrogant person tries to exalt himself in comparison with them.

You can quickly stop negative conversations by hinting that one of your loved ones is also in the same group that the arrogant person is trying to make fun of. In this way, you will let him know that such gossip is offensive to you personally and you are not going to put up with unfair slander. Most likely, after this, the rude person will apologize, which will be the best way out of the situation for him.

4. - Do you know that there are other points of view?

You and everyone else are entitled to their own opinion. But arrogant people should understand that their negative comments should not concern other people.

5. - Tell me again, why are you better than him?

Arrogant people think they are better than others. So ask them to explain why we should treat these other people differently. To this he can give quite interesting answers, but, most likely, he will simply begin to squirm. And you will put him in a very uncomfortable position if you say that he is not higher than other people.

6. - I would be grateful if these were the last words that you said on this topic.

End this arrogant man's chatter as rudely as he himself began it. This phrase will put an end to his slander. But, again, an arrogant person, used to hearing only himself. Therefore, you will have to say it in the most intelligible way for him.

7. - Shut up already, finally.

The easiest way to end a conversation with an arrogant person is to simply walk away. And the best thing is if in the end you say some rather sharp phrase that will make him think. But it is quite possible that you will not be able to influence an impudent person even in this way. They think too highly of themselves, despite all the evidence of their meanness.

8. - I'm sure you didn't want it to sound so arrogant, right?

This phrase contains good intentions, even if you are not at all sure that the person is configured in such a way. This wording actually gives the arrogant person a chance to improve, as he can answer that he really did not want to seem rude. She will also make it clear that you refuse to support his game of belittling others.

9 . "Do you understand how arrogant you look when you say such things?"

Point out their arrogant behavior and let them know that you find it completely unacceptable. Psychologists who specialize in the study of character say that humble people are completely unconcerned with themselves, while arrogant people have an inflated opinion of themselves. Representatives of society with such a character are also characterized by manipulative actions in relation to other people.

What is arrogance and what are its characteristics? Where does arrogant behavior come from in a person, what are the reasons for arrogance? What are the risks of arrogant people? What behavior is often mistaken for being arrogant? If you are interested in the answers to all these questions, read on.

This is confidence in one's superiority, a dismissive attitude towards others. (Explanatory Dictionary of Efremova)

Arrogance is pride, arrogance, arrogance, contempt for others, lower in mind and position. (Explanatory Dictionary of Ushakov)

These definitions do not fully reveal the essence of arrogance, therefore it is better to consider in detail the characteristic features inherent in the behavior of an arrogant person.

Signs of arrogance

An arrogant person puts himself above all. He is arrogant, proud, selfish, overly proud.

You perceive communication with people not of your own circle, an arrogant person as a heavy duty that offends his dignity.

Arrogance manifests itself in indifference to the opinion of others.

A sign of arrogance is disrespect for people, ridiculing them.

Arrogant people have their own opinion on everything, which they fearlessly express. And in general, it's good, but that's just sometimes defending your point of view, they do not take into account the feelings and emotions of the people around them.

An arrogant person will never go back on his word. And if you point out to him that his words are far from the truth, and demand that he refuse them, it will seem ridiculous to him.

Such people rarely apologize, even if they are not one hundred percent right, they believe that this is below their dignity.

Signs of arrogance are readable in facial expressions that demonstrate contempt, neglect, indifference, lack of compassion.

Where does arrogance come from

In ancient Greece, they said that "arrogance gives birth to luck." The Greeks meant that a person becomes arrogant, by the will of blind fortune, by accident rising up and getting rich. But this is not always the case, sometimes the cause of arrogance is also shortcomings, such as poverty or some other shortcoming. A poor person, feeling the inferiority of his position, tries to overcome this shortcoming with the help of arrogance, and even can show it to the rich. For example, a poor person who hears a truthful remark from a rich man thinks: “You are rich, and besides, you want to teach me more? You're wrong!". That is, arrogance in this case is manifested in the denial of truth, the truth.

It turns out that trying to hide his shortcomings, his inferiority, a person puts on a mask of arrogance, which, according to the majority, is more inherent in people with certain virtues (handsome, strong, smart, rich, etc.) than with flaws.

Sometimes arrogance manifests itself when a person receives some knowledge, he imagines himself to be the smartest (for example, he demonstrates his red diploma of higher education at every opportunity), thinks that he knows everything, and you can’t argue with him anymore. He begins to look down on those around him and think of them as ignorant.

Arrogance can also be the cause of a person's high skill. For example, outstanding athletes, actors, singers, artists, etc. often suffer from star fever (also arrogance and pride). They think that their outstanding abilities give them the right to treat ordinary people with disdain.

People themselves often cultivate arrogance in those whom fate has lifted up. They begin to flatter, fawn over and please such people, which is why they begin to think that they are actually superior to the rest. As a result, they swell like a soap bubble, and their arrogance and arrogance reach enormous proportions, often exceeding the size of their position or office. As Nicolas Chamfort, a French thinker and moralist, wrote, “ Sometimes it is enough not to come to terms with arrogance and swagger in order to turn them into nothing. Sometimes it is enough not to notice them for them to become harmless.»

Likewise, arrogance is nurtured (one might say inherited) by wrong upbringing. Parents by their example, their behavior show how to communicate with people. Children absorb, for them parents are an example to follow. And if a father or mother behaves arrogantly towards others, then surely their child will grow up the same way.

What is dangerous and harmful arrogant behavior

Many believe that arrogant people are not only uninteresting, but disgusting to communicate with! An arrogant person is unpleasant to others, he has few friends, work colleagues avoid him, often does not stick in his personal life (partners run away). And this is understandable, will anyone really like it when they perceive it as a primitive substance, unless someone agrees to be recorded in the “gray mass”, and only because someone imagines himself to be a god.

Arrogance creates an obstacle to friendly communication, it can cross out any, absolutely any dignity.

arrogant man, trying to convince himself that he is the best, the most worthy, and should always be at the very top, falls into a trap. Firstly, he cannot afford to relax, so as not to drop the brand, everywhere and everywhere he must show his importance and significance. After all, the more a person loves himself, the more he depends on the opinions of others. Secondly, life is a fair thing and punishes arrogant people by trampling them into the mud. Thirdly, the proud and imagined painfully endures failures, losses and falls - “ How could this happen to me? - after all, he must always be at the very top, for him defeat is always a tragedy.

Arrogance can negatively affect a person's financial situation. Here is a quote from a book by a famous investor and entrepreneur Roberta Kiyosaki - « What I know is that I make money. Due to the fact that I do not know something, I lose money. Every time I'm arrogant, I lose my money. When I'm arrogant, I sincerely believe that what I don't know is not particularly important.«.

What behavior is not arrogant

People often confuse it with self-confidence 7 tips for gaining self-confidence), but the desire to believe in yourself, in your strength, does not at all indicate arrogance. Confidence gets along well with modesty, unlike arrogance, self-confidence is friendly to others, arrogance is always offensive. A self-confident person is always responsible for his words and deeds, unlike an arrogant person, he easily admits his mistakes.

We sometimes see arrogance where there is none. And this happens for a variety of reasons: out of shyness, out of embarrassment, or considering yourself unworthy of someone. It happens that a person, wounded by inattention to his person, takes another person for an arrogant person when he is simply passionate or busy with something, and therefore does not notice him.

Do not be arrogant and do not attribute this quality to people for nothing!

In the following article, you will learn - How to get rid of arrogance

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Do you want to look like "I don't care"? Whether you want to piss off your parents or teachers, or impress your friends, it's easy to play an arrogant attitude. All you have to do is change your behavior a little and soon you will be the cheeky person you always wanted to be! Just remember that extra show-off often leads to trouble in relationships with your friends or authority figures, so be prepared for this.

Steps

Part 1

1. Cultivate self-confidence. You want to make your personality dominant and your presence impossible to miss. Otherwise, who will notice that you are a person of character? Practice so it comes naturally to you.

   • Assert your independence - do not follow fashion simply because it is popular (this applies to clothing style, popular music, TV shows, movies, etc.)
   • Act as if you are better than others and therefore deserve more. Add that to your confidence. Take your sister's things without permission, pester your parents to buy you an iPhone, play loud music late at night when others are trying to sleep. Never apologize for your actions.
   • Be stubborn. When people try to get you to act differently, do something you don't want to do, or change your behavior, don't give up. You will have your own line of conduct, no matter how others treat it.

2. Ignore the consequences. When you are the owner of a character with ambition, you will have to listen to a lot of sharp criticism addressed to you. People (especially adults) will not be happy with your behavior and will most likely come up with a punishment for you. To stick to your line, you will have to ignore the consequences or continue to act regardless of them.

   • Ignore everything you don't want to deal with and discard everything you don't want to do. This means not doing your homework or chores, but spending time watching movies, playing video games, and hanging out with friends.
   • Ignore reality. Everything you do will have consequences. The more show-offs you show to authority figures in your life, the more you will be punished. Ignoring school, trying to find a job, or expecting everything to just fall into your hands from the sky, most likely will not work for any success in life. To maintain your arrogant attitude, you will simply have to ignore the potential consequences.

3. Question authority. Part of being arrogant is questioning the right of people in a position of power to make you do things you don't want to do and punish you if you don't. Learning to question their decisions and commands is a useful skill that will help develop independent thinking.

   • Adopt the phrases: "And the mother of those and those always allows her do it" or "But everyone else can do it" when you talk your parents into letting you do something.
   • Whenever you are asked to do something, ask why (this works especially well with parents and teachers). For example, if you hate math, be sure to ask your math teacher what algebra is for. If your parents set bedtimes, ask why you need to go to bed at that time.
   • Don't obey the rules. Another way to demonstrate your manners and wildly piss off people in power is to disobey the rules they set. When they punish you (if you get caught), act like you don't care and ignore the punishment.
   • Don't stick to your "curfew", take a car without permission, go out with your friends without telling anyone. If you are left under house arrest or punished in some other way, ignore the punishment.
   • Constantly cross the line - at home and at school - to see how far you can go without the threat of being punished. Just act with the conviction that everyone has a boiling point and you can constantly push people to it, constantly swearing at them, lying and protesting against their rules.

4. Put on an indifferent look. An arrogant attitude means you don't care one bit about others. Put on the "I'd rather be somewhere else than here" look, no matter what you do. This is especially important with your parents or authority figures when they ask you to do something.

   • Saying "yeah, I don't care" to any attempt to get you into an activity you don't like, and a sarcastic laugh show your attitude.
   • A very effective tool to show your disinterest or arrogance is sarcasm. These phrases are well suited for showing off (if you use them in a sarcastic tone): “how interesting” or “I So I'm glad you told me that."
   • Laugh contemptuously if someone in authority suggests or tells you something. This will show how little you care about their opinion.
   • When someone is talking to you, pretend that you are busy and type a message on your phone. You can behave the same way in the classroom when you are not interested in what the teacher says or does.
   • Be reticent. When your parents are interested in something, answer as briefly as possible. For example, when they ask, "How was your day," shrug your shoulders and say, "Fine." If they ask, “What are you doing this weekend?” just say, “uh.. anything.”

Part 2

1. Dress appropriately. You have to make sure everyone understands your attitude, and one way to do this is to dress with the intention of showing how much you care or actively trying to piss others off.

   • Wear clothes that your parents don't approve of, or clothes that don't fit well, dirty and tattered, with obscene slogans on them.
   • Create your own style. People need to understand that you don't care how they feel about you, and one way to achieve this is to develop your own expressive style. Remember, you don't just want to wear all black to show off your arrogance (anyone can do that), you want to be unique.
   • Piercings and tattoos are a rebellious path for those who want to piss off their parents. But to get a tattoo or piercing without parental permission, you have to be 18, unless you go to some place with a bad reputation (and they don't do well due to infections, so we don't recommend them).

2. Use the correct facial expressions and gestures. Facial expressions and gestures are the perfect way to show others how you feel. You can show off some of your show-offs through your body language so that others understand what is happening.

   • Cross your arms over your chest. Although this is a defensive gesture, it can also mean irritation or boredom, that is, you show that you are not interested in the person or people who are around you.
   • To express your annoyance and mockery at another person, roll your eyes. Roll your eyes no matter what they tell you, especially if you are accused of breaking the rules.
   • Not making eye contact or staring too much can also show your arrogance. If you don't make eye contact, it's very irritating to people because it shows you aren't interested enough in them. A frightening effect can create too much stare.
   • You can show your dissatisfaction and spoil someone's nerves by slamming the door and making a lot of noise (for example, turn on aggressive music). This tactic will work especially well if you had a quarrel with an authority figure.

3. Don't let anyone into your physical space. Your room is your personal world and you can dispose of it the way you want. That is, you can let someone into it (family members, for example) only if and if you want it.

   • Yell at those members of your family who are trying to violate your space. Hang signs on the door that as soon as someone enters your room uninvited, they will be instantly punished.
   • If someone knocks on your door, tell them to "get the hell out!"

4. Say whatever comes into your head. Don't filter what you say. If it's rude, so what? You want to conduct yourself with aplomb, which means you don't care how your actions and words affect others.

   • Point out the mistakes of others. When others fail at something (especially your parents or teachers), be sure to make fun of them for it. Say, "Oh God, Mom, I can't believe you burned dinner. Is there anything you can do right?"
   • Saying what you think is a wonderful skill to learn and will serve you well for showing off. If someone dressed up in just terrible clothes, do not forget to say so. If your girlfriend acts like an idiot in front of a guy, pay attention to it out loud.

5. You should feel like everyone owes you something. This is an important part of an arrogant attitude, because show-offs come from thinking that you are better than others (that is, you have the right to point out other people's mistakes and give instructions). Act like people are obligated to give you their time and energy (especially your parents; take them for granted).

   • Act like you know everything. If someone tries to change your mind or change your mind, just laugh at them or roll your eyes and walk away.
   • Never say "please" or "thank you". These phrases sound too polite to you, so avoid them at all costs. Never help around the house or offer to help teachers at school, even if it's something as simple as holding the door for them, etc.

What a good home! I enjoy every minute while there is still time. But the day is not far off when I will have to go to work again. And you know what annoys me the most? The fact that I have to communicate with people with a complex character. In other words, arrogant. Little pleasure!

Difficulties in communication

Who can answer where this disgusting trait of character comes from in a person? Are they born with her, or what? No, of course, I understand purely humanly that if a person has achieved certain heights in life, then there is reason to be proud of himself. Although, turning up your nose above the clouds is still not worth it.

Here I have one employee. At first glance, a completely ordinary person. Education - a medical school (I didn’t have enough strength for more). Her position is a step above mine, and she treats me and the other nurses as if she were nothing less than an English queen!

On duty, I often have to turn to her with various requests. If you only knew what nerves it costs! First you need to knock on the door of her office, and slightly open it. If there was no invitation to enter (and this happens in most cases), you have to wait a long time in the corridor.

When she deigns to listen to a request or assignment, she will give the incoming person such an arrogant look, even goosebumps. Well, exactly the painting "The Lady and the Serf." She never admits her mistakes, she considers it unworthy. But other people's oversights can be discussed endlessly.

But the worst thing is that she is not the only one, and everyone needs to find an approach. Such communication is tiring no less than a whole day of physical activity.

My tactics

Do you know what I wanted to do after the first such communication? Give her a hryvnia (iron ruble) and say: if you find out your price, you will return the rest ... Many advised me - answer rudeness with rudeness. Is this the only way out? Having experimented a little, I have identified a few basic rules for myself.

1. I never curry favor with such persons, I do not say compliments to them. I ask, not beg (after all, these are not personal requests).

2. I look into my eyes. This is much better than shifting from foot to foot, looking down at the floor.

3. I unobtrusively copy the gestures and manner of communication of the interlocutor.

This is what I do when the conversation cannot be avoided. And here the most important thing is not to fade into the background, not to flinch under a scornful look. To do this, you need to hide your emotions in a secluded corner of consciousness and imagine yourself as the hero of some tactical game. There are rules, there are tactics and there is nowhere to retreat.

And the reward will be another skill in the treasury of skills and abilities.